Was I right to suggest NFP to an unmarried couple?

[Rose27]

I have many non-religious friends. Among them are a couple for whom I care very much but whom I know are having pre-martial sex. The woman mentioned to me that she is using an IUD for birth control. I let her know that IUDs work primarily by causing miscarriage. She was unhappy about this (of course her doctor had not told her) and asked me if the pill was better. I told her that only barrier methods and natural family planning will not lead to miscarriages and offered to get her more information on NFP.
In an ideal world they would not being having sex at all, but without faith in God I just don’t know how they would have the strength to do this. It is hard enough for those of us who do have faith. Was I right to at least steer her away from abortificents? I did mention that total abstinence was an option and tried not to make it sound like I was condoning their actions, just trying to lessen the harm being done.

 

[PrayHarder]

I’ve been writing and rewriting my response for five minutes now but I can’t find the words to state my position. So’ll I’ll just cut to the chase… I think mentioning the NFP route is a step in the right direction and anything that stears people away from the pill or IUDs is a good thing.

 

[bkayw]

Yes, I think you did.

If they understand the information correctly, they’ll know that NFP encourages couples toward an acceptance of children within a relationship.

I pray that your two non religious friends will commit in trust and love and that they will marry.

 

[Willy_Jose]

You have good intentions and you can not be faulted for that. From your post it appears that you want to eventually lead them into the fullness of truth about the sanctity of marriage, and I pray you are empowered by the Holy Spirit in your actions at the same time that I pray that your couple friends get touched by the Holy Spirit in some way. Sometimes the best evangelization we can do is let non-believers people see the joy we experience as followers. Maintain your contact with them. There is a saying that all the bible most people read is when they observe Jesus’ followers.

 

[Bookcat]

Hummm what would I do…let me think…such a difficult sell of course in our age…People really need to know Christ…then the rest can fall into place…

but…

I would give them info on contraceptives…IUD etc…or tell them…

about the “other bad results”…possible or likely etc …

and tell them the nature of the marital act…the beauty of it…the unitive (a lie outside of marriage) and the openness to new life…and that if a married couple has serious reasons to avoid…NFP is very good …and is natural…etc

But I would not in any way ‘approve’ of non-marital relations. Make sure they know that such is not good for them…or their relationship in reality…and that you are encouraging them wait til they are married…for sex by nature is involved with welcoming new life into the world etc …

Give them a copy of the new book by host of Catholic Answers…

shop.catholic.com/product.php?productid=16717&cat=20&page=2

I have not read it but I bet it is good

Perhaps say a little…and give the book…prudence…the Holy Spirit…truth with charity

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I know it sounds harsh, but the best thing to do would be to steer them to not have sex.

 

[thistle]

I know it sounds harsh, but the best thing to do would be to steer them to not have sex.

I agree with you. The advice to those unmarried must always be abstain.

 

[1ke]

No, I don’t believe you did the right thing. By encouraging alteratives ways to sin, you condoned their behavior.

It was absolutely right to inform them of the nature of the contraception methods they were choosing.

But, the thing to do in Christian charity is urge them to abstain and return to the Church.

No NFP instructors I know would teach NFP to a single woman planning to use it outside marriage.

 

[Abu]

1ke
I agree with you.
It is right to expose contraception and abortion as evil.
Avoid anything which may condone fornication, and offer the benefits of marriage – the benefits of a stable union meant by God to be for life, the joy of children, their formation and comfort in old age.

It is not harsh to offer the truth kindly in a way which extolls the facts of reality as ordained by God.

 

[Adam1986]

I have many non-religious friends. Among them are a couple for whom I care very much but whom I know are having pre-martial sex. The woman mentioned to me that she is using an IUD for birth control. I let her know that IUDs work primarily by causing miscarriage. She was unhappy about this (of course her doctor had not told her) and asked me if the pill was better. I told her that only barrier methods and natural family planning will not lead to miscarriages and offered to get her more information on NFP.
In an ideal world they would not being having sex at all, but without faith in God I just don’t know how they would have the strength to do this. It is hard enough for those of us who do have faith. Was I right to at least steer her away from abortificents? I did mention that total abstinence was an option and tried not to make it sound like I was condoning their actions, just trying to lessen the harm being done.

IMO you did do the right thing. Kind of. NFP is very unreliable if you do not do it perfectly or if you are somewhat irregular. Suggesting NFP is setting that couple up for a possibility of conceiving. That’s NEVER a good thing outside of marriage.

You WERE RIGHT to talk about condoms though. However they are not the most effective birth control when used solely.

I think you are misinformed about the Pill. It does not cause miscarriages or work as abortion. It just stops ovulation. Which is one of the reasons why a woman can go on the Pill because of hormone problems, etc. and it’s OK by the Catholic Church.

