Wants and expectations

[HoldingGodsHand]

How do I stop wanting and having expectations? Recently I’ve become so aware of how much I’ve wanted and expected from God and almost always it seems the answer is no. I know it must be selfishness but I still have such a long way to go with letting go of “me” But I believe my faith is growing, it’s just been so very slow. Thankfully God has so much patience with me. He definitely knows me much better than I do. I want to please Him but for the most part I think I just give Him a hard time. Except I think I’m probably the one who pays the price for that.

 

[Della]

I think you answered your own question. Learning to let go and give all to God is a process. For some of us, indeed I’d say most of us, it’s a life long process. As each situation arises in our lives, we learn that trusting God is the only way things actually work for the best. Letting go of what we want means to let God do whatever he pleases. And for most of us it’s hard, but it’s well worth the sacrifice. As Our Lord said, “He who loses his life for my sake gains it.”

 

[ACanthony]

My friend, I think you did answer your own question! The spiritual life can often be a very slow process. That isn’t to say some have had rapid growth in the spiritual life. I mean, take St. Paul! He went from persecuting Christians to one of Christianity’s main leaders! Practically overnight! But most of us have the conversion of St. Peter, that is, a very slow one, one with two steps up and one step back, and sometimes even just a step up and two steps back, but the point is, it can be very slow. Know that God is with you.

As far as getting rid of your own will, can you try to pray the Rosary every day? That would make you focus on the mysteries of Jesus and will focus you more on Christ and not you. Sometimes we have to get out of our own way and let our Savior and Redeemer do the work. When push comes to shove, I know I want Christ in charge of my life and not me! Right? Don’t you? When left to my own devices, my flesh will take over and I will create a mess for myself (I mean look at the state of the world. The world is creating a mess for itself with its abortion and murder and sins against purity like pornography). Jesus tells us though that when we seek Him with all our hearts, He will answer. He is constantly knocking.

It is so easy to think if you go to Church on Sundays and say a few prayers throughout the day that your wishes will be granted, but in actuality, the spiritual life takes a whole lot of time and much, much prayer. May the Holy Spirit guide you on your path to holiness.

 

[Della]

I agreed with ACanthony, but would quibble with the idea that we must rid ourselves of our own will. With apologies to ACanthony, we are not to rid ourselves of our own will but rather to align our will to that of God. And that is an act of surrender–one we make every day. We are not in a battle with God, but rather in a battle against reserving to ourselves our own wants and expectations. We must tell God that we want what he wants in every circumstance of our lives. In this way God can direct us instead of us floundering around wondering what God wants for us. It’s a dance in which the girl (us) allows the guy (God) to direct our steps as we go along. In that way we can be in complete harmony with him as he leads us.

 

[HoldingGodsHand]

Della, you mention about battling with God. In my faith journey I have mostly struggled, with trusting God. The doubts took over and I clung to my little bit of faith. I always believed in God but had a hard time with believing He would help or that He really loved me. Even though I had felt His love touch my heart in the beginning of my journey, I lost it and couldn’t seem to feel it in my heart again. Recently I went through what to me I can only describe as complete despair and darkness. It was too much and I finally gave up on God completely. It lasted for only a short while though, like 3 hours! But I think God put me there in that really bad place. It was in being there where I thought I was fighting the devil in that darkness that I think I was actually fighting God. Maybe I was fighting Him and His will trying to live my own? Something like that, but it was a place of turn around for me. Finally! Or at the very least it was a new start. I still haven’t felt that really good feeling in my heart, but I trust God more now than I ever have. He has never left me in my two years of struggling and holding on. I believe that. But, it’s just a start and I know it’s a long slow road but I’m beginnig to learn to accept things. Mainly I am learning to accept that I can’t have all the things I want from God. Just because I don’t feel His presence or love it doesn’t mean He’s not there or doesn’t love me. This really is all new for me and still so much to learn. After two years I am just starting out, just beginning to learn. There’s a whole faith I know very little about.
I wanted to add it’s in this learning I came to realize how much expectations I have from God. All the things I want for hIm to do for me and help me with. I know we’re supposed to turn to Him but I’m trying to learn how to listen to Him so I know the things He wants me to do for Him. That’s really hard and takes more letting go and I don’t want to keep fighting against that.

 

[Della]

A couple of things, HGH, firstly, it’s good you’ve learned that you can’t rely on your feelings. Feelings are fine, but they aren’t always the best guide in matters of faith and morals or even spirituality. This is what God wants us to do–to let go our feelings and simply trust him. Indeed, it is hard. But, it’s not God we are fighting against, it’s our own desires and expectations, yes?

And yes, it’s an ongoing process–one that will last our whole life long, at least for most of us. What you experienced is what St. John of the Cross called “The Dark Night of the Soul” in which we have doubts and fears and can’t see anything. That is God working in our hearts by letting us see that it is not our feelings we need to depend upon but only him. No matter how we feel–good or bad, happy or sad, up or down, God is still God. We humans are far too fickle to rely on our feelings. This is where faith kicks in. We believe by faith by the power of God’s grace. We trust because God is God not because we feel his presence.

