We already have a baby and three other children--does the Church say it's okay for us to offer up our next baby for adoption?

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I can say that our last baby has been pretty tough on the both of us as we are getting older now and have no family in the area to help.

Is there any official Catholic Church teaching about Catholics offering their child up for adoption?

We would probably work though Catholic Charities or someone like that who would provide Catholic folks to adopt the baby. But I am curious as to any requirements.

Any comments are welcome except for ones like “HOW could you do THAT??”. We realize that the Lord doesn’t give you more than you can handle, but perhaps all that we can handle is carrying the baby to term and then letting him or her bless another family.
 
You should consult with your priest on this and with a counselor at Catholic Charities.

There might be very real situations when the best thing for a child is placement for adoption. However, there are options other than permanent adoption and Catholic Charities can discuss them with you. Temporary fostering could be a solution for you if you are currently struggling.

It is certainly not part of God’s plan for families that they would be separated and give their children away to be raised by others (the Bible and the Church talk only about the blessing of children and the parents’ responsibility toward raising their child). But, sometimes it is necessary to have another arrangement, and those who receive those children lovingly are doing a great act of charity.

I would hope that you discern this with your **priest **and a **counselor **very carefully.
 
A good friend of mine along with her husband adopted 2 children as infants 13 and 17 years ago. One was from a single mother, but the other was from a family that had raised several children and decided they just couldn’t handle a baby.

They do keep in contact with both birth mothers. The kids are wonderful. The adopting family is Catholic, but I have no idea if the birth parents are or not.
 
Catholic Charities place children with families regardless of the religion of that family.

I would suggest you speak to your priest.
 
Bait or not:

It is not intrinsically evil to give your child to someone who could be struggling with infertility.

Why is it OK - and sometimes even advised here - for unwed mothers to give their kids up, but not for a married couple?

Perhaps you could specify that you’d like your kid to go to a Catholic family?

Bait or not, praying for you.
 
I would talk to a priest, but if it is frowned upon or goes against the teachings of the CC, would there be extended family members who would be will to take the child in?
 
Litcrit said:
Bait or not:

It is not intrinsically evil to give your child to someone who could be struggling with infertility.

Why is it OK - and sometimes even advised here - for unwed mothers to give their kids up, but not for a married couple?

Perhaps you could specify that you’d like your kid to go to a Catholic family?

Bait or not, praying for you.
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Well, normally, wouldn’t an unwed mother giving her child up for adoption, most likely not have any other children in her care?(the majority of the time). I just wonder what kind of a message this would give to the child’s siblings. How would it make them feel to see their mother and father giving away one of their siblings?
 
*Bait or not:

It is not intrinsically evil to give your child to someone who could be struggling with infertility.

Why is it OK - and sometimes even advised here - for unwed mothers to give their kids up, but not for a married couple?

Perhaps you could specify that you’d like your kid to go to a Catholic family?

Bait or not, praying for you.*

Litcrit: I thank you very much!! Prayers are needed here!!

Again my question is regarding official Church teaching. I would think that there are legitimate yet different points of view on something like this, but I am wondering what the licit options would be. So far no one has provided any current canon law or catechism text prohibiting a Catholic couple from offering their child to another family. Also, I do appreciate the comments so far!

And, yes, we personally would have great difficulty offering the child to any people who were not faithful Catholics. I understand that most adoption agencies such as Catholic Charities allow the birth parents to choose the adopting family. 👍

I don’t know what is meant by “bait” by the way. I hoped this would be a rather straightforward question. Please forgive me if it was presented otherwise.

In Christ.
 
Counseling would be advised, as your children may become frightened, wondering if they will also be given away.

Prayers that you and your wife will find the peace of God.
 
Why is it OK - and sometimes even advised here - for unwed mothers to give their kids up, but not for a married couple?
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SIMPLE: because it is not the VOCATION of a single person to be open to life and to be the first teachers of their children. It IS theVOCATION of married couples to be open to life, to raise their children in the faith and to provide for them.

Now, if that is absolutely impossible, it may be the only option for the wellbeing of the child. But if there is any way possible for the child to remain with the married parents and he doesn’t, a profound assault to the vocation of marriage has occurred.

and what do you tell the other children, “we… uh… just couldn’t take care of that one, but we’ll be keeping you”…?

for the record, looks like baiting to me, too.
 
How old are you both? How many children do you have? How does your spouse feel about this idea?

From personal experience I can say that just when you think there is absolutely no way you’re going to get through another day, if you pray sincerely and reach out to people, you will find help. It may come in the most unlikely form.

Adopting a child out is the extreme option (if it is a true option, which I cannot say). I would begin by contacting your parish office about resources for struggling families. I can guarantee that somewhere in your community right now is someone who would gladly volunteer their time to help you care for a new little one. They might even volunteer to cook and clean, or watch the other children so you can take care of the infant.

If what you really need it lots of support, don’t be proud, just reach out to your local Catholic community, even if you’ve never met them before. Call priests and charities and friends and neighbors and lay it all out on the table. I promise you the Christian faithful in your community will find a way to keep a child from being turned out of his own family.
 
I just have to say…I really enjoy this forum, but I think it is really irritating for people to accuse others of “baiting” just because they ask a question that seems a little bit odd.

Maybe this person isn’t sincere, but maybe they are - no one here knows what exactly is in their heart. Instead of assuming the worst in people, and accusing them of something on a public forum, why not just refrain from answering their post? If you think they aren’t sincere, then just ignore the post, rather than saying something uncharitable. Sincere or not, everyone can use a kind word or a prayer, as opposed to an accusation.

