Was very hurtful to my husband in front of children

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LaSainte

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So today I got very angry with my husband and sort of blew up at him - including cursing - in front of our 3 and 1 year olds. My son even said to “leave daddy alone”. Ugh. Later on the phone we were arguing (again, the kids were in the car with me) and I said something that deeply hurt his feelings. I thought about it for a split second and then I just sort of said it and it was awful and I never should have said it. I have a very quick temper and I snap at hubby and the kids a lot but today was really bad. I am trying to work on this for Lent but failing badly.

My question is, what is the rule about this sort of thing re:mortal sin?

Please pray for me and my family 🙂
 
LaSainte said:
So today I got very angry with my husband and sort of blew up at him - including cursing - in front of our 3 and 1 year olds. My son even said to “leave daddy alone”. Ugh. Later on the phone we were arguing (again, the kids were in the car with me) and I said something that deeply hurt his feelings. I thought about it for a split second and then I just sort of said it and it was awful and I never should have said it. I have a very quick temper and I snap at hubby and the kids a lot but today was really bad. I am trying to work on this for Lent but failing badly.

My question is, what is the rule about this sort of thing re:mortal sin?

Please pray for me and my family 🙂
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I would apologize to your husband and I would talk to your priest and make a good confession. When you feel you have been unfair to the kids, apologize to them as well. Make a commitment to change. Pray about this, and ask the Lord to help you to overcome this. Pray the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. If there is an adoration chapel close to you, go and spend some time with our Lord in prayer. We all have faults, and God is merciful. Make a good confession, and try your best each day. God knows your heart. If you fall, know that the Lord is always ready to forgive you. Praying for you and your family!

May God bless you and your family!

Kerri 🙂
 
In the heat of the moment it is almost impossible, in my opinion, for us to have sufficient reflection (or deliberate consent) for our comments to be considered mortally sinful.

That said, I think it definitely helps to bring these things to confession. Expressing our sorrow to a priest helps us focus on righting the wrongs and avoiding these situations again. And it can be embarrassing - which is good! We need to take responsibility for these things. The advice of a good priest can help you see that perhaps your frustration towards your husband is a manifestation of general frustration/stress that we all feel at times (or maybe not of course) and he can maybe get you to think about how to better deal with it.

I’ll offer a prayer for you and your family. We’ve all said things we regret.
 
Yes to the rest of the advice and say something (at least to the 3yo) to the effect of 'Mommy said something that wasn’t very nice to Daddy the other day, didn’t I…and I want you to know that Mommy and Daddy love each other very much and we talked and I told Daddy that I was sorry I wasn’t very nice to him. It’s not always easy to be nice, is it? So, let’s pray together that everyone in our family can use kind words with each other because we love each other and want to help each other get to heaven someday."

Owning up to using ‘bad words’ and ‘being sorry’ can be humbling, but it helps your kids realize that you aren’t perfect and that you are trying to be a better person.

Now, going forward, you need to realize how much it hurts those little ones to hear those kinds of conversations between the two people that are supposed to teach them what LOVE is all about.
Find a good Catholic counselor who can help you and DH work through your issues (which include a lack of human respect, or you wouldn’t have used swear words toward someone you love enough to spend the rest of your life with, right?)
Anyhow, just my tired 2cents…
 
Before you go to that counselor and probably before you even get to the confessional think about why you have such a short fuse. There is an underlying reason and you might do it again before you can do either of the above.

Many years ago I had problems with my wife that never really got resolved and I would take it out on my young children. I realized very much later on in my life what I had done and why I did it. I apologized to both of them, but I’m sure it was too late as they were in their 20’s.

BTW, after 30 years of marriage she left me for a man 20+ years our senior. I mentioned counseling 3 times in our 30 years but she always would say there was nothing wrong with the marriage. Hah!

You have a very good chance of fixing what’s broken now. Do a lot of soul searching on your own and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to admit to yourself what you discover. You’re probably not in the same boat as I was, but you have act now - you took the first step by coming here!

Much Peace!

Mike 🙂
 
LaSainte said:
So today I got very angry with my husband and sort of blew up at him - including cursing - in front of our 3 and 1 year olds. My son even said to “leave daddy alone”. Ugh. Later on the phone we were arguing (again, the kids were in the car with me) and I said something that deeply hurt his feelings. I thought about it for a split second and then I just sort of said it and it was awful and I never should have said it. I have a very quick temper and I snap at hubby and the kids a lot but today was really bad. I am trying to work on this for Lent but failing badly.

