Was I "non-compliant?"

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Detroit_Sue

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Went to a new parish today where one of my hubby’s professors was installed as pastor. I went attired in my usual manner. Long, modest dress, and a mantilla. Being as though this was my first visit here, I stayed toward the back so as not to draw attention to myseelf. Mass starts okay, but you know when you can feel eyes burn into the back of your head? 'That happened. I was the only parishioner to kneel at the consecraton, and at communion, the EMHC nearly refused to let me recieve on the tongue. She acted like she had never had someone recive in that manner before.

And at the sign of peace, I was shunned by many around me bceause of my head covering. How charitable is that ?

Plus some parishioners were letting their little kids run up & down all the aisles and the folks were chaising them. This is the priest who wants my husband so badly to be his deacon.

I’d kind of like my husband to join a parish that is a bit more orthdox so we could worship together.
 
Sounds like quite an experience. Non compliant no just a Catholic who believes in reverance for Christ. (No matter where I have gone for mass my knees hit the floor, even with those around me standing)

If your husband could still get good training and be a good Deacon for the parish it may be beneficial for that parish.
You know the old saying behind every good man is a woman, I wonder if behind a priest could be a good Deacon, and help pull him forward.
 
Good for you. Hold true to your beliefs. Sounds like you would rather have the weak Catholics shun you and not the Lord. If they understood what the Mass was, perhaps they would prostrate themselves for the entire liturgy.

Bet they don’t have adoration do they?

MrS
 
Detroit Sue:
Went to a new parish today where one of my hubby’s professors was installed as pastor. I went attired in my usual manner. Long, modest dress, and a mantilla. Being as though this was my first visit here, I stayed toward the back so as not to draw attention to myseelf. Mass starts okay, but you know when you can feel eyes burn into the back of your head? 'That happened. I was the only parishioner to kneel at the consecraton, and at communion, the EMHC nearly refused to let me recieve on the tongue. She acted like she had never had someone recive in that manner before.

And at the sign of peace, I was shunned by many around me bceause of my head covering. How charitable is that ?

Plus some parishioners were letting their little kids run up & down all the aisles and the folks were chaising them. This is the priest who wants my husband so badly to be his deacon.

I’d kind of like my husband to join a parish that is a bit more orthdox so we could worship together.
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Maybe you should do three things.

First, forget what others think about you and your mode of dress. Second, offer-up all the crummy stuff you are subjected to at that parish. Three, support your husband and maybe one day you and he can make a real difference in that parish if he should actually be ordained as a deacon.
 
Detroit Sue, You just keep on being “non-compliant”! I always kneel at the Consecration, too.
A couple of weeks ago someone at Mass told me that I looked like a Jewish mother because I was wearing a chapel veil.
 
If anything, THEY are the ones being non-compliant in not having proper reverence in a church. Let alone giving you hostility. It’s stuff like this that has been pulling me into the pre Vatican II customs and teachings of the Church.
 
You are definitely NOT non-compliant!

I recently began wearing a veil at Mass, and although at Daily Mass it’s very common (I don’t get the opportunity often to attend), at Sunday Mass there are very few of us.

But I have noticed this…I feel the “eyes” also, but also some people, especially families, who will actually TRY to sit near me and go out of their way (the parents, I mean) to offer the Sign of Peace. I’m actually not real comfortable with this, but won’t complain.

I can also relate to you in regards to churches in which no one kneels. I remember a few churces in which I stood there, thinking we should be kneeling…yet no one made any move to do so. I looked around…saw a few people kneeling…and did so. People around me just stared. It was so weird!

Where has the reverence gone?
 
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JCPhoenix:
I can also relate to you in regards to churches in which no one kneels. I remember a few churces in which I stood there, thinking we should be kneeling…yet no one made any move to do so. I looked around…saw a few people kneeling…and did so. People around me just stared. It was so weird!

Where has the reverence gone?
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I’ve found something interesting occurs when I’m the first one to kneel. Other people follow suit. It’s like one person kneeling is giving everyone else permission to kneel too. I think many people want to be as reverant as possible, but they’ve been stymied by liberal clergy. Other people will stare, but I don’t worry about them. In fact, I don’t even see them staring because I’m staring at the Consecration or have my eyes closed. But I will frequently catch someone else kneeling out of the corner of my eye as soon as I’ve done it. Once I got a whole row to kneel, and then watched a mother in front of me also kneel and then pull her teenage daughter down to kneel beside her. Sometimes being a lemming is good 😉
 
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Crusader:
Maybe you should do three things.

First, forget what others think about you and your mode of dress. Second, offer-up all the crummy stuff you are subjected to at that parish. Three, support your husband and maybe one day you and he can make a real difference in that parish if he should actually be ordained as a deacon.
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Crusader, he already **is **a deacon, but at another parish. This priest has been begging him to come there. He didn’t attend this Mass, as he was at his own assignment, but I sat with of of his classmates and his wife. They adored it! Thought it was PERFECT. I believe this pastor knows how nutty the parish is (it was controlled by Crosiers for 20 years) and wants to fix it.

At least, when I bowed my head and closed my eyes at the Pater Noster, no one tried to grab me…
 
Detroit Sue,

What did your husband think? Did he get the same feelings you did?
 
Yes, of course you were non-compliant. That’s not your question.

Your question was, were you inappropriate? No. Nothing you did sounds inappropriate.

In the local parish at the children’s Mass, the priest summons young children to go off with a catechist during the gospel and homily.