Sometimes I’m reluctant to ask questions or make comments on here because I’ve seen the replies from some of the “regulars”…that isn’t the way one should feel on a Catholic forum.
 
sydney28 said:
I just have to say…I really enjoy this forum, but I think it is really irritating for people to accuse others of “baiting” just because they ask a question that seems a little bit odd.

Maybe this person isn’t sincere, but maybe they are - no one here knows what exactly is in their heart. Instead of assuming the worst in people, and accusing them of something on a public forum, why not just refrain from answering their post? If you think they aren’t sincere, then just ignore the post, rather than saying something uncharitable. Sincere or not, everyone can use a kind word or a prayer, as opposed to an accusation.

Sometimes I’m reluctant to ask questions or make comments on here because I’ve seen the replies from some of the “regulars”…that isn’t the way one should feel on a Catholic forum.
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AMEN.
 
RAGGANDI said:
AMEN.
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Thanks for your support. 🙂

I can ASSURE you that I am sincere.

Before posting this question, I spent a few hours searching the Internet for sites faithful to the Magisterium which clearly spell out the answer but found none.

We adhere to ALL authentic Church teaching and I simply want to understand the legitimate options regarding this most delicate situation.

In today’s society, each of us can easily find people who have violated Church teaching regarding birth control/sterilization. Some later in life deeply regret those decisions, confess their sins, and return to a state of grace. They may have newfound zeal for our Faith and plenty of time, energy, and resources. However, they may still be faced with the physical ramifications of being unable to conceive. Perhaps this child would be better off in that type of family–just as an example.

In Christ.
 
GScott, I’m sorry to question the sincerity of your initial post.

Please consider my response with more goodwill than I initially gave your question:
It IS theVOCATION of married couples to be open to life, to raise their children in the faith and to provide for them.
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Unless you or your wife is profoundly unable to care for another child, you must remain consistent with your vocation. Unless there is extreme sickness, abuse or the most abject poverty, your child will not be ‘better off’ with others. S/he will be better off with his/her parents, relying on God’s awesome grace together, as a family.

If a married couple did choose adoption for their own child, it would only seem consistent that the couple remain sexually abstinent from that time forward. How can they justify the marital embrace when they’re so adamantly opposed to or unable to provide for another child?

Finally, I repeat emphatically: the profoundly negative psycological impact this would have on your other children cannot be exagerated. This decision would devestate them, undermine their confidence in you and shake the foundations of what they believe is ‘family’.
 
monicatholic said:
GScott, I’m sorry to question the sincerity of your initial post.

Please consider my response with more goodwill than I initially gave your question:

Unless you or your wife is profoundly unable to care for another child, you must remain consistent with your vocation. Unless there is extreme sickness, abuse or the most abject poverty, your child will not be ‘better off’ with others. S/he will be better off with his/her parents, relying on God’s awesome grace together, as a family.

If a married couple did choose adoption for their own child, it would only seem consistent that the couple remain sexually abstinent from that time forward. How can they justify the marital embrace when they’re so adamantly opposed to or unable to provide for another child?

Finally, I repeat emphatically: the profoundly negative psycological impact this would have on your other children cannot be exagerated. This decision would devestate them, undermine their confidence in you and shake the foundations of what they believe is ‘family’.
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I appreciate your comments 🙂
Peace
 
sydney28 said:
I just have to say…I really enjoy this forum, but I think it is really irritating for people to accuse others of “baiting” just because they ask a question that seems a little bit odd. I’ll come back to you on that when you have several thousand posts under your belt here. You have not participated in that many posts at this point. I have been baited more than once. Yes, I am cautious, and yes, if I think there is baiting, I will say something. It is NOT against CAF rules, after all.
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GScottB said:
Again my question is regarding official Church teaching. I would think that there are legitimate yet different points of view on something like this, but I am wondering what the licit options would be. So far no one has provided any current canon law or catechism text prohibiting a Catholic couple from offering their child to another family. Also, I do appreciate the comments so far! Because there isn’t any.

However- If you are looking for information as to whether or not you should do this, you are better off first talking to your priest, then perhaps Catholic Charities. You don’t give enough information as to whether or not this is your fifth or your second child, if there is a child on the way, if it is a matter of income or stress level or what. So, we have no way of knowing. There are many things that can be done to assist a couple with financial as well as emotional burdens of children, before considering adopting them out. As monicacatholic pointed out, your other children will be effected by this, and it’s kind of hard to hide Mom’s expanding midsection from the family. You also have to consider what it will do to your wife and you as a couple.

I don’t know what is meant by “bait” by the way. I hoped this would be a rather straightforward question. Please forgive me if it was presented otherwise. Baiting occurs when somebody comes in- usually a teenager with nothing better to do, or a non-Catholic who is trying to stir trouble- and posts something that causes shock and then wild postings, just to see what people will say. These include the famous “Meat on Friday crossing the International Dateline” question, as well as threads regarding Catholics as canibals for their belief in the Eucharist and the like. Then, there was the guy who lied to us all here about being a paraplegic living with his parents who wanted him to marry, and he couldn’t consummate any marriage. His parents were also allegedly non-Catholic, and would not allow the priest in the front door so he could go to confession and receive the Eucharist. He was lying, big time, a kid, and his parents made him get online and apologize.

You have to admit- In most circumstances, yours is an unusual question.
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