was i wrong?

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eva77

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I joined a language class recently,its quite expensive. Two days ago a fellow student told me she was having some financial problems to the extent where she was having difficulty even eating. Am not really financially strong myself but thats because i’ve been cutting down on excesses,but i could have spilt half of what i had. But i hesistated because from my point of veiw she wasn’t really broke.
Firstly,she enrolled for an expensive class,where she paid full, granted its been a month but two days before she asked for financial assistance she recently lost one of her phones,and she had the funds to buy another phone. So i didnt want to fall for any tricks,cause i’ve seen a lot. But i also don’t want to make any mistakes.

And before you say i should help out and leave the rest to God,reason why am holding back is because i don’t want to be anybody’s money bank,been there before,and i didn’t like it.

So…???
 
eva77 said:
I joined a language class recently,its quite expensive. Two days ago a fellow student told me she was having some financial problems to the extent where she was having difficulty even eating. Am not really financially strong myself but thats because i’ve been cutting down on excesses,but i could have spilt half of what i had. But i hesistated because from my point of veiw she wasn’t really broke.
Firstly,she enrolled for an expensive class,where she paid full, granted its been a month but two days before she asked for financial assistance she recently lost one of her phones,and she had the funds to buy another phone. So i didnt want to fall for any tricks,cause i’ve seen a lot. But i also don’t want to make any mistakes.

And before you say i should help out and leave the rest to God,reason why am holding back is because i don’t want to be anybody’s money bank,been there before,and i didn’t like it.

So…???
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I don’t quite understand some things. You could have split half of what you had? Does that mean you could have given her half of what you had in your wallet at the time? She asked you for financial assistance? Do you know her well? If you don’t, I would not give her any more than a couple bucks for a sandwich or something if she said she was hungry but did not have any money. She can get assistance from the government if she is going to need help for a long time. I don’t know how it is where you are from, but around here, there are a lot of ministries that give away food. If you are not that strong financially yourself and you don’t trust her, I don’t think you did anything wrong.
 
If you don’t have the means, or feel the situation is appropriate- I understand not wanting to enable someone!- then direct her to help. Oh, have you applied for food stamps/talked to the XYZ food bank in town, etc.
 
eva -

Don’t put a guilt trip on yourself because you don’t want to give to someone who is hinting that she’s in need. She doesn’t even know you - nor do you know her.

St Paul tells us to conduct ourselves “wisely toward outsiders…” Colossians 4:5

Part of that wisdom would be not giving your money away to random people. Of course, if you really felt that the Holy Spirit was prompting you to help, that would be another matter. But it sounds more like the Holy Spirit is signaling you to keep your distance.
 
The other night I was in Mickey D’s eating in (I don’t usually do that) when a young down on his luck guy walked in and asked for help (money) so he could eat. I sat there eating as he approached the table before me with change in his hand - I was ready to and did tell him that I couldn’t help when he came to me. I continued to eat a little bit annoyed that he would dare come in Mickey D’s to bum money, especially from me.

As I sat there I heard many others tell him to go away, one lady even threatened to call the cops on him and said he smelled. I finished eating and felt a pang of guilt come over me, especially since I’ve been visiting this forum. I got up and walked to the counter and saw him standing there with his change being sorted on the counter. I sternly asked the clerk how much he owed and gave her a $5.00 bill. The guy took his change back, looked at me and said “thank you” and “God bless you!”

Lesson learned? At any point in time that could be me! It also felt like it was a test, how could I go into Church on Sunday and ask God for favors when I couldn’t do one for one of His servants?

Moral here: just do what you can to mitigate the problem and let God worry about the rest of it. Remember, that could be you or I one day and/or it could be a test!

God bless and much peace!

Mike 🙂
 
eva77 said:
I joined a language class recently,its quite expensive. Two days ago a fellow student told me she was having some financial problems to the extent where she was having difficulty even eating. Am not really financially strong myself but thats because i’ve been cutting down on excesses,but i could have spilt half of what i had. But i hesistated because from my point of veiw she wasn’t really broke.
Firstly,she enrolled for an expensive class,where she paid full, granted its been a month but two days before she asked for financial assistance she recently lost one of her phones,and she had the funds to buy another phone. So i didnt want to fall for any tricks,cause i’ve seen a lot. But i also don’t want to make any mistakes.

