Was My Confession Valid?

[CleansedByMercy]

Forewarning: I have been scrupulous for quite awhile now. I have regular confessors at school but am home for the Summer… Needless to say, I have started to become spiritually numb from scrupulosity.

Anyways, I felt as if I had been not putting God first in my life because I had not been reading the Bible like I had wanted to (but instead been practicing instruments or other things). I pray daily, multiple times and ensure that I complete my Friday penance. I have begun reading the Bible and also just purchased a Catechism to read as well. I went to Confession this past Saturday but did not confess “not putting God first” because I felt it was my scrupulosity. I confessed other sins and a forgotten, older sin. Was my Confession valid? I have tried to put this out of my mind but it is haunting.

Additionally, I struggle with depression and anxiety. My anxiety has begun worsening and my depression…well, it does not seem too bad really at all. However, I have just become sort-of numb feeling and dream-like… I have not been sleeping too well (eight hours of sleep makes me feel incredibly groggy), five hours feels better but nonetheless my sleep is so distorted.

I am rambling. Confession, valid?

Thank you and God bless!

 

[Texsain]

Forewarning: I have been scrupulous for quite awhile now. I have regular confessors at school but am home for the Summer… Needless to say, I have started to become spiritually numb from scrupulosity.

Anyways, I felt as if I had been not putting God first in my life because I had not been reading the Bible like I had wanted to (but instead been practicing instruments or other things). I pray daily, multiple times and ensure that I complete my Friday penance. I have begun reading the Bible and also just purchased a Catechism to read as well. I went to Confession this past Saturday but did not confess “not putting God first” because I felt it was my scrupulosity. I confessed other sins and a forgotten, older sin. Was my Confession valid? I have tried to put this out of my mind but it is haunting.

Additionally, I struggle with depression and anxiety. My anxiety has begun worsening and my depression…well, it does not seem too bad really at all. However, I have just become sort-of numb feeling and dream-like… I have not been sleeping too well (eight hours of sleep makes me feel incredibly groggy), five hours feels better but nonetheless my sleep is so distorted.

I am rambling. Confession, valid?

Thank you and God bless!

Two points: 1) Every sin is putting something ahead of God. The fact that you’re going to confession shows you’re making an attempt to put God first.

1. If you worry so much about not putting God first that you’re trying to do everything to put God first, you are putting God first. The fact that you fail to live up to your high standards for yourself does not mean you are guilty of that particular sin.

This being said, stop trying to do so much. We can become too focused on spiritual works that we try to do too many spiritual works and this is actually detrimental to ourselves.

You said you are practicing your instruments instead of reading the Bible. Well, unless you are practicing songs that glorify Satan or curse God, there is nothing wrong with practicing your instruments. If you choose to practice your instruments instead of reading the Bible, then praise God in your music. If you choose to read the Bible instead of playing your instrument, then praise God in your reading.

What matters is not so much the WHAT we do, but the attitude with which we do it. Glorify God in all your work. That work can be playing music, reading, cleaning house, etc.

 

[CleansedByMercy]

Well thank you very much for your response. I really appreciate it…

So, Confession valid?

I had probably forgotten about the “sin” anyways during Confession or I would have mentioned it but I really am trying to not confess every single thing that is of a venial nature because I am so scrupulous and so haunted by my anxieties, etc… (Working on these).

I am in the Confessional nearly every single week and am trying to get better about living comfortably in God’s Grace.

 

[underacloud]

Do you have any reason at all for feeling that “not putting God first” is grave matter done with full knowledge and intent?

Have you ever seen it listed as grave matter, say on an examination of conscience aid?

Rest assured that all of us struggle to put God first. It is a general problem that we struggle with our whole lives. But to commit mortal sin requires directly sinful behaviour, not a vague notion that you haven’t been outting God first. For someone with scupulosity, you’ll struggle enough worrying about specific sin; you don’t need to start worrying about vague notions such as this.

Your confession is valid. Be at peace.

 

[CleansedByMercy]

Thank you. Weight. Off. My. Shoulders.

Thank you and God bless!

 

[Bookcat]

Reposting older post for general info – but before I do – to the OP I would note --have a “regular confessor” --one at home for the Summer. A “stand in” for now…

Having had the occasion at times to respond to questions from those who struggle with with scruples I will note here a few things in general one can find in theological works on such:

One must distinguish between a scrupulous conscience and a delicate conscience.