You are right about IUDs. Also they are very dangerous. They can be DEADLY. I think they should be outlawed.

 

[Abu]

Adam1986
NFP is very unreliable if you do not do it perfectly or if you are somewhat irregular…the Pill….does not cause miscarriages or work as abortion

1. Natural Birth Regulation is very effective when used sensibly. NFP families, whether Couple to Couple or Billings followers, report an astonishingly low divorce rate — one informal study puts it at 1.3 percent, as compared with about 50 percent in society at large. Natural Birth Regulation is natural, avoids the devastating effects of the “pill”, encourages self control and respect for the dignity of human life, and is of the order of 99% effective among the uneducated. Mercedes Wilson claims an effectiveness rate of 99 percent among “the poorest of the poor” in Guatemala. “There’s no excuse anymore to pretend that only those with strong religious convictions can follow natural family planning,” she writes.
2. On the Pill, here is the answer:
   Answer by Judie Brown on Aug-13-2009 (EWTN):
   Dear Josephine
   I hope the following response by Anthony Dardano, M.D. is helpful to you.
   Extract:
   “Theoretically, some use the pill to regulate the flow BUT abstinence must be followed while on the therapy because of the abortifacient potential side effect. Medically speaking to give a perimenopausal woman the pill is quite dangerous as the side effects of stroke, hypertension, migraine, etc are all increased. Endometrial ablation is the more dramatic therapy. Unless the woman is celibate or permanently infertile, the abortifacient secondary effect is always there making it unacceptable in most women.

---

 

[Adam1986]

1. Natural Birth Regulation is very effective when used sensibly. NFP families, whether Couple to Couple or Billings followers, report an astonishingly low divorce rate — one informal study puts it at 1.3 percent, as compared with about 50 percent in society at large. Natural Birth Regulation is natural, avoids the devastating effects of the “pill”, encourages self control and respect for the dignity of human life, and is of the order of 99% effective among the uneducated. Mercedes Wilson claims an effectiveness rate of 99 percent among “the poorest of the poor” in Guatemala. “There’s no excuse anymore to pretend that only those with strong religious convictions can follow natural family planning,” she writes.
2. On the Pill, here is the answer:
   Answer by Judie Brown on Aug-13-2009 (EWTN):
   Dear Josephine
   I hope the following response by Anthony Dardano, M.D. is helpful to you.
   Extract:
   “Theoretically, some use the pill to regulate the flow BUT abstinence must be followed while on the therapy because of the abortifacient potential side effect. Medically speaking to give a perimenopausal woman the pill is quite dangerous as the side effects of stroke, hypertension, migraine, etc are all increased. Endometrial ablation is the more dramatic therapy. Unless the woman is celibate or permanently infertile, the abortifacient secondary effect is always there making it unacceptable in most women.

---

1. NFP is only 99% effective when a women is not irregular…AT ALL. Even slightly irregular makes NFP almost completely in effective. I will quote from the ACOG (American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists)

"Natural family planning is not as effective as most other methods of birth control. One in four women who use this method become pregnant. The method is not suited for:

Women who should not get pregnant because of medical reasons
Women with irregular periods who may not be able to tell when they are fertile.
Women with abnormal bleeding, vaginitis, or cervicitis (these make the cervical mucus method unreliable)
Women who use certain medications (for instance, antibiotics, thyroid medications, and antihistamines) that may change the nature of vaginal secretions, making mucus signs impossible to read
Women with certain problems unrelated to fertility (for instance, fever) that can cause changes in basal body temperature"

2)I appreciate you posting the question that states about “abortifacient potential side effect” but please instead state medical documentation of the Pill causing abortions.

 

[Abu]

Adam1986
NFP is only 99% effective when a women is not irregular …AT ALL. Even slightly irregular makes NFP almost completely in effective

Such views are completely false. We cannot rely on organisations that favour contraception. They have little or no interest in other methods which they decry. They have a contraceptive mentality which has spawned the abortion mentality.
Face Reality
The Billings Method does not use temperature readings, see: woomb.org/bom/lit/teach/cyclevars1.html
“The rules are reliable. The method-related pregnancy rate is less than 1%. The teaching-related pregnancy rate should be zero. The total pregnancy rate varies from less than 1% to higher rates according to the choice of the couples using the method.”

Wilson’s Family of the Americas Foundation now teaches NFP in more than 100 countries, including China.
EWTN News Story 10-July-2003 – Catholic World News Brief
“Unlike the rhythm method, the Billings method does not depend on a stable menstrual cycle. Numerous independent trials have confirmed the 99 percent success rate of the Billings Method, including a recent study following thousands of women for more than a year. If any further proof is needed, the method has been regularly used up to date by over 2,686,400 fertile couples in China for avoiding pregnancy with an overall success rate of approximately 99 percent.”

