Was raised a catholic and grew up among catholics but revolted against all religion after being sent to a Church of England school and seeing Protesta

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I was raised a catholic. I was baptised, received my first communion, went to all catholic private schools which mostly had cathechism lessons and a chapel to pray in. At some point in my early life some horrible things happened to me and I started to doubt about God’s presence. How could a God of love and Mercy allow all this to be done to a child I thought. If God existed, would he not give me the strength to face these things that happened to me? This was the first time I started to loose my faith. Until the age of 10 or 12 I was extremely religious. By the age of 14 I was what one could call a heretic. The final event which caused me to loose faith completely is when I came to england to go to one of the top schools which happened to have a Church of England chapel (a very big one, I would have called it a church but well…) and we were forced to attend three times a week. Inside this church we would see horrible modern paintings, a Reverend dressed in a SUIT and they would SING 95% of the time. Occasionally they would have a speaker say a few words, most often telling JOKES and speaking about POLITICS or SPORTS. And they never spoke about God, they always went on about Jesus. In town people would only ever speak of Jesus, never of God or Mary or the Saints. Jesus this, Jesus that, it seemed that they were so obscessed with Christ that they neglected the rest of the Bible and this all did it for me. I stopped believing once and for all, this seemed like a farce to me.

But I am now 20 years old and I am affraid. What if I made a mistake? What if God does exist? Which Religion is right? What will happen to me when I die? And I also saw a very old woman be cured of cancer when people said she had no chance… So now I am starting to have doubts again… What should I do, I ask you. I have long forgotten everything I knew about Catholicism.
 
The good new is, although you abandoned God, He didn’t abandon you. What is happening to you now is that God is sending you, what are called, actual graces, in order to draw you back into the Church.

I have one piece of advice for you: Begin to say the Rosary everyday, and go to confession as soon as possible. Also avoid reading anti-Christian materials for a while. These will only confuse you at this point. God is calling you to Him, and you are responding. For that you can be very thankful. Make the most of it.
 
I’m sorry to hear you had bad experiences early in life. Such experiences are hard enough for adults to comprehend let alone a child. Having said that, you seem to be under the impression that God makes people do things. He doesn’t. He gave us the ability and freedom to act on our own–to do good or do bad. People choose to do bad because all human beings are wounded in mind, heart, and spirit. Even those who wish to do what is right often do what is wrong. God would have us always do what is right, but we are free to choose to do wrong. God created man perfect, but man rebelled and brought this evil upon himself. It is why Jesus came to be a man–to reform us into people who can do right and become holy as God the Father is holy.

I’m puzzled why people dressing oddly or singing certain songs or talking about Jesus would indicate that God isn’t God. God isn’t responsible for the things people say and do. We decide to, to say, to think, to be whatever we want. If we want to be what God wants us to be, we can be–we have to ask him to help us, though, because we cannot do that on our own.

And why would people talking exclusively about Jesus be a bad thing? Jesus is the divine Son of God. He told us that whoever sees him sees the Father. It may be the people had the wrong ideas about Jesus and that would be a bad thing. But Mary and the Saints are servants of Jesus and of God the Father. They are important, but Jesus is of primary importance to us as our redeemer and savior. He came to show us the Father and to transform us into new people who can be holy as Jesus’ Father is holy, as I mentioned above. There’s nothing wrong with talking about him with that understanding.

God does work in our lives. He sustains us and helps us all the time although we usually aren’t aware of it. Now and then he makes this obvious by healing someone or bringing about the resolution of some dire circumstance, such as the peaceful fall of Communism in Europe. We ask him in prayer for his help and for him to make us into the kind of people he wants us to be. Evidence of his loving kindness is all around us in the air we breath, in the food we eat, in our loved ones and the ability to work and be productive. People who are deprived of some of those things need our help, which is also what God wants us to do–help those in need.

I hope that helps you. I would suggest you talk to a priest about all this. And that you go to confession and start attending Mass, once again. As you practice your Catholic faith God will help you do so rightly and help you grow in understanding and virtue.
 
FromGermany said:
I was raised a catholic. I was baptised, received my first communion, went to all catholic private schools which mostly had cathechism lessons and a chapel to pray in. At some point in my early life some horrible things happened to me and I started to doubt about God’s presence. How could a God of love and Mercy allow all this to be done to a child I thought. If God existed, would he not give me the strength to face these things that happened to me? This was the first time I started to loose my faith. Until the age of 10 or 12 I was extremely religious. By the age of 14 I was what one could call a heretic. The final event which caused me to loose faith completely is when I came to england to go to one of the top schools which happened to have a Church of England chapel (a very big one, I would have called it a church but well…) and we were forced to attend three times a week. Inside this church we would see horrible modern paintings, a Reverend dressed in a SUIT and they would SING 95% of the time. Occasionally they would have a speaker say a few words, most often telling JOKES and speaking about POLITICS or SPORTS. And they never spoke about God, they always went on about Jesus. In town people would only ever speak of Jesus, never of God or Mary or the Saints. Jesus this, Jesus that, it seemed that they were so obscessed with Christ that they neglected the rest of the Bible and this all did it for me. I stopped believing once and for all, this seemed like a farce to me.

