We already have a baby and three other children--does the Church say it's okay for us to offer up our next baby for adoption?

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OutinChgoburbs said:
Originally Posted by sydney28
I just have to say…I really enjoy this forum, but I think it is really irritating for people to accuse others of “baiting” just because they ask a question that seems a little bit odd. I’ll come back to you on that when you have several thousand posts under your belt here. You have not participated in that many posts at this point. I have been baited more than once. Yes, I am cautious, and yes, if I think there is baiting, I will say something. It is NOT against CAF rules, after all.
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I’m not sure why your 5000+ posts make you an expert on what is or isn’t in peoples’ hearts when they post a question. Only God knows that… And just because it isn’t “against the rules” doesn’t mean that it is a charitable or kind way to act when you are representing the Catholic church. As I mentioned before, why not just ignore the posts that you think aren’t sincere? Ever heard of “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?”
 
sydney28 said:
I’m not sure why your 5000+ posts make you an expert on what is or isn’t in peoples’ hearts when they post a question. Only God knows that… And just because it isn’t “against the rules” doesn’t mean that it is a charitable or kind way to act when you are representing the Catholic church. That is largely your opinion. Sometimes, it is better to call it as one sees it, for the sake of charity. And I don’t represent the Catholic Church in these posts- and neither do you. It is only MY opinion I give, unless I directly quote. As I mentioned before, why not just ignore the posts that you think aren’t sincere? Ever heard of “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?” Well then- why don’t you follow your own advice? I explained why I put up a “bait alert” above. Perhaps you could read it. I did not shoot down your advice. I did not shoot down anybody’s advice. I first said I smelled baiting, then gave my opinion. I’m also known for posting out Old Thread alerts. If you have a complaint, take it to the mods. Meanwhile, I’ve placed you on “Ignore” so I won’t offend you further.
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OutinChgoburbs:
Well, if the final answer is “there isn’t any Church teaching” regarding my question, then by default it becomes a legitimate option. The point is that I don’t want to waste my time & energy considering an “option” which I know is a mortal sin.

Whether we should do it is quite another matter and as you (and others) have pointed out, our parish priest and Catholic Charities for example would be consulted. Obviously there are a variety of personal circumstances which go into such a decision which I would rather save for the priest and counselor.

As to the baiting, I now understand your caution but don’t really see the need to accuse me of it outright. But I suppose that’s a personal preference.

People can ask legitimate questions on behalf of others, etc. They can also try to learn more about their faith through this type of forum. Of course abusers like those people you described need to be disciplined as they are wasting people’s valuable time and energy.

But in the end, yes, I can agree that my question is rather unusual.
 
OP–several posters have inquired as to more detail in the situation, and you have refused to give any. This also makes one question your authenticity. Basic info, such as: are you and your spouse both practicing Catholics, how long have you been married, how many children do you have, is your wife even pregnant now, what are the circumstances that would make you think of such a drastic option, etc, need to be answered before any real advice can be given.
You did get excellent advice about the vocation of marriage and it’s responsibilities, and basically ignored it, seemingly in search of a different response. Very unusual indeed.
Without any further info, it is almost impossible to assume that adoption would be a proper response to the blessing of a child in your marriage. There are MYRIADS of support services available, both public and private, to assist families in need. Everyone knows that. So what could be so horrible that you could not continue to parent one child, while doing so for another? You leave far too many questions unanswered for anyone to be able to advise you properly, if your situation is real to begin with.
 
Good post. Thank you, Tammy!👍

By the by, OP- Long before your question came up, say the turn of the 20th century, it was not unusual for a family who could not afford children to place one or more in an orphanage in the United States, which left them up for adoption.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
Originally Posted by sydney28
I’m not sure why your 5000+ posts make you an expert on what is or isn’t in peoples’ hearts when they post a question. Only God knows that… And just because it isn’t “against the rules” doesn’t mean that it is a charitable or kind way to act when you are representing the Catholic church. That is largely your opinion. Sometimes, it is better to call it as one sees it, for the sake of charity. And I don’t represent the Catholic Church in these posts- and neither do you. It is only MY opinion I give, unless I directly quote. As I mentioned before, why not just ignore the posts that you think aren’t sincere? Ever heard of “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?” Well then- why don’t you follow your own advice? I explained why I put up a “bait alert” above. Perhaps you could read it. I did not shoot down your advice. I did not shoot down anybody’s advice. I first said I smelled baiting, then gave my opinion. I’m also known for posting out Old Thread alerts. If you have a complaint, take it to the mods. Meanwhile, I’ve placed you on “Ignore” so I won’t offend you further.
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All I was trying to say was that NO ONE knows whether someone is being sincere or not, and to greet someone’s first post here with a “I smell a baiter” or “looks like a troll” or something of the like, could be enough to turn away a future member of our church. Even if it is a bored teenager or an anti-Catholic, your response is a perfect opportunity to witness Christ to that person - regardless of their intention in posting. Of course, I guess you won’t be reading this, since you are “ignoring” me now 🙂