My question is, what is the rule about this sort of thing re:mortal sin?

Please pray for me and my family 🙂
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Take up boxing or find other ways to vent your anger. Try a Novena to Mary Undoer of Knots asking her to undo this knot of anger in your life. I’m not the best representative for this novena because I have so many issues in my life that when I think most are under control, something will happen (ex. death threat from a co-worker) that will trouble me and put me in self-pity and/or God-bashing mode. That being said try this for one issue at a time with a trustful and fervent heart and good things will happen. Your husband and children are so precious (so are you) treat them (and yourself) like the apple of your eyes.
 
Lord, hear LaSainte’s petition for reconciliation, grant grace to all in this family. Draw them all close, in charity, to your Sacred Heart, now and forever. Help them with angels. Our Lady, pray with us. Amen.
 
Pray the Rosary for the Gift of Understanding so you understand why you act this way–why you blow up and say hurtful things.

I’ve found that prayer has helped me to understand myself and others better. It’s also brought me closer to God, which is the most important thing.🙂
 
LaSainte said:
So today I got very angry with my husband and sort of blew up at him - including cursing - in front of our 3 and 1 year olds. My son even said to “leave daddy alone”. Ugh. Later on the phone we were arguing (again, the kids were in the car with me) and I said something that deeply hurt his feelings. I thought about it for a split second and then I just sort of said it and it was awful and I never should have said it. I have a very quick temper and I snap at hubby and the kids a lot but today was really bad. I am trying to work on this for Lent but failing badly.

My question is, what is the rule about this sort of thing re:mortal sin?

Please pray for me and my family 🙂
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One must be careful with letting anger get out of hand. The Bible is very clear about fits of anger, and lists it among some other serious sins:

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Christ Himself warns about the sins we commit through anger and words:

“But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”

And the Apostle James puts it this way:

“the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
Here are some short talks you might find helpful… (They take a few seconds to load)

AUDIO

AUDIO 2
 
Obviously I know nothing about you OP but are you getting enough sleep? That can be a major challenge with young children and sleep deprivation can definitely lead to a much shorter fuse and a serious lack of patience.

Maybe this is a sign you need more third party help with the kids and to get enough rest. Than make time for just you and your husband when you’re not both exhausted.
 
I confessed this to a priest one time about getting angry. The priest said getting angry is not a sin, it’s what you do with that anger. Losing ones temper is the sin, not the feeling.

Blowing up at someone is wrong and hurtful so apology is best. I agree with the others on that. Plus your children learn how to deal with anger from their parents. My BIL had a very bad temper when he was younger raising his kids. I think it hurt his kids. His daughter has a temper and has a hard time with people.

I usually clam up when I get angry and that is wrong but I don’t want to say things I will be sorry about later. The best way to handle anger is to say we are angry and try to say why. Sometimes we don’t know exactly why but we can figure it out if we think about it afterward. That helps us in the future and we don’t need to blow up so often. We can talk about things when we have a calm moment.
 
My question is, what is the rule about this sort of thing re:mortal sin?
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Please pray for me and my family
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I want to applaud you for being honest and wanted to deeply do the right thing for your children.

You know the answer, it isn’t proper and the children will carry a very deep scar later in life. So keep in mind that you must do everything you can, to choose patience and the right time to talk with your husband.

I recommend three things.

1)Praying the Rosary and ask Mother Mary/St-Joseph to help your family. (They are wonderful)

2)Go to the confession each time, you slip. This will give you strength. Keep desiring above all to bring up your children in a healthy home.

3)Do the sacred Heart of Jesus Novena. He cans bring peace in your heart, in your family, your town and even your Country. I am currently watching a dvd set about the sacred Heart of Jesus from EWTN. Very inspiring, informative and quite an eye opener about what true peace is.

Remember that you are loved beyond word, you are human but you have a great heart.

I pray for you and your family!
 
LaSainte said:
So today I got very angry with my husband and sort of blew up at him - including cursing - in front of our 3 and 1 year olds. My son even said to “leave daddy alone”. Ugh. Later on the phone we were arguing (again, the kids were in the car with me) and I said something that deeply hurt his feelings. I thought about it for a split second and then I just sort of said it and it was awful and I never should have said it. I have a very quick temper and I snap at hubby and the kids a lot but today was really bad. I am trying to work on this for Lent but failing badly.

My question is, what is the rule about this sort of thing re:mortal sin?

