Was my experience a vocation or a return to faith?

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endaman

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Hi,

I could do with some advise on an experience I had when I was 21, that was 11 years ago. At the time I had lost my Catholic faith but was searching hard for answers and I had turned to spiritualism or anything other than God for the answers. I was raised as a Catholic but by 16 I had lost my faith. Then in my third year in university I had a debate with a girl from the US who argued with me, her case was for Christ and mine was for things like there is no evil, etc, but she was really adamant, she was a Baptist. A few days later I was sitting in my student house talking to a friend, I asked him if he believed in God\Jesus and he said he did. Then the most amazing thing happened to me, I don’t think it is possible to describe it in words but I will try. Christ came into the room in spirit to me only, I felt his presence and knew it was him. In my mind I saw bright radiant light. I started to feel real peace and a complete sense of awakening. Like flicking through a deck of cards events from my life flashed before me very quickly. I can not say how long in real time this lasted to me it felt like minutes but my friend in the room did not seem to notice anything. Anyway that description does not do real justice, but basically I had found God in an amazing and profound way. I must have also felt the presence of the holy spirit also. I woke up the next morning and a wrist band I had very securely strapped to my hand was not on me anymore and the words rang through to me to move on from my past. For the next week or so I never felt more peaceful. I have since no questions about my faith what so ever. Unfortunately I did not turn to the Catholic church but went to some christian book shops and went alone in my faith for some time, self bible study. It wasn’t until recently and after discussions with my family that I gave Catholicism a chance again. Through reading this site and going to mass a I have realised and am delighted to be back again, I hope.

My big question is, has my experience happened to anyone else? If anyone is wondering I was not a drinker or drug user. Is what I had a call back to faith or could it have been a vocation? I would really like to hear or read similar experiences.

Thank you for reading this.
 
It isn’t necessarily a call to a vocation as a priest or religious…that is something you need to discern personally, but it is certainly a call to a vocation in the sense that whatever life is best for you, your are called to be a true follower of Christ, informed in the gospels and living the Sacraments in an authentic Catholic way and as living witness to others

I also had a sudden and unexpected gift of recall to the faith years ago, after ten years of unbelief…but I was already married with children so clearly wasn’t being called to live the life of a religious, but certainly was being called to live a sacramental life deeply committed to Christ.

It is therefore an answer that you must seek in openness to the Holy Spirit and if possible with wise spiritual guidance from a good and holy priest.

Deep thanksgiving for the great privilege of Jesus personal call to you. It is similar to St Paul’s experience to some degree. May the Holy Spirit guide you!
 
Trishie said:
It isn’t necessarily a call to a vocation as a priest or religious…that is something you need to discern personally, but it is certainly a call to a vocation in the sense that whatever life is best for you, your are called to be a true follower of Christ, informed in the gospels and living the Sacraments in an authentic Catholic way and as living witness to others

I also had a sudden and unexpected gift of recall to the faith years ago, after ten years of unbelief…but I was already married with children so clearly wasn’t being called to live the life of a religious, but certainly was being called to live a sacramental life deeply committed to Christ.

It is therefore an answer that you must seek in openness to the Holy Spirit and if possible with wise spiritual guidance from a good and holy priest.

Deep thanksgiving for the great privilege of Jesus personal call to you. It is similar to St Paul’s experience to some degree. May the Holy Spirit guide you!
Click to expand...
…👍 …

In our journeys we are all going to have not only one (or perhaps it will be one!) but probably a few to quite a few moments of awakening, epiphany, insight and/or call re our Baptism and to deepen our commitment to Christ and His Gospel. We will have times of “metanoia” meaning “reversal (or change) of direction” - from which the word “penance” is drawn.

We need I am convinced to adjust our vocabulary re the noun “vocation” (call) to be far more inclusive (and therefore more accurate) than to limit it to a priestly or religious vocation, which are calls to live out Baptism in a particular way.
Our first and primary call to follow Christ and His Gospel and inherit His Promises is proclaimed at our Baptism…all other calls flow from that spousal vocation (or call to be - and fact of - United to Christ in His Church) to journey to Unity through the following of Christ and His Gospel in a particular way, state or vocation in life. And when God calls, He provides all necessary for that call and vocation…hence any praise and any honor is for God and His Grace alone and always…while we are gifted with free will and need co-operate with Grace, if the Grace were not present in the first place nor Actual Grace Grace to co-operate? As Little St. Therese said…“all is Grace” and indeed this is absolutely so!

And God’s Graces are gifts…to the Whole Universal Church of The Mystical Body.

It is not at all unusual, I have read, during teen years or so to find Faith goes into a time of upheaval, questionings - perhaps even doubt or seeming abandonment of The Faith. At some point later in the journey, there is usually a new awakening perhaps through a “Road to Damascus” type incident or moment. It may be sudden and startling…or it may be a slow awakening and dawning.

