Wedding Anniversary

[GRATEFULONEjim]

My wife and I were originally married in a protestant church. I was Catholic at the time and she was not. By God’s grace she decided to become part of the Catholic Church through RCIA and we had our marriage convalidated within the Church after she became Catholic. What day should we celebrate as our Wedding Anniversary? Finances really don’t allow for two celebrations and neither of us are overly extravagant anyway. We are two peas in a pod raising two wonderful daughters in the faith.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I’d go with the original date. Your marriage has been convalidated so everything is in order now - the original date stands for something real.

 

[VivienneJ]

It all depends what you want to do to celebrate.

Here are some really inexpensive (or no cost) things that we have done:
Eat whatever you would normally have for dinner, but use the ‘special’ crockery, cutlery, tablecloth or whatever else you use for a special meal.
Again, your regular dinner, eaten by candlelight - beans on toast eaten by candlelight makes something special of a very basic meal.
Have your meal as a picnic (there is no need to go to a special place for this, just out in your yard will do fine).
Talk with your girls about how special the day was for both of you. The year we did this my girls produced, spontaneously, the cutest cards of what they thought we looked like on our wedding day.
Do something for each other that makes them feel special; here I’m thinking about things like a back rub, foot rub, making a cup of that special tea/coffee.
Take some time out of the busy day just to be with each other, that cup of tea/coffee sitting outside.

Where I’m heading with this is that I think both days should be celebrated, but the form of celebration does not have to cost anything, or could cost very little - in terms of $, in terms of time spent marking the day as special a huge investment.

 

[rayne89]

We celebrate on our original date which was 1991 . We were convalidated in 2004 even though my hubby became Catholic in 1997 (I was already-but not well catechized). My hubby became Catholic at the same parish I grew up which kind of explains how the fact that we were married outside the church (which they knew) never was addressed when he was going through RCIA. In 2004 we changed parishes. And then everything was straightened out. In my heart I was married in 1991, I meant my vows when I said them. I was thrilled to marry in the church don’t get me wrong. We had a beautiful little Catholic wedding in 2004. But I was not going to give up all those years, as imperfect as they were and not celebrate it.

 

[CatholicRaven]

I think it depends on which date you and your wife would rather celebrate. I think most people would go with the original date, because that is the date the other people in your life (family members, friends, etc.) will be more familiar with if they plan to help you celebrate at some time.

But I think it would also be nice to acknowledge a convalidation date with a candlelit dinner at home, or another “small” way of celebrating.

And I agree with VivienneJ: neither date has to be a big, expensive, and/or fancy celebration, unless you and your wife choose it to be so.

 

[Catholic1954]

We celebrate the original date on the Marriage Certificate. I was only married for 10 ten days when I got pregnant with my daughter and I don’t want any issues.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Uhhh BOTH!!!
Why put restrictions on your ability to CELEBRATE something?!?

 

[Em_in_FL]

To clarify my post above… when you mentioned that “finances really don’t allow for two celebrations” it’s probably necessary to clarify what “neither of us are overly extravagant anyway” means?

For us, an Anniversary celebration means exchanging cards and going out to eat or having a special dessert!!! There should never be restrictions on celebrating when it comes to DESSERT!!!

We’ve never exchanged GIFTS of any sort.

 

[maryjk]

We celebrate both dates.

BUT our major celebration is on our original date.

When I say “major” I mean that is the night we might go out to dinner or see the matinee at the local theater.

On the anniversary of our Convalidation, we might go out for ice cream or make a special dinner.

 

[MJJean]

I have been wondering about this myself. I married, divorced, remarried, am converting and waiting on Decree of Nullity and then will convalidate. We’ve been married for 10 years and I don’t want to lose those precious years especially since the beginning was the most difficult and when we most proved our commitment to the marriage and each other.

I voted celebrate the original wedding date. That’s what I plan to do.

Also kicking around the idea of having the convalidation on the same date to make things easier…

 

[maryjk]

I have been wondering about this myself. I married, divorced, remarried, am converting and waiting on Decree of Nullity and then will convalidate. We’ve been married for 10 years and I don’t want to lose those precious years especially since the beginning was the most difficult and when we most proved our commitment to the marriage and each other.

I voted celebrate the original wedding date. That’s what I plan to do.

Also kicking around the idea of having the convalidation on the same date to make things easier…

My parents did that.

Ours is 5 months apart. One in the spring, one in the beginning of winter.

I have had a few people tell me that I shouldn’t celebrate the original date because I wasn’t really married then. I was living in sin. They also told me that I should only count from the convalidation date. If course that would make me married for 10 years and our son is 17.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Also kicking around the idea of having the convalidation on the same date to make things easier…

That’s exactly what we did. The whole convalidation thing is a really, really big sore spot for me and my faith. I seriously doubt the Church would’ve done a radical sanation in our case, so we just went for a simple convalidation with the same month/date.

 

[MJJean]

My parents did that.

Ours is 5 months apart. One in the spring, one in the beginning of winter.

I have had a few people tell me that I shouldn’t celebrate the original date because I wasn’t really married then. I was living in sin. They also told me that I should only count from the convalidation date. If course that would make me married for 10 years and our son is 17.

I’ve heard it really depends on the parish. Some are a bit pricklier than others. Every week we do announcements and then birthdays and anniversaries at the end of mass. I love watching the couples say big numbers like 40 years Next December will be 11 years for us and I don’t even know if I can/should stand up and say it because we aren’t married in the Church yet…

That’s exactly what we did. The whole convalidation thing is a really, really big sore spot for me and my faith. I seriously doubt the Church would’ve done a radical sanation in our case, so we just went for a simple convalidation with the same month/date.

