Wasn't sure where to put--good son delimma

[1990Domer]

Through what I can only believe is the will of God and the Holy Spirit, my son finished 8th grade with straight A’s and is finished with home schooling (well, I will make him do summer reading and brush-ups). He is a pious young man who is still discerning a religious vocation. He has an order picked-out, but he is not that far along.

Here’s the spot we’re in. He’s a tall kid, and he’s (from what I’ve been told) handsome. He only recently figured out that the girls who stare and giggle at him in Church, whether he serves or not, are not making fun of him, but rather they like him or find him cute. He served last night and as he walked out of Church, there was a collective, “Hi____!” Insert name in blank.

He likes girls as friends. When a couple bolder ones tried to get his attention, he said he only wanted to be friends. Well, the girls kicked him because they didn’t like the answer.

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you and God bless!

 

[nodito]

What kind of advice are you looking for?

 

[EasterJoy]

Well, those girls are doing their best to make celibacy look attractive, I suppose.

If he’s an attractive man, he’s going to have to figure out how to cope with attention he did not ask for. He cannot possibly return all the bids for attention that he’s going to get in the way that the bidder hopes he will. That will be true whether he becomes a priest or religious, or marries, or stays single. It is not exactly the same as the problem that particularly beautiful women have–or maybe I should say that regardless of gender it is different to be thought very handsome than to be thought very “pretty”–but it is a problem. It’s also a problem that people who don’t have it don’t think of as a problem. Attractive men have a lot of advantages in this life, but it isn’t all a bed of roses.

Are you his dad? Did you have this problem? How did you deal with it? If you’re his mom, what about your husband?

I suppose I’d say that this is a subset of the problems of those who are popular because of some attribute they can’t help, whether it is ability at something people admire, looks, or whatever thing that others want to be near. He’s going to have to do a lot of work to keep things respectful, because this kind of attention can go to your head. It also puts you into a difficult spot that has no easy answer. People are going to put expectations on him that he cannot possibly meet. His task will be to keep his integrity, his humilty and his respect for others. I think I’d just give him the heads-up to keep on the lookout for the temptations that come with popularity, and perhaps a few hints for staying grounded.

 

[Viki63]

Sordid language warning:

They actually kicked him?

He sounds innocent and like a wonderful young man.
I would talk to him about having girls as friends, and avoiding occasions of sin. Sad to say, there are some girls who are on the prowl. My second son ran into one, fell in infatuation, and it went downhill from there. Her father had given her an assortment of flavored condoms for her birthday.
When she dumped him, he was semi-suicidal.

I’m sure nothing like that could happen to your son, but you could warn him that not all girls are chaste. He’s at the age when hormones kick in, so avoiding being alone with a girl might be a good idea.

.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Through what I can only believe is the will of God and the Holy Spirit, my son finished 8th grade with straight A’s and is finished with home schooling (well, I will make him do summer reading and brush-ups). He is a pious young man who is still discerning a religious vocation. He has an order picked-out, but he is not that far along.

Here’s the spot we’re in. He’s a tall kid, and he’s (from what I’ve been told) handsome. He only recently figured out that the girls who stare and giggle at him in Church, whether he serves or not, are not making fun of him, but rather they like him or find him cute. He served last night and as he walked out of Church, there was a collective, “Hi____!” Insert name in blank.

He likes girls as friends. When a couple bolder ones tried to get his attention, he said he only wanted to be friends. Well, the girls kicked him because they didn’t like the answer.

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you and God bless!

My advice? Stay out of it. A young man needs to figure it out. Perhaps dad can help him and not appear too intrusive.

 

[Catholic1954]

Through what I can only believe is the will of God and the Holy Spirit, my son finished 8th grade with straight A’s and is finished with home schooling (well, I will make him do summer reading and brush-ups). He is a pious young man who is still discerning a religious vocation. He has an order picked-out, but he is not that far along.

Here’s the spot we’re in. He’s a tall kid, and he’s (from what I’ve been told) handsome. He only recently figured out that the girls who stare and giggle at him in Church, whether he serves or not, are not making fun of him, but rather they like him or find him cute. He served last night and as he walked out of Church, there was a collective, “Hi____!” Insert name in blank.

He likes girls as friends. When a couple bolder ones tried to get his attention, he said he only wanted to be friends. Well, the girls kicked him because they didn’t like the answer.

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you and God bless!

The last thing a guy wants is for his mom to get involved in his relationship with girls. Unless he has a specific question for you, step back and let him work it out.

 

[EasterJoy]

The last thing a guy wants is for his mom to get involved in his relationship with girls. Unless he has a specific question for you, step back and let him work it out.