One of my awakening moments was when I realized I did not have to be a nun - to be a nun:D and then thoughts of my Baptism gained new life and I began to research Baptism and to journey as that research led me to different points and points of growth and renewal - constantly referring the results of my researching back to people in The Church of sound knowledge, learning and wisdom.

Trishie put it all exceptionally well I thought…exceptionally!
…and indeed God’s richest blessings on you and may you grow in Grace and in the guidance of The Holy Spirit…

Barb:)
catholicculture.org/culture/library/dictionary/index.cfm?id=34855
METANOIA

Literally repentance or penance. The term is regularly used in the Greek New Testament, especially in the Gospels and the preaching of the Apostles. Repentance is shown by faith, baptism, confession of sins, and producing fruits worthy of penance. It means a change of heart from sin to the practice of virtue. As conversion, it is fundamental to the teaching of Christ, was the first thing demanded by Peter on Pentecost, and is considered essential to the pursuit of Christian perfection. (Etym. Greek metanoein, to change one’s mind, repent, be converted, from meta- + noein, to perceive, thing, akin to Greek noos, nous, mind.)
 
I can totally relate to your story. From my birth, I have been a Catholic. I didn’t get the faith though. I went through all the motions, going to Catechism classes, receiving First Communion, Confirmation, etc. I didn’t see the Sacraments the way they are meant to be seen and respected. I went to Penance twice in my life before my conversion only because it was required. I felt nothing special about the Church. I didn’t appreciate the Mass either.

When I was 15, I went through the trauma of losing someone I had a crush on, and it made me face my own mortality. From that moment when I learned of his death (in Church; the Mass was offered for his soul), I began a downward spiral into depression and anxiety that lasted a period of 9 years off and on. Since I didn’t know God personally, and I didn’t understand death, death frightened me. I stayed in my house all the time and wouldn’t go out without a good reason. I even remember watching, “The Sixth Sense,” and having nightmares. I was tried on several different medications with a few therapists, but only 1 could help me–Jesus. 🙂 Since I didn’t know Him, I couldn’t turn to Him. I was not aware of the great gift of friendship and love offered by Him. To me, He was just God, but not anyone that was a friend.

Well, when I was 18 or 19, I started searching for answers and getting myself into trouble. I started thinking about leaving the Catholic Church for good and looked at different religions and denominations. The words Presbyterian, Hindu, Buddhist, Methodist, Baptist, Baha’i, etc. sprang to mind. I took a Belief-O-Matic quiz because I was unaware of any of these religion’s beliefs. For some reason, my answers almost always popped up “Quaker.” I was sure that none of them existed (now I know they do; they have a Society in my hometown). Since I couldn’t decide, I thought about joining a non-denominational Christian church until I could figure things out. My sister became a part of a huge non-denominational church here when she graduated from high school, and she invited me several times to go with her. However, (and I’m not knocking their church) it didn’t feel like church to me. I am used to seeing an altar, a priest in robes, having the Eucharist consecrated, etc. Not seeing any of these things made me feel like I was lost, and I didn’t go back again to that church. That’s when I started researching Anglican/Episcopalian and Presbyterian churches in my area. I found one really close, but I didn’t want to go alone. I kept asking my mom to go with me on Sundays, but she didn’t want to because she wanted to go to the Catholic Mass. So, I never went for fear of feeling like all eyes were on me. That’s when I realized how lost I was. My “faith” was set on symbols, not the necessity of striving for holiness and sainthood. So I started praying. I asked God to give me a sign of where He wanted me.

My mom discovered a retreat close by that the Church was advertising. She asked me if I wanted to go and she offered to pay my way. Since I loved the previous retreats I had been on, and thought this might be the sign I was looking for, I decided to accept. The closer the retreat got, the more my feelings were pushing me away from the idea. Then the night of the retreat came, and I decided to go just because I needed the rest and relaxation. I got more than I bargained for. I drove myself down to the retreat center and got lost 3 times (kind of like my life), and told God, “If I don’t find it soon, I’m turning around and going home.” Then I found it. I got there, and there was this strange wooden platform in the middle of the chapel. It was called the “Burning Bush” and after the first night Mass, they put the Monstrance on top of it. When they finally put it up there, I thought how strange it looked. There was the Eucharist in it, but what was it meant for? Why was it above us and why were we praying? All these questions were answered when I did research on my own in a Catholic Answers book that I bought after the retreat. I was surrounded by Catholic young adults, and they were all in awe of the Eucharist. I was wondering why they all looked so peaceful, and I wanted that peace too instead of the interior turmoil I had for years. But I was scared.