I’ve wondered if distress because I believe us to be married since the day we had our ceremony in my heart, but the Church does not and this deeply upsets me would be good enough reason for a Radical Sanation. I may ask Father next time I go in to chat about my annulment.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I’ve wondered if distress because I believe us to be married since the day we had our ceremony in my heart, but the Church does not and this deeply upsets me would be good enough reason for a Radical Sanation. I may ask Father next time I go in to chat about my annulment.

Our situation is different than yours, since my wife and I were divorced and remarried Catholics without annulments for prior marriages.

For situations involving one or more non-Catholic spouses, this may be an option, especially if one spouse refuses simple convalidation. Also, I read your prior post. Is your (current) spouse Catholic? If not, and your spouse was free to marry (no prior marriages), you might not need a convalidation. If the spouse was free to marry, and your first marriage is declared null, then your second marriage is assumed valid.

 

[MJJean]

Our situation is different than yours, since my wife and I were divorced and remarried Catholics without annulments for prior marriages.

For situations involving one or more non-Catholic spouses, this may be an option, especially if one spouse refuses simple convalidation. Also, I read your prior post. Is your (current) spouse Catholic? If not, and your spouse was free to marry (no prior marriages), you might not need a convalidation. If the spouse was free to marry, and your first marriage is declared null, then your second marriage is assumed valid.

My husband had never been married before, so he was free to marry. However, he was Baptized Catholic as an infant and had FHC, but was never Confirmed. He left the Church early in his teens. So, since he was a Catholic who married outside the Church without dispensation I believe we need a convalidation anyway because of lack of form.

If I am wrong and the marriage would be considered valid and Sacramental (we were both Baptized Christians at the time of marriage) once the Decree of Nullity is granted I would be thrilled.

 

[maryjk]

My husband had never been married before, so he was free to marry. However, he was Baptized Catholic as an infant and had FHC, but was never Confirmed. He left the Church early in his teens. So, since he was a Catholic who married outside the Church without dispensation I believe we need a convalidation anyway because of lack of form.

If I am wrong and the marriage would be considered valid and Sacramental (we were both Baptized Christians at the time of marriage) once the Decree of Nullity is granted I would be thrilled.

You are right. I also had a lack of form.

Let me clarify what I meant when I said some people have a problem with me counting from the civil marriage. People HERE on CAF have a problem with it. I have never had a problem with anyone in the real world. Heck, 99% of my parish have idea that I have had two weddings. So, when I say I have been married for 20+ years, no one says, wait, weren’t you married when your child was 7???

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

My husband had never been married before, so he was free to marry. However, he was Baptized Catholic as an infant and had FHC, but was never Confirmed. He left the Church early in his teens. So, since he was a Catholic who married outside the Church without dispensation I believe we need a convalidation anyway because of lack of form.

If I am wrong and the marriage would be considered valid and Sacramental (we were both Baptized Christians at the time of marriage) once the Decree of Nullity is granted I would be thrilled.

Since he is baptized Catholic, he is considered Catholic, and is required to marry in Catholic form. A convalidation will be required.

 

[MJJean]

You are right. I also had a lack of form.

Let me clarify what I meant when I said some people have a problem with me counting from the civil marriage. People HERE on CAF have a problem with it. I have never had a problem with anyone in the real world. Heck, 99% of my parish have idea that I have had two weddings. So, when I say I have been married for 20+ years, no one says, wait, weren’t you married when your child was 7???

That makes me feel better. I want to get to know fellow parishioners and be an active member. I have worried about how people would view us and treat us if they were fully aware of our situation.

My husband was the first of us to go in and speak with our priest. He explained everything on that initial visit and Father was very kind and helpful. Father says our parish are not sticklers and we would be welcomed and wouldn’t have any problems while we are waiting to rectify the situation. But he also said that this is not true everywhere and some local parishes would not be quite so charitable.

Since he is baptized Catholic, he is considered Catholic, and is required to marry in Catholic form. A convalidation will be required.

Yup, that’s what I thought. sigh Waiting sucks! I want this done already so we can receive the Sacraments, including the Marriage Rite! Besides, I didn’t know until husband went to meet with Father that how we went about things very much bothers him. He feels terribly guilty. He’s been carrying this around for a decade! I hurt for him and want him to be at peace.

If God’s trying to teach me patience I am a slow learner…

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Yup, that’s what I thought. sigh Waiting sucks!

Yup. I know…been there.

Besides, I didn’t know until husband went to meet with Father that how we went about things very much bothers him. He feels terribly guilty. He’s been carrying this around for a decade! I hurt for him and want him to be at peace.

I recommend not dwelling on the guilt given the circumstances. You, being a non-Catholic, would not be expected to understand the Catholic faith. And your husband does not appear to have been raised appropriately in the Catholic faith as a child, so he is not completely at fault. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Even though he was not raised properly in the faith, his is correcting his mistakes to the best of his abilities. That is honorable and worthy of praise.

We all make mistakes. Don’t dwell on them. Learn from them and move on.

 

[MJJean]

Yup. I know…been there.

I recommend not dwelling on the guilt given the circumstances. You, being a non-Catholic, would not be expected to understand the Catholic faith. And your husband does not appear to have been raised appropriately in the Catholic faith as a child, so he is not completely at fault. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Even though he was not raised properly in the faith, his is correcting his mistakes to the best of his abilities. That is honorable and worthy of praise.

We all make mistakes. Don’t dwell on them. Learn from them and move on.

Thank you! That’s pretty much what Father told him and what I told him after he came home from the meeting and talked to me. We can’t change the past, we can only go forward and do our best.