Wedding fees

[robin_hood]

My Parish has just announced wedding fees for the year 2007,the stately sum of £330 pounds.The fees are NOT for flowers,organists,musicians or any other type of extra but the fees do include a £40 pound donation to marriage care and a stole fee of £135 pounds to be shared amongst the resident clergy.
My question is this can you put a charge on receiving a Sacrament, when I got married a love offering to the priest was the norm. The Parish does say that if money is a problem the fees can be renegotiated, but that is still putting a cost to receiving a Sacrament.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

If you use the “search” feature (currently working), you will find this thread’s siblings out there on CAF. It will explain things to you in a more in-depth length.

The shorter answer: You are not paying for the sacrament. If you truly cannot afford the Sacrament of Matrimony, and wish to be only married in the parish church with the priest and two witnesses, no Mass, you and your intended should make this plain.

You are paying for a 40-pound (about $85-$100 US, yes?) fee for what appears to be the prep work. The books, films, and other developmental tools, not to mention the time of paid staff to process the paperwork, are not free. But these, again, you could probably avoid if you want a very simple wedding as stated above.

I’m going to presume a “stole fee” is what we call here a stipend.

The additional money is used to clean the church, pay for heat and lights, candles, and maintenance.

In the US, the average fee runs between $150 US and $500 US (about your figure).

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My Parish has just announced wedding fees for the year 2007,the stately sum of £330 pounds.The fees are NOT for flowers,organists,musicians or any other type of extra but the fees do include a £40 pound donation to marriage care and a stole fee of £135 pounds to be shared amongst the resident clergy.
My question is this can you put a charge on receiving a Sacrament, when I got married a love offering to the priest was the norm. The Parish does say that if money is a problem the fees can be renegotiated, but that is still putting a cost to receiving a Sacrament.

No the parish cannot charge for the Sacrament and must take great care that there is no appearance of a fee.

The Sacrament is the exchange of the vows by the two people, witnessed by the church representative and two other wirnesses. This should be able to be done in the office or at the foot of the altar in about 5 minutes one morning without any cost.

 

[decn2b]

My priest demanded that we give NO more than $5 when we were married. THis was only 13 years ago. I was quite confused. He said that No more or he would not witness our marriage along with celebrating Mass. As long as we made sure the church was clean after and that any extra fees (sheet music, program extra paper work etc.) were paid separately by us. He said that he would buy a can of soda with the money and give the rest to the parish. Crazy.

 

[newf]

My daughter was married 7 months ago and I paid $700 for the use of the church. This did not include flowers or music.

 

[1ke]

My Parish has just announced wedding fees for the year 2007,the stately sum of £330 pounds.The fees are NOT for flowers,organists,musicians or any other type of extra but the fees do include a £40 pound donation to marriage care and a stole fee of £135 pounds to be shared amongst the resident clergy.
My question is this can you put a charge on receiving a Sacrament, when I got married a love offering to the priest was the norm. The Parish does say that if money is a problem the fees can be renegotiated, but that is still putting a cost to receiving a Sacrament.

Ah, the debate begins again… this is a perennial topic on this board.

However, to reiterate, if you want to get married with the bride, groom, two witnesses, and a priest, then that is all that is required for the Sacrament. You can do this in a chapel, on a weekday mass, or during a regular weekend mass. There should be no “charge” for something of this nature.

If you want the church all to yourself, on a Saturday, for you and your closest 300 friends and family members, then of course you should expect to pay for the use of the church to cool/heat, clean up, etc.

The fee is for exclusive use of the Church, not for the Sacrament.

 

[puzzleannie]

the fee is for the exclusive use of the church and/or hall and the overhead that does with it (which is considerable) and possible for marriage prep materials (at least $50 a couple, not including Engaged Encounter and other out-of-parish events we pay for in their behalf). Any couple who cannot afford the expense simply needs to explain their situation to the pastor (not the secretary or bookkeeper) and they will be accommmodated.

our fee for exclusive use of the church for a wedding or 15th birthday (cultural thing) covers only about 2/3 of the actual overhead expense, but we don’t feel we can raise it in our area.

the diocese also has rules about stipends, or what used to be called stole fees, for priests and deacons, since they must be compensated and their expenses covered when they go out of their parish or assignment for their services. The going rate barely covers their gas, since ours is a geographically spread-out diocese. What cannot be done canocically is charging a fee for sacraments themselves. If parish staff use that terminology they are inaccurate and uneducated.

 

[frommi]

Most parishes make a point to say that no one will be refused a church wedding because of an inability to pay the offering.

Something to consider would be getting married at a Sunday mass, no fees involved in that (in theory).

 

[Lucania]

My daughter was married 7 months ago and I paid $700 for the use of the church. This did not include flowers or music.

My daughter was married this past May in our 150 year old, historic, beautiful Church. We also paid (and we are members) $700.00, that did not include music, wedding coordinator or anything else. Many people seek to get married there as it is so magnificent. As I mentioned, the Church is very old and is always in need of some type of repair so the money is put to good use. We did not mind paying it. Our Priest will not accept a fee for the Nuptial Mass. I would imagine that if we said that we could not afford to pay that price, it would have been fine.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

My priest demanded that we give NO more than $5 when we were married. THis was only 13 years ago. I was quite confused. He said that No more or he would not witness our marriage along with celebrating Mass. As long as we made sure the church was clean after and that any extra fees (sheet music, program extra paper work etc.) were paid separately by us. He said that he would buy a can of soda with the money and give the rest to the parish. Crazy.

Crazy, but a very nice priest.

 

[Teronias]

Don’t be cheap, cough up the cash. Clerics already have to do a lot of unpaid work outside of their normal duties. A high stole fee subsidizes those activities.

