"Warped Tour" rock festival in US--trouble with teen

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Today told teen daughter she could not attend the WARPED TOUR when it came to our town this summer. Punk, ska and alternative music. Annual all-day music festival for pre-teens, teens, college kids mostly. Go to www.warpedtour.com; note that Trojan condoms is one sponsor. Earlier in day asked in yahoo parent forum for (name removed by moderator)ut on Warped Tour and was told there was smoking of cigs and weed, drinking, much cussing from the stage, immodest typical teen dress, mosh pits and condoms given out. Also told by EVERYONE I was being too protective and if I “trusted” my girl I’d send her and shouldn’t protect her but should let her have this fun experience all teens should have… Well, I do enjoy some of the songs from some of these bands myself when I hear on radio; but I draw the line when it comes to sending my child into this environment for all-day event. To me is truly sanctioning behavior; “look but don’t touch” is what I am telling her if she went? Am I setting her up to “rebel later,” as these parents and teens in forum told me? My daughter said my reasons above were stupid and she may as well be in a convent; and I don’t trust her == I said I trust her but not environment and this place doesn’t reflect my morals. BTW, we homeschooled her for 5 yrs and now she is in h.s. since freshman year; meeting secularized Catholics mostly; one of those girls invited her to go w/ her dad to this festival. Help!
 
I went to the warped tour 01,02, and 03. I never saw people doing too much bad stuff. (sure I know some people there choose to do stupid things, but it can be avoided) People don’t just sit out in the open and smoke pot, they have police patrolling the event. (they obviously cant catch everyone, but I would say its safe)

Condoms are a problem? People will choose to have sex or not regardless if condoms are around. I wouldn’t worry about people having sex at the event.

Some day your daughter will be out in the world and making choices. You need to trust her some day. The chances of someone asking her to try drugs or have sex at this event is almost not going to happen, at least from my experience.

You are the mother, so go with what you feel and not regret. I hope my post helps.
 
Could you define teen? 13 and 17 are two different things.

Kids learn responsibility by learning how to handle responsibility. Is this a responsible kid? Could you and your husband leave town and expect her to get herself up and to school, be home on time, not have a party in your house? Has she gone to parties with friends and come home sober and on time?

Is she serious about her faith? Does she frequent Confession on her own intitive? Same situation where parents are out of town, do you know she would get herself to Mass?

Do you know her good friends, their parnets, and know that they are also responsible kids?

The reason I ask these things is if she HAS been given responsibility and proven she can be trusted, if she is a mature older teen, the situation you described at the fesival will be like every single DAY at most colleges. You will pack her off to a college and she will have no idea how to say no because she has never been responsible for any decisions on her own.

If she is a middle teen, 15/16, and is responsible and mature, I’d just pack up and go with her.

Our kids are going to live in the real world. There are cigarettes, condoms and skimpy clothes in the real world. It is our job to show them HOW to be in the world but not OF the world.
 
What kage_ar said.

You could go with her. You can say no. You could let her go if she is about 17 and responsible. You are the parent. You know the situation best.
 
FLUFFYBIZWRITER said:
one of those girls invited her to go w/ her dad to this festival. Help!
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If the other girl’s father was going to be there, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

If you treat her like she’s an immoral little delinquent BEFORE she ever does anything wrong, you’re sending her the message that you aren’t going to trust her no matter what she does. Why treat her like she’s guilty with no hope of ever being proved innocent? She might just want to go to this show for the music…!!!

So what motive does she have to be a good kid, if she’s getting treated like a bad kid before she ever commits any sin?
 
Jaden(name removed by moderator) said:
If the other girl’s father was going to be there, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

If you treat her like she’s an immoral little delinquent BEFORE she ever does anything wrong, you’re sending her the message that you aren’t going to trust her no matter what she does. Why treat her like she’s guilty with no hope of ever being proved innocent? She might just want to go to this show for the music…!!!

So what motive does she have to be a good kid, if she’s getting treated like a bad kid before she ever commits any sin?
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You need to go back and read her post again. In her OWN words:
**I said I trust her but not environment **and this place doesn’t reflect my morals
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It’s the environment that she has an issue with, not her daughter. I would also have an issue with putting my daughter in that environment. I do agree with one of the other posters, check and see if dad is going. Do you know this dad? If not you could go with her and check it out and then leave anytime you want.
 
Warped Tour came to a venue about 30 miles from us last year. My then 16-yr-old daughter wanted to go with a friend and friends of this friend (whom we didn’t know) and no adult supervision. We didn’t let her go. Weeping and lamentation ensued, but she got over it. Now that I’ve read about it in this thread, I’m glad she didn’t go.
 
I went to the Warped Tour with some friends - and my 16 months-younger sister - when I was in my later teens. We giggled at the condoms, but none of us smoked, drank, or anything else … worse that happened was I lost my shoe. While I strayed from the Church for some time, Warped Tour - and punk music as a whole - was certainly not the reason.
A lot of the kids at Warped Tour are “straightedge” - kids who foreswear all drugs, alcohol, nicotine, and sex. Your daughter will not be the only kid there who’s trying to behave herself. I’m sure she knows all about straightedgers - ask her to explain it to you.
If you’re worried about it, go with her. I mean, if you like some of the music, why not?
 
