Was it a date?

[1cor1313]

Please forgive me for the long story, I’ll try to keep it short - and no I’m not a teenager who’s never been through anything, I’m in my mid-20s and just haven’t had a serious relationship because I only one to have one relationship: the one that leads to marriage.

I’ve known this guy for several months now. We met through mutual friends and he’s been to my place a few times when I’ve had groups of friends over. We didn’t really get to know each other very well, but we’ve both temporarily moved and will be moving back to the city where we met pretty soon. Over the last month or so we’ve been talking a lot and really starting to get to know each other. He seems like a great guy and I really enjoy the time we spending talking or texting. Some of the things he’s said in texts have seemed to me like him trying to drop hints that he likes me and recently he came to my state to visit me. We went sight-seeing and grabbed dinner, did some more sight-seeing, grabbed dessert, and got mistaken for a couple by several people. We hugged hello and goodbye (before now, he used to kiss me on the cheek when saying hello and goodbye) and had that kind of awkward standing about a foot from each other silence followed by goodbye thing.

I guess I just like things to be explicit (even though I could have brought something up and didn’t), but I can’t figure out if this was a date or if it was just hanging out as friends. He knows that I only want a relationship if it’s serious, and he’s very respectful to women in general. I just can’t explain the difference in his behavior between the texts/calls when he’s dropped hints and now this time we spent together when he didn’t even kiss me on the cheek like he normally does. Is he trying to guard his actions because he’s serious, or does he just want to be friends? I suppose I just need to talk about it with him, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

[cmscms]

Well…only the guy you talk about can answer how he feels about you. Depends what the hints were he dropped. Also, it has been my experience that in some cultures or social situations, it is customary to kiss hello and goodbye on both cheeks.

Yet, when a guy and a girl who are forever doing that in a group are all of a sudden alone, it just isn’t done because no one wants to get carried away or…since the group is not around, no one will notice ‘I was impolite for not kissing her’

 

[TheDoors]

If you have to ask? It was probably a date.

 

[andreashofer]

Maybe you are not at all called to marriage, but to religious life. You sound like it.
Your desires for sincerity in a relationship proof your desires also for a relationship with Jesus and true holiness that leads to the reparation of sin, the mission of Jesus.

 

[Hokomai]

Yes. It was a date. Say to him: “when we were out it felt like we were on a date to me. It felt good. Did you feel the same way”? That gives you both some wriggle room but makes it easy for you if he is not (yet) as keen as you. And don,t worry. Men like to be liked.

 

[Kelfa28]

Why not ask him?

Simple enough. It can’t hurt…except he decides he’d rather not start a relationship with you.

From my experience…yes, that was a date. It wasn’t your intention to hang out as “just friends.” You are exploring the possibility of starting a serious relationship with someone.

Instead of assuming…call him and talk about what his intentions are…what your intentions are and be clear about it.

 

[underacloud]

He traveled from another state to spend the day with you? Sounds like he’s interested in being more than just friends!

As for not kissing you hello and goodbye, I’d say this further confirms that he’s trying to change the dynamic of the relationship. A kiss on the cheek is a sign of friendship, so he most likely avoided that as it would send the wrong signal. I’d say he wants to avoid coming off as a friend, but was a little too shy to try kissing you on the mouth this time. That’s natural. He was perhaps nervous (I was always very nervous when dating and dreaded the first kiss…in the sense of being overly nervous, not worried that it would be bad). The fact that you’re clear that you’re only interested in a very serious relationship will compound his nerves even further.

This *sounds *like it was a date. This *sounds *like a genuine guy, interested in a serious relationship with you, and not wanting to rush or pressure you. This *sounds *like someone you should spend more time with and see how it develops.

All the best!

 

[chevalier]

As a man, I don’t know. I can’t read him from the data you give. You’ll need to ask him. You don’t really need to drop a bomb on him, if he proposes a meeting you can ask him if he’s asking you as a friend or an a date.

The fact that the friendly cheek kissing has stopped is worrying me because generally taking a unilateral step back without agreeing on it tends to be worrying. Please note, however, that this is something you can absolutely ask him about. It doesn’t even betray your interest in him. A friend too could be asking questions something like that. This supposing you didn’t simply kiss cheeks once or twice for a hello or goodbye but actually had a habit. If it wasn’t a habit, then he may simply be cautious for a number of reasons. And you can’t guess the reason without asking him.

You can always start a conversation with, “I’ve noticed your behaviour with me has become rather awkward recently.” Which, if you want to, you can follow up on with, “Is there a special interest?”

You deserve some clarity, which does not mean that he must necessarily be interested. His interest may still be merely friendly, even strong and vibrant but still friendly, not like with a future spouse.

 

[Godfollower]

Caveat: I’m male so, of course, I could be wrong. But . . . .

It sounds to me like:

(A) Yes, it was a date. Sightseeing, then dinner, then sightseeing, then dessert? And the classic awkward “Well, good night”? That’s a date – especially since he came from out of town to see you.
(B) The awkwardness means that neither one of you knows what the other wants.
(C) Now the ball is in your court. If you want another date, you need to initiate contact with him (“I had a really great time hanging out with you. Would you like to see a movie / go to a play / have dinner / etc.?”).

If you do that, you’ll know for sure. Either he’ll say “No, thank you;” or he’ll say “Yes;” or he’ll counter (“I can’t go to that, but how about this?”).

The purpose of dating is not to get to know the guy you’re going to marry; it’s to find out whether the two of you are suited for marriage to each other. I would not recommend refusing to date until you know you want to marry him; that’s building a cart before you’ve domesticated horses. If you like him personally, and you might like him romantically, ask for a second date. If that leads to a third, and so on, then you’ll start to learn the important things about each other that indicate whether you’re a good match for marriage.

But, congratulations! You’re in the dating world!