A ‘tender conscience or delicate conscience’ sees the finer distinctions and seeks very much to avoid even very small sins …and …who can judge normally between mortal and venial sin…when in doubt is able to make judgments overcoming his doubt by prudence or abide by good advice etc

as for scruples…or scrupulosity

Scruples or those who are even of a higher degree of scrupulosity take venial sin to be mortal…or non sins to be sins…or are plagued by doubts…unreasonable fears/anxieties about sins…seeing them or fearing them where they need not…etc etc

The french call it the doubting disease (though it is not a disease) for one has lot of problems knowing one knows…thus with “doubt” (or more often rather “apparent doubt”)

Of course there are degrees and it is possible for a person to have generally a delicate conscience or a normal conscience and still have a struggle with scruples in certain areas…or to have very* transient scruples* at the time of their conversion …

and a person may go from one to the other…

one combats scruples with a good regular confessor…

by forming ones conscience…(with such as the Catechism etc)

and with the confessors guidance acting against ones scruples…

possibly by general principles given often historically by confessors to deal with scruples

by prayer…

by trust and joy in living the Christian life…(not necessarily “emotional” by the way)

With the help of your confessor:

Contra scruplos agendum est, et fixo operis pede certandum

(Act contrary to scruples and with a firm foot overcome them)

Overcoming ones scruples…ones fears with a “firm foot”. Learning to act against them under the guidance of your confessor. Dismiss them. Not argue with them. (for example the regular confessor says…“unless you are certain you have committed a mortal sin…go to communion”…and you feel the fear and the doubts and the worries at the time of communion “but perhaps I committed one…?” you tell yourself “I am not certain of any mortal sins and my confessor told me to go” and you act against your fears and go to Communion! or ones confessor says regarding old past sins “only confess old sins if you are certain it was a mortal sin and certain you have not confessed it…(such is often the advice for those who are scrupulous)” one does just that -and if one is mistaken here one it not on you for a it can be the case that those who are scrupulous are in a “different boat” that others.) etc

(in a way one needs be “scrupulous” about attending to ones scruples…)

When scruples arise --turn to God and let them pass by.

Scruples are to be treated like a barking dog or a hissing goose…one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? (image borrowed from a 15th cent. Carthusian).

They are to be “despised”…“dismissed”…

And again a* regular confessor *is very important here…in even coming to know what ones scruples are…and then what to dismiss… It is he who can particularly guide a person with these difficulties.

 

[Seira]

wikipedia:

Blasphemous thoughts are a common component of OCD, documented throughout history; notable religious figures such as Martin Luther and St. Ignatius were known to be tormented by intrusive, blasphemous or religious thoughts and urges. Martin Luther had urges to curse God and Jesus, and was obsessed with images of “the Devil’s behind”. St. Ignatius had numerous obsessions, including the fear of stepping on pieces of straw forming a cross, fearing that it showed disrespect to Christ. A study of 50 patients with a primary diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder found that 40% had religious and blasphemous thoughts and doubts—a higher, but not statistically significantly different number than the 38% who had the obsessional thoughts related to dirt and contamination more commonly associated with OCD. One study suggests that content of intrusive thoughts may vary depending on culture, and that blasphemous thoughts may be more common in men than in women.

According to Fred Penzel, a New York psychologist, some common religious obsessions and intrusive thoughts are:
sexual thoughts about God, saints, and religious figures such as Mary

bad thoughts or images during prayer or meditation

thoughts of being possessed

fears of sinning or breaking a religious law or performing a ritual incorrectly

fears of omitting prayers or reciting them incorrectly

repetitive and intrusive blasphemous thoughts

urges or impulses to say blasphemous words or commit blasphemous acts during religious services.

Suffering can be greater and treatment complicated when intrusive thoughts involve religious implications; patients may believe the thoughts are inspired by Satan, and may fear punishment from God or have magnified shame because they perceive themselves as sinful. Symptoms can be more distressful for sufferers with strong religious convictions or beliefs.

Baer believes that blasphemous thoughts are more common in Catholics and evangelical Protestants than in other religions, whereas Jews or Muslims tend to have obsessions related more to complying with the laws and rituals of their faith, and performing the rituals perfectly. He hypothesizes that this is because what is considered inappropriate varies among cultures and religions, and intrusive thoughts torment their sufferers with whatever is considered most inappropriate in the surrounding culture.

The fact that you struggle w/ anxiety & depression leads me to believe you have legit OCD (as it’s usually accompanied w/ anxiety/depression). Don’t worry I’ve struggled w/ it too. You should look into a counselor or psychologist that is understanding to the religious side (scruples) part of OCD as well as working through your anxiety/depression.

 

[CleansedByMercy]

The fact that you struggle w/ anxiety & depression leads me to believe you have legit OCD (as it’s usually accompanied w/ anxiety/depression). Don’t worry I’ve struggled w/ it too. You should look into a counselor or psychologist that is understanding to the religious side (scruples) part of OCD as well as working through your anxiety/depression.

I believe I used that article in a short essay describing religious OCD at my university. Thank you, nonetheless for your advice. Counseling has never fared well with me… Yet, I study Psychology in an effort to make a change…

Thank you to you as well BookCat!

God bless you all!