I’ve been to warped tour as well in 04. It was actually a ton of fun. There wasn’t really anything “bad” going on at all. Like someone said before, there are cops all around so that definitely cuts down on it. I’m glad my parents trusted me to let me go because I never would have taken part in any of those activities. As for condoms, there are plenty of places that those are given out at if your daughter wants them. She will probably just be like me, and not even go over to that booth if she doesn’t want them. No big deal really. If you don’t let her go this year maybe let her go once she is 16 or something like that.
 
Also told by EVERYONE I was being too protective and if I “trusted” my girl I’d send her and shouldn’t protect her but should let her have this fun experience all teens should have…
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Trust has little to do with it, I think. For the really good kid, the environment can be traumatic-- you can’t get the stuff out of your head. For the kid who’s teetering between virtue and vice, it’s ever so tempting. For the kid who’s well-versed in partying, the environment is a free-for-all.
 
monicatholic said:
Trust has little to do with it, I think. For the really good kid, the environment can be traumatic-- you can’t get the stuff out of your head. For the kid who’s teetering between virtue and vice, it’s ever so tempting. For the kid who’s well-versed in partying, the environment is a free-for-all.
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Here’s what someone told me once about “trusting” your kids. If your daughter is a 13 year old (or 16 year old, or 18 year old, etc.), you can “trust her” to act like a 13 year old (16, 18, etc.). What would a 13 year old (16, 18) do at the Warped Tour? I know there are all kinds of 13 year olds (16, 18), but they do have a lot in common. They have similar abilities to reason, resist temptation, maturity, and they’ve all been on this earth the same amount of time. It helped me see what I was really getting my kids into when I would allow or not allow them to do something.
 
I’ve only went to the Warped Tour once but I remember it being really crazy and during Pennywise and Rancid there were some young teen girls who were slightly injured since the crowds are so crazy for those two groups. They of course have medical people on the scene and staff to rescue the people potentially getting crushed but I think these young girls who try to stand in the front are crazy but the ones that don’t get hurt really enjoy it. Since this is a standing room only concert and they let just about everyone in without selling out it is way more crowded than most concerts.

Oh, and if you do go to this concert make sure you wear old shoes that you don’t mind potentially losing and also make sure they have decent cusioning. There is a good chance you will lose one based on everyone stepping on everyone and without good cusioning, that really must hurt.

Finally. I wouldn’t judge based on the immoral stuff. Your daughter will probably encounter that anywhere and hopefulyl she is smart enough to know what to do and what not to do.
 
I took my daughter and a couple of her friends about 3 years ago. It was pretty tame. I mostly saw kinds sick from dehydration because they were all packing in around the stage and getting overheated. I was sitting in the lobby area with my stack of reading material. But, when I was in high school I worked at our local civic center. The behavior at the rock concerts back then was way worse that I saw at the warped tour. I was really surprised given the world in general these days.

You could go with her. There were a lot of other parents there with me in the lobby.
 
It depends on who you see. For example, to make it to the front for Rancid I had to stand through a stupid group called A Simple Plan with mellow fans that were easy to shove around until I made it to the front. And it sure was a battle staying there and a real work out listening to Rancid. Fun time though.
 
I would say if she is 16 or above I would let her go, especially since the dad is going. I LOVED going to concerts as a teen. Music is still a part of my life in a major way. Yeah, people might have smoked and drank at the concert, but it was all very regulated and drinking was only allowed in the beer gardens and cops and staff were everywhere. I never went to the specific festival you are talking about, but I have been to other festivals that are the same thing really.
 
Ahh see, the one I went to was outdoors, there were also about 4-5 different stages so none of them were too packed. Read up on it some more maybe.
 
I used to do sound set-up for the Vans stage at warped tour for all the western canadian stops. I’ve definitely seen the crowd, I’ve definitely seen people being delinquents… but I’ve also seen young bands, full of homeschooled not-even-out-of-highschool-got-to-finish-my-math-before-this-set Christians just being absolutely amazing witnesses to the idea that our faith does NOT hold us back from some of the fun things in life- as someone else mentioned, check out the idea of straight edge. (Also, check out the band Paramore, all young, either married or pledged to abstinence, and devoted to God, family and music)

Yea, Trojan is a sponsor for the american legs of the tour, and it’s unfortunate because I really believe that it gives a negative connotation to the event in the eyes of a lot of christians. That said, if you’re not having sex, you’re not going to need a trojan, so in that, it really is about trusting your daughter specifically.

The environment is probably going to be a little different from what she’s used to, and if you let her go, it’ll probably be a very mature and liberating experience for her. When I was out on my own at 16, I quickly learned that being a “mature adult” wasn’t about an age, but an attitude and lifestyle, and it’s not something that you learn easily while being sheltered, unfortunately. These sort of supervised baby steps (because after all, you have some time to talk to her about hydration, bearing good witness, and making sure she can always find the supervisory parent or the help tent, right?) can be a great lead-in for a true sense of adulthood. I know I sure wish I had a chance to have my mom teach me through a few experiences!

Hopefully you can see this as a potential opportunity for you and your daughter to grow even closer together through a chance to share in her excitement for an event and the practical advise you can give her leading up to it.
I have to say, though, it’ll be more fun for both of you if you’re comfortable with the parent and friend she’s going with. If there’s something sketchy about them, or you just don’t know them well… by all means, abstain from this event. It is ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry! But hopefully I’ve made my point of “sometimes these can be excellent learning and bonding experiences” clear.
 
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