Wedding gift, how much is appropriate?

[maryjk]

$50 is what we can afford and it’s what we give. I couldn’t care less how much someone “spent” on their wedding… no difference if it’s in a backyard or in a fancy expensive place. I’m not helping you “pay” for it… I’m giving you a git. And my gift is $50 and my prayers for a very happy life together.

I have to agree. I have never thought about how much someone spent per plate, then adjusted my gift. My gift is what I can afford.

And it really bothers me when I don’t get a thank you note months later or sometimes never.

 

[lizaanne]

Oh my! However did the wedding gift (which should be something freely and joyfully given, in accordance with one’s means) become payment for one’s meal at the wedding reception?

It’s not - it is a way to gauge what to give - that’s all, nothing more complicated than that.

I think that you and I are on the same page, wedding-wise: hand-written thank-you notes IMMEDIATELY if not sooner, all finished within weeks of the honeymoon. If someone is thoughtful enough to send a gift, then that note had better go out pretty darn quickly!

What does this have to do with the OP?

I would give what I can afford based upon my relationship with person. I personally would prefer a potluck or back yard reception.

Your preference as a guest is not relevant. Giving what you can afford is always prudent, and a gracious bride and groom are happy to have you I’m sure. Just don’t criticize their choices. What makes one couple happy is not for everyone.

~Liza

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Why not a formal gift, if the bride has a registry? You might be able to find something beautiful, just what the couple wanted [it’s on the registry ] and be able to spend what you can, you might find a sale.

If they are close friends, then they should appreciate whatever you can give.

 

[Sarabande]

$50 is what we can afford and it’s what we give. I couldn’t care less how much someone “spent” on their wedding… no difference if it’s in a backyard or in a fancy expensive place. I’m not helping you “pay” for it… I’m giving you a git. And my gift is $50 and my prayers for a very happy life together.

That’s fine and perfect, and no one should judge you for it. We just choose to do that, because we like to help a couple out. I agree, it doesn’t matter how much a couple spends on a wedding. (I hate it when people gossip about the bridal couple and complain about how cheap or how extravagent their wedding was and they pride themselves on giving a cheap gift to show their disdain for it. That’s so petty and disgusting.) I’ll give $200 (more or less depending on my budget at the time) to a couple who spent $50 or $50,000 on an entire wedding. If it is within our budget, we’ll give it, but at the same time, our personal delight is to help a young couple out as much as we can. If I had the money and was close to the couple, I’d give them even more. We don’t expect anyone else to do that. Like I said, we didn’t even expect gifts for our reception since it was a party my husband and I and parents hosted. So, I hope you didn’t feel like I was saying that one should pay at least for their meals. That’s not what I was saying. I just personally like to pay at least for the cost of our meals and more, if possible. That’s just us.

 

[Lucania]

How much is appropriate for me depends on the relatioship with the couple. My range is $50.00 - $150.00. I always give a monetary gift for the Wedding & something from the Bridal Registry for the Shower. I don’t really see giving money or gifts for a Wedding as a regional thing, but more of a family or ethnic tradition. I live in the South & have been to many Weddings. Some prefer money, others prefer gifts. My Italian tradition always gives a monetary gift.

 

[yellowbird]

That’s fine and perfect, and no one should judge you for it. We just choose to do that, because we like to help a couple out. I agree, it doesn’t matter how much a couple spends on a wedding. (I hate it when people gossip about the bridal couple and complain about how cheap or how extravagent their wedding was and they pride themselves on giving a cheap gift to show their disdain for it. That’s so petty and disgusting.) I’ll give $200 (more or less depending on my budget at the time) to a couple who spent $50 or $50,000 on an entire wedding. If it is within our budget, we’ll give it, but at the same time, our personal delight is to help a young couple out as much as we can. If I had the money and was close to the couple, I’d give them even more. We don’t expect anyone else to do that. Like I said, we didn’t even expect gifts for our reception since it was a party my husband and I and parents hosted. So, I hope you didn’t feel like I was saying that one should pay at least for their meals. That’s not what I was saying. I just personally like to pay at least for the cost of our meals and more, if possible. That’s just us.

Oh no, I wasn’t put off by your first post at all. I totally understood you were only speaking for yourself… I was too. You do sound like a very generous person. I regret not inviting you to my wedding!

