M
mouse333
Guest
I am weak and helpless. I sleep all day and can’t sleep at night. I can no longer attend to my life. I have an old, personal injury that causes me much pain and disability. I have a severe curvature in my spine and my feet are all broken down from walking with my baby when I had spasms running up and down my right leg from the twisted spine, which hadn’t been diagnosed and wasn’t until the spasms in my neck got so bad 10 years later. My father tells me to get up and exercise. I can’t swim, walking doesn’t feel good. My lower GI disorder gives me so much trouble that I am laid up about 2 days out of 5. I was in the hospital for an overdose recently and went through three admissions. The last time I slept night and day because of the medications and now I can’t break out of the pattern, even though my doctor has decreased one of the medications. The medicines for the lower GI disorder also make me groggy and sleepy and I can’t take them at night because I can’t sleep at night.
I pray for God to take me and He says He will soon but I know that “soon” for him is a drop in Eternity and could mean another 30 years.
He tells me I will die peacefully. I dwell on this death. I have nightmares when I sleep at night. With the decreased medication I am agitated, especially at night. So I continue to be up at night and sleep during the day which has been my pattern for years. It is 3 a.m. I took a shower last night at 2 a.m. so I could sign a new lease in the morning. So tonight it feels like morning at 3 a.m. My mother and father are aging and getting weaker and already are helping my son as best as they can and running short of means.
I feel like I should be in a home. I have asked my social worker about it but she thinks I need rehabilitation. After 30 years of legal disability I don’t believe this. I only ever worked full-time for less than a year before I became disabled at a young age. I’ve had nothing but help all my life, because of my legal disability, and the kind of help I got is running out or doesn’t work any more. I don’t have enough money to pay for what I need, even a home. Right now I could move into my parents’ attic if I had to but who knows how much longer they’ll be around. Also they are very difficult to deal with. And I’m afraid to ask for more money from them because my mother paid off a huge debt. I am scared for my future. I am scared for my son. He is only 21. I am 53.
I have so much upcoming to deal with and don’t know how I can possibly do it, and am concerned that I won’t be any better off in the new apartment, it could be even worse for me.
I keep feeling so bad I want to throw up.
The problem is I started having difficulty driving because of the medications and lost my nerve in traffic. So I can’t do even the simplest things without dire stress. My mother has been driving me everywhere. I don’t see an end to it.
Please pray for a resolution for me for this intolerable worry and stress, financial mercies, and help in my weak condition.
I pray for God to take me and He says He will soon but I know that “soon” for him is a drop in Eternity and could mean another 30 years.
He tells me I will die peacefully. I dwell on this death. I have nightmares when I sleep at night. With the decreased medication I am agitated, especially at night. So I continue to be up at night and sleep during the day which has been my pattern for years. It is 3 a.m. I took a shower last night at 2 a.m. so I could sign a new lease in the morning. So tonight it feels like morning at 3 a.m. My mother and father are aging and getting weaker and already are helping my son as best as they can and running short of means.
I feel like I should be in a home. I have asked my social worker about it but she thinks I need rehabilitation. After 30 years of legal disability I don’t believe this. I only ever worked full-time for less than a year before I became disabled at a young age. I’ve had nothing but help all my life, because of my legal disability, and the kind of help I got is running out or doesn’t work any more. I don’t have enough money to pay for what I need, even a home. Right now I could move into my parents’ attic if I had to but who knows how much longer they’ll be around. Also they are very difficult to deal with. And I’m afraid to ask for more money from them because my mother paid off a huge debt. I am scared for my future. I am scared for my son. He is only 21. I am 53.
I have so much upcoming to deal with and don’t know how I can possibly do it, and am concerned that I won’t be any better off in the new apartment, it could be even worse for me.
I keep feeling so bad I want to throw up.
The problem is I started having difficulty driving because of the medications and lost my nerve in traffic. So I can’t do even the simplest things without dire stress. My mother has been driving me everywhere. I don’t see an end to it.
Please pray for a resolution for me for this intolerable worry and stress, financial mercies, and help in my weak condition.