We feel betrayed

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marthagreys said:
I hope I’m posting this in the correct forum, but I desparately need some direction, and if I’m wrong in my thinking, then I need to know why. A member of our parish, a registered sex offender, assaulted my daughter last week. He’s out on bond, and the trial promises to be a long, miserable, exhausting situation. My work schedule, which can’t be changed, allows me only to attend the Saturday evening mass. The offender, single and retired, goes to whichever mass (we have one on Sat, two on Sun) he chooses. I asked the priest to make it so this man wouldn’t go to the Saturday mass, allowing my daughter and me the one hour of reprieve we so desparately need each week. The priest says he doesn’t have any legal means to preven him from attending that particular mass. Why not? What about “Protecting God’s Children?” Why does the molester have more rights than my child? It’s pretty pathetic when a monster like this has more safety/freedom within the church than his innocent victim. I feel like we’ve been re-victimized. Help!
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Oh I would be furious. I would leave that church, and before I did, I would let them know why all the way to the top. Then I would get that restraining order filed ASAP. I am so sorry that this has happened to your daughter and to your family. This is just wrong on every level. Steam is coming out of my ears as I type. God Bless you and your family. I will definitely say a prayer for your family. :mad:
 
marthagreys said:
It’s not like I’m asking for this man to be banned from church, I’m only asking for my daughter and I to attend in peace, without having to look at her perpetrator, the one mass per week I’m able to attend. It just seems to me that if right and wrong count for ANYTHING at all, then this request really isn’t asking for that much.
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Youre a better person than I am bc I definitely would. Infact, the offender would have to worry about my physically assaulting him for sure!! No way should you come out of pocket for a security guard, you already changed your Mass schedule. This is )(&(**&^&^^%%$# that this guy has the nerve to show his face on Sunday or Saturday or anyday at this church, he’s just twisting the knife isnt he. oooo this burns me up. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
I would take it up with your Bishop!!
 
Restraining orders are pretty easy to get in these situations- in fact, in my experience working with abused kids, they’re a routine part of the initial legal proceedings.

Once you have the restraining order, the priest should be able to back you up by confirming that you have a history of attending this mass routinely in case that man makes any attempt to challenge your right to be there over his own.
 
My worthless two cents:

If it is possible to find another parish that has a Saturday Mass by all means relocate to this parish for the time being in between getting a restraining order. Also as a mother you have the right (if you even felt comfortable doing so) to approach this man and ask him to NOT attend that Mass. Perhaps if you wouldn’t feel comfortable alone ask another man in the church who you trust, or ask the Priest to assist you in this discussion.

I am not encouraging this, but I am only saying for the sake of experience, that perhaps a modest confrontation will shake his confidence in being able to attend Mass at that time and day. Some people will try to get away with whatever they possibly can, as evidenced by his history and this offense he has committed with your daughter. You should take some measures to let him know that he is not going to be pardoned.
 
YOU GO BLUEMOON! 👍

I didn’t wanna bust out with my own fury, because not everyone shares that attitude, but I too would be sickened beyond belief to be a part of this woman’s parish knowing ANOTHER person’s child was molested by that man. I personally would make him aware that he is NOT ACCEPTED.

Then again… I’m not really a catholic yet… 😊
 
BLUEMOON74 said:
Oh I would be furious. I would leave that church, and before I did, I would let them know why all the way to the top. Then I would get that restraining order filed ASAP. I am so sorry that this has happened to your daughter and to your family.** This is just wrong on every level. Steam is coming out of my ears as I type**. God Bless you and your family. I will definitely say a prayer for your family.
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AMEN!!! Sometimes the best way to get rid of cockroaches is simply turn the lights on and watch them scurry away. Same could be said for this situation…so I wouldn’t go away quietly. Haven’t we all suffered enough grief in the Catholic Church for it’s historical willingness to turn its back on known sexual predators?!! :banghead: This should be a new era and your priest (backed up by the bishop) should be the first one sticking up for the rights of the one known innocent in this situation–your child!!
 
kemushi said:
YOU GO BLUEMOON! 👍

I didn’t wanna bust out with my own fury, because not everyone shares that attitude, but I too would be sickened beyond belief to be a part of this woman’s parish knowing ANOTHER person’s child was molested by that man. I personally would make him aware that he is NOT ACCEPTED.

Then again… I’m not really a catholic yet… 😊
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Thanks for the comment. I dont think it’s a Catholic- thing perse that we just accept indecent sexual behavior in our parishes. Regardless of the church or faith we belong to, there comes a time when common sense and dignity for humankind has to be expressed and respected. I definitely think this is not happening. The priest is in a bad spot here, but this little girl and her parents are in a worse spot. The ethical thing to do is for this priest to take charge of this situation for sure!
 