 

[aicirt]

Hi all,
My hubby and I will be attending a wedding in the Virginia, Washington DC area in a few weeks. I have been told that the traditional gift for this part of the country is either a formal present or Cash. (My hubby thinks his friend could probably use the cash instead of a china pattern at this point in time.) So we have decided to go that route.
What we don’t know is what is the appropriate amount to give? The latest I heard was in the ball park of $250.00 per couple. But since we are not from the Virginia, DC area we have no clue. we don’t want to come of as being cheap but we also have to stay in a hotel and pay for travel as well to attend.
any suggestions?

I wouldn’t give less than $200. This is the usual deal for a wedding in a major city figuring on $100 a plate dinner. If this is not in your budget, reconsider the place setting. Might be less expensive. You also have a year to send a present although I wouldn’t wait that long. Cut your expense again by looking for the setting on a sale.

For the brides and grooms who might be reading this, PLEASE call when you receive a gift in the mail to let the sender know it has arrived safe and sound. Why? Because if it is insured, the insurance runs out in three months and you and the sender will both lose. You can write a formal thank-you later. DON’T put the sender through the embarrasment of calling you asking if you got the gift.

 

[meridith]

$250 for a wedding gift? Even close family? don’t think so, but I gross 25,000 a year, LOL.
Your first question should be what is in your budget for gifts, not what you’ve heard of as customary. What is appropiate is what you can honestly afford, no more. At my wedding I requested no gifts, that a donation to various charities I supported would be the best gift.And yes I still recieved some gifts. How much the people gave to the charities I never new, the charities sent me a notice saying they had recieved the donation in honour of my marrage. That was so nice, a lot of charities were helped that otherwise wouldn’t have recieved the money. What a blessing.

 

[dixieagle]

It’s not - it is a way to gauge what to give - that’s all, nothing more complicated than that.

I simply don’t believe that there should be a connection between how expensive the meal is and the wedding gift one gives; all too often I hear brides complaining that the wedding gifts didn’t approach the cost per plate.

What does this have to do with the OP?

I was actually responding to another poster, not the OP.

 

[aicirt]

I simply don’t believe that there should be a connection between how expensive the meal is and the wedding gift one gives; all too often I hear brides complaining that the wedding gifts didn’t approach the cost per plate.

I was actually responding to another poster, not the OP.

The US is a big country and things are done differently in areas. No one wants to be embarrassed. You want to know what the customs are and what is expected of you if you accept the invitation. It is equally important to know what is expected when one gives a wedding. For example: One couple purposly kept the reception on the very frugal side so they would get back more in gifts than what they spent. Not a good idea. People aren’t stupid.

Interestingly, the wedding reception is important enough to be done properly that Christ agreed to perform a miracle so the couple wouldn’t be embarrassed by the lack of good wine.

 

[theistgal]

I got married two years ago, and frankly, my husband and I were most pleased with gifts that reflected who we were, as individuals, rather than worrying about any specific dollar amount.

For example, a close friend at our church gave us a set of six coffee mugs, each with a different wildflower on it. They’re so pretty and I use them almost every day! I doubt if they cost a huge amount of $$ but who cares? They were a true gift from the !

Gift cards to stores where we actually shop a lot - like grocery stores, hardware stores, etc. - were also very welcome and gratefully used during the first few months of our marriage. So that might be another option if you’re not sure about a specific present.

Just one piece of advice: do NOT get them a picture frame. A whole lot of wonderful, and well-meaning, people gave us picture frames. I have a whole drawer full of them - and that’s probably where they’re going to stay, because we are just not the type of people who get photos printed out and display them in picture frames! (That’s what computers are for, right? )

 

[gspringer]

Give what you can afford, either in money or gifts. Don’t try to impress anyone.

 

[dixieagle]

The US is a big country and things are done differently in areas. No one wants to be embarrassed. You want to know what the customs are and what is expected of you if you accept the invitation.

My point is that nothing should be “expected”, except what one is willing and able to give, freely and without hardship.

It is equally important to know what is expected when one gives a wedding. For example: One couple purposly kept the reception on the very frugal side so they would get back more in gifts than what they spent. Not a good idea. People aren’t stupid.

This makes me cringe.

Interestingly, the wedding reception is important enough to be done properly that Christ agreed to perform a miracle so the couple wouldn’t be embarrassed by the lack of good wine.

True! And it was so that the couple could share the best with their guests.

My bottom line is this; while we certainly like to know whether the custom is actual gifts or cash, the value of that gift should in no way be determined by the lavishness of the reception, but by what we can reasonably afford, and our relationship with the couple. SImple common sense.