We feel betrayed

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marthagreys

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I hope I’m posting this in the correct forum, but I desparately need some direction, and if I’m wrong in my thinking, then I need to know why. A member of our parish, a registered sex offender, assaulted my daughter last week. He’s out on bond, and the trial promises to be a long, miserable, exhausting situation. My work schedule, which can’t be changed, allows me only to attend the Saturday evening mass. The offender, single and retired, goes to whichever mass (we have one on Sat, two on Sun) he chooses. I asked the priest to make it so this man wouldn’t go to the Saturday mass, allowing my daughter and me the one hour of reprieve we so desparately need each week. The priest says he doesn’t have any legal means to preven him from attending that particular mass. Why not? What about “Protecting God’s Children?” Why does the molester have more rights than my child? It’s pretty pathetic when a monster like this has more safety/freedom within the church than his innocent victim. I feel like we’ve been re-victimized. Help!
 
Martha, perhaps the prosecutor’s office, a private attorney, or legal aid could help you get a restraining order that allows you and your daughter to attend the mass of your choice without this man in attendance?
 
We’re working on that. But I still don’t see where that excuses the church from not providing safety for my daughter. I’m talking about church - not an extension of the court system. Shouldn’t right vs wrong count for something by itself?
 
PaulinVA said:
Martha, perhaps the prosecutor’s office, a private attorney, or legal aid could help you get a restraining order that allows you and your daughter to attend the mass of your choice without this man in attendance?
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👍
 
marthagreys said:
I hope I’m posting this in the correct forum, but I desparately need some direction, and if I’m wrong in my thinking, then I need to know why. A member of our parish, a registered sex offender, assaulted my daughter last week. He’s out on bond, and the trial promises to be a long, miserable, exhausting situation. My work schedule, which can’t be changed, allows me only to attend the Saturday evening mass. The offender, single and retired, goes to whichever mass (we have one on Sat, two on Sun) he chooses. I asked the priest to make it so this man wouldn’t go to the Saturday mass, allowing my daughter and me the one hour of reprieve we so desparately need each week. The priest says he doesn’t have any legal means to preven him from attending that particular mass. Why not? What about “Protecting God’s Children?” Why does the molester have more rights than my child? It’s pretty pathetic when a monster like this has more safety/freedom within the church than his innocent victim. I feel like we’ve been re-victimized. Help!
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I do not know why the priest would not be able to speak to this man. The Church may be a public space, but it is on private property.
If the man refuses to co-operate, which is quite likely I would say, then perhaps the simplest answer would be to attend a different parish for awhile.
Just let your pastor know that, while you understand his position, you cannot subject your child to this and will not be attending there until the issue is resolved.

Peace
James
 
It’s not like I’m asking for this man to be banned from church, I’m only asking for my daughter and I to attend in peace, without having to look at her perpetrator, the one mass per week I’m able to attend. It just seems to me that if right and wrong count for ANYTHING at all, then this request really isn’t asking for that much.
 
Martha,

I’m not going to try and condone what this man has done. I realize that emotionally, this is a rather damaging experience. However, it’s not that this man has more rights than your daughter; he has the same rights as she does, right now, considering that he hasn’t been found guilty or not guilty yet. He’s just exercising those rights, I guess. Really, your priest, other than talking to this man and asking him to attend a certain mass, can’t do anything else. I hope you can get your restraining order soon.
 
how can father physically restrain this man from attending? Would he have to stop in the middle of mass to remove him? Hire a security guard (which he probably can’t afford)? How can he practically prevent this man from attending? Maybe father does not have a 100% solution that would meet your satisfaction and just didn’t have the tact to express this reality.
 
And, just, one more thought. We don’t know what or how this man thinks or feels. Perhaps he’s going to church to atone for what he’s done. We can’t really judge that, and the church has to be open for his quest for forgiveness.
 
One other thing, why hasn’t this man been arrested? Did you even contact the police? If he were accused, I would be shocked that the police didn’t arrest him. Something just doesn’t seem right.
 
gmarie21 said:
One other thing, why hasn’t this man been arrested? Did you even contact the police? If he were accused, I would be shocked that the police didn’t arrest him. Something just doesn’t seem right.
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Same thought occured to me. :confused:
 
Martha,

I am so sorry for the pain and suffering you and your daughter are currently experiencing.

Regarding your question:
marthagreys said:
The priest says he doesn’t have any legal means to preven him from attending that particular mass. Why not? What about “Protecting God’s Children?” Why does the molester have more rights than my child? It’s pretty pathetic when a monster like this has more safety/freedom within the church than his innocent victim. I feel like we’ve been re-victimized. Help!
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The key words here are “legal means.” Your priest is absolutely right in that HE does not have any legal means to keep this man off of the Church property at certain times. If the man had committed his crime, or any other, on Church property than the priest would have legal recourse. But at this point, if he tried to get a restraining order, it would not be granted given that the man has not done anything wrong on Church property to necessitate barring him from that property.