But I am now 20 years old and I am affraid. What if I made a mistake? What if God does exist? Which Religion is right? What will happen to me when I die? And I also saw a very old woman be cured of cancer when people said she had no chance… So now I am starting to have doubts again… What should I do, I ask you. I have long forgotten everything I knew about Catholicism.
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I, also, am sorry that horrible things happened to you during your age of innocence. Jesus knows and understands your suffering. He knows what is is like to feel abandoned in the midst of horrible suffering. He uttered those words from the cross not because he believed that the Father had abandoned Him, but that we would identify with His suffering. Jesus knows what it is to feel abandoned and treated so unjustly. God has not abandoned you nor forgotten you. He is nudging you to bring you home where you will find peace in His Church. There is a library of answers here on this website that will help you to understand what the Catholic Church teaches. Check it out.
 
FromGermany said:
I was raised a catholic. I was baptised, received my first communion, went to all catholic private schools which mostly had cathechism lessons and a chapel to pray in. At some point in my early life some horrible things happened to me and I started to doubt about God’s presence. How could a God of love and Mercy allow all this to be done to a child I thought. If God existed, would he not give me the strength to face these things that happened to me? This was the first time I started to loose my faith. Until the age of 10 or 12 I was extremely religious. By the age of 14 I was what one could call a heretic. The final event which caused me to loose faith completely is when I came to england to go to one of the top schools which happened to have a Church of England chapel (a very big one, I would have called it a church but well…) and we were forced to attend three times a week. Inside this church we would see horrible modern paintings, a Reverend dressed in a SUIT and they would SING 95% of the time. Occasionally they would have a speaker say a few words, most often telling JOKES and speaking about POLITICS or SPORTS. And they never spoke about God, they always went on about Jesus. In town people would only ever speak of Jesus, never of God or Mary or the Saints. Jesus this, Jesus that, it seemed that they were so obscessed with Christ that they neglected the rest of the Bible and this all did it for me. I stopped believing once and for all, this seemed like a farce to me.

But I am now 20 years old and I am affraid. What if I made a mistake? What if God does exist? Which Religion is right? What will happen to me when I die? And I also saw a very old woman be cured of cancer when people said she had no chance… So now I am starting to have doubts again… What should I do, I ask you. I have long forgotten everything I knew about Catholicism.
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I would like to suggest 3 things that may help.

Be not afraid: God loves you.

I will echo the advice: Pray the Rosary. Mother Mary loves you.

Also, and I am not being flippant when I say this.

“The Church is not a country club for saints. She is a hospital for sinners.”

Every person you meet in Church is a sinner. We all make mistakes and do things wrong.
As a musician in my small mission Church I often watch the faces of the congregation. These are the people I see.
Ruth who took care of her husband for 15 years as he slowly drifted into to alzheimers disease.
Sue over sees the collection for the poor and spends countless hours quietly working with the poor.
Linda a single mother struggling to care for her two boys.
Bill whose wife suddenly died and is struggling to come the grips with the tragedy.
Karen whose grandson committed suicide and had another grandbaby die of crib death.

There are so many stories of quiet heroism and love. Once you can see past the fears and struggles of the people you meet, you will discover the wonderful people who quietly work to do God’s will in their own very special lives.

P.S. I forgot Judy who was awarded special recognition for writing over 10,000 letters to service men in the middle east.
 
FromGermany said:
I was raised a catholic. I was baptised, received my first communion, went to all catholic private schools which mostly had cathechism lessons and a chapel to pray in. At some point in my early life some horrible things happened to me and I started to doubt about God’s presence. How could a God of love and Mercy allow all this to be done to a child I thought. If God existed, would he not give me the strength to face these things that happened to me? This was the first time I started to loose my faith. Until the age of 10 or 12 I was extremely religious. By the age of 14 I was what one could call a heretic. The final event which caused me to loose faith completely is when I came to england to go to one of the top schools which happened to have a Church of England chapel (a very big one, I would have called it a church but well…) and we were forced to attend three times a week. Inside this church we would see horrible modern paintings, a Reverend dressed in a SUIT and they would SING 95% of the time. Occasionally they would have a speaker say a few words, most often telling JOKES and speaking about POLITICS or SPORTS. And they never spoke about God, they always went on about Jesus. In town people would only ever speak of Jesus, never of God or Mary or the Saints. Jesus this, Jesus that, it seemed that they were so obscessed with Christ that they neglected the rest of the Bible and this all did it for me. I stopped believing once and for all, this seemed like a farce to me.

