"Was it planned?"

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DaveBj

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The “Annie’s Mailbox” column in today’s paper contained several good ripostes for the people who ask about a pregnancy in progress, “Was it planned?” They’re too good not to share.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Of course! God planned it!”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m hurt by your question.”

“Well, I guess that’s really between my husband and me; don’t you agree?”

“Yes, it was planned, but if we plan another, should we inform you first?”

“I give up. Was it?”

“Were you?”

“It was more planned than the question you just asked.”

“Why in the world would you ask such a personal question? It’s rude, and you’re normally not a rude person. Are you feeling okay?”

😃
 
DaveBj said:
The “Annie’s Mailbox” column in today’s paper contained several good ripostes for the people who ask about a pregnancy in progress, “Was it planned?” They’re too good not to share.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Of course! God planned it!”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m hurt by your question.”

“Well, I guess that’s really between my husband and me; don’t you agree?”

“Yes, it was planned, but if we plan another, should we inform you first?”

“I give up. Was it?”

“Were you?”

“It was more planned than the question you just asked.”

“Why in the world would you ask such a personal question? It’s rude, and you’re normally not a rude person. Are you feeling okay?”

😃
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😃 That question is a personal pet peeve of mine. My favorite response of the ones listed is the “Of course, God planned it!”
 
We have usually been asked this in the form, “Were you trying?” My husband likes to answer that one with, “We weren’t not trying.” It confuses people.

(Seriously, though, some medical intake forms ask about if a pregnancy is planned or not and I never know what to answer. We haven’t ever specifically planned a baby, but we’ve never specifically tried to avoid pregnancy, either, and there’s no option for that on the forms! It’s also like when they ask you how many living children you have and I always include the one in the pregnancy even though I’m not sure that’s what they’re asking or not. I figure it can be my little way of making a pro-life statement or at least pointing out that their forms are not clear.)
 
I still like this variation on the Miss Manners response: Look a little stunned and after a pause just long enough for discomfort to develop, say, “I beg your pardon?” No matter what response they stammer out, change the subject and brightly go on to something else.

The message, “there are questions that a polite person simply does not ask,” cannot be communicated too often, because these days it so rarely is. If someone is so thick that they don’t get that, the message can be articulated more bluntly: “There are some questions that people simply should not be asked. That is one of them. You may not agree with me, but the matter is not up for discussion. I do not answer questions that I should not have been asked, just out of principle.” If they argue with you after that, just end the conversation.
 
I only had one person every ask me that. It was an ex-aunt who I hadn’t seen in years. I told her that I was pregnant and she said, “Congratulations!” then she seemed to think better of that and asked, “Were you planning to have a baby?” I assured her that we were and so she said “congratulations” again. I guess she was just trying not to be offensive in case I considered my baby to be some sort of personal crisis.
 
EasterJoy said:
I still like this variation on the Miss Manners response: Look a little stunned and after a pause just long enough for discomfort to develop, say, "I beg your pardon?" No matter what response they stammer out, change the subject and brightly go on to something else.

The message, “there are questions that a polite person simply does not ask,” cannot be communicated too often, because these days it so rarely is. If someone is so thick that they don’t get that, the message can be articulated more bluntly: “There are some questions that people simply should not be asked. That is one of them. You may not agree with me, but the matter is not up for discussion. I do not answer questions that I should not have been asked, just out of principle.” If they argue with you after that, just end the conversation.
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I remember reading that, some years ago. It’s another good response and deserves to be added to the list.

I also agree with your second paragraph.
 
I usually answer honestly.

Was this one planned?

Me: “Nope”

Are you going to have any more?

Me: “I have no idea”

Are you getting fixed?

Me: “Nope”

You know what causes these things right?

Me: “Yup”

Keep em’ coming!
 
pensmama87 said:
We have usually been asked this in the form, “Were you trying?” My husband likes to answer that one with, “We weren’t not trying.” It confuses people.

(Seriously, though, some medical intake forms ask about if a pregnancy is planned or not and I never know what to answer. We haven’t ever specifically planned a baby, but we’ve never specifically tried to avoid pregnancy, either, and there’s no option for that on the forms! It’s also like when they ask you how many living children you have and I always include the one in the pregnancy even though I’m not sure that’s what they’re asking or not. I figure it can be my little way of making a pro-life statement or at least pointing out that their forms are not clear.)
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This is great! I like you putting the unborn child on the list too! 👍
 
“I give up. Was it?” is my very favorite! I usually advise the miss manners route, but that’s even better!
 
These are funny!

I guess you can usually judge whether a person means to be offensive, though. That question (not that I’ve ever asked it, or ever would!) can be outright intrusive, well-meant but too pesonal, or an honest desire to find out where you are with the pregnancy (are you overjoyed, shocked, surprised but happy, dismayed, etc etc). I guess like the previous poster’s aunt was trying to do. I’m a big believer in trying to be charitable and not hurt people’s feelings if they really meant well, even if you choose not to answee the question they asked.
 
DaveBj said:
I remember reading that, some years ago. It’s another good response and deserves to be added to the list.

I also agree with your second paragraph.
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My favorite was when she told someone tired of being asked when she and her husband were going to have a baby that it would be acceptable (and serve the nosy questioner right) if she were to burst into tears, run from the room, and refuse to talk about it.
 
Kelfa28 said:
I usually answer honestly.

Was this one planned?

Me: “Nope”

Are you going to have any more?

Me: “I have no idea”

Are you getting fixed?

