"We don't do that at school"

[Tired_Mama]

So it’s happened. Our 3 year DD has finally noticed that what we do at home isn’t the same as what she does at school (secular private Montessori school). We’ve been working on getting her to cross herself before we eat. Last night I remind her before she eats her Macaroni and Cheese and she tells me “we don’t do that at school.”

The plan is for me to stop working and homeschooling although I’m not sure when that will happen.

I had no idea what to say to DD. What do you tell your kids when they realize there is a conflict between what is done in their Catholic home and what is done in a secular (public or private) school?

This being a Montessori school, they have a little song they sing before they eat that ends with “thank you for our food.” Of course there’s no reference to who they are thanking.

 

[bluerose]

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving!

Perhaps it’s time to teach her that she doesn’t stop being Catholic once she walks out the door. Do you all say grace and cross yourselves when you eat out (even if it’s McDonald’s?) If so, it should be easy to tell her that she should be doing it at school as well.

If you’re concerned about her being questioned or ostracized, then perhaps you need to make sure the teachers understand that this is what you do in your family and you expect them to make sure she is free to do so without fear of being bullied.

 

[Elisabeth51]

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving!

Perhaps it’s time to teach her that she doesn’t stop being Catholic once she walks out the door. Do you all say grace and cross yourselves when you eat out (even if it’s McDonald’s?) If so, it should be easy to tell her that she should be doing it at school as well.

If you’re concerned about her being questioned or ostracized, then perhaps you need to make sure the teachers understand that this is what you do in your family and you expect them to make sure she is free to do so without fear of being bullied.

I agree.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So it’s happened. Our 3 year DD has finally noticed that what we do at home isn’t the same as what she does at school (secular private Montessori school). We’ve been working on getting her to cross herself before we eat. Last night I remind her before she eats her Macaroni and Cheese and she tells me “we don’t do that at school.”

The plan is for me to stop working and homeschooling although I’m not sure when that will happen.

I had no idea what to say to DD. What do you tell your kids when they realize there is a conflict between what is done in their Catholic home and what is done in a secular (public or private) school?

This being a Montessori school, they have a little song they sing before they eat that ends with “thank you for our food.” Of course there’s no reference to who they are thanking.

“You’re right, dear little daughter, you don’t do that at school. That is why we are going to put you into Catholic school next year, and then Mommy will stay at home and you will go to school at home!”



Problem solved. Montessori schools aren’t cheap. Catholic schools are better all around, and she will be learning the rudiments of the faith right away.

 

[maryjk]

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving!

Perhaps it’s time to teach her that she doesn’t stop being Catholic once she walks out the door. Do you all say grace and cross yourselves when you eat out (even if it’s McDonald’s?) If so, it should be easy to tell her that she should be doing it at school as well.

If you’re concerned about her being questioned or ostracized, then perhaps you need to make sure the teachers understand that this is what you do in your family and you expect them to make sure she is free to do so without fear of being bullied.

I agree with this.

While it would be nice to put your daughter in a Catholic school, if where you live is anywhere like here, there just aren’t any. We have a Montessori school down the street. But the nearest Catholic school is 45 miles away.

 

[Tired_Mama]

Catholic schools are only good if they are Catholic. A secular school is better than a Catholic in name only school. At least a secular school doesn’t attempt to teach religion. A Catholic in name only school says what it teaches is Catholicism. As Archbishop Sheen said “If you want your kids to defend their Faith send them to a public school, if you want them to lose their Faith send them to a Catholic School.”

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Catholic schools are only good if they are Catholic. A secular school is better than a Catholic in name only school. At least a secular school doesn’t attempt to teach religion. A Catholic in name only school says what it teaches is Catholicism. As Archbishop Sheen said “If you want your kids to defend their Faith send them to a public school, if you want them to lose their Faith send them to a Catholic School.”

She’s 3 years old. The school isn’t going to tear down her faith at that level. She will say grace before meals, color religious pictures, and be reminded to be nice to her classmates. 3 year olds are given the front pews of the chapel when they attend (not all schools allow them to attend Mass) so they can see and hopefully learn to sit quietly and stand, kneel when appropriate. That’s about it.

Otherwise, get prepared and homeschool her as soon as possible.

 

[mcw013]

So it’s happened. Our 3 year DD has finally noticed that what we do at home isn’t the same as what she does at school (secular private Montessori school). We’ve been working on getting her to cross herself before we eat. Last night I remind her before she eats her Macaroni and Cheese and she tells me “we don’t do that at school.”

The plan is for me to stop working and homeschooling although I’m not sure when that will happen.

I had no idea what to say to DD. What do you tell your kids when they realize there is a conflict between what is done in their Catholic home and what is done in a secular (public or private) school?

This being a Montessori school, they have a little song they sing before they eat that ends with “thank you for our food.” Of course there’s no reference to who they are thanking.