Please pray for me and my family 🙂
Click to expand...
Having been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior, I’m not entirely sure your priorities are straight here – why are you worried about whether this is a sin and only working on this for Lent, not all the time? Part of the sanctity of marriage is to build each other up, not to become angry with your husband and your children. I especially worry about snapping at them – under five is a very formative age, and they are not going to try your patience any less as time goes on. Your husband may also at some point decide that enough is enough.

It’s a rare or blessed person who can do a complete reversal of certain behavior in their life. Some counseling would probably help, but I’d also ask, why do you snap so much? If your husband was doing things he should not do, I could understand, but snapping at your children seems to indicate that there is something else going on here. Depression or other unhappiness can cause us to act like this, without us realizing it. So can stress. Obviously, you’re not happy with how you’re acting, otherwise you would not have brought it up here.

Also, we tend to learn certain habits over time and stick by those. We can react with anger in situations that may not call for it, just because that is our “go-to” template. Instead, we may have to make a conscious effort to try to use patience and empathy when dealing with others, and understand that we can’t make that change instantly, but it takes time to do, like anything else we want to change about ourselves.

At any rate, I’ll pray for you and your family.
 
Thank you a for your thoughts and prayers. Yes, I have told my children that what mommy did wasn’t very nice and that we should always try to be nice because we love each other very much. And of course I was effusive in my apologies to my husband who still isn’t really talking to me. He just needs time to cool down he says.

I have a short temper to begin with but lately I have been very stressed, underslept, feeling under-appreciated, whatever. Not excuses for behaving like a petulant child so I will stop making them.

I try all the time to keep my temper but figured Lent would be an excellent time to turn it around.

I’m just not sure if I can receive communion or not. My husband is out of town and I can’t drag two children into the confessional with me so I was wondering if I have to wait until my husband gets back into town to go.

Thanks again for all the prayers 🙂
 
Maybe if you call your priest, he would be willing to come at your house.

I fully understand what you are going through. Keep trying and please don’t be ashamed to go to the confession each time.

You will go through this!
 
LaSainte said:
Thank you a for your thoughts and prayers. Yes, I have told my children that what mommy did wasn’t very nice and that we should always try to be nice because we love each other very much. And of course I was effusive in my apologies to my husband who still isn’t really talking to me. He just needs time to cool down he says.

I have a short temper to begin with but lately I have been very stressed, underslept, feeling under-appreciated, whatever. Not excuses for behaving like a petulant child so I will stop making them.

I try all the time to keep my temper but figured Lent would be an excellent time to turn it around.

I’m just not sure if I can receive communion or not. **My husband is out of town and I can’t drag two children into the confessional with me so I was wondering if I have to wait until my husband gets back into town to go. **

Thanks again for all the prayers 🙂
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That is very telling sentence right there! If he is out of town often, is unavailable or even isolates you that you must fend for yourself and the little ones then you both need to see a counselor ASAP! There is an underlying problem that needs to be addressed by an expert, going to confession and/or praying isn’t going to help by itself.

**jc4751 **was spot on with her assessment!

Much Peace!

Mike 🙂
 
Mikeydell said:
That is very telling sentence right there! If he is out of town often, is unavailable or even isolates you that you must fend for yourself and the little ones then you both need to see a counselor ASAP! There is an underlying problem that needs to be addressed by an expert, going to confession and/or praying isn’t going to help by itself.

**jc4751 **was spot on with her assessment!

Much Peace!

Mike 🙂
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No he is just out of town for a few days, he usually works here from home 🙂 it’s not as bad as it sounds. I just have a short fuse and I have a hard time reigning it in. Of course it’s not all me, but I do need to be able to control how I react to frustrations because let’s face it, life is frustrating!

I was really just asking for prayers in not losing my temper and shouting and wondering if all the conditions for mortal sin are met when you just sort of blurt something out after only having about 3 seconds to think about it mid that sufficient reflection? I have no idea.
 
Just trying to cover all angles. 🙂 I know what you mean about life, been there done that too. While you worry about your Spiritual health remember your physical health too! Short fuse could equate to hypertension issues later on.

Much Peace!

Mike 🙂
 
Mikeydell said:
Just trying to cover all angles. 🙂 I know what you mean about life, been there done that too. While you worry about your Spiritual health remember your physical health too! Short fuse could equate to hypertension issues later on.

Much Peace!

Mike 🙂
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Thanks :). Will do!
 
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