Wedding and RCIA

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DigitalAnarchy

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Hello All!

I’d like to pick your brains if you don’t mind.

My situation is that I’m getting married this October, deposit has been made on the venue, invitations are made, etc. The thing is, my fiancee and I have considered becoming Catholic for a long time and may sign up for RCIA. My question is, if we do decide to take this big step, is there any way to add a Catholic element to our wedding? I’m not trying to rush into being Catholic, this is a decision years in the making. I know we wouldn’t have received first communion, and it’s also my understanding that a Catholic wedding can’t be performed outside of a church unless there’s some grave circumstance. This may be a moot point in that we won’t have received first communion by the wedding.

Also, please don’t misunderstand when I say “Catholic element” I know you can’t have a half-Catholic wedding 🙂

Putting off the wedding really isn’t an option due a significant amount of money has been put into the venue, and family are already making plans for that day to come into town.

Thank you for your replies,

DA
 
DigitalAnarchy said:
Hello All!

I’d like to pick your brains if you don’t mind.

My situation is that I’m getting married this October, deposit has been made on the venue, invitations are made, etc. The thing is, my fiancee and I have considered becoming Catholic for a long time and may sign up for RCIA. My question is, if we do decide to take this big step, is there any way to add a Catholic element to our wedding? I’m not trying to rush into being Catholic, this is a decision years in the making. I know we wouldn’t have received first communion, and it’s also my understanding that a Catholic wedding can’t be performed outside of a church unless there’s some grave circumstance. This may be a moot point in that we won’t have received first communion by the wedding.

Also, please don’t misunderstand when I say “Catholic element” I know you can’t have a half-Catholic wedding 🙂

Putting off the wedding really isn’t an option due a significant amount of money has been put into the venue, and family are already making plans for that day to come into town.

Thank you for your replies,

DA
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I think in your situation you would need to look into a convalidation. Basically it sounds like you may want to become Catholic but are still unsure and you already have a huge financial expense and the obligation of receiving your family and friends who would be inconvienced or lose money (from travel expense etc) if you canceled the wedding.

If I were in your shoes, I would go through the with the wedding as planned but start your exploration of Catholicism now. If in the future you decide to join the Church you can then get your marriage convalidated by the Priest. (It is a small ceremony.)

Other than that I am not sure what kind of “catholic elements” you would be able to have. I guess readings from the bible?
 
DigitalAnarchy said:
The thing is, my fiancee and I have considered becoming Catholic for a long time and may sign up for RCIA. My question is, if we do decide to take this big step, is there any way to add a Catholic element to our wedding? I’m not trying to rush into being Catholic, this is a decision years in the making. I know we wouldn’t have received first communion, and it’s also my understanding that a Catholic wedding can’t be performed outside of a church unless there’s some grave circumstance. This may be a moot point in that we won’t have received first communion by the wedding.DA
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It sounds like a good idea to incorporate Catholic elements into your ceremony–and of course you could.
The standard ceremony outside of a nuptial mass has the following elements.
Introductory Rite
Greeting
Collect [Opening Prayer]

Liturgy of the Word
Old Testament
Responsorial Psalm
New Testament
Gospel

Rite of Marriage
Consent and Reception of Consent
Blessing and Exchange of Rings
Lighting of Unity Candle

Prayer of the Faithful

Our Father

Final Blessing

You might also consider talking to a priest, and asking him to bless your rings and give you both a blessing before your wedding.
 
Talk to a priest now to see what you will need to do if you go this route. He is the only one that can advise you in this situation. Call your local parish and ask to make an appointment to speak with the pastor. God bless you and best wishes on your marriage. 🙂
 
DJK100 said:
If I were in your shoes, I would go through the with the wedding as planned but start your exploration of Catholicism now. If in the future you decide to join the Church you can then get your marriage convalidated by the Priest. (It is a small ceremony.)
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No, no, no.

A non-Catholic married couple who become Catholic do NOT convalidate their marriage. It is already 100% valid.

They can receive the Nuptial Blessing from the priest after they are received into full communion with the Church.
 
DigitalAnarchy said:
My question is, if we do decide to take this big step, is there any way to add a Catholic element to our wedding?
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I think that depends upon what, exactly, you mean by a “catholic element”.

You cannot be married in the Catholic form because neither of you is Catholic. You can certainly marry civilly, whether in a non-Catholic ecclesial community or another venue.