However, YOU have the legal means to do so. Simply file a restraining order against this man. He will be legally obligated to stay away from you and your daughter, including at Mass, and if he breaks that then the priest can call the police and have him arrested (it would also probably violate his bond and send him back to jail).

Good luck during this difficult journey.
 
gmarie21 said:
One other thing, why hasn’t this man been arrested? Did you even contact the police? If he were accused, I would be shocked that the police didn’t arrest him. Something just doesn’t seem right.
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If you read the OP she states this:
He’s out on bond, and the trial promises to be a long, miserable, exhausting situation.
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which indicates that he was arrested and the bond was set low enough that we was able to post and be free until the trial.
 
wow o wow - I have two daughters and I don’t know how I would feel if I were in your shoes. I think I would try to not place my daughter in any more danger. This man may be stalking you and your daughter. I would go elsewhere until I felt my daughter was safe. I don’t know if this is impossible in your case. Is this the only Catholic Mass you and your daughter can attend?

And I’m assuming there is a lawyer involved. What doe he or she suggest you do?

The other part of the issue is whether others know this man is a danger to other girls and women in the parish. I think it might be something you’d want to share with the Ushers so they can take precautions regarding keeping watchful eyes on this man while he is on the premises of the parish.

I hope and pray you get a restraining order if that is what it takes to keep this man away. May Saint Michael the Archangel keep you and yours in his care.

Peace,

Gail
 
Another thought – if this man is a registered sex offender, does he have conditions as to his whereabouts? That is, is he barred from being in public places where children may be present? If this man is a registered sex offender and has that condition of his parole, then your priest may be able to bar him from the premesis. It’s something to think about, anyway.

But by all means, your first step should be to speak to your lawyer about getting a restraining order.
 
marthagreys said:
I hope I’m posting this in the correct forum, but I desparately need some direction, and if I’m wrong in my thinking, then I need to know why. A member of our parish, a registered sex offender, assaulted my daughter last week. He’s out on bond, and the trial promises to be a long, miserable, exhausting situation. My work schedule, which can’t be changed, allows me only to attend the Saturday evening mass. The offender, single and retired, goes to whichever mass (we have one on Sat, two on Sun) he chooses. I asked the priest to make it so this man wouldn’t go to the Saturday mass, allowing my daughter and me the one hour of reprieve we so desparately need each week. The priest says he doesn’t have any legal means to preven him from attending that particular mass. Why not? What about “Protecting God’s Children?” Why does the molester have more rights than my child? It’s pretty pathetic when a monster like this has more safety/freedom within the church than his innocent victim. I feel like we’ve been re-victimized. Help!
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Your priest must take care of his flock.
He must talk to the offender… If he is actively stalking your daughter he should not be receiving communion, until such time that he repents and confesses (but that is between the offender and your priest) … If your priest doesn’t take action to help you and your daughter then seek help from your bishop. …
 
wanner47 said:
Another thought – if this man is a registered sex offender, does he have conditions as to his whereabouts? That is, is he barred from being in public places where children may be present? If this man is a registered sex offender and has that condition of his parole, then your priest may be able to bar him from the premesis. It’s something to think about, anyway.

But by all means, your first step should be to speak to your lawyer about getting a restraining order.
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This is what I meant when thinking that something wasn’t right. My bil is considered a sex offender and when he stole a child’s bicycle after he was finished serving his time he was locked up with no bail, that is why I’m surprised that this man was let out with another victim. Most of the time, with sex offenders, after they have already been imprisoned for a sexual crime, any other offenses after release from prison, has such a HIGH bail, that even paying the 1/2 bail amount is too high for the 95% of the country that isn’t in the top 5% of being defined as “rich”. I guess that is why something doesn’t seem right. But different judges seem to have different agendas when protecting the public.
 
gmarie21 said:
how can father physically restrain this man from attending? Would he have to stop in the middle of mass to remove him? Hire a security guard (which he probably can’t afford)? How can he practically prevent this man from attending? Maybe father does not have a 100% solution that would meet your satisfaction and just didn’t have the tact to express this reality.
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If I were a parent and my child was assaulted, I’d offer to PAY for a security guard. Even if I had to borrow money (from a bank or otherwise) to do it.

And the priest has the title of “Father”. A father’s role is to protect his children. He should, at the very least, speak to this man.
 
This man was arrested. He was given the highest bail possible, but went through a bail bondsman and got out (put his expensive, inherited house up for collateral, or whatever it’s called). We do have a “no contact” order - which is only as good as the person obeying it. So, for whoever didn’t felt that something didn’t seem right about this situation, I hope this clarifies it.
 
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