Wedding Disaster

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Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think the OP is looking for permission from internet strangers so he feels better about having to go.
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Okay, I’m going to have to put a stop to the snide remarks. To be fair, you could’ve just been specific about the sort of details you wanted, and I would’ve provided them sooner.

Furthermore, I will make my intentions clear now, so people can stop making assumptions: I want to know what the right course of action is—period. I am not looking for people to affirm my personal stance. I want the facts.

As for specifics, yes, it is a fallen away catholic who has been living with the groom and is getting married outside of the Church. I hope these details help you in your judgement on the matter.

Finally, I am aware that the Church has not made any specific prohibitions about going to invalid weddings. However, I was under the impression one could go only if a rift in the friendship was at stake, not just for any reason, such as seeing old friends, etc.
 
You could just go to the reception. People do that and I’ve even heard clergy advise it. Most likely no one will notice and if they do it’s none of their business or if you have to, “Something came up”.
 
katy said:
You could just go to the reception. People do that and I’ve even heard clergy advise it. Most likely no one will notice and if they do it’s none of their business or if you have to, “Something came up”.
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Now that…that there is an alternative I never even thought of.
 
theBelgianDuke said:
Okay, I’m going to have to put a stop to the snide remarks. To be fair, you could’ve just been specific about the sort of details you wanted, and I would’ve provided them sooner.

Furthermore, I will make my intentions clear now, so people can stop making assumptions: I want to know what the right course of action is—period. I am not looking for people to affirm my personal stance. I want the facts.

As for specifics, yes, it is a fallen away catholic who has been living with the groom and is getting married outside of the Church. I hope these details help you in your judgement on the matter.

Finally, I am aware that the Church has not made any specific prohibitions about going to invalid weddings. However, I was under the impression one could go only if a rift in the friendship was at stake, not just for any reason, such as seeing old friends, etc.
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:rotfl: Are you planning a hostile coup to become a moderator here? Or by virtue of your screen name, do you plan on issuing a decree to the peasants who disagreed with you?
 
theBelgianDuke said:
Okay, I’m going to have to put a stop to the snide remarks. To be fair, you could’ve just been specific about the sort of details you wanted, and I would’ve provided them sooner.

Furthermore, I will make my intentions clear now, so people can stop making assumptions: I want to know what the right course of action is—period. I am not looking for people to affirm my personal stance. I want the facts.

As for specifics, yes, it is a fallen away catholic who has been living with the groom and is getting married outside of the Church. I hope these details help you in your judgement on the matter.

Finally, I am aware that the Church has not made any specific prohibitions about going to invalid weddings. However, I was under the impression one could go only if a rift in the friendship was at stake, not just for any reason, such as seeing old friends, etc.
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You are way overthinking this. Go or don’t.
 
katy said:
You could just go to the reception. People do that and I’ve even heard clergy advise it. Most likely no one will notice and if they do it’s none of their business or if you have to, “Something came up”.
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A really good idea!
 
Jesus was invited to a crucifiction. He didn’t want to go. He went anyway.
Consider it a chance to show that your are not a judgemental Catholic, but who is kind, thoughtful and a loving representative of the Church. Peace.
 
I agree with the posters who advocate for you attending the reception. At my nephew’s wedding, when counting catering and alcohol, it was approximately $72 per guest. I know you don’t want your friends to be charged for your meal, etc, when you don’t show up. There normally is a cut-off date for the numbers to be into the caterer. Now ------sometimes in this life things are not perfect. If your friend is a fallen away Catholic, then that is their own choice as it is whom they marry. I would hope that their happiness is your main concern on their wedding day.🤷
 
on_the_hill said:
Why can’t you go? There’s no prohibition against attending “invalid” marriages. I’ve been to Methodist weddings, Jewish weddings, Unitarian weddings. . . a Protestant wedding where a Catholic married a Protestant divorcee, a Catholic wedding where a Catholic married a Lutheran, a wedding where a Catholic priest and a Rabbi concelebrated a Catholic Jewish wedding in the Catholic bride’s home. . .

If, for your own reasons, you don’t want to do, then don’t go. Simply say you can’t. Of course, if you lie about not being able to go then you’ll have sinned.

But the Church isn’t going to tell you not to go.
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The Church does discourage it as a general guideline.

There’s nothing inherantly invalid about protestant or Jewish or Hindu weddings, though, or Catholics getting married in a non-Catholic ceremony to a non-Catholic if appropriate dispensation is obtained.
 
I generally assume a wedding is valid unless something clearly is amiss. They might have a dispensation that you don’t know about.
And they are getting married! That is a step in the right direction, for sure, one worthy of support. I wish my son would get married.
Maybe you can nudge them toward getting their marriage convalidated in the church in the future.
God bless.

.
 
You asked for our advice. We have given it.

Fear of scandal, fear of invalidity, all your other scruples aside, you have made a social commitment. Barring convenient car trouble, you should meet that social commitment.

Being an accessory to the “sin” of another can get stretched, and stretched, and stretched to the point of absurdity. Pretty soon we’re taking on the sins of the world. Sorry. That job’s taken. Jesus did it 2,000 years ago.

Take the board out of your own eye, and enjoy the day–if that’s what you choose to do. Give them a rosary, and an instruction book on how to pray it as a family, as a wedding present.
 
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