Way Out?

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MiracleNeeded

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Some of you may be familiar with my situation. I will not repeat it here, but to sum it up, I am married and have two young children. He has cheated on me repeatedly and is an alcoholic. He is emotionally abusive to me and the children. I need a way out. I have been praying for a miracle, but many of you have told me to take action. The problem is that I have NO money. His family does have money. So, add that up, and divorce is not an option, because a public defender is no match for the team of attorneys his family would supply him with. My only concern here is the children, I can not allow them to grow up in this environment. Today, I finally got the courage to decide that nothing is worth this. So, I am now willing to leave everything, our nice home, family, friends, etc. Problem is, with no money, I have no way to take care of the kids or keep him from finding us. Is there any organization out there that can help us to get a new identity? I know this sounds crazy, but I am desperate!
 
I strongly recommend you consult with an attorney ASAP. You should not be charged for an initial consultation. You might also avail yourself of the counseling services provided by the battered women’s shelter in your county. It too can advise you of your rights. It also could give you and your children a place to stay.

You should write down all instances of abuse in a journal. This would include financial, physical, emotionally, psychological, medical, and sexual. If things have been broken in your home because of his outbursts, include those instances and photos if you have them. You do not have to be physically hit to get a restraining order. Check what you need with the shelter. I’m sure they’d talk to you anonymously on the phone.
 
What everyone else has said. There are definitely resources out there. Pray to God for help and he will send it to you. Do you have a friend or family member you and the kids can stay with for now?

Please be very careful. Someone like him is likely to flip out if he finds out you’re thinking about leaving. Definitely talk to an attorney to make sure he can’t use anything against you later (like if he tries to say you kidnapped the kids or something). Prayers for you.
 
Thank you for your comments.
To respond: I live in a rural area, so there are no battered women’s resources. No, consultations with attorneys in my area are not free. And, yes, he might flip out. I can not leave unless there is a real way out.
 
Firstly, I’m so very sorry for what you’ve been through. I am glad to hear that you have found the strength to remove yourself and your children from an awful situation. It’s never easy and what you’re doing is incredible. As a side note, my father was emotionally and physically abusive to me, and I will forever be grateful to my mother for getting me out of there. I assume your children will feel the same and be a lot better for it.

Do you have the ability to take a bus, train, or get a friend/family member to drive you to a women’s shelter in another town? I note that you live in a rural place, but I’m obviously not sure how far away you are from other towns. If you can find a shelter close to you they may be able to organise transport for you and your children to the shelter. If they can, they will do so in a way that won’t raise your husband’s suspicions (may call posing as one of your friends, will only come when the coast is clear etc). Even if the closest shelter is too far away it would be worthwhile calling them and asking for some advice. While they might not be able to help you in regards to a place to stay, they will no doubt be able to offer you advice and contacts that may help you further.

Family and friends are a good support network. Contact ones you know you can trust not to talk about it and see if you can stay with them. The police are also another organisation you can reach out to, as they often have an officer who deals with domestic violence issues on staff (even if they don’t a regular officer will be able to assist you). Do a Google search for organisations in your state/county/applicable area that help people in your situation. If you need help clearing your internet history so your husband doesn’t find out that you’ve been looking at them, I’d be more than happy to help (there are also many guides online). My mother, sister and I never went to a church for assistance so I’m not sure what they offer, but talking to a trusted person there could help. If you have a community health centre, they often provide assistance to women and children in need of a safe haven.

Once you are safe, aicirt’s suggestion of documenting the abuse is a good idea. Take that documentation with you to the police station and take out a restraining order. I’m not sure where you’re from, but when my mother took out one against my father she did so on the basis of the emotional abuse towards her (my father never laid a hand on my mother, it was only me) and it covered both my sister and I. This is important for two reasons: one, it deters your husband from coming near you and two, it shows the courts that your husband has a history of violence towards you and your children. They will take this into account in the future when deciding custody. Again, I am unsure of where you are in the world or how old your children are, but the courts also take into account who the children want to stay with and I believe older children have a big say in who they stay with.

You will not be trapped in this situation forever. While the ways out may not be apparent right now, there are resources and organisations out there for you to access. Once you’re out of there, please try to access some sort of counselling or therapy if you feel you need it. It can be a life saver.

Stay safe.
 
MiracleNeeded said:
Some of you may be familiar with my situation. I will not repeat it here, but to sum it up, I am married and have two young children. He has cheated on me repeatedly and is an alcoholic. He is emotionally abusive to me and the children. I need a way out. I have been praying for a miracle, but many of you have told me to take action. The problem is that I have NO money. His family does have money. So, add that up, and divorce is not an option, because a public defender is no match for the team of attorneys his family would supply him with. My only concern here is the children, I can not allow them to grow up in this environment. Today, I finally got the courage to decide that nothing is worth this. So, I am now willing to leave everything, our nice home, family, friends, etc. Problem is, with no money, I have no way to take care of the kids or keep him from finding us. Is there any organization out there that can help us to get a new identity? I know this sounds crazy, but I am desperate!
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I too live in a rural area, but there are resources in the larger cities and towns, you just have to look really hard, they are meant to stay somewhat hidden.
Surely there are cities within 100 miles of you, even if they are small? Do a google search - call ALL of the national abuse hotlines… There is always a chance that someone will take you, even far away!

May God be with you!!
 
MiracleNeeded said:
Thank you for your comments.
To respond: I live in a rural area, so there are no battered women’s resources. No, consultations with attorneys in my area are not free. And, yes, he might flip out. I can not leave unless there is a real way out.
Click to expand...
MiracleNeeded, I am praying for you.

Go to your county’s or state’s bar association website, and look for something called attorney referral. They also have services to help those with financial difficulties. This will get you in contact with a lawyer, hopefully for free. The lawyer can then hopefully get you other help.
 
Here is a link that might be helpful to you.🙂

www.thehotline.org

I grew up in an abusive home and I know how scared you and your children are.

I will keep you and your little ones in my prayers.

The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want
He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside still waters
He RESTORES my soul…:crossrc::angel1::gopray::byzsoc:

Saint Michael please protect this family!:knight2:
 
Been where you’re at. You’ve got a long, hard road ahead of you but you CAN make it. Lots of great advice here.

I’ll pray for you. :hug1:
 
I know from your other thread that you are well educated and hard working. After leaving your husband, you will definitely need employment. The best “way out” is to find a job before you leave. Once you have a job, more and better choices will be clear.
 
I’m sorry it has come to this.
I’ve been there- as a child- and it is scary! If you coud find a decent -paying job first it would certainly be easiest. Apply anywhere, Alaska if necessary. Get your resume out there and try to arrange Skype interviews. Once you have something promising, contact the catholic parish/diocese in that area and ask for help until your first pay check.

You can also do it the other way, start contacting Catholic parishes and agencies and see what they can do for you. If they say go, go and worry about the job afterwards.
Motion creates motion. Start calling and looking and doors will open, I promise.

May the Lord and His Angels accompany you. Stay strong! This is for your well-being and the well-being of your children andnyou WILL make it through
 
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