Was I wrong in what I did by preventing my friend from watching a certain show on my television?

[Holly3278]

Hi everyone. My best friend was over at my apartment a little while ago. Well, he was watching this Hooters Beauty Contest on tv. I knew he was having lustful thoughts about it so I told him to change the channel. Well, this made him angry with me and I told him I was sorry but that I couldn’t let him watch it because by doing so, I was enabling him to sin. He responded that he is an adult and that he should therefore be able to watch what he wants. So I finally compromised and told him that in the future I’d let him watch what he wanted so long as it wasn’t pornography. Did I do the right thing to begin with and then turn around and do the wrong thing by compromising? If so, what should I do to fix the situation?

 

[StCsDavid]

Yes on doing the right thing. In the future, you might keep the TV off and do something else since you know this is an area of weakness for your friend. He is right in that he is an adult and has free will to sin. It seems to me you’ve done what you can.

 

[Holly3278]

Yes on doing the right thing. In the future, you might keep the TV off and do something else since you know this is an area of weakness for your friend. He is right in that he is an adult and has free will to sin. It seems to me you’ve done what you can.

Oh ok. Thanks StCsDavid.

 

[SoulRebel777]

If he came to your apartment , you have the right to say what will be watched and what won’t.

You did the right thing!!

God bless you.

 

[goofyjim]

If it’s your tv you did nothing wrong. If it was his, he’s in control.

 

[1ke]

A deeper question for you to think about:

Why are you dating someone who does not find this type of programming offensive and who would turn it off without your prompting? Clearly you and he do not share values regarding modesty/chastity and sin. You have a bigger issue here than your right to turn off your tv.

What if you were to marry and it’s no longer “your” tv but the family tv? What then?

You are dating a guy who lacks proper formation in faith and morals.

Something to think about.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Hi everyone. My best friend was over at my apartment a little while ago. Well, he was watching this Hooters Beauty Contest on tv. I knew he was having lustful thoughts about it so I told him to change the channel. Well, this made him angry with me and I told him I was sorry but that I couldn’t let him watch it because by doing so, I was enabling him to sin. He responded that he is an adult and that he should therefore be able to watch what he wants. So I finally compromised and told him that in the future I’d let him watch what he wanted so long as it wasn’t pornography. Did I do the right thing to begin with and then turn around and do the wrong thing by compromising? If so, what should I do to fix the situation?

Who’s house and TV is it? Enough said. :clapping: for you.

 

[kage_ar]

1ke summed it up well.

This person showed you what respect he has for your morals and for you (it is YOUR TV and YOUR APT, he had no respect for that fact).

Why be with someone who does not respect you or your values?

 

[baltobetsy]

You have every right to determine what gets watched on your TV in your home. But perhaps you could approach it with your friend a different way. Instead of slugging him over the head with the idea that the Hooters beauty contest was leading him into sin, you might have said, truthfully, that you (that’s YOU, the hostess and owner of the TV) find this program offensive. That might prompt a good discussion of why, which might lead him to the conclusion that watching it is not a good thing. And that’s what you want him to think all along, right?

Sometimes it’s strategically better to take a more indirect route when helping others in their development.

Betsy

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I think you do need to change something. Adults do change their minds if they think things over and realize they made a mistake, right? (I do it frequently myself).

So rather than compromise yourself, or put yourself into the false position of moral arbiter so he can bleat out, “You said I could watch this” as he watches stuff that makes you–the owner of the TV–uncomfortable–

I think you should listen to the advice you have.

Sit him down and say, “BFF, here’s the deal. My house, my rules. As a adult, I have chosen the type of programming that I watch in my house. As a guest, you have the obligation to follow my rules in my house. So, if you want to watch something that I do not care to watch–for WHATEVER reason–either you accept my decision, or you go somewhere else to watch it. Because I have the right to watch what I choose and not to have to watch something I don’t want to because somebody else wants it.”

And don’t back down or be cowed. You’re an adult, he’s an adult. If he is entitled to ‘watch what he wants’ SO ARE YOU. You’re not his entertainment center. Your TV is not his TV. It’s not in the public domain.

Don’t let him try to argue that you’re being ‘unfair’. You’re not. Don’t let him sulk or try to compromise. Give an inch, he’ll take a yard. Believe me, I know.

If he doesn’t respect you over watching a TV SHOW. . .he doesn’t really respect YOU as a PERSON, even if he thinks he does. Even if you want to think he does.

So give him the straight talk and let him think about it. After all, he can always change too. . .right?

 

[Holly3278]

A deeper question for you to think about:

Why are you dating someone who does not find this type of programming offensive and who would turn it off without your prompting? Clearly you and he do not share values regarding modesty/chastity and sin. You have a bigger issue here than your right to turn off your tv.