But I am now 20 years old and I am affraid. What if I made a mistake? What if God does exist? Which Religion is right? What will happen to me when I die? And I also saw a very old woman be cured of cancer when people said she had no chance… So now I am starting to have doubts again… What should I do, I ask you. I have long forgotten everything I knew about Catholicism.
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What you need is clarity. Life is a series of ups and downs. But remember one thing - GOD doesnt allow us to be tried unles its in our best interests from an eternal perpective. GOD himself allowed his own Innocent Son to be put to death so that YOU might have eternal life. Was your own suffering greater than GOD’s suffering? Mankind has an aversion to suffering. And yet it is through suffering that you are now the person you are. GOD sees your entire life at a glance and he allows us all to suffer. Think of it this way - we will alll die one day. All of us. We will die. If a loved one dies before we do - we will suffer greatly. GOD Allows suffering but he suffered as an example to us when suffering befalls each of us. The world is not our true home. There is suffering here. Blaming GOD for suffering or questioning his love because of it is failing to understand the very nature of suffering. Now as to your following points - it really doesnt matter why anyone leaves the Faith or puts it on the back burner. It is how one faces the reality of Life and the Inherant truths that GOD does indeed exist and that no true peace is possible in your life without knowing GOD. Sure , some people try to mask the emptiness with carnal exploits or materialism or lavish partying etc but ultimately everyone returns to reality and to the solice that the cares and trappings of this world are but fleeting. They are not permanent. You cannot take your good looks or your money to eternity with you. And that emptiness you are experiencing right now that is evident in the tone of your post - is the Spiritual side of your being crying out for meaning. It isnt that GOD has left you - it is that you havent been conversing with him enough to know. We must pray. All of us. And develope a personal relationship with GOD. That has to come from you. No one can do it for you. Either you will pray and ask GOD for his guidnace in your life - or you will refuse to. We can lead you to water - but you must drink. The answer? Pray. GOD answers all prayers. Maybe not how we want him to. But he does answer. And if you want a relationship with HIM - he most certainly will answer you - because we all know he wants that too.

Pax
 
I’d suggest attending an RCIA class and to read through the Compendium of the Cathechism of the Catholic Church.

It’s available online, Pope Benedict wrote the Compendium as “Cliff Notes” to understanding the Cathechism.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

If you do better with paper books, the book looks like this: [

http://www.amazon.com/Compendium-Catechism-Catholic-Ratzinger-Benedict/dp/1574557203]()

P.S. Christians believe in a Triune God, One God is three distinct Persons. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

Christianity is centered on Jesus because He is calling us to repent, to convert our hearts and minds, and to share our eternal life with Him. Through His Resurrection, He and the Father sent out the Holy Spirit to indwell within our soul and to guide us to Him.
 
Hi! I’m sorry about the pain you’ve experienced.

Go to Mass at your local church this Sunday. Don’t worry about feeling weirded out or nervous, you have a right to be there and you are welcome.

God Bless You.
 
I agree with the previous posters – especially about praying the Rosary.
I would have to caution you about going to the nearest Catholic Church – most unfortunately, in the present situation of indiscipline, some parishes give very bad example. Try not to be too swayed by personalities. Catholics (and Christians) are a very mixed bunch. All of us (I am sure) are trying to please God, but some have ways that would be off-putting, especially to one still searching. We are not yet perfect, and we can all see our neighbour’s faults, very few see their own.
Read the Gospels. They are not very long; we reguarly read more than that on a subject if it takes our interest. I recommend S. Luke, followed by S. John. Let Our Lord speak for Himself! Try also some websites. I recommend
sites.google.com/site/catholictopics/
For some quite short and lucid articles on particular topics.
I would recommend to read about Lourdes and Fatima. I would steer away from alleged apparitions that are not yet fully approbated, or that have been condemned outright. Lourdes and Fatima are rock-solid.
Reputable lives of the saints, and accounts of Church history, are very illuminating.
Best of luck: I agree with the posters who say that God is giving you a special opportunity – a special Grace – just at present.
I hope you keep in touch.
 
“I am the door, knock and the way will be opened to you”
I experienced a similar thing, except ironically it was seeing the pitiful state of protestantism that lad me back into real faith after being ignorant and stubborn during my time at a catholic primary school (i was always catholic officialy of course and was never actually atheist)
You are experiencing the call of God. However it is up to you to answer the call and knock on the door of God . To you I say pray unceasingly to the lord asking him for guidance and for faith, for he answers all prayers in one way or another, even those he says no too.

Likewise attend the Mass, God is present in the eucharist in a substantial incomprehensible way, and before the sacrament great things are possible (go to confession before actually recieving the eucharist, you must be in a state of grace to recieve the blessed sacrament, and you must be certain of that.).

Make sure though that you choose an orthodox parish who follows orthopraxy (correct practice) for although it is condemned there are still a few parishes in the church that have succumed to the liberal modernist heresy that has so infused the anglican communion.

Good luck and may God lead you to the truth.
 
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