was my confession valid?

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chasingcars

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I went to the Confession for the first time today and I felt like something went wrong. When I went there I told the priest that it’s my first time and asked him what should I do. He didn’t notice me so I asked him again… and again… Until he said that there’s a paper on the wall and I should read it there. So I did and then I started to read the list of my sins. He didn’t say anything or ask me to tell details etc. at all he stayed silent for the whole time until I told him I was finished.

I don’t know if he really listened to me when I confessed so I’m worried if the confession was valid… I was told in the RCIA that if you confess for example the sin of theft then you shouldn’t just say “I stole” but give a bit more details that what you actually stole. I didn’t tell ANY details but the priest didn’t ask anything so is ok that way? Should I go to different priest?
 
So, are you not a Catholic? (or change your denomination in your description)

Perhaps you should find a priest, who knowing you aren’t Catholic, can counsel and help you. It’s not really a sacramental confession if you’re not Catholic.
And how would you deal with the penance, if the penance is a portion of the rosary? Do you have any problems with petitioning Mary in prayer?

So, they did not go through this with you in RCIA? I like to spend at least two weeks on the sacrament of confession, so that people are comfortable with it.

Don’t worry, if you are baptized and were received into the Church at Easter, it’s more than likely the confession is valid. And it isn’t your last confession, God willing, so don’t worry. Don’t get into a nasty habit of confessing what you’ve already confessed. If they are venial sins, they are removed with the confiteor at the Mass “I confess to God, and you my brothers and sisters…”

Perhaps go to a different priest next time, and tell him it’s just your second confession… perhaps he will be clearer…

If, and I’m sure he did, say the words of absolution … “and I absolve you…” it’s a done deal.

Do your penance, dance for joy in the eyes of the Lord who loves you and welcomes you into the world every day with his love, that you are home, and His child.

Bless you!
 
If he absolved you of your sins, it was valid. Don’t worry if he doesn’t ask for more details. If he thought it was necessary, he would have. Some confessors are more talkative than others.

There are various guides to Confession on the internet. You can confess to any priest with valid faculties so you can shop around for another confessor, if you wish.
 
You haven’t described anything that would invalidate your confession.

It sounds like you had an unfortunate and bad experience with this priest, and perhaps he is not the right confessor for you. You’re more than welcome to “shop around” until you find a priest whom you are comfortable with. I encourage you to do so and I pray that this does not discourage you from making a second confession.

It is not strictly necessary to give a lot of details about each sin. Sometimes it is enough just to enumerate the Commandment you broke. However, if a particular aspect of what you did changes the severity or imputability of the sin, then you need to explain yourself. For example, “I stole a candy bar from the corner store” and “I stole a chalice from the sacristy” are important points of distinction. “I had impure thoughts about my girlfriend” and “While in bed with my wife, I had impure thoughts about my secretary”, also important differences.

Also you should remember that Canon Law instructs us to mention the number of each sin as well. However, failing to do this will not invalidate it and I have never run into a priest that forced me to do so. I am told that Traditionalist priests are more likely to insist.
 
Elizium23 said:
You haven’t described anything that would invalidate your confession.
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Actually, there is one thing - the OP lists his religion as non-denominational Christian. Yes, he mentions RCIA, but did he finish & join the Church?

Other than that - some priests are just a little hard on newbies, they seem to expect a new Catholic to suddenly know how to do everything.
 
Bonnie said:
Actually, there is one thing - the OP lists his religion as non-denominational Christian. Yes, he mentions RCIA, but did he finish & join the Church?
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Since his join date was November 2014 and Easter has intervened in the meantime, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Many people set up their profile information and never go back and change it.
 
Did he have a heavy accent? I know that here in DC we get priests from all over the world. One time the priest was abrupt with me, wouldn’t even hear my sins then absolved me (I think) Portuguese.
 