“It might of use to note that Mother Theresa and her Missionaries of Charity have had remarkable success in teaching uneducated and illiterate families the methods of Natural Family Planning in Calcutta. While there is much work to be done in this area, it would not be fair to assume that the Church is doing NOTHING in terms of trying to combat the evils of contraception and abortion in Third World Nations. The war against Life is rampant enough in our developed countries! Perhaps when more “privileged” Catholics stop contracepting in their marriages, it will be easier to find funding and teachers for the purpose of educating poor families in Third World Nations about NFP.” [Answer by Fr. Richard Hogan - NFP Outreach on July-19-2003]

 

[Adam1986]

Such views are completely false. We cannot rely on organisations that favour contraception. They have little or no interest in other methods which they decry. They have a contraceptive mentality which has spawned the abortion mentality.
Face Reality
The Billings Method does not use temperature readings, see: woomb.org/bom/lit/teach/cyclevars1.html
“The rules are reliable. The method-related pregnancy rate is less than 1%. The teaching-related pregnancy rate should be zero. The total pregnancy rate varies from less than 1% to higher rates according to the choice of the couples using the method.”

Wilson’s Family of the Americas Foundation now teaches NFP in more than 100 countries, including China.
**You saying we cannot rely on organizations that favor contraception can be spun around and I can say the same thing. Using a site that is in opposition to contraceptives can be just as biased. The ACOG is not in favor of contraception. They are not PP. They are a medical team that is not biased in either way. That’s why I chose to quote from them. The Billings method is not as effective unless you have a “perfect” reproductive system. Almost no woman does.

The Billiings method is not effective if –
a woman has abnormal bleeding, vaginitis, or cervicitis (these make the cervical mucus method unreliable)
a woman has use certain medications (for instance, antibiotics, thyroid medications, and antihistamines) that may change the nature of vaginal secretions, making mucus signs impossible to read**

EWTN News Story 10-July-2003 – Catholic World News Brief
“Unlike the rhythm method, the Billings method does not depend on a stable menstrual cycle. Numerous independent trials have confirmed the 99 percent success rate of the Billings Method, including a recent study following thousands of women for more than a year. If any further proof is needed, the method has been regularly used up to date by over 2,686,400 fertile couples in China for avoiding pregnancy with an overall success rate of approximately 99 percent.”
China is the most over-populated country in the world.

“It might of use to note that Mother Theresa and her Missionaries of Charity have had remarkable success in teaching uneducated and illiterate families the methods of Natural Family Planning in Calcutta. While there is much work to be done in this area, it would not be fair to assume that the Church is doing NOTHING in terms of trying to combat the evils of contraception and abortion in Third World Nations. The war against Life is rampant enough in our developed countries! Perhaps when more “privileged” Catholics stop contracepting in their marriages, it will be easier to find funding and teachers for the purpose of educating poor families in Third World Nations about NFP.” [Answer by Fr. Richard Hogan - NFP Outreach on July-19-2003]

 

[Abu]

Adam1986
Using a site that is in opposition to contraceptives can be just as biased.

First: “So the widely used contraceptive pills have three functions, any one of which is said to “prevent” pregnancy. Only two of the functions, however, actually do prevent pregnancy: (1) the barrier mechanism of the mucous plug at the cervix, (2) the suppression of ovulation. The third function, however, does not really prevent pregnancy, but rather produces a micro-abortion at one week of life.” (J.C. Willke MD).
[See http://www.lifeissues.org/abortifacients/pill.html ]

The faithful Catholic offers the truth. The insinuation that the Catholic organizations, which have developed and offered the most effective means to morally limit births where grave reasons may require such limitation, are somehow unscientific, biased or fantasizing , is worthless. The quote below shows up the miserable progression of chaos in “thought” and morality of the type of organization you cite.

“With the advent of the oral contraceptive in 1960, followed rapidly by the legalization of induced abortion and the wide availability of in vitro fertilization (artificial reproductive technologies), contraception, sterilization, abortion and the artificial reproductive technologies have become a mainstay for physicians practicing in this field. In addition, organizations such as the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology which strongly supports this approach to medicine, wrap their committee opinions in this approach. While this is being accomplished, a wide availability of medical literature has been slipped aside and, for most physicians, completely lost to their access. In fact, residency programs for the training of young physicians tend to follow these approaches and it has built a profession which often thinks there is no other alternative.”
[See http://www.naprotechnology.com/references.htm]

The Billiings method is not effective if –
a woman has abnormal bleeding, vaginitis, or cervicitis (these make the cervical mucus method unreliable)
a woman has use certain medications (for instance, antibiotics, thyroid medications, and antihistamines) that may change the nature of vaginal secretions, making mucus signs impossible to read

Such conditions are treatable and do not justify any attempts to portray contraception of any kind to be acceptable.