It is pleasing to God when we go on when we don’t fee like it. He knows it’s suffering and so a sacrifice to do so, and sacrifices of this kind are more pleasing to him than consolations because we have to trust God completely instead of relying on sensing him or on any kind of warm glow. I’m sure you know what I mean by that.

There is a lot to learn, and we go on learning all our lives. The most important thing to learn is to trust God in good times and bad, when we feel consolation and when we don’t. The honeymoon is over–it’s time to enter into the marriage. This is where we are united to our Spouse in all things. What you are experiencing is good because it shows you are on the right track, so keep on keeping on and all will be well.

 

[HoldingGodsHand]

Thanks for explaining all those things Della.

It is pleasing to God when we go on when we don’t fee like it. He knows it’s suffering and so a sacrifice to do so, and sacrifices of this kind are more pleasing to him than consolations because we have to trust God completely instead of relying on sensing him or on any kind of warm glow. I’m sure you know what I mean by that.

Yes, I do know what you mean and that’s exactly what I was talking about.

I’ve heard of the dark night but didn’t know if that was what that was. Honestly I just wanted it to be over because I felt like I was dying. The thing is I’m afraid that I will end up going back there because it’s been so hard to let go myself and I believe so far I’ve only let go a little. I know that I have a lot more letting go of me to do. But I think that was the first time I actually let go of anything at all. It was the want of the feelings I think I was finally able to let go of. Sometimes that want creeps back, but so far I’ve been able to let it go again.

There is a lot to learn, and we go on learning all our lives. The most important thing to learn is to trust God in good times and bad, when we feel consolation and when we don’t. The honeymoon is over–it’s time to enter into the marriage. This is where we are united to our Spouse in all things. What you are experiencing is good because it shows you are on the right track, so keep on keeping on and all will be well.

Yes, I know this is going to be slow. No matter how much I struggle I know I don’t want to turn back. I just can’t. Never.

 

[Della]

Thanks for explaining all those things Della.

Yes, I do know what you mean and that’s exactly what I was talking about.

I’ve heard of the dark night but didn’t know if that was what that was. Honestly I just wanted it to be over because I felt like I was dying. The thing is I’m afraid that I will end up going back there because it’s been so hard to let go myself and I believe so far I’ve only let go a little. I know that I have a lot more letting go of me to do. But I think that was the first time I actually let go of anything at all. It was the want of the feelings I think I was finally able to let go of. Sometimes that want creeps back, but so far I’ve been able to let it go again.

Yes, I know this is going to be slow. No matter how much I struggle I know I don’t want to turn back. I just can’t. Never.

 

[4loveofJesus]

May God’s Peace, Love, Mercy, Graces & Blessings be with you and to all!

Ask Our Good Lord Jesus to give you the grace to surrender & abandon ALL to Him so that you may do ONLY His most Holy Will, what is pleasing to Him.

When you do this, your life will change, the lives of those you encounter, those entrusted to you will change. And as you draw closer to Our Good Lord Jesus, you will draw them closer to Our Good God too.

God, in HIs Infinite Wisdom, knows what is best for us. He can never give us something that is harmful to our soul. When we ask for something & we do not receive it, it is because He wants to give us something better. So, we need to accept God’s most Holy Will & be at peace with it. We need to have that unlimited faith, confidence & trust in Him & His infinite Love & Mercy for us, knowing that He always desires what is best for us.

When you allow Our Good Lord Jesus to take over the “driver seat” in your life, He will take over & take charge of your life. He will take you to places He wanted you to be at that moment in time, He will arrange your daily schedule so each and every moment of your life, is a moment of filled with grace, as you & others draw closer to Him. He will provide everything that you need, the graces, blessings, help, light, strength, guidance & protection to do His most awesome Holy Will. And even in those little things in your life that you may think is insignificant, Our Good Lord Jesus takes care of it and even anticipates & grants our desires, in accodrance with His desires, for Our Good God is Loving & Generous & CAN NEVER be outdone in generosity & kindness.

We cannot share or give what we do not have. So, in order to share the presence of Our Good Lord Jesus, His Love, His Peace, His Mercy, His Graces & His Blessings, we too have to receive Him & His overflowing graces in the Sacraments of the Holy Eucharist & Confession often. We have to spend time with Him, Whom we love, & listening & learning from Him through daily adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, prayers, reading Sacred Scriptures & spiritual books.

Entrust youself to Our Blessed Mother Mary for she will bring you closer to Our Good Lord Jesus in no time. Ask the help of all the Angels, Saints & holy souls in Purgatory too for they will help, guide & protect you & will be there with you together with Our Good Lord Jesus as you live your daily life in constant surrender to His Most Holy Will.

Offer daily ALL to Our Good Lord Jesus, through Our Blessed Mother Mary, in union with Jesus’ Suffering on the Cross in behalf of all souls for all time.

Praying for you and for all.