This might not be what you want to hear, but I often do not cross myself in public, especially in restaurants or bars etc. I however will clasp my hands together in an inconspicous way, say a silent prayer, and cross myself mentally. Then I consume my food or drink or whatever. When I am home I will physically cross myself. Maybe you should encourage your daugheter to do something like this, she will eventually follow the crowd sooner or later, and a mental crossing of yourself in public is better than none. Homeschooling is not the best option either, it causes kids to have social problems later on, if it is not done properly.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This might not be what you want to hear, but I often do not cross myself in public, especially in restaurants or bars etc. I however will clasp my hands together in an inconspicous way, say a silent prayer, and cross myself mentally. Then I consume my food or drink or whatever. When I am home I will physically cross myself. Maybe you should encourage your daugheter to do something like this, she will eventually follow the crowd sooner or later, and a mental crossing of yourself in public is better than none. Homeschooling is not the best option either, it causes kids to have social problems later on, if it is not done properly.

Homeschooling does not cause social problems. I won’t get into a side argument but universities actively recruit homeschooled students because they are some of the best-prepared and grounded students a college could wish for.

One answer to the question, “But what about socializing?” goes like this.

“Yes, we were worried about our son’s socialization outside of institutionalized school. So every day, we take him into the bathroom, lock the door, beat him up and steal his lunch money.”



A little humorous but with a LARGE grain of truth.

 

[Kelfa28]

This might not be what you want to hear, but I often do not cross myself in public, especially in restaurants or bars etc. I however will clasp my hands together in an inconspicous way, say a silent prayer, and cross myself mentally. Then I consume my food or drink or whatever. When I am home I will physically cross myself. Maybe you should encourage your daugheter to do something like this, she will eventually follow the crowd sooner or later, and a mental crossing of yourself in public is better than none. Homeschooling is not the best option either, it causes kids to have social problems later on, if it is not done properly.

Never mind the fact that many, many home schooled children link up with other home schooled children for activities and group classes.

I used to lifeguard at the YMCA and we’d have several home school groups come in to swim together during the day.

Plus, Home schooled children and usually very, very bright and far ahead of their peers in public school and private school.

To the OP…explain that there are things that school teach and things that mommy teaches. Mommy teaches us to say thanks to God and make the sign of the cross before meals and it’s important to give God thanks everyday…even if you are the only one that does.

 

[Richard320]

I don’t see a problem here. When I was little, I’d see the neighbors go to church, too. When I asked my mom why we didn’t see them at Mass, she just said, “Because they go to a different church.” At the time, I didn’t even know there were different religions - I thought she just meant a different physical church building!

A family around the corner had a huge family bash, and they were all jabbering away in some language I didn’t understand. So I asked about it and my mom simply said, “They talk like that because they’re Mexican.” It meant nothing to me except that Mexicans talked different.

Just tell her “We do this at home because we’re Catholic.” Is it really any different than teaching her that it’s okay to run around barefoot at home, but not in church?

 

[cmscms]

Can I ever sympathyse with DD. When I was a kid, I went to a Catholic schools and there were occasions we had to go to mass. I remember being one of the only kids who knew how to follow along. When it came time to bow my head, the girl beside me asked what I was doing. I told her ‘What we are suppose to do’ To which she replied ‘No, I don’t do it’. I went home confused because deep down I was humiliated defend myself and she appear to have no problem defending herself. At least that is what it appeared like in my childlike mind. I told my father and he said in a stern voice ‘You bow your head’. Well… at least I had it easier than my brother, when he bowed his head the kid beside him elbowed him and screamed ‘Wake up’

Now that I am older, this is my recommendation, even though I am not sure it will totally resgister with a 3 year old. I would simply say ‘Different people have different religions. We are a Catholic family and this is how we practice our faith. Some families do things differently and that is their right. In our home, or when eating with mommy and daddy, you will be expected to cross yourself. It would be nice if you did this at school but that is your decision to choose’

Forcing her to cross herself when you are not around could potentially make her humiliated and she will just learn to not do it and not tell mommy. I think over something like grace before a meal, it is best to let her know ‘It is ok to tell mommy what you have been up to behind her back’. She is too young to start to learn to hide her behavour from you.

CM

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t see a problem here. When I was little, I’d see the neighbors go to church, too. When I asked my mom why we didn’t see them at Mass, she just said, “Because they go to a different church.” At the time, I didn’t even know there were different religions - I thought she just meant a different physical church building!

A family around the corner had a huge family bash, and they were all jabbering away in some language I didn’t understand. So I asked about it and my mom simply said, “They talk like that because they’re Mexican.” It meant nothing to me except that Mexicans talked different.

Just tell her “We do this at home because we’re Catholic.” Is it really any different than teaching her that it’s okay to run around barefoot at home, but not in church?

A good response!

 

[englishredrose]

She will learn to copy you by what you all do at home and make her choices in other settings. Take her to a child friendly cafe/eating places and quietly do it whilst you are out so that she knows it okay to do so when she is out and about too as she may be perceiving it only something one does at home. She will either literally copy or choose not to and ignore it if she chooses not to because by drawing attention to her not doing so may be just her way of gaining behavioural control/attention over mamma rather than the real purpose of the action.