Me: “Nope”

You know what causes these things right?

Me: “Yup”

Keep em’ coming!
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Someone once asked me if I was expecting, and I said very matter-of-factly,
“Nope. Just fat.” I was not and never had been pregnant at that time.
Why shield them from the consequences of asking a question like that?
 
It’s such a personal question …

Even tho I’m of the age no babies are on the horizon for me, I LOVE ALL THE ANSWERS!

Also, seems people are nosy IF a couple hasn’t had a baby in the amount of time THEY judge you should …

I have a very dear friend who was bombarded with those kinds of questions. She was having some infertility issues … at a grade school reunion, several of these questions went on … I wanted to slap people. I finally did pull a few aside and told them to KNOCK IT OFF!

when you having a baby?"

“don’t you think it’s time?”

“you need some help in that department?”

“who’s got the problem? You? or your husband?”
 
My favourite was “I don’t know”, especially if it is accompanied with a really perplexed facial expression. There’s nothing like that response to pretty much end the conversation. 🙂
 
EasterJoy said:
Someone once asked me if I was expecting, and I said very matter-of-factly,
“Nope. Just fat.” I was not and never had been pregnant at that time.
Why shield them from the consequences of asking a question like that?
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Oh my goodness…someone actually went there.

I really hope they learned their lesson.

I never ask if someone is pregnant…unless it’s just obvious.

I met a woman around my age at the park who had a kiddo who looked roughly 2. She was very tall and slim and looked like she had a basketball under her shirt.

She was also wearing the same kind of maternity clothes, from Target, that I owned.

I took the chance and I asked her if she was expecting…she said yes and was further along then I was.

I wish people would not go there.
I turn red when a stranger either asks or just says “when are you due?”
I know I look obviously pregnant.
I’m blessed that I never gain weight except around my belly…but it’s still too personal.

I usually turn red when I’m asked those other questions too…but it’s easier to answer them with a one-word response.
If volleys the discomfort factor right back into there lap.
 
EasterJoy said:
Someone once asked me if I was expecting, and I said very matter-of-factly,
“Nope. Just fat.” I was not and never had been pregnant at that time.
Why shield them from the consequences of asking a question like that?
Click to expand...
Ha, I said the exact same thing several years ago. LOVED the stuttering & stammering from the questioner. 😃

As for the medical forms…there’s no law (that I know of) that requires you to answer all those questions. Why do you need to know if I have a gun in the house, when I’m just here for my flu shot…? :rolleyes:
 
pensmama87 said:
…
(Seriously, though, some medical intake forms ask about if a pregnancy is planned or not and I never know what to answer. We haven’t ever specifically planned a baby, but we’ve never specifically tried to avoid pregnancy, either, and there’s no option for that on the forms! It’s also like when they ask you how many living children you have and I always include the one in the pregnancy even though I’m not sure that’s what they’re asking or not. I figure it can be my little way of making a pro-life statement or at least pointing out that their forms are not clear.)
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That happens to me every time at my dr’s office! If this was facebook I would have taken a picture of the copy of the form and posted it here… lol… Here was one of the questions:
Thinking back to just before you got pregnant, did you want to be…?
_ Pregnant Now _ Pregnant Later _ Not pregnant
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I was open to being pregnant now… or later… or before now… I dunno?

There were other questions like that 🤷
Dulcie said:
These are funny!

I guess you can usually judge whether a person means to be offensive, though. That question (not that I’ve ever asked it, or ever would!) can be outright intrusive, well-meant but too pesonal, or an honest desire to find out where you are with the pregnancy (are you overjoyed, shocked, surprised but happy, dismayed, etc etc). I guess like the previous poster’s aunt was trying to do. I’m a big believer in trying to be charitable and not hurt people’s feelings if they really meant well, even if you choose not to answee the question they asked.
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I agree! I always find these answers (well, most of them 🙂 ) amusing, and want to remember them just in case, but usually people that say this to me aren’t trying to be rude, maybe they lack prudence, but aren’t being rude, just curious, they really want to know if we were really ok with 5, 6 or however many kids, or with kids that are 15 or 18 or however many months apart, etc etc…
I wouldn’t want to leave them with a bad taste by me being snarky (although I do like the, “I give up. Was it?” one haha)…
My usual response is “We were open to more”… that is the same when people ask if we will have any more “We are open to more”… or sometimes “So far, we have taken it one at a time…” I really don’t know what the future holds for me. If it is someone that is Catholic I might say “We’ll see what God has planned for us” or something like that.
SMH_2015 said:
Ha, I said the exact same thing several years ago. LOVED the stuttering & stammering from the questioner. 😃

As for the medical forms…there’s no law (that I know of) that requires you to answer all those questions. Why do you need to know if I have a gun in the house, when I’m just here for my flu shot…? :rolleyes:
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I was telling my nurse I didn’t really want to fill out the form, I am not interested in the gov program, but she was telling me it affected their rating if people did not fill it out, so I went ahead and did so. But yeah, I agree.
 
These sorts of questions have never bothered me too much, but I have given answers like this on the odd occasion it came up:
pensmama87 said:
We have usually been asked this in the form, “Were you trying?” My husband likes to answer that one with, “We weren’t not trying.” It confuses people.
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As for questions along the lines of “is that your last?” or “are you done now?” I usually just shoot them a smile and say “well, we’re Catholic, so you never know…”.
 
This one just came to me…

“Yeah, sure…why not? I mean we are Married.”
 
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