You can incorporate Catholic prayers, songs, and follow the Marriage Rite-- if the officiant will agree to such. I suggest this booklet on planning a marriage outside the Mass.
DigitalAnarchy said:
and it’s also my understanding that a Catholic wedding can’t be performed outside of a church unless there’s some grave circumstance.
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Ok, I think there is some confusion on terminology.

A couple who marries in the Catholic form marries in the Catholic Church. A marriage in the Catholic form cannot be performed in, say, a Methodist church, etc.

A couple, one of whom is Catholic and one of whom is not, can be dispensed from form for a serious reason. This means the priest does not witness the vows and the couple marries in some other form. For example, a Catholic groom and Methodist bride marry before her Methodist minister in her church.

Neither of you is Catholic, nor will you be at the time of your wedding. Therefore, you cannot marry in the Catholic form. And, a priest cannot marry you “outside” the Catholic form.

You will be married as non-Catholics. Which is perfectly fine and perfectly valid. Since you aren’t Catholics. When you are received into the Church, your marriage is perfectly valid. At that point, you can ask the priest for the Nuptial Blessing, which can be confered on anyone who has not yet received it.
DigitalAnarchy said:
Putting off the wedding really isn’t an option due a significant amount of money has been put into the venue, and family are already making plans for that day to come into town.
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Go ahead with your plans. There is no reason to change them.
 
Aren’t we assuming that this couple is marrying in a church of some kind, or by a minister of some kind? If they marry only with a judge or other public official, then their marriage would need to be re-done, as it were, when the enter the Church.

OP, are you actually marrying in a church with some sort of minister?
 
Irishmom2 said:
Talk to a priest now to see what you will need to do if you go this route. He is the only one that can advise you in this situation. Call your local parish and ask to make an appointment to speak with the pastor. God bless you and best wishes on your marriage. 🙂
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Talking to a priest is the best advice.
 
1ke said:
It doesn’t matter who marries them.

No, this isn’t true. When non-Catholics marry civilly, they marry validly.
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Even just in front of a judge? What if they are, say, Methodists by baptism and get married in front of a judge?
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Even just in front of a judge? What if they are, say, Methodists by baptism and get married in front of a judge?
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Assuming that the couple are baptized than in the Latin rite they administer the sacrament and the judge would be a witness. A Catholic is required to have a priest as a witness.
 
DigitalAnarchy said:
Hello All!

I’d like to pick your brains if you don’t mind.

My situation is that I’m getting married this October, deposit has been made on the venue, invitations are made, etc. The thing is, my fiancee and I have considered becoming Catholic for a long time and may sign up for RCIA. My question is, if we do decide to take this big step, is there any way to add a Catholic element to our wedding? I’m not trying to rush into being Catholic, this is a decision years in the making. I know we wouldn’t have received first communion, and it’s also my understanding that a Catholic wedding can’t be performed outside of a church unless there’s some grave circumstance. This may be a moot point in that we won’t have received first communion by the wedding.

Also, please don’t misunderstand when I say “Catholic element” I know you can’t have a half-Catholic wedding 🙂

Putting off the wedding really isn’t an option due a significant amount of money has been put into the venue, and family are already making plans for that day to come into town.

Thank you for your replies,

DA
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You should discuss this with a priest; he will be in the best postion to advise you in this situation. Just call the office at a parish near you and make an appointment to speak with a priest; he will be happy to answer your questions.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Okay.

That’s good. I guess I screwed up by being Catholic and not getting married in the Church. My marriage was NOT valid.
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Well, I don’t know if I would classify it as “screwed up”, a lot of people are just not aware of what is required or aren’t practicing their faith at the time-- it can all be corrected via convalidation.

But, yes, a Catholic must observe Catholic form or be dispensed from it (in the case of a mixed marriage situation) in order for the marriage to be valid.

However the couple in question here are not Catholics.
 
Thanks for the responses everyone. As Irishmom and others have said, talking to a priest seems the best course to determine what to do.

Since it’s been asked, we are not getting married in a church but at a chapel/wedding hall.

A little more information, I was raised in the evangelical holy roller church which left a bad taste in my mouth for religion, but I’m getting over it. 🙂
 
DigitalAnarchy said:
Thanks for the responses everyone. As Irishmom and others have said, talking to a priest seems the best course to determine what to do.

Since it’s been asked, we are not getting married in a church but at a chapel/wedding hall.

A little more information, I was raised in the evangelical holy roller church which left a bad taste in my mouth for religion, but I’m getting over it. 🙂
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Good luck with your wedding plans and Welcome Home!

🙂
 
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