Was very hurtful to my husband in front of children

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I don’t think it is a mortal sin. Plus, you did apologise. Now I hope your hubby does not sin by being mean to you about it.

Anyway, veniel sins are forgiven when we go to Mass and say the Act of Contrition. No one NEEDS to go to confession unless they have a mortal sin but we are encouraged to go more often for the graces.
 
I was really just asking for prayers in not losing my temper and shouting and wondering if all the conditions for mortal sin are met when you just sort of blurt something out after only having about 3 seconds to think about it mid that sufficient reflection?
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Dear God, please assist this precious mother with your love, your wisdom and all the grace necessary so she cans serve you perfectly and be the perfect mother for her children in Jesus name. Amen!

p.s. Hand in there, help is on the way. I understand you fully your approach is great and it will bring wonderful fruits.
 
In addition, I also apologize to my kids for my bad behaviour when they see me acting badly.

If I curse, I put money in my daughter’s piggy bank. She calls me on it now…“MOMMY you swore. You have to put money in my piggy bank.”
 
oneofmany said:
I don’t think it is a mortal sin. Plus, you did apologise. Now I hope your hubby does not sin by being mean to you about it.

Anyway, veniel sins are forgiven when we go to Mass and say the Act of Contrition. No one NEEDS to go to confession unless they have a mortal sin but we are encouraged to go more often for the graces.
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I agree.

Losing your temper doesn’t seem to fit the three necessary components of a mortal sin.

If you really are not sure, you could go to confession when DH comes back and tell Father what happened and that you are not sure if it was a mortal sin or not. It’s very useful to get feedback like this, it helps us form our conscience better.
 
Serap said:
In addition, I also apologize to my kids for my bad behaviour when they see me acting badly.

If I curse, I put money in my daughter’s piggy bank. She calls me on it now…“MOMMY you swore. You have to put money in my piggy bank.”
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👍👍👍

Ahh how cute
 
I think you are being too hard on yourself. You have two young children and are pregnant again. Your body and mind are tired, your hormones are a wreck, and your husband is gone for a dew days. I completely relate. Especially if he is usually home, it’s hard when he’s not. If losing your temper is a mortal sin, no one has a chance to make it into heaven.
 
I remember blowing up at my hubby once when we were on vacation and had been traveling all day. It was in front of the kids. He said something about how I sounded with my temper and I had the strength of mind to say, “No, this is what I sound like when I am tired and hungry.”

LOL, now everyone knew, get this woman some food and let’s rest for awhile. It really helps when we know why we lose out temper. It had nothing to do with anyone but me and how I felt. It also showed the kids how we own our feelings and what to do with them.

It helps to say I am feeling, fill in blank or I am getting frustrated or impatient and leave the **when you do **out of it. The feelings are in us and I can just as easily laugh or yawn or smile with someone does or says something than to blow up. We chose our response. It’s hard when we get mad but taking a deep breath, think for a second and then say what we feel or what we want helps so much.
 
Mortal sin requires the following 3 things:
  1. The sin must be of grave matter (its a mortal sin but only ife 2 and 3 are true
  2. must do of one’s on free will (not coerced, forced, etc.)
  3. must know that it is a mortal sin.
All must be present. You’re asking, so therefore, you really don’t know. Now seek spiritual direction from you confessor.

Now for a pragmatic perspective:
Ask yourself, not write on this board, if you have a family history of verbal, sexual, or physical abuse that might have resulted in some form of PTSD or habit formed from exposure. Never… I mean never… say such things in front of little ones. Triggering is not acceptable, you must tell yourself. Hold yourself accountable if you slip up. But most of all if these are difficult, make sure your children see and hear that you are truly sorry in a big way. But you must train your mind to not react in anger, even over legitimate issues. Treat hubby how you want your children to treat their spouse and want their spouse to treat them. If you have a history of violence in your family, including verbal abuse, seek counseling from a priest and also from a full-time therapist, preferably in clinical psychology or similar. Just my thoughts. No need to answer openly on here.
 
Lots of good advice on here. I will just add this one thing from my personal experience. I used to blow up at my husband under stress, in front of kids. I came across an article on how that affects kids: makes them insecure, they fight with each other more, poor sleeping, etc. The suggestion to resolve this was to have “couch time” every night. A time when mom and dad sit on the couch, talk, give each other full attention, are affectionate, talk over the day, etc. for 15 minutes. Kids are told, don’t interrupt, this is time for mom and dad. If one of you can’t be there, then have the time alone, with a picture of the spouse, and let the kids know you are thinking about the spouse - praying for them, whatever. I tried this and it was wonderful for the kids - even after my husband died! There is just something about this that soothes a child’s heart and makes them feel safe - mine did not protest being turned away for mom and dad to have this time. Anyway, I mention this because we all have stress and lose our tempers, some more than others. I would rather live with someone who blows up and moves on, then with someone who sulks and holds in resentment. Maybe this could be helpful.
 
Thank you all so much for the great and thoughtful replies! We are in a much better place now and I’m doing my best to stay calm and happy even under stress. Please keep us in your prayers. I have AMAZING children and a wonderful husband and I don’t want to mess them up because of a silly thing like a short temper! 🙂
 
LaSainte said:
Thank you all so much for the great and thoughtful replies! We are in a much better place now and I’m doing my best to stay calm and happy even under stress. Please keep us in your prayers. I have AMAZING children and a wonderful husband and I don’t want to mess them up because of a silly thing like a short temper! 🙂
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I hear ya sista!
 
I was watching “The Nanny” show last night. The father had quite a temper with his kids. She told him he needed to practice WALKING AWAY to calm down then come back later to tell the kids he was sorry. She told him to be sure to get down on the child’s level and look them in the eye so they really hear him.

When we feel we are getting out of control with our temper a time out is very helpful. With a husband a hug and kiss is very nice later. One time I stopped myself and called to my husband to come into the bedroom. I had him lay down with me for awhile and just cuddle. Hubbys won’t resist much when we want them to come into the bedroom anyway. LOL
 
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