Wedding/Baptism Question

[allilipp]

I am getting married and my fiance is Jewish, which is a non-baptized religion. We are both fine with raising the kids Catholic, we are just not getting married in the church and we are using a officiant that can incorporate parts from both of our religions.

My main concern there is not having our wedding be recognized in the eyes of the church and not being able to have our future children baptized. I’m just wanting to make sure I can raise my children in the same faith I was raised in as I have no plan in renouncing or converting. So I guess my big question is, am I still able to have my children baptized if we are married outside of the church and not by a priest?

 

[dans0622]

I am getting married and my fiance is Jewish, which is a non-baptized religion. We are both fine with raising the kids Catholic, we are just not getting married in the church and we are using a officiant that can incorporate parts from both of our religions.

My main concern there is not having our wedding be recognized in the eyes of the church and not being able to have our future children baptized. I’m just wanting to make sure I can raise my children in the same faith I was raised in as I have no plan in renouncing or converting. So I guess my big question is, am I still able to have my children baptized if we are married outside of the church and not by a priest?

Hello,

Have you approached a Catholic priest (such as your local parish pastor) to discuss your marital plans and intentions? If so, what did he tell you? If not, you should do so as soon as possible.

Dan

 

[allilipp]

Hello,

Have you approached a Catholic priest (such as your local parish pastor) to discuss your marital plans and intentions? If so, what did he tell you? If not, you should do so as soon as possible.

Dan

We did speak with a priest and he basically said using a officiant was bull and started filling out paperwork for him to preside over our wedding, which made my fiance very uncomfortable. My fiance would be okay with the priest doing a blessing over our marriage in private or even at the church at another time, but we had decided to go with one officiant for the actual wedding ceremony at our venue.

 

[Michael1978]

I am getting married and my fiance is Jewish, which is a non-baptized religion. We are both fine with raising the kids Catholic, we are just not getting married in the church and we are using a officiant that can incorporate parts from both of our religions.

My main concern there is not having our wedding be recognized in the eyes of the church and not being able to have our future children baptized. I’m just wanting to make sure I can raise my children in the same faith I was raised in as I have no plan in renouncing or converting. So I guess my big question is, am I still able to have my children baptized if we are married outside of the church and not by a priest?

I believe you will need to get a dispensation from your Bishop to marry a non-Christian. Contact your pastor or your diocesan office.

 

[dans0622]

We did speak with a priest and he basically said using a officiant was bull and started filling out paperwork for him to preside over our wedding, which made my fiance very uncomfortable. My fiance would be okay with the priest doing a blessing over our marriage in private or even at the church at another time, but we had decided to go with one officiant for the actual wedding ceremony at our venue.

Interesting response by the priest… Is there another priest you can approach? This should not be an insurmountable problem or one that causes a great deal of angst, given your desire to have the marriage recognized by the Church, remain a practicing Catholic, and raise your children Catholic. There are well-established ways to go about this.

In other words, this should not get to the point where you are in an invalid marriage but want to have your children baptized.

Dan

 

[PaulfromIowa]

OP, for your marriage to be considered valid by the Church, you need to get the appropriate dispensation from your bishop to marry a non-Christian. The bishop may also grant you a dispensation from canonical form, allowing you to be validly married outside a Catholic Church.

If the priest that you talked to is not helpful, consult another.

www.catholic.com/quickquestions/may-catholcs-ever-marry-non-christians

 

[FrDavid96]

We did speak with a priest and he basically said using a officiant was bull and started filling out paperwork for him to preside over our wedding, which made my fiance very uncomfortable. My fiance would be okay with the priest doing a blessing over our marriage in private or even at the church at another time, but we had decided to go with one officiant for the actual wedding ceremony at our venue.

There might be some mis-communication going on here. Depending on how you told him you wanted an “officiant” either he might misunderstand what you mean, or you might misunderstand what he means. In other words, if he thinks you want someone whose credentials are nothing more than some kind of “internet ordination” he might be rather reluctant to take the next step.

