Wedding Disaster

[theBelgianDuke]

Just needed a little advice.

So, I accepted an invitation from a good friend for her wedding when I shouldn’t have. The wedding is invalid, and I shouldn’t attend so as not to support what’s going on. (I’m not in the wedding party.) In any case, I’m locked in since I confirmed my presence so that arrangements could be made. (It’s not a same-sex wedding in case anyone’s wondering.)

At this point (only about a week prior), there would most likely be some hard feelings if I backed out now—esp. if I say it’s because I don’t think the wedding is valid.

The problem is that I am planning on going to confession, but I don’t know if having plans to attend the wedding would invalidate it. I wouldn’t be going because I’m not contrite, but because it’s a little too late to back out.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

" I’m so sorry,something came up and I regret that I cannot attend"

No need to mention why. And they will not dwell on it. The day will be plenty busy for them. They won’t make a big deal out of it.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

How do you know for certain that the marrriage is invalid?

If you know this, why did you accept the invitation in the first place?

A week out, your presence as probably been confirmed with the venue/caterer, so if you do bail, be prepared for a cold reception the next time you see said friend.

 

[MaryT777]

I was wondering if there was some official Church document or Catechism citation that states a Catholic cannot attend an invalid wedding.

Mary.

 

[pianistclare]

Nobody’s holding your feet to the fire, just don’t go if you prefer not to.
I don’t get what the problem is.

 

[theBelgianDuke]

so if you do bail, be prepared for a cold reception the next time you see said friend.

This just underscores my point.

Also, I began my post by admitting I made a mistake by accepting the invitation.

The question is what to do now.

 

[theBelgianDuke]

Then I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear. It isn’t as simple as saying, “I prefer not to go.” This situation has the potential to get rather sticky given that arrangements have already been made.

If it were as simple as declining to go, I wouldn’t have written the post. There are impacts here that you’ve failed to account for in your response.

 

[pensmama87]

How do you know for certain that the marrriage is invalid?

If you know this, why did you accept the invitation in the first place?

A week out, your presence as probably been confirmed with the venue/caterer, so if you do bail, be prepared for a cold reception the next time you see said friend.

It can happen.

I ended up being in the wedding party for an invalid marriage. The groom was Catholic and the bride was not. At first, the bride led me to believe that it would be a Catholic wedding. I found out shortly before that they were being married by a Unitarian minister instead. That was a pickle. I ended up going because I figured it could have been an honest misunderstanding and maybe it was ok (dispensation, etc.)

Turns out it wasn’t, and the “friendship” fell apart shortly after. (Turned out it wasn’t a very even friendship.)

For my own wedding, I’m pretty sure we had no shows or late cancellations. There’s always a couple cards left at every wedding I’ve been to. No one wants that, but I have never had the impression that it was a big deal. Stuff happens.

If you feel you can’t go, don’t. But don’t make it a habit - RSVP no the first time.

 

[Crusaderbear]

You cannot be a member of the wedding party, but I do not believe attendance is prohibited by the church…you are just watching…maybe later you can help them validate the wedding.

If you are a no-show, don’t be surprised to get a bill for your meal at the reception either.

 

[pianistclare]

Then I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear. It isn’t as simple as saying, “I prefer not to go.” This situation has the potential to get rather sticky given that arrangements have already been made.

If it were as simple as declining to go, I wouldn’t have written the post. There are impacts here that you’ve failed to account for in your response.

It seems you already know what to do.
You make it sound like you HAVE to go to salvage the friendship.
That’s your call. I can’t fathom how you think anonymous people online an give you an out that you haven’t already thought of yourself.
I also am not aware of the “impacts” because you have not listed them.

I’ll unsubscribe.

 

[on_the_hill]

Why can’t you go? There’s no prohibition against attending “invalid” marriages. I’ve been to Methodist weddings, Jewish weddings, Unitarian weddings. . . a Protestant wedding where a Catholic married a Protestant divorcee, a Catholic wedding where a Catholic married a Lutheran, a wedding where a Catholic priest and a Rabbi concelebrated a Catholic Jewish wedding in the Catholic bride’s home. . .

