War on marraige

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I was going to post this in a reply for another marriage prayer requests, but didn’t want to hijack someones need for prayer. So here it is, just some thoughts on family and marriage.

It makes me so sad(and at times angry) to see so many families going through this kind of pain. Im not one to be overly dramatic, but I now truly believe there is a kind of quiet war against family taking place, on many fronts.

I’ve seen so many good families fall apart recently. Marriage’s failing, substance abuse, and some hit with extreme tragedy of suicide of a child. Not sure if i am just paying more attention to these things or what. It seems stories like this are becoming commonplace.

I too am recovering from a broken marriage. No affair, no abuse, no adiction, but after more than 20 years my wife just simply was not happy anymore and gave up on us. For how long, or why, I dont exactly know. I just know that I dedicated my life to our family, worked hard to provide for them, had lots of fun times in the process. We had our difficulties at times, but no one said it would be easy or perfect. We worked together and got through it. Now, I just can’t understand how someone could walk away from a life built together with a person they onced loved. I just dont get it. Sometimes I just think I’m foolish for thinking I married for life. Its just not in me to give up. I continue to have hope, but its difficult.

Everyday I feel like loose a little of that hope, and I don’t like that. Its discouraging hearing people tell me to move on, there’s someone else out there, etc.

Recently I’ve heard of one family that just lost a young adult child to sucicide, and know of two others who have talked of it. Is it just me or does this seem to be increasingly yhecway kids and young adults are calling out for help.

Thanks for listening. Feel free to share your thoughts and discuss these topics.

God bless you and your families.
 
Yes, I think there’s an attack on marriage. Good marriages are the foundation of a solid and good society, so I guess it’s no surprise.

When I see the number of divorces, when I think about the countless stories on the infidelity forums of lies, deceptions, abuses, endangering the betrayed spouse, and more–when I look around at how many long-married couples aren’t actually happy (my parents are just one example)–when I hear stories of abuse and abandonment–I wonder if marriages were always this bad and people just put up with it for lack of any other option, or if marriage itself is really getting worse for more people.
 
May parents had just completed 70 years of marriage this year before my father passed away. Actually, they had dated 2 years before that, as well.

Anyway, I once asked my father his secret to marriage, and it sounded kind of funny. He was able to summarize it into a single sentence. He said, “You have to put up with one another!” 😉

I talked to my mother about marriage, too, and she said that couples today get divorced “over nothing!”

My parents went through WWII. They had 11 children together and so many other things I haven’t listed.

However, divorce is so prevalent today that a lot of people have come to think it’s normal.
 
ClearWater said:
May parents had just completed 70 years of marriage this year before my father passed away. Actually, they had dated 2 years before that, as well.

Anyway, I once asked my father his secret to marriage, and it sounded kind of funny. He was able to summarize it into a single sentence. He said, “You have to put up with one another!” 😉

I talked to my mother about marriage, too, and she said that couples today get divorced “over nothing!”

My parents went through WWII. They had 11 children together and so many other things I haven’t listed.

However, divorce is so prevalent today that a lot of people have come to think it’s normal.
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It sounds as though your parents actually took each other for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, until death.

That’s the way it’s supposed to work. I guess it’s still in the wedding vows, but it seems most people don’t really mean it anymore.
 
I am going to discourage my son against marriage. Divorce is common and men stand to lose so much in a divorce. It just isn’t worth it.
 
I can understand your feelings. Still, this seems to turn failing marriages into a self-fulfilling prophecy in so many cases. People no longer trust the institution of marriage, and so they forego marriage in favor of cohabitation or fornication. They no longer trust a partner to mean what he or she plainly vows in a solemn wedding rite. Of course, if there is no trust, the marriage will fail. In fact, if people don’t mean what they say when they state their vows, the marriage is null from the beginning.

The solution is to once again say what we mean and mean what we say when we make wedding vows.
 
Groo said:
I am going to discourage my son against marriage. Divorce is common and men stand to lose so much in a divorce. It just isn’t worth it.
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But what about what Christ said and the Bible?

Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither** fornicators** nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes* nor sodomites
10
nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 1 Corinthians, 6:9-10

It’s just that God created us male and female in the divine image and likeness, and marriage is holy, sacred, a sacrament. We are temples of the Holy Spirit.

Of course, the Catechism of the Catholic Church also states under the sixth commandment:
vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

The virtues and vices…chastity…

The saints have commented on chastity…whitelilyoftrinity.com/saints_quotes_purity.html
 
A well respected divorce attorney told me once that once the word “divorce” enters the mind of the couple, and gets thrown around as a possibility or threat that marriage will end up in divorce at some point. His thought is that for so many years in the past divorce wasn’t seen as an option so over time people learned to make it through tough times.

Just his opinion but I thought it was interesting.
Mary.
 
We had strong families in the past, and those family ties strengthened marriages in those families. Families were strong. (rosary was strong)

Society, or political correctness, was against divorce once upon a time. It was a stigma to be divorced because there weren’t that many. Remember “Going My Way” with bing Crosby?