My advice? Stay out of it. A young man needs to figure it out. Perhaps dad can help him and not appear too intrusive.

I’d agree that he’s reached the age where his mother should not give any unsolicited advice about young women. Set boundaries, yes, and teach him how she expects him to treat others, including young women, yes, but she should wait to be asked to give relationship advice, and even then she should carefully choose about 5% to say out of all the things she could think to say.

 

[angell1]

Through what I can only believe is the will of God and the Holy Spirit, my son finished 8th grade with straight A’s and is finished with home schooling (well, I will make him do summer reading and brush-ups). He is a pious young man who is still discerning a religious vocation. He has an order picked-out, but he is not that far along.

Here’s the spot we’re in. He’s a tall kid, and he’s (from what I’ve been told) handsome. He only recently figured out that the girls who stare and giggle at him in Church, whether he serves or not, are not making fun of him, but rather they like him or find him cute. He served last night and as he walked out of Church, there was a collective, “Hi____!” Insert name in blank.

He likes girls as friends. When a couple bolder ones tried to get his attention, he said he only wanted to be friends. Well, the girls kicked him because they didn’t like the answer.

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you and God bless!

I disagree,

just finished 8th grade, which means he is 13 or 14 years old. teenagers still need parental guidance.

so many of them end up in all kinds of messes because their parents thought they shouldn’t get involved, and in doing so, ended up teaching them nothing at all. so they just went with secular society values.

I don’t mean be opverly pushy or naggy type behaviour, but open, honest conversaitons with him are crucial. if you witnessed the girl kicking him, you can talk to him about it. ask him how he feels about that sort of thing. it’s really immature, if you want my opinion to kicksomeone for something like that

he’s still a kid, dating should be still in the relatively far future. tell him to focus on school or discerning the priesthood if that’s what he wants to do. it’s good that he is actively participating in church

 

[St_Francis]

Perhaps an indirect method would work best. Rather than talk about him, discuss an article or story about a young man who got into trouble somehow. Making the discussion about a third person, remembering to pray for him if he’s real, might make the discussions seem less like mother-son discussiins about the son.

 

[Anglewannabe]

What kind of advice are you looking for?

That what I was wondering. It seems pretty simple, he is not interested and they kicked him. He should just walk away.

Mind you I find it odd girls would approach a boy in church to flirt and then kick him:shrug:

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Through what I can only believe is the will of God and the Holy Spirit, my son finished 8th grade with straight A’s and is finished with home schooling (well, I will make him do summer reading and brush-ups). He is a pious young man who is still discerning a religious vocation. He has an order picked-out, but he is not that far along.

Here’s the spot we’re in. He’s a tall kid, and he’s (from what I’ve been told) handsome. He only recently figured out that the girls who stare and giggle at him in Church, whether he serves or not, are not making fun of him, but rather they like him or find him cute. He served last night and as he walked out of Church, there was a collective, “Hi____!” Insert name in blank.

He likes girls as friends. When a couple bolder ones tried to get his attention, he said he only wanted to be friends. Well, the girls kicked him because they didn’t like the answer.

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you and God bless!

I will try to list my responses. We mums have a bit of a struggle at this age too. Yes they still need our guidance, especially now.

1. He is or is about to hit puberty. Things are going to change.
   Does he interact with girls on a regular basis?
   If not, he has a bit of a hill to climb learning how to interact. One suggestion I have would depend on this.
2. He may or may not decide to continue discernment. He is young. The world might dazzle him for the duration of puberty. But that’s all good. Understand it’s normal, even for a touch of rebellion.
3. I think there is something a little lost in translation. Girls say hi, he responds with he only wants to be friends? That’s how I am reading it? What is missing that he gives such a strong dry response. Perhaps it was a response the girls did not understand either.

I don’t condone kicking.

Perhaps delve a bit deeper as to why his response was he only wanted to be friends. And start there.

 

[pianistclare]

Here’s the thing. You don’t have to have never dated a girl to get accepted in Seminary.
Some don’t, but really…he needs to sort this out on his own. I know plenty of married men with beautiful holy families who thought they wanted to be a priest when they grew up. Turns out there were pious young men and were called to marriage.
I also know priests whose parents talked about them becoming a priest from the time they could talk, and who entered the priesthood so as not to disappoint mom. This happened to one of our pastors, and it was a devastating exit from the priesthood. He suffered, the parish suffered, and he’s still not altogether at peace. And he was a great man. Beautiful homilies. Educated. But he wasn’t called to the priesthood. And he knew it. But still, his dad practically disowned him when it all came crashing down.