If, for your own reasons, you don’t want to do, then don’t go. Simply say you can’t. Of course, if you lie about not being able to go then you’ll have sinned.

But the Church isn’t going to tell you not to go.

 

[theBelgianDuke]

I also am not aware of the “impacts” because you have not listed them.

I’ll unsubscribe.

That’s funny. They seemed clear enough to the individual who warned me about receiving a “cold reception.” It would seem the only person having trouble understanding me is you. So, I’m doubtful that I failed to be clear enough.

I’m not looking for an “out,” and I‘d appreciate if you dialed back. You’re stepping a little bit out of line.

 

[GEddie]

I’ve never heard that going to a putatively invalid wedding is a sin.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

That’s funny. They seemed clear enough to the individual who warned me about receiving a “cold reception.” It would seem the only person having trouble understanding me is you. So, I’m doubtful that I failed to be clear enough.

I’m not looking for an “out,” and I‘d appreciate if you dialed back. You’re stepping a little bit out of line.

If you don’t wan to go. Don’t.

It seems as if you have no issues laying down boundaries on the thread. Apply that in real life.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

If everyone stopped doing things because they thought they might possibly be wrong, no one would ever do anything. Go.

 

[LightBound]

That’s funny. They seemed clear enough to the individual who warned me about receiving a “cold reception.” It would seem the only person having trouble understanding me is you. So, I’m doubtful that I failed to be clear enough.

I’m not looking for an “out,” and I‘d appreciate if you dialed back. You’re stepping a little bit out of line.

Seriously? She’s not out of line, you’re being rude with implying she’s the only one who is not understanding what you’re getting at. So, here’s some very clear advice: Tell the bride that something has occurred that will prohibit you from attending. You regret this and wish her and her groom all the best and perhaps in the future you can all go to dinner or the theatre. There, that’s simple enough for you to get, is it not?

 

[theBelgianDuke]

If you don’t wan to go. Don’t.

It seems as if you have no issues laying down boundaries on the thread. Apply that in real life.

It’s fine to lay down boundaries—prudently. So, indeed, I am applying it in real life.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

That’s funny. They seemed clear enough to the individual who warned me about receiving a “cold reception.” It would seem the only person having trouble understanding me is you. So, I’m doubtful that I failed to be clear enough.

I’m not looking for an “out,” and I‘d appreciate if you dialed back. You’re stepping a little bit out of line.

I’ve never heard that going to a putatively invalid wedding is a sin.

It’s fine to lay down boundaries—prudently. So, indeed, I am applying it in real life.

Without specifics. You have been vague. So, no solid answers will be helpful.
Again. Slavery and captivity are illegal. If you don’t want to go. Don’t go. If you want to go, go.

Perhaps your ego is guilting you into going. Someone not within my immediate family that was not in my wedding party would not have been begrudged if they politely declined, even the day before. However, someone that a week before started telling me my marriage was invalid would have been in the doghouse for life.
There were 80 people at my wedding. But only one mattered to me.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’ve never heard that going to a putatively invalid wedding is a sin.

I don’t think it is per se. I suppose some certainly could be. Weddings politically opposed to the Church, gay weddings, polygamist weddings etc.
but I don’t get that vibe here.

If I had to guess. It’s a fallen away Catholic marrying outside of the Church. With possible previous marriages.
In which case again, go or don’t go.
I think the OP is looking for permission from internet strangers so he feels better about having to go. No matter our opinion this is up to his own conscience and perhaps under spiritual direction.

One thing we could probably all advise is attend or not keep your trap shut about the invalidity part!

Personally, I wouldn’t go with the sparse information we have.

 

[brian_custer]

i wouldn’t back out of the wedding at this point

it is only going to cause hard feelings & needless wasted expense on the part of of the couple

just go and make the best of it; its not the end of the world