My apologies to the OP for de-railing your thread. I just felt like you were being treated a bit unfairly by a few, and yours is definitely not the first “odd” question to be asked on here that garnered similar responses from some of the “regulars”

Prayers for you and your situation!
 
sydney28 said:
All I was trying to say was that NO ONE knows whether someone is being sincere or not, and to greet someone’s first post here with a “I smell a baiter” or “looks like a troll” or something of the like, could be enough to turn away a future member of our church. Even if it is a bored teenager or an anti-Catholic, your response is a perfect opportunity to witness Christ to that person - regardless of their intention in posting. Of course, I guess you won’t be reading this, since you are “ignoring” me now 🙂

My apologies to the OP for de-railing your thread. I just felt like you were being treated a bit unfairly by a few, and yours is definitely not the first “odd” question to be asked on here that garnered similar responses from some of the “regulars”

Prayers for you and your situation!
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Sydney, I can completely see where you are coming from. Yes, baiting happens, yes, we do have trolls among us. BUT in the interest of Christian charity I think a nicely worded “we don’t have enough info to go on, or your question is really unusual” would send the message to any authentic trolls that we are on to them while soliciting further info from the genuine posters.

To the OP… I don’t understand what kind of situation you could find yourself in that would have you even contemplating giving up a child. It is a tough choice for unwed teenage mothers and many cannot follow through, so to be considering it in a marriage while you have other children is certainly… odd. I would never give up any future children that my hubby and I are blessed with. If God has decided that we are to be him/her’s parents than I trust His judgment.
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Adoption is a beautiful thing. Adopted children, statistically, do very well in life. I think if another child is more than your family can handle, there is certainly nothing in church teaching that says you mustn’t place that child for adoption. I do think you need to take into account the thoughts and feelings of your other children. This could be very hard on them.
 
Since many of the pros and cons have been discussed and thinking what a difficult and selfless decision it must be esp. for the parents when they have no other choice , just wanted to share the warm memories of one of the best priests , who used to joyfully talk about him being an adopted child !

Well, at one level, every one of our children who primarily belong to God is ’ given’ to us for temporary care , to bring them up for God …and if that process can start while the baby is even in the womb, and if that is the best the parents are able to do , then trusting in God to do the rest has to be good and right !

Then again, as mentoned in many posts , our God is a God of compassion and miracles too - there is Moses whose mother was courageous to take on a life endangerign act of fidelity …he was given back to his mother for a while and then instrumental for much good in God’s hands !

Peace !
 
Sometimes the LACK of charity on this board stymies me. :eek:

The OP clearly states in the TITLE of the thread that they have 4 children. They are obviously Catholic, because he spoke of using Catholic Charities and is posting to a Catholic board. The OP only wanted to know if there were any Canon Laws or Magisterial Church teachings against a married couple offering a child for adoption. What more info do you really need?

The advice to contact your priest and perhaps a couselor would be wise. Catholic Charities offers a wide variety of help for families.

Dear OP, I apologize on behalf of those Catholics on this board who feel the need to jump to conclusions and not apologize. We are not all like that here.
 
GScottB said:
Well, if the final answer is “there isn’t any Church teaching” regarding my question, then by default it becomes a legitimate option. The point is that I don’t want to waste my time & energy considering an “option” which I know is a mortal sin.

Whether we should do it is quite another matter and as you (and others) have pointed out, our parish priest and Catholic Charities for example would be consulted. Obviously there are a variety of personal circumstances which go into such a decision which I would rather save for the priest and counselor.

As to the baiting, I now understand your caution but don’t really see the need to accuse me of it outright. But I suppose that’s a personal preference.

People can ask legitimate questions on behalf of others, etc. They can also try to learn more about their faith through this type of forum. Of course abusers like those people you described need to be disciplined as they are wasting people’s valuable time and energy.

But in the end, yes, I can agree that my question is rather unusual.
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Yes, it is a highly unusual question. May I make a suggestion? Go to the experts! Contact Catholic Answers directly.Catholic Answers
Apologetics Department
2020 Gillespie Way
El Cajon, CA 92020
Apologetics Department
619-387-7200
Monday–Friday, 9 AM–5 PM, Pacific

Wouldn’t you agree that this matter is far too important to leave up to the discussions of the laity? Surely some trained apologist out there has the answer. And if they don’t, your priest or bishop can certainly help. But I doubt you’re going to find the precise information you seek on this thread.

Prayers for your little one,

Mary
 
Because this thread has gotten so far off-topic with several posters taking it upon themselves to question the authenticity of the OP, this thread is now closed.

OP, you are welcome to begin a new thread.

For future reference, questioning the authenticity of a poster is indeed against forum rules, as it violates basic charity guidelines. If you are concerned about the veracity of someone’s story, then don’t waste your time by participating. But insulting other people is never appropriate for CAF.
 
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