As far as the paperwork goes, every time a Catholic gets married, the priest must complete the pre-marriage forms. These are all (more or less) the same for every diocese, although the actual printed forms might look different from each other; they all contain the same information. The point is that no matter what else, the priest still has to fill-out those forms with you–that’s simply a given.

What you are requesting is called a “dispensation from canonical form” (there are some others, such as “disparity of cult”, but that’s the one relevant to your question). This would allow you to be married by a rabbi (just by way of example).

Usually, the bishop (or his delegate) wants to know “who will be officiating at the ceremony?” before granting the necessary dispensations/permissions. This is not strictly required, but it’s usually asked. The ceremony does have to be a religious one, so a purely secular ceremony won’t pass. That’s one of the reasons why they want a name first before they consider the permission.

I would suggest that instead of telling him “we want so-and-so to officiate” consider asking him what requirements that officiant must meet in order to be acceptable.

 

[Gorgias]

we are using a officiant that can incorporate parts from both of our religions.

To add to the good advice that others have already given you, would you mind if I comment, too?

This idea that you’ve brought up – that you want an amalgam of rites (some parts Jewish, some Christian) – would be something that wouldn’t fly in the eyes of the Church. I understand what you’re trying to do: marry in a way that honors both faith traditions. Yet, the Church would say that either you marry in the Church in one of its rites of matrimony, or you request a dispensation from the requirement to have a Catholic rite of marriage.

Perhaps this notion – a ‘mixed rite’ ceremony – was what the priest you talked with was responding to? And, of course, as others have pointed out, the fact that he started doing paperwork didn’t necessarily imply that he was setting it up so that he officiated the wedding – it might just have been the case that he was prepping the documentation to request a dispensation for you!

You might consider going back to him and getting some clarification. And, as Dan suggests, if he is saying what you think he said, then perhaps you might ask around for a priest whose knowledge of canon law is a bit more… shall we say… precise?

Blessings,
G.

 

[dconklin]

I have been to a Catholic/Jewish wedding that was celebrated/officiated by a priest and a rabbi. The priest was able to give the “play by play” of what was being said/done by the rabbi.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I am getting married and my fiance is Jewish, which is a non-baptized religion. We are both fine with raising the kids Catholic, we are just not getting married in the church and we are using a officiant that can incorporate parts from both of our religions.

My main concern there is not having our wedding be recognized in the eyes of the church and not being able to have our future children baptized. I’m just wanting to make sure I can raise my children in the same faith I was raised in as I have no plan in renouncing or converting. So I guess my big question is, am I still able to have my children baptized if we are married outside of the church and not by a priest?

So far there is some good advice. But I have one question. Why in the world would one wish to raise kids in a faith that they did not want to be married in?

 

[allilipp]

So far there is some good advice. But I have one question. Why in the world would one wish to raise kids in a faith that they did not want to be married in?

Where in the post did I ever say I did not want to be married as a Catholic? I have always been a Catholic, and always plan to be one. I stated I was not converting or renouncing my faith. My fiance does not wish to renounce his faith either, but in Judaism, the children are raised based on the faith of the mother. We have both agreed to raising our children Catholic, just as we both agreed that we would have a non-specific officiant to include parts of both of our religions into our ceremony.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Where in the post did I ever say I did not want to be married as a Catholic? I have always been a Catholic, and always plan to be one. I stated I was not converting or renouncing my faith. My fiance does not wish to renounce his faith either, but in Judaism, the children are raised based on the faith of the mother. what? That makes no sense. So a Jewish man who married a Muslim woman would be obligated by his own faith o raise the kids Muslim?We have both agreed to raising our children Catholic, just as we both agreed that we would have a non-specific officiant to include parts of both of our religions into our ceremony.

I’d encourage you to read fr David’s answer well. Also I think you need to speak to your priest about what you need to do as a Catholic to have a valid (if not sacramental) marriage.

You should note your responsibilities as a Catholic. You need to be in communication with your priest and follow the proper channels.