I can only imagine, but I think some version of the gospel is read to them and discussed by the catechist. The children return after the priest’s homily. So, there is some scampering around for limited moments. Believe me, there are droves of people who avoid the children’s Mass.

A local protestant church has their worship service from the previous Sunday broadcast on cable TV on a weekday evening. I catch it once in a while, and their service seems to operate simultaneously at a couple levels, one obviously for the children, and the main event for the adults. Their service seems to acknowledge the nature of childhood, whereas the Catholic Mass is a one-size-fits-all service. I don’t remember misbehaving at Mass as a kid. The worst that happened was the occasional kid who fainted or threw up.
 
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jennstall:
I’ve found something interesting occurs when I’m the first one to kneel. Other people follow suit. It’s like one person kneeling is giving everyone else permission to kneel too. I think many people want to be as reverant as possible, but they’ve been stymied by liberal clergy. Other people will stare, but I don’t worry about them. In fact, I don’t even see them staring because I’m staring at the Consecration or have my eyes closed. But I will frequently catch someone else kneeling out of the corner of my eye as soon as I’ve done it. Once I got a whole row to kneel, and then watched a mother in front of me also kneel and then pull her teenage daughter down to kneel beside her. Sometimes being a lemming is good 😉
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Thanks for this post jen, this is really what I needed to hear. In my new parish, no one kneels during the Eucharistic Prayer at Sunday Mass (we do so during weekday Mass, though), and I’ve found it a little uncomfortable (I think kneeling is the proper posture when in the presence of our Lord). However, I’ve been debating on whether I should do so on my own, or remain standing (head deeply bowed, of course) so as to not create disunity. You’ve given me an additional “pro” in favor of kneeling on Sundays. I don’t think any stares will bother me, as I already get enough of those while I’m praying the rosary before Mass 😦
 
The confusing thing to me is that our regional bishop was officiating, who is a Canon lawyer. Does not the GIRM prescribe kneeling after the Sanctus until after the Final Doxology? They also paraded out the Book of Gospels at the end of Mass, too. This parish needs my husband as a deacon for his orthodoxy, yet I left there feeling like I needed to go to Mass.
 
What you did, Detroit Sue, was completely right and licit. Keep it up and hold true to the Faith:)
 
I would guess the most orthodox Catholic would be one who is so focused on Jesus Christ and their own actions at Mass that they wouldn’t even notice other people’s behavior – odd or otherwise.
 
At my parish (St. Bede the Venerable in Holland, Bucks County, Pennsylvania), we always kneel throughout the entire Eucharistic Prayer. In fact, I’ve never been to a parish where that wasn’t the case. So, I’m surprised at what you encountered; however, after reading other posts, it seems as if standing is practiced at other parishes.

I agree with some others who said it seems that your husband may be sorely needed at that parish. Perhaps this is a sign from God for both of you.

As for women wearing any kind of head-covering, I must say that I have never seen that at my parish, especially in the form of a mantilla or chapel veil. However, if you feel comfortable and there’s no restriction against it, you shouldn’t worry about what others are thinking. Perhaps some are even looking at you thinking to themselves that it’s not a bad idea . . . .

Good luck and God bless!
 
Sue, I am also the only woman at my parish that wears a mantilla at mass as far as I know.It doesn’t bother my one wit, as far as I am concerned, as it is a matter of private devotion these days.
Audrey, I’m surprised that you’ve never seen women veiled at mass, I lived in and around Philly for years and some of the churches I attended if a women wasn’t wearing one she was the one who stood out. Of course that was almost 15 years ago.🙂
Linda H.
 
At one chapel where the rite of mass of Paul VI is held, they still have a lovely communion rail–nothing for the knees though, just good hard marble. One Sunday I went over to it and knelt there, instead of standing in line. The following Sundays, some people joined me. It’s my opinion that people are looking for ways to bring back reverence. So be the non-compliant one! 🙂

I don’t know how many places there are to get veils, but here’s a shop that looks like a good one:

modestyveils.com/
By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another. Jn 13:35
 
You were not non compliant as you say but I do wonder about your reasoning a little bit. It’s hard to tell from a post but you sound very self righteous which is probably not the correct impression. At least I hope not. Forgive me in advance if it is not your stance, but then I have met many people who do act and think that way. They work counter productive to actually giving a good example to others by their pointing out to others that those who do not do as they do are not properly following Christ. Those people you are trying to witness to by good example will not learn by critisim. An example does not need words just a cheerful giver and a quiet witness. God can do much with a cheerful giver. He can do nothing with one who is too bound up in their own self.

If you wish to wear a veil, kneel etc. to honor Christ that is excellent. If you feel the need to raise up a revolution to support your views then I think you maybe a bit non compliant. There is no grace to be gained by being a grumpy giver. No one is going to learn anything by exhibiting a one up manship stance. Other than that I think you did just fine.

As long as you post it just to vent then I concure it is proper as long as you do not take the hard boiled sounding attitude to the Church with you.

I love communion rails, veils, and reverence. But I loath the snotty attitude on all side that seems to prevail Catholic thinking now days. Probably because being Catholic is deeper than just the physical appearance or it was prior to the last 30 years of revolutionary thought we are stuck with today.
 
Detroit Sue:
The confusing thing to me is that our regional bishop was officiating, who is a Canon lawyer. Does not the GIRM prescribe kneeling after the Sanctus until after the Final Doxology? They also paraded out the Book of Gospels at the end of Mass, too. This parish needs my husband as a deacon for his orthodoxy, yet I left there feeling like I needed to go to Mass.
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