Island_Oak said:
AMEN!!! Sometimes the best way to get rid of cockroaches is simply turn the lights on and watch them scurry away. Same could be said for this situation…so I wouldn’t go away quietly. Haven’t we all suffered enough grief in the Catholic Church for it’s historical willingness to turn its back on known sexual predators?!! :banghead: This should be a new era and your priest (backed up by the bishop) should be the first one sticking up for the rights of the one known innocent in this situation–your child!!
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Totally agree. Maybe this priest is just waiting for a legal verdict but this is ridiculous. I cant believe this is happening. Unbelievable. I’ve simmered down some to the point of reason, and I still cannot find a reason why this family cannot enjoy Mass w/o this goon being there. Time to kick a perv out of town! God forgive my judgement but I have no patience for perverts and child molestors.
 
Restraining order.

Until that is in place, is there another Parish you can attend?

If there is no other option, ask your Priest for a dispensation from attending Mass until your family can attend. You could arrange for the Sacrament to be brought to you and your daughter at home.

Prayers for you.
 
I can appreciate everyone’s anger here, but don’t we have to respect this person’s right to attend mass as a Catholic? Just because you sin doesn’t mean you’ve forfeited your right to go to church or see a priest or receive the sacraments (at least reconciliation). I mean, if he’s stalking the poor girl, then that’s certainly wrong, but other than attending the same mass occassionally, we haven’t heard evidence indicating anything otherwise. Maybe, just maybe, mass will help this person to realize what he has done wrong, and maybe it will yield good results for all parties. We really don’t know; but this person’s rights can’t be compromised, just as this young girl and mother’s rights can’t be.
 
We had a similar situation in our parish, though no one was assaulted. A member of our parish, who is a registered sex offender, was very active in the KofC and other parish ministries, was “found out” by some parents of our parish school. In the past he has worked closely with the Boy Scouts and with the youth and young adults. Because of the constant presence of minors on the parish grounds at practically all hours of the day, the parents asked our pastor to do something about him before anything occurred. He was reluctant in acting (because this person was a revert back to the Faith), but eventually he had a talk with this individual who agreed to go to another parish that did not have a school on its grounds.

It was a difficult situation for all involved. Please pray for them, and my prayers go out to you and your daughter for peace and to find a solution.
 
I know that each state has laws regarding the proximity of registered sex offenders to children in places such as schools and if a registered sex offender breaks these proximity rules they go back to jail. It might be worth the trouble to find out the particulars of this person’s case, i.e. rap sheets and prior arrests, which is public knowlege, though it does take digging. Once this is found out, then the laws regarding his offenses and his proximity to children etc. can be applied. This work would be the lawyer’s involved or even the parents, but the lawyer could probably do it faster.

Once all the facts are gathered, take lawyer and facts to parish and present them to the priest. If he still claims he cannot do anything to offend the offender, take it to the Chancery and the Bishop’s office. Safety is a real concern of every Church. No one wants a lawsuit. God forbid in the worse case senario, this offender gets ignored and he strikes again, this time more vicious than the last, they tend to escalate till stopped, and in the parish. No one would want this. To act as if nothing can be done is naive at best, dangerous, and could even place some moral culpability on the shoulders of those responsible for keeping the parishoners safe while on the premises.

Peace,

Gail
 
kemushi said:
My worthless two cents:

If it is possible to find another parish that has a Saturday Mass by all means relocate to this parish for the time being in between getting a restraining order. Also as a mother you have the right (if you even felt comfortable doing so) to approach this man and ask him to NOT attend that Mass. Perhaps if you wouldn’t feel comfortable alone ask another man in the church who you trust, or ask the Priest to assist you in this discussion.
May not be a good idea, in terms of the legal process…best not to have any sort of contact with someone with whom you have filed a criminal complaint, even though one may have every moral right to do so. One doesn’t want to give a defense attorney any sort of ammunition against one.
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Dittos.
Tic_Toc said:
I can appreciate everyone’s anger here, but don’t we have to respect this person’s right to attend mass as a Catholic? Just because you sin doesn’t mean you’ve forfeited your right to go to church or see a priest or receive the sacraments (at least reconciliation). I mean, if he’s stalking the poor girl, then that’s certainly wrong, but other than attending the same mass occassionally, we haven’t heard evidence indicating anything otherwise. Maybe, just maybe, mass will help this person to realize what he has done wrong, and maybe it will yield good results for all parties. We really don’t know; but this person’s rights can’t be compromised, just as this young girl and mother’s rights can’t be.
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True. Best option, however it is accomplished, is to have this man attend another parish.
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Tic Toc,
First of all, I haven’t suggested he not attend church; I’ve only asked that he not attend the only one I am able to. Second, his rights end where my daughter’s rights begin. Her right to attend mass peacefully (believe me she has no other sense of peace) SHOULD come over his roll of the dice right to decide which one to attend that particular week. Third, when a person commits certain crimes, such as sexually assaulting a child, they forfeit some rights. He is charged with felonies, and is out on bail pending the trial. This isn’t just an out of the blue accusation, it’s a crime, and this crime should mean that his rights are curtailed, at least in the interest of protecting victims. A person caught driving drunk no longer has the right to drive. A shoplifter doesn’t have the right to continue going into the store they stole from. Sometimes behavior limits a person’s rights - and this should be one of those times. For the way criminals are protected, you’d swear they were an endangered species - pathetic.
 
surf(name removed by moderator)ure,
In answer to your question, my ex-husband (my daughter’s father) left us for an ex-girlfriend years ago, and we’re lucky to hear from him 2-3 times per year. I’m doing all of this totally alone. He’s an absentee father.
 