I was so tired from the 3 ordeals of getting lost, that when I finally got to my cabin, I was suffering from a panic attack. I wanted to rebel and get out of there and go home. I was unsure of myself and I hadn’t really socialized at all for a long time since I quit my job, so I didn’t know how to respond. I felt God’s presence though, and I felt my heart telling me to stay here and figure this all out. I decided to ask a Sister (the Sisters of Life and CFR sisters and friars were there) for help. Sr. Mary Gabriel came out and sat with me while I poured my feelings and fears out to her. She and I discussed how I had no clue about Catholicism, but I felt there was a reason I was here. After all, God had given me the sign Himself. She and I talked, hugged, prayed, etc. and I felt much better afterwards. I started praying for Jesus’ guidance and told Him that I would stay. I didn’t know that the Sisters still existed either, but Sr. Mary Gabriel showed me how beautiful they are. Their relationship with Jesus was something my heart thoroughly desired. I wanted what she had.
 
Well, I lasted the whole retreat, and on the 2nd night (final night), a CFR priest donned the humeral veil and walked around with the Monstrance. I had never done this before and was unsure what to do, so again, I went through the motions and copied what people around me were doing. The moment my head touched the priest’s veil, I felt such a sense of peace come over me–the peace I was longing for. Jesus, at that moment, was calling me back to His Church. All my emotions poured out of my soul, and all the hurts from time past were healed through His miraculous Presence in the Eucharist. Afterwards, I felt God calling me to go to Confession that was available. I obeyed and talked to Fr. Rob (who I discovered works at the Church I go to for daily Mass, during the week), and told him how much I had been suffering. I told him about Friday night and how my heart was calling me to stay. He said that God had good reason to because He wanted me back with Him in the Church. I couldn’t stop the tears. I was so happy to finally be rid of everything that was bothering me!

I went home, fulfilled, and happy. I came back to the Church and attended Sunday Mass faithfully. I started reading books about the faith and found what I was lacking–Jesus’ love. But it wasn’t that He wasn’t offering it, it was that I was completely closed off from it. That night, after Confession, Jesus called me to be His own. I am called to religious life as a sister! And I couldn’t be more joyful! I now attend Daily Mass and Adoration, I pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary in front of the Monstrance after Mass, I walk the Stations of the Cross, etc. I am also doing spiritual reading and realized, after seeing “Therese” (about St. Therese of Lisieux) and reading her autobiography, that my call is to the Carmelites. I visited the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in St. Louis, MO this past August and loved it there, but didn’t feel called there. I got the nudge to revisit, and I asked God where He wanted me to go. I got an answer:

I got a Christmas card today from the Northern Province in Grand Rapids, MI! It had a little card on the inside that said this:

“Is God gently calling you to Come and See? If you believe that God is calling you to a Religious Vocation in a Women’s Congregation loyal to our Holy Father, please contact the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus; 2161 Leonard St. N.W.; Grand Rapids, MI 49504.”

So, I’ll be visiting them next!
 
Lovely anecdote, CG:thumbsup:

As I read it, it reminded me of a very important point for the OP, Endeman…while your experience may not be a religious or priestly vocation, Endeman, on the other hand, it may be the beginning of a journey into the priesthood or a religious vocation. Life is a journey as I said in a previous post and it will probably have many awakenings…and as my dear Dad used to say “it is also full of pitfalls”.

Indeed may The Lord continue to bless and guide you 👍 … will be keeping you in prayer…joyful Christmas…Barb:)
 
Hi,

I too went through a “conversion experience”… not as grand as yours, but the Lord calls us back in many ways. He seems to be very active lately, I’d say.

If you don’t already have one, you might want to search for a Spiritual Director. Doesn’t have to be a priest… can be a religious or a lay person. What you want is an individual who has gone through training for spiritual direction.

It is great to have someone to travel the journey of faith with… whatever vocation you find is part of your future.

And don’t forget the Holy Spirit… always ready to guide you and strengthen you.

Blessings! and Welcome Home!

🙂
 
Thank you all for your very kind words, prayers and advise, it is greatly appreciated and is helping me a lot. Only in the last few months I have asked Christ to guide me and I have been led here to this web site, its wonderful to find my way back to the Church my family love and I loved so much as a child. I feel I have a very close relationship with Christ and the Holy Spirit and have felt for a long time I have been called to give my life to God but my eyes were blinded by fundamentalists telling the Catholic church was wrong. My eyes have been also blinded and hands tied by people I frequented with telling me not to talk about God but my faith is so strong I feel I can not bottle it up anymore. For now I will follow your advise and get a Catholic spiritual advisor and also find my old seat at mass.

Thanks again, God bless.
 
Wonderful! We thank God for the graces He’s given you, and that you have the love and courage to respond. We ask His continued blessings for your life
 
endaman said:
For now I will follow your advise and get a Catholic spiritual advisor and also find my old seat at mass.

Thanks again, God bless.
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That is a very good way to start - I’ve recently got a Spiritual Director and he has helped me so much. I had not known anything about Spiritual Director before until I came to this CAF forums!

About the old seat, be careful, there might be someone claiming that seat already. 😃

I am very happy for you! God is great!
 
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