China is the most over-populated country in the world

False also. At 360/sq.mile this compares with the U.K. at 660 and Japan at 870.

 

[Adam1986]

First: “So the widely used contraceptive pills have three functions, any one of which is said to “prevent” pregnancy. Only two of the functions, however, actually do prevent pregnancy: (1) the barrier mechanism of the mucous plug at the cervix, (2) the suppression of ovulation. The third function, however, does not really prevent pregnancy, but rather produces a micro-abortion at one week of life.” (J.C. Willke MD).
[See http://www.lifeissues.org/abortifacients/pill.html

]

The faithful Catholic offers the truth. The insinuation that the Catholic organizations, which have developed and offered the most effective means to morally limit births where grave reasons may require such limitation, are somehow unscientific, biased or fantasizing , is worthless. The quote below shows up the miserable progression of chaos in “thought” and morality of the type of organization you cite.

“With the advent of the oral contraceptive in 1960, followed rapidly by the legalization of induced abortion and the wide availability of in vitro fertilization (artificial reproductive technologies), contraception, sterilization, abortion and the artificial reproductive technologies have become a mainstay for physicians practicing in this field. In addition, organizations such as the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology which strongly supports this approach to medicine, wrap their committee opinions in this approach. While this is being accomplished, a wide availability of medical literature has been slipped aside and, for most physicians, completely lost to their access. In fact, residency programs for the training of young physicians tend to follow these approaches and it has built a profession which often thinks there is no other alternative.”
[See http://www.naprotechnology.com/references.htm]
The third “function” is not a “function”. It is a side effect. There is a difference. Which is one of the reasons the Catholic Church allows a woman to be on the Pill for other reasons, and not an IUD.

Such conditions are treatable and do not justify any attempts to portray contraception of any kind to be acceptable.
Not true. MANY women have some form of irregular bleeding throughout their lives that either can’t be treated or needs the Pill to do so. There is also chronic cervicitis, that keeps coming back. And what about a woman who needs thyroid medications? She can’t just stop taking them.

False also. At 360/sq.mile this compares with the U.K. at 660 and Japan at 870.
Actually I was referring to the population in a whole. China has 1.3 billion people; more then any other country in the world.

 

[Abu]

1) The Pill is harmful

New Evangelical Documentary Exposes Abortifacient Qualities of the Birth Control Pill, Promotes NFP - LifeSite

May 27, 2009 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A documentary called “28 Days on the Pill” has been released that seeks expose the abortifacient properties of the birth control pill. The documentary explains that many forms of birth control pills contain progestins, which thin the endometrium, the walls of the uterus, which in turn causes it to become inhospitable to a conceived ovum. This inhospitality may cause a newly conceived human being not to implant in the endometrium and cause an abortion.
Dr. W. Larimore told the interviewer that the pill has “unnatural, high doses of steroids, has potential side effects including a potential breast cancer side effect, and may cause an abortion that you won’t even know about until you’re in heaven.”

2) The Pill is unnecessary**
Answer by NFP Outreach on Oct-29-2005 (EWTN):**
The good news is that physicians have told me that there is almost always another way (other than the pill) to treat almost every condition. Try to see an NFP-only physician. There is a list at OMSoul.com.

Answer by Judie Brown on Dec-19-2006(EWTN):
NFP only physicians have assured me over and over again that there is almost no medical problem that cannot be treated by something other than the pill. On that basis, I would urge all women to ask their physicians strenuously for something other than the pill because it is a very powerful drug with pretty serious side effects.

Answer by Judie Brown on July-26-2005:
Paul Hayes, MD:
There is nothing healthy about what “the pill” does to a woman’s body. It corrects nothing and only substitutes chemically altered brain functioning in a woman for “health”.
There are safe and effective alternatives available to treat a woman to health that “the pill” cannot achieve.
“The pill” was designed for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to stop, and/or destroy children. It has only “backed into” it’s position in women’s medicine because of an abortion-accepting society that has decided to wage war on their own families. Designed and refined in Hell’s forge, contraceptive hormones were never designed with the best interest of women and families, only stopping babies any way possible.

“Contraception is to be judged objectively so profoundly illicit that it can never, for any reason, be justified.”
[Pope John Paul II in his *Address on Responsible Procreation, September 17, 1983. Quoted in Holy Father Condemns Contraception in Strongest Terms. The Wanderer, September 29, 1983, pages 1 and 3].