I am NOT saying that you are like this. What I AM saying is: let him be a regular teenager. Perhaps he’ll develop a crush on a girl at some point, it’s not the end of the world, nor is it the end of his vocation. He sounds like a polite, well mannered son. Bravo! Girls at that age can be aggressive, so he’ll have to learn to navigate that. But listen: even if he does enter seminary some day…he’ll still have women after him, even post ordination. This happens. I’m sure people on CAF can tell you stories about some woman who stalked the priest or seemed way too close…

The point it: there is little you can do about it. Pray for his purity no matter what avenue he pursues, and let God sort out the rest. He sounds wonderful mom, you’ve done a good job with him. I pray his high school years be fun and that his academic excellence continues.

 

[mommy_k]

My sons at that age would have said hi.

Because your son responded prematurely and,assumed they wanted to date him…he got your message about chastity. But the girls may have been shy and just wanted to say hi.

As parents, we,all think our children are wonderful and special, and that all girls want to date them…however high school will knock that special attitude right out. Your son will be one of many good looking tall straight a students, and he has to know this.

So no worries, your son will learn by trial and error You can guide and he has core teaching of chastity…let him the reins.

 

[Irishmom2]

My advice? Stay out of it. A young man needs to figure it out. Perhaps dad can help him and not appear too intrusive.

It’s obvious that many young men are not able to “figure it out” for themselves. They have no idea how to be a gentleman in all things.

Who better to teach a young man about how girls think than another female? Sometimes young men are blind to manipulating by young women because they are still awkward or flattered by the attention. Moms can instruct their sons on how to navigate their way around those situations better than their dad can.

Are you really suggesting that moms should just let their sons flounder about and find their own way when they are 13 years old? There are so many bad choices being dangled in front of them.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It’s obvious that many young men are not able to “figure it out” for themselves. They have no idea how to be a gentleman in all things.

Who better to teach a young man about how girls think than another female? Sometimes young men are blind to manipulating by young women because they are still awkward or flattered by the attention. Moms can instruct their sons on how to navigate their way around those situations better than their dad can.

Are you really suggesting that moms should just let their sons flounder about and find their own way when they are 13 years old? There are so many bad choices being dangled in front of them.

A dad is a powerful influence. Especially one that has been a teen.

 

[Irishmom2]

A dad is a powerful influence. Especially one that has been a teen.

I do not disagree with that. That is very important. The same sex parent plays a very important role in a child’s life. And the opposite sex parent also offers “the other side.”
That is why ideally, a child have both parents involved. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I do not disagree with that. That is very important. The same sex parent plays a very important role in a child’s life. And the opposite sex parent also offers “the other side.”
That is why ideally, a child have both parents involved. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

*sigh…

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I do not disagree with that. That is very important. The same sex parent plays a very important role in a child’s life. And the opposite sex parent also offers “the other side.”
That is why ideally, a child have both parents involved. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

I’m inclined to agree with HD in this case. The kid needs to know if he said or did something that was taken the wrong way, and how he should respond to girls in the future (both in conversation and if someone ever hits or kicks him again). This isn’t a question of what girls want or how they think, it’s about teaching a young man how to conduct himself.

Whether a mom can do this is beside the point because even an attempt on her part is going to make him feel awkward and will probably undermine his confidence.

 

[Irishmom2]

I’m inclined to agree with HD in this case. The kid needs to know if he said or did something that was taken the wrong way, and how he should respond to girls in the future (both in conversation and if someone ever hits or kicks him again). This isn’t a question of what girls want or how they think, it’s about teaching a young man how to conduct himself.

Whether a mom can do this is beside the point because even an attempt on her part is going to make him feel awkward and will probably undermine his confidence.

Well, I guess it all depends on the son then. Both of my sons appreciated my (name removed by moderator)ut and neither was made to feel awkward. Parents are able speak their children without doing so.

 

[Allegra]

Through what I can only believe is the will of God and the Holy Spirit, my son finished 8th grade with straight A’s and is finished with home schooling (well, I will make him do summer reading and brush-ups). He is a pious young man who is still discerning a religious vocation. He has an order picked-out, but he is not that far along.

Here’s the spot we’re in. He’s a tall kid, and he’s (from what I’ve been told) handsome. He only recently figured out that the girls who stare and giggle at him in Church, whether he serves or not, are not making fun of him, but rather they like him or find him cute. He served last night and as he walked out of Church, there was a collective, “Hi____!” Insert name in blank.

He likes girls as friends. When a couple bolder ones tried to get his attention, he said he only wanted to be friends. Well, the girls kicked him because they didn’t like the answer.

Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you and God bless!

Like, they LITERALLY kicked him?