Is it a sin not to do it? I don’t know so you’ll have to tell me there if it is wrong not to do sign of the cross before eating? If its not a sin and it is your own personal choice then you will have to tread very carefully and make it attractive for her to want to copy and accept if she chooses not to do so even though you really want her to. If it is a sin then you can explain the consequences to her about not doing so.

You are wanting her to copy you because you all say its the Catholic to do. So that is your answer to her when she says 'we dont do that at school" As realjulianne as pointed out - “you do it because you are Catholic”. And you are not affraid to show you are Catholic.

 

[Rence]

So it’s happened. Our 3 year DD has finally noticed that what we do at home isn’t the same as what she does at school (secular private Montessori school). We’ve been working on getting her to cross herself before we eat. Last night I remind her before she eats her Macaroni and Cheese and she tells me “we don’t do that at school.”

The plan is for me to stop working and homeschooling although I’m not sure when that will happen.

I had no idea what to say to DD. What do you tell your kids when they realize there is a conflict between what is done in their Catholic home and what is done in a secular (public or private) school?

This being a Montessori school, they have a little song they sing before they eat that ends with “thank you for our food.” Of course there’s no reference to who they are thanking.

What I was told as a child was: “Well we do that here. Now let’s say Grace”.

Regardless of whether you school your children in the home or out, there will come a day when they have to function outside the home and interact with the rest of the world. There doesn’t have to a big serious conflict. I was always told: You’re Catholic. Outside the door is a secular world who may or may not share your beliefs. That doesn’t have anything to do with changing what you do

 

[MilesVitae]

Homeschooling is not the best option either, it causes kids to have social problems later on, if it is not done properly.

I was homeschooled all the way through, and (as such) I know many other homeschoolers. Is it possible that a homeschooler will have social problems because of some kind of improper approach? Yeah, sure - and it’s possible that a student in an institutional school will have such problems due to the situations he encounters at that school.

The fact is, the socialization argument doesn’t have much factual weight behind it. The homeschoolers I know are not socially handicapped. As Kelfa pointed out, also, it is common for homeschoolers to co-op with others.

The solution, if one homeschools, then, is simply not to do it “improperly.” I.e., don’t lock one’s kids away from all other people. I find it a misleading and unfair blanket statement to say that homeschooling per se is not the best option.

 

[Allegra]

Why can’t she say grace at school? Has someone told her that she can’t say grace? I would have a problem with that. Maybe what she means is that the teachers and the other children don’t say grace at school? You could just tell her to say her prayer in her head rather than outloud, if it makes her more comfortable.

 

[hsmomforlife]

This might not be what you want to hear, but I often do not cross myself in public, especially in restaurants or bars etc. I however will clasp my hands together in an inconspicous way, say a silent prayer, and cross myself mentally. Then I consume my food or drink or whatever. When I am home I will physically cross myself. Maybe you should encourage your daugheter to do something like this, she will eventually follow the crowd sooner or later, and a mental crossing of yourself in public is better than none. Homeschooling is not the best option either, it causes kids to have social problems later on, if it is not done properly.

I have to wholeheartedly disagree! Teaching your daughter to ‘hide’ her Catholicism by not making the Sign of the Cross in public is not the way to help her stand up to any future issues people may have with her religion.
My family says grace when we are out, just like we do when we are at home. The only time it is different is if we are in a situation (like a field trip, or at a friends house being served buffet style) where the group will not be saying grace together. I tell them to say grace by themselves, so as not to be disruptive to anyone else. They still make the Sign of the Cross and say grace quietly.
I hope that my children never ‘follow the crowd’ if the ‘crowd’ is too embarrassed to give a moment of thanks to God.
Oh, and if those are the types of social problems that my homeschooled kids will have later on…that’s just fine with me! :dancing:

To the OP - I would tell my daughter to wait until the group was done with the little song and then tell her that would be a good time to make the Sign of the Cross and say grace by herself. I’m not saying the group song comes before God…it’s just that it’s good manners and respectful of her teachers to let them follow the routine for everyone and then she can say grace privately…with a nice reverent sign of the cross

 

[maryjk]

This might not be what you want to hear, but I often do not cross myself in public, especially in restaurants or bars etc. I however will clasp my hands together in an inconspicous way, say a silent prayer, and cross myself mentally. Then I consume my food or drink or whatever. When I am home I will physically cross myself. Maybe you should encourage your daugheter to do something like this, she will eventually follow the crowd sooner or later, and a mental crossing of yourself in public is better than none. Homeschooling is not the best option either, it causes kids to have social problems later on, if it is not done properly.

The fact that you list your religion as “strange kind of Catholic” might explain much of this post.

 

[Et_Cetera]

So your daughter noticed that school and home actions are different are you’re pulling her out of school? Wait until you start having real issues…