ANY priest will waive ANY stole fee if the person is in need but if you’re that strapped, why are you even considering this year for marriage?

I knew one priest who had these really high stole fees because the diocese didn’t fund his ministry. Everyone gladly paid them because they understood.

I’m going to pay a high stole fee so a priest will show up for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I going to take away the priest’s Saturday night and day off and I feel like I should compensate him for it.

There’s no charge for the sacrament but you have to consider that there’s a whole person with a life attached to the bestowing of the sacrament.

 

[stbruno]

Why is it that people will pay upwards of tens of thousands of dollars for a wedding…the reception, the rehearsal dinners, the limos, the flowers, photographers etc…but they will complain about the few hundred dollars it costs to get married in the church.

At our church, we meet with couples a minimum of 4 times at least 8 hours of marriage prep with them in addition to the outside marriage prep they will receive with Pre-Cana, NFP, Discovery weekends etc…and we will usually do a Marriage inventory with them that is individually prepared according to the results of the survey they respond to…to help them with communication skills, personality traits, finances, family of origin, religion & values etc…not to mention, meeting with families to complete the necessary documents, finally the hour or more of rehearsal, answer phone calls etc…

The church does not just celebrate a wedding day…it celebrates a marriage…so all of this is included in the modest fee. You get so much more than just an hour and a half wedding mass as your sacramental prep. You get a lifetime of resources, and the graces offered up to you through Jesus’ intervention since you invited Him to the wedding.

It will probably be the BEST investment you have ever made. Rejoice in it, not complain.

 

[boppaid]

Why is it that people will pay upwards of tens of thousands of dollars for a wedding…the reception, the rehearsal dinners, the limos, the flowers, photographers etc…but they will complain about the few hundred dollars it costs to get married in the church.

Because getting married in the Catholic Church is a requirement for a Catholic.

Now, I know that you can do it during a Sunday mass, but I’ll be honest with you, I think that would look weird to have a bride walk down the procession with her father in a big bridal gown during a regular mass.

 

[FrCorey]

If you use the “search” feature (currently working), you will find this thread’s siblings out there on CAF. It will explain things to you in a more in-depth length.

The shorter answer: You are not paying for the sacrament. If you truly cannot afford the Sacrament of Matrimony, and wish to be only married in the parish church with the priest and two witnesses, no Mass, you and your intended should make this plain.

You are paying for a 40-pound (about $85-$100 US, yes?) fee for what appears to be the prep work. The books, films, and other developmental tools, not to mention the time of paid staff to process the paperwork, are not free. But these, again, you could probably avoid if you want a very simple wedding as stated above.

I’m going to presume a “stole fee” is what we call here a stipend.

The additional money is used to clean the church, pay for heat and lights, candles, and maintenance.

In the US, the average fee runs between $150 US and $500 US (about your figure).

and a few bucks to feed the priests.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

and a few bucks to feed the priests.

Hopefully. After all, the good priest, after all his hard work, does not always get invited to the reception, let alone a doggy bag of the vast leftovers from such an event.

 

[frommi]

Because getting married in the Catholic Church is a requirement for a Catholic.

Now, I know that you can do it during a Sunday mass, but I’ll be honest with you, I think that would look weird to have a bride walk down the procession with her father in a big bridal gown during a regular mass.

No one has ever said that the bride has to wear a big dress…or that her father has to walk her down the aisle.

The bride and groom are truly the ministers of the sacrament to each other…so they should walk in procession…but theres nothing about big dresses in the rubrics.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

No one has ever said that the bride has to wear a big dress…or that her father has to walk her down the aisle.

The bride and groom are truly the ministers of the sacrament to each other…so they should walk in procession…but theres nothing about big dresses in the rubrics.

Sure, the big dress is right in there in the Rite of Marriage; right next to the section on releasing the doves/ balloons/ butterflies/ bubbles, between the scanty black dresses for the perfectly-matched ten bridesmaids and why it is an imperative sacramental to have a chocolate fountain at the reception.

 

[Melissa]

My priest demanded that we give NO more than $5 when we were married. THis was only 13 years ago. I was quite confused. He said that No more or he would not witness our marriage along with celebrating Mass. As long as we made sure the church was clean after and that any extra fees (sheet music, program extra paper work etc.) were paid separately by us. He said that he would buy a can of soda with the money and give the rest to the parish. Crazy.

My priest requested a 5x7 formal portrait (he kept them for all of ‘his couples’). I thought that was a neat idea.

 

[boppaid]

No one has ever said that the bride has to wear a big dress…or that her father has to walk her down the aisle.

The bride and groom are truly the ministers of the sacrament to each other…so they should walk in procession…but theres nothing about big dresses in the rubrics.

I don’t think there is anything that says a bride shouldn’t wear a traditional bridal gown either, is there? Or am I missing something?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I don’t think there is anything that says a bride shouldn’t wear a traditional bridal gown either, is there? Or am I missing something?

There is not. She could very well walk up the aisle at Sunday Mass in such a gown. She could borrow it form her friends or sibs. She could rent it.

However, if she and her intended want to marry, does she need to purchase a Vera Wang or Jenny Lee original, in order for the couple to properly confer on each other the Sacrament of Marriage? And if she purchases such a gown brand-new, does not it stand to reason that she and her intended should be able to afford to pay the fee the local parish charges for the stipend for the priest, the organist, the liturgist, the premarital courses, the cleaning of the parish church when they are done using it privately, the burning of candles, etc.?

Will a simpler white dress do? Will a smart suit she can wear someplace else do? Could she simply wear a nice dress?

Not everybody used to have a so-called “traditional” wedding dress. Not everybody had the money.