God is not an accountant. If you did something 6 times and not the 5 that you remember, it’s OK. Remember that Catholicism is an extremely reasonable religion, and the focus is always on the big picture and internal intent.

Also priests vary a lot–as other people have mentioned. Some don’t speak English very well. Some may be trying to speed things up because they know there are a lot of people. Maybe the priest’s mind is on someone who just died, or what he’s going to have for dinner. Priests are human. Remember that the priest is just standing in for God–you are really confessing to God through the priest.
 
If you didn’t deliberately leave out any necessary information about your sins, you regretted them for one or more spiritual reason (fear of Hell counts) and intended to never commit the sins confessed again than the confession was valid (unless your’re not Catholic.)
 
I was trying to think of a word for my post above, and I failed (old age). But it came to me:
scrupulosity. This seems to be a good article about it:

catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=3739

And I see someone has called it “where OCD meets religion.” I like it!

There is a real danger in trying to be over-scrupulous. For example, let’s say you go to a friend’s house for dinner on a Friday in Lent. You’re not supposed to eat meat. The friend is serving steak. What do you do? What you don’t do is agonize over it. In ordinary circumstances, you wouldn’t eat meat. But you don’t want to insult your friend. So you eat the meat, and enjoy it. I suppose if you were super keen you could skip eating meat on another day to make up for it, but that’s not necessary. Common sense rules.

The same reasoning holds for confession. Remember that in confession all you are obligated to confess are mortal sins. If you knowingly don’t confess a mortal sin, that’s a bad confession. But if it slips your mind [maybe you’re in the Mafia and it’s hard to keep track…] that’s just fine. Bring it up the next time. God’s not going to punish you because you’re human.
 
mamlukman said:
I was trying to think of a word for my post above, and I failed (old age). But it came to me:
scrupulosity. This seems to be a good article about it:

catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=3739

And I see someone has called it “where OCD meets religion.” I like it!

There is a real danger in trying to be over-scrupulous. For example, let’s say you go to a friend’s house for dinner on a Friday in Lent. You’re not supposed to eat meat. The friend is serving steak. What do you do? What you don’t do is agonize over it. In ordinary circumstances, you wouldn’t eat meat. But you don’t want to insult your friend. So you eat the meat, and enjoy it. I suppose if you were super keen you could skip eating meat on another day to make up for it, but that’s not necessary. Common sense rules.

The same reasoning holds for confession. Remember that in confession all you are obligated to confess are mortal sins. If you knowingly don’t confess a mortal sin, that’s a bad confession. But if it slips your mind [maybe you’re in the Mafia and it’s hard to keep track…] that’s just fine. Bring it up the next time. God’s not going to punish you because you’re human.
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About the steak example, isn’t it of grave matter to eat meat during Lent on a Friday for Catholics fourteen and over, unless there is a health issue involved? How would something become not of grave matter just because someone is trying to be polite/nice?
 
Wow. That took about 5 minutes for someone to challenge me.

Well, I did a quick search online, and here’s a blog from a priest on the subject:
wdtprs.com/blog/2009/03/quaeritur-in-a-bind-about-eating-meat-in-a-friday-in-lent/

See the 3rd paragraph from the end where he covers this exact situation. I think it would also be covered as an example of individual conscience–after all, eating meat is not an intrinsic evil act. It’s a church law. And sure, we should try to follow church laws, but common sense should always prevail.

Let’s have another example. Let’s say I’m traveling, and it’s Sunday. I check the Mass times, and the nearest Mass would be 50 miles out of my way, and I have 600 miles to drive today. Do I go 50 miles out of my way? I don’t think so. Should I go 5 miles out of my way? Sure.

And of course you can always refer to Jesus and the story about looking for the lost sheep on a Sunday. Jesus = common sense.