Women didn’t have the means of self support or an education to get a job. And the idea was strong that they belonged in the home raising the children.

Our culture has changed, and instead of supporting marriage, it tends to present temptations against purity, and allurments against marriage, and freedom to do as one wants.

To live in the world and not be a part of it is becoming more difficult with each passing year as more sinful ways are invented.

And this has also taken it’s toll on religious vocations. Strike the head and scatter the sheep.

And…people not attending church as they should in ways that they should. This holds true for all christians for God listens and blesses all his children.

Now I wonder where those kinds of ideas came from. Not from St. Michael.
 
MaryT777 said:
A well respected divorce attorney told me once that once the word “divorce” enters the mind of the couple, and gets thrown around as a possibility or threat that marriage will end up in divorce at some point. His thought is that for so many years in the past divorce wasn’t seen as an option so over time people learned to make it through tough times.

Just his opinion but I thought it was interesting.
Mary.
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That is an interesting observation.
 
MaryT777 said:
A well respected divorce attorney told me once that once the word “divorce” enters the mind of the couple, and gets thrown around as a possibility or threat that marriage will end up in divorce at some point. His thought is that for so many years in the past divorce wasn’t seen as an option so over time people learned to make it through tough times.

Just his opinion but I thought it was interesting.
Mary.
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I think he is spot on. In the past, divorce was not an option. It was off the table from the moment the vows were said. That’s why couples gave some thought to what they were saying, because they realized there was no backing out. Oh, divorce was a hypothetical possibility, but mostly an unthinkable one, an unacceptable one. It would be about as acceptable as a child divorcing his parents.

.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies. I’ve found them all very interesting. To continue on, I’m was wondering if you’ve heard the term “Walk away wife(or spouse)” syndrome ? Not sure who coined the phrase,but I first read about it in a book called divorce busting. This is very much like what happened in our case, and with othe couplkes ive talked with or heard about. It seems to be prevalent. I wonder what is the underlying cause.
Not sure if I’m allowed to post this link. Mods, Please feel free to remove it if not. I have no association, other than I’ve read the book.

divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway_wife.htm
 
ClearWater said:
May parents had just completed 70 years of marriage this year before my father passed away. Actually, they had dated 2 years before that, as well.

Anyway, I once asked my father his secret to marriage, and it sounded kind of funny. He was able to summarize it into a single sentence. He said, “You have to put up with one another!” 😉

I talked to my mother about marriage, too, and she said that couples today get divorced “over nothing!”

My parents went through WWII. They had 11 children together and so many other things I haven’t listed.

However, divorce is so prevalent today that a lot of people have come to think it’s normal.
Click to expand...
Sounds like your father is a smart man.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies. I’ve found them all very interesting. To continue on, I’m was wondering if you’ve heard the term “Walk away wife(or spouse)” syndrome ? Not sure who coined the phrase, but I first read about it in a book called divorce busting.

Not sure if I’m allowed to post this link. Mods, Please feel free to remove it if not. I have no association, other than I’ve read the book.

divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway_wife.htm

Quite a bit of it is like what happened in our case, Ive never considered my wife to “nag” though, shes always been more than fair, supporting and understanding. She did become a caretaker of the relationship, and we both put our children ahead of ourselves. While thats a good idea at times, in the end I see we should have taken better care for each other too. I always did my best as a provider and father, I was stubborn as far as going to formal counseling at times when she asked me to go(typical guy thing I guess) , but never was there a time when I didn’t want improve our marriage, just throught it was something we could get through ourselves. We finally did go to a few counseling session and I thought things were improving. Little did I know that at some point she had just stepped back, and went through the motions until her feeling for me where all but gone. This fits the WAWS discription almost to a tee, seems to be prevalent in society now and I wonder what is the underlying causes.

Part of me thinks the roles the feminist movement has taught us we should be is playing a big part of this. . I certainly think men and woman are equal, and each have their talents and strenths that naturally complement each other. I feel like we are being told by society that we should be the same. Gender indifference I guess. The typical roles of husband and wife, mother and father seem to be fading away. I see so many TV shows and commercials lately which demean fatherhood. Poking a little fun at Dad is one thing, but making them seem like a dummy is another. Seems like the father is always at the butt end of the jokes nowadays.

Enough of my rambling for tonight. Thank you everyone for sharing your wisdom and opinions. And especially your prayer. I hope this discussion might be able to help someone else dealing with these kind of issues.

God bless you and your families.
 
what’s a “marriage?” sorry, a bad joke, but i have yet to witness one. every one i know of falls apart overnight. sad but true.
 
she left you because society permits and endorses divorce. she was probably given “you’re stronger” talks by society for walking away. it’s stupid, but our society promotes people destroying their own families.
 
I would be sad, but also grateful!! why would you want to be around someone who would walk away after that amount of your time, love, and investment? that person is selfish as hell. good riddens.
 
Men also walk away from marriage for no apparent reason except that “they changed their mind.”
 
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