And before you say i should help out and leave the rest to God,reason why am holding back is because i don’t want to be anybody’s money bank,been there before,and i didn’t like it.

So…???
Click to expand...
You don’t owe this person anything. If she can afford to buy another phone, she could have set some money aside for food. However, if you had a whole sandwich and wanted to give her half, that would have been kind. Do not give or loan her money because I can almost guarantee you will never see it again.
 
When I was much younger, I also fell for the lies of a world-class manipulator. I tend to be soft hearted, I hate suffering, and I must have had ‘easy mark’ stenciled on my forehead my first year of college. After learning some very hard lessons, I came up with some rules that have yet to fail me.


  1. *]Never give cash to individuals. No matter what the sob story is - do not do it.
    *]If they are complaining of not being able to feed themselves, pack an extra PB&J sandwich. If nobody wants it - feed it to the ducks or squirrels.
    *]Suggest helpful charities in the area.
    *]If they still persist, talk about how the struggle of getting through ‘the lean years’ was such a wonderful thing: felt more empowered, confidant, which later paid off - and you never would have gotten where you are now without that struggle.

    Good luck, & stay strong. When struggling with guilt for not helping this person, volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate old clothes to thrift shop, visit a children’s or VA hospital and see if they have volunteer positions,
 
whew!! Thanks a lot you guys.

Where am from,There’s nothing like a governmnent ministry that really gives such aid. Also,you could give a beggar holding a sign that says ‘‘am deaf and dumb’’ money,and the next minute he’s yelling at some guy who mistakenly bumps into him.

It wasn’t like i was eating or anything,we had finished with class and it was the same day she told me about getting a new phone (although it was second -hand so its not really new). We were mobile chatting and she told me about needing my help. She put me in a fix though,because am a member of st Vincent de Pau society in my parish.

Anyway i decided aganist giving her any money,instead i’ll give her some food.
Thanks guys!!
 
Mikeydell said:
The other night I was in Mickey D’s eating in (I don’t usually do that) when a young down on his luck guy walked in and asked for help (money) so he could eat. I sat there eating as he approached the table before me with change in his hand - I was ready to and did tell him that I couldn’t help when he came to me. I continued to eat a little bit annoyed that he would dare come in Mickey D’s to bum money, especially from me.

As I sat there I heard many others tell him to go away, one lady even threatened to call the cops on him and said he smelled. I finished eating and felt a pang of guilt come over me, especially since I’ve been visiting this forum. I got up and walked to the counter and saw him standing there with his change being sorted on the counter. I sternly asked the clerk how much he owed and gave her a $5.00 bill. The guy took his change back, looked at me and said “thank you” and “God bless you!”

Lesson learned? At any point in time that could be me! It also felt like it was a test, how could I go into Church on Sunday and ask God for favors when I couldn’t do one for one of His servants?

Moral here: just do what you can to mitigate the problem and let God worry about the rest of it. Remember, that could be you or I one day and/or it could be a test!

God bless and much peace!

Mike 🙂
Click to expand...
It’s nice to read what you did for that man. And nicer to read that visiting this forum had a positive effect on you. 🙂

Eva- I don’t think you were wrong to not split your food with someone who seems to have the financial ability to take expensive classes and buy new cell phones. However, if you had shared, you probably would have felt good for having done it instead of asking a forum if you were wrong.
 
Send her to the nearest St. Vincent DePaul, they will give her food and other help if she needs it. If they can’t help, they can point her towards someone who can.

If you don’t have a St. VDP, then find another church who helps people, and most do. I don’t know where you live, but there must be someone or some organization around that can help her get food.

We all need to help, but helping someone doesn’t always mean you give them your money or your food, you can give by helping someone find other resources. Of course, nothing wrong at all with bringing her some food. 🙂
 
eva77 said:
She put me in a fix though,because am a member of st Vincent de Pau society in my parish.

Anyway i decided aganist giving her any money,instead i’ll give her some food.
Thanks guys!!
Click to expand...
Being a member of the St. Vincent de Paul society should make it easy. Just give her the phone number and/or address. Being a member doesn’t mean you have to reach into your own pocket to help anyone who asks.
 
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