What if you were to marry and it’s no longer “your” tv but the family tv? What then?

You are dating a guy who lacks proper formation in faith and morals.

Something to think about.

I’m not dating him. He is my best friend.

 

[Sam_Maloney]

You were certainly within your rights, and I applaud you.

But it would have probably gone down better with your friend if you had said: “Change the channel: that program objectifies and demeans women, and it’s offensive to me.”

I’m not saying it’s a good thing, but phrasing it in terms of ‘saving him from sinning’ probably seemed maternal and judgemental.

 

[KCT]

I knew he was having lustful thoughts about it so I told him to change the channel.

Did he tell you he was or did you just assume?

Either way, it’s your home, so telling someone the show offends you is your right.

 

[otjm]

I’m not dating him. He is my best friend.

Which is fine. However, you may want to re-think what friendship means beyond a shallow examination of the concept, and determine if he actually fits within that.

We are all sinners; we all have our particular weak spots. I am not sugggesting that you react as if you were morally superior to him. What I am questioning is, given that a predeliction towards pornography (light pornography such as following Hooters shows, or something more graphic) is indicative of a male who has at best some warped ideas and values viz a viz women and his relationship to them. And I would wonder about having a best friend who has some deep-seated ambivilence (at best) about the value intrinsic of women.

This goes far deeper than an issue of watching something on your tv that you done’t want to watch, or don’t want him to watch. His reaction to your request could partly be an “I don’t want you to tell me what to do” response; but I see it as indicative of something deeper - a failure to understand a whole lot about the relationship between the sexes, and specifically a failure of understanding of what the sexual relationship is about. In short, he seems to see women at least in part as sex toys.

And he is your best friend? I’d find a new one…

 

[kage_ar]

Best friends respect and place high value on each other. It seems this person does not respect or value you. Pray for him, and cultivate some new friendships.

 

[Highwayhound]

Holly,

You were 100% right! Speaking up in such situations takes courage and fortitude.

He responded that he is an adult and that he should therefore be able to watch what he wants.

Anytime a person has to point out they are an ‘adult’ they are truly juvenile.

If he doesn’t respect you over watching a TV SHOW. . .he doesn’t really respect YOU as a PERSON, even if he thinks he does. Even if you want to think he does.

Ditto

I’m not dating him. He is my best friend.

Please reassess this friendship.

Did he tell you he was or did you just assume?

This quote was in response to you stating that your friend was thinking sinful thoughts. As a lifelong male I would like to reassure everyone that if this young man was looking at a hooters tv program for more than 2 seconds - I guarantee he was having some form of sinful thought. If anyone doubts this, come down to the firehall some time.

Best friends respect and place high value on each other. It seems this person does not respect or value you. Pray for him, and cultivate some new friendships.

Ditto

When I read you post I impressed and heartened that a young lady was willing to stand up for a high moral standard.

God bless

 

[Sam_Maloney]

Reassess the friendship?

If we have only perfect people for friends, we wouldn’t have many…

 

[lenni]

Hi everyone. My best friend was over at my apartment a little while ago. Well, he was watching this Hooters Beauty Contest on tv. I knew he was having lustful thoughts about it so I told him to change the channel. Well, this made him angry with me and I told him I was sorry but that I couldn’t let him watch it because by doing so, I was enabling him to sin. He responded that he is an adult and that he should therefore be able to watch what he wants. So I finally compromised and told him that in the future I’d let him watch what he wanted so long as it wasn’t pornography. Did I do the right thing to begin with and then turn around and do the wrong thing by compromising? If so, what should I do to fix the situation?

In the wise words of my 10th grade teacher -
‘It’s your house, it’s your rules! No questions asked’

Its like this - why would you serve your guests garbage??

or compromise - dont watch tv at all when he comes over. instead get a wii or playstation and do something productive.

 

[otjm]

Reassess the friendship?

If we have only perfect people for friends, we wouldn’t have many…

The term “friends” encompasses a wide variety of relationships. One can be “friends” with the neighbor, because you both repaired the fence together. One can be “friends” with someone in the LDS Church; it is rare that the relationship with an LDS person is much more than a friendly acquaintence.

The OP said that this guy is her best friend. I don’t think anyone has suggested that one should have only perfect friends. But it does seem to border on an oxymoron for a female to call a male a best friend when his behavior would indicate that he in at least some part - and herein this post by this one’s behavior I would suggest that it is not in a minor part - treats women as sex objects.

“Oh, but he is a best friend so of course he wouldn’t treat her that way”

Right.

And I have a bridge for sale, and I can make you a really good deal on some ocean-front property in Arizona…

 

[jrabs]

I agree with the other posters that suggested a new best friend.

This person has little regard for you. Not what best friends are made of. Sorry if that is harsh.