Also I see this: The Liber Sextus of Pope Boniface VIII, a collection of canon law rules. Rule 6 states: Nemo potest ad impossibile obligari. No one is bound to do the impossible.
Now how you define “impossible” is open to debate–what I would say is impossible might be different than what you would say is impossible. Again, I think it goes back to individual conscience, which is different in each person. Personally, I’ll happily eat meat on a Friday in Lent if I’m invited to dinner, and I’ll miss Mass on Sunday if I’ve made a reasonable effort but failed to find anything close enough. If you would do something different, that’s up to you.
 
Sorry you experienced this.

Most priests try to be at their very best in the confessional. But some just have a terrible dread of any sort of intimacy (this is a VERY intimate sacrament) and deal with it by being this cold and remote. This is rare. You can try another priest.

Your confession was valid. Remember that you are confessing to Jesus through the priest who is acting in persona Christi during this sacrament. Direct your attention to Christ and don’t worry about the priest. Keep going to confession. Make it a regular practice. It’s a sacrament that abounds in grace.

Pray for this poor priest. It sounds like he’s exhausted and discouraged. I’m surprised many of them don’t burn out, or get room-spinning drunk every night, or go stark raving mad with the loneliness (living all alone in a big old drafty rectory that was built for a half dozen priests), constantly busy, dumped on all the time (ESPECIALLY in the confessional!), denounced to the bishop by pious skunks and crackpots, the victims of terrible gossip, anonymous letters, and false accusations, worked like galley slaves and paid a pittance, and always taken advantage of. (Why are so many religious people such awful vicious turds to the priests who serve them nonstop and often thanklessly??) PRAY for our dear priests!!.
 
Bonnie said:
Actually, there is one thing - the OP lists his religion as non-denominational Christian. Yes, he mentions RCIA, but did he finish & join the Church?

Other than that - some priests are just a little hard on newbies, they seem to expect a new Catholic to suddenly know how to do everything.
Click to expand...
I’ll become Catholic in a few weeks, on May 23rd.
 
Antegin said:
Did he have a heavy accent? I know that here in DC we get priests from all over the world. One time the priest was abrupt with me, wouldn’t even hear my sins then absolved me (I think) Portuguese.
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Just a little. I live in Finland and none of the priests here speaks Finnish as their first language. We have priests from many different countries: Italy, Malta, Spain, Poland and the only Finnish priest we have speaks Swedish as his first language.

//edit: and I’m not sure where the priest I confessed to comes from but I think he’s probably from Italy because his name sounds Italian
 
chasingcars said:
I’ll become Catholic in a few weeks, on May 23rd.
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Welcome home! Don’t forget to change your religion. 🙂

I’m guessing that, like me, you were already baptized. My first confession was also a bit difficult. Knowing I had quite a few years of sin to confess, I deliberately chose the Downtown Chapel where no one knew me. I drew a priest who was from some other country.

Between my nervousness and his lack of English it was a bit awkward, but did the job.

And it has since struck me as odd that baptized Protestants cannot usually take part in the sacrament of reconciliation, we do just that before we are officially Catholic.
 
Bonnie said:
Welcome home! Don’t forget to change your religion. 🙂

I’m guessing that, like me, you were already baptized. My first confession was also a bit difficult. Knowing I had quite a few years of sin to confess, I deliberately chose the Downtown Chapel where no one knew me. I drew a priest who was from some other country.

Between my nervousness and his lack of English it was a bit awkward, but did the job.

And it has since struck me as odd that baptized Protestants cannot usually take part in the sacrament of reconciliation, we do just that before we are officially Catholic.
Click to expand...
Yes, I was baptized (in Lutheran church) when I was one month old and I’m 18 years old so I had a lot of sins to confess 😊 I think I’m going to contact another priest and do the Confession again.
 
Elizium23 said:
Also you should remember that Canon Law instructs us to mention the** number of each sin** as well. However, failing to do this will not invalidate it and I have never run into a priest that forced me to do so. I am told that Traditionalist priests are more likely to insist.
Click to expand...
**Mortal sins, not venial, are supposed to be in number and kind.
 
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