Martha my heart goes out to you, as I have experience with sexual abuse. I totally agree with you that he should have no rights as of right now, and frankly I am surprised he has the right to post bail… It makes me sick the society we live in, where some criminals receive life for never having taken a life, and other criminals who literally RUIN the entire life of another human being (a child no less, or an adult victim of rape) only get a small sentence 5-20 years. And they are allowed to intervene in life like everyone else, because no one wants to take a stand against them as sexual predators.

If you have the right to know when a predator moves into your neighborhood, you should have the right to know if a predator moves into your church. Plain and simple. :mad:
 
marthagreys said:
Tic Toc,
First of all, I haven’t suggested he not attend church; I’ve only asked that he not attend the only one I am able to. Second, his rights end where my daughter’s rights begin. Her right to attend mass peacefully (believe me she has no other sense of peace) SHOULD come over his roll of the dice right to decide which one to attend that particular week. Third, when a person commits certain crimes, such as sexually assaulting a child, they forfeit some rights. He is charged with felonies, and is out on bail pending the trial. This isn’t just an out of the blue accusation, it’s a crime, and this crime should mean that his rights are curtailed, at least in the interest of protecting victims. A person caught driving drunk no longer has the right to drive. A shoplifter doesn’t have the right to continue going into the store they stole from. Sometimes behavior limits a person’s rights - and this should be one of those times. For the way criminals are protected, you’d swear they were an endangered species - pathetic.
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For whatever it’s worth, I agree with you. And if the Swiss Guard can turn away people for wearing shorts and sandals to Mass at the Vatican, and St. Padre Pio could refuse to give confession to immodestly-clothed women, why can’t a priest forbid a sex offender to attend the same Mass as the girl he assaulted? A Church is private property, and attending Mass is a privilege, not a right. If the perpetrator wished, he could receive communion at his own home. I’m puzzled as to why this should even be an issue. :confused:
 
Martha, I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter. I was also sexually abused in my early teens, and I know from experince what a hard experince that is for a young girl. You and your daughter will be in my prayers. hugs

Unfortunetly, as others have said, they don’t take away a person’s rights just because they are charged with sexual abuse, even when it involves a child. Until he is convicted, he is guilty until proven innocent in the eyes of our justice system. And if he is acquited or if, like in my case, the DA decides not to procede with the case, he will maintain those rights. It’s horribly unfair to the victims and it’s very hard to understand why the victim has to go through the torture of seeing her attacker.

A restraining order could be very helpful in this case. The type that says he can’t be within 400 feet or yards of your daughter. Unfortunetly, your Priest has very little he can legally do. Though I do think he should speak to the man personally. In my case, my abuser was my riding coach on a horse showing circut. After the charges were made, I only intended one show where I had to face this person and then decided it was too much stress. Most devestating of all, was that I was shunned by all of the other people on the circut, as if I was the bad person. Unfortunetly you can’t always rely on the other people to defend the victim, especially if the abuser is popular, a long time member or well thought of.

My personal advice would be that if you can’t keep him away with a restraining or your priest talking to him, it’s time to find a new parish. In the end, it might be the best solution for your daughter. She needs her faith to lean on, as do you, and a new parish might be an oppritunity for a fresh start for you both that will help you keep your faith strong and a touchstone to helping you through this difficult time.

May God bless you and keep you. hugs
 
Unfortunately we must defend ourselves. The law is on the side of the accused, not the victim. The Church unfortunately has allowed governenment to dictate and enforce a violation of the 1st Amendment because it says government shall make no law infringing a persons right to practive religion unhindered and the Church is abiding by laws that are prohibiting you from doing that. Because of this I think you have two options:
1.) Find a new parish and if the priest as it seems is unwilling to protect your daughter in something so simple and obvious, maybe you should.
2.) Each time you see this molester, approach him and say for all to hear; ‘you are the man who molests children. I would appreciate if you would leave this Mass since one of your victims is also attending this Mass Service. Your presence victimizes the victims again by your presence and if you are sincere in your efforts for God’s forgivness- then have the pressence of mind to cause no more damage in your attempt at reconcillation.’

If he refuses to leave and the priest refuses to support you, then you should leave. As a man, if I was in the pew next to the man you said that too, I would personally escort him out- or leave with you to go to another parish. Other thing sbesides drugs should have zero tollerance.
 
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