Wedding gift minimum

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eng7j

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We have two friends who are getting married in a few weeks. they have registries. What is the minimum you usually spend on weddings especially if you’re a married couple? Is $100 the norm per person? Thank you!
 
For us, especially since we’re a 1 income family, we would spend about $30. I think it also depends on if they’re very close friends, then I’d be apt to spend a little more.
I’m not an etiquette expert, but I’ve never heard of a minimum for gifts.
 
forums.theknot.com/discussion/726269/how-do-you-determine-how-much-to-give-as-a-gift

If you google “how much to spend on a wedding gift” you will find a million websites discussing the question. The above is one.Here is another.
It looks like people give depending on social class, income, how close the relationship is, etc.They’re talking about how much the bride and groom will have to spend “per plate” in an expensive restaurant to feed the guests, and some base their gifts on that.
The last wedding I attended, for a niece, the bride’s family fed the guests a meal that probably cost $5 to $10, made by relatives. So it depends on who you’re talking about.
I’d say minimum is $50, up to $250 for a couple if you can afford it.
Of course, the happy couple reasonably should not care what you give, just be delighted that you came to help them celebrate.
 
Thank you both for your (name removed by moderator)ut. Truly appreciate it.
 
eng7j said:
We have two friends who are getting married in a few weeks. they have registries. What is the minimum you usually spend on weddings especially if you’re a married couple? Is $100 the norm per person? Thank you!
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I think it depends a lot on your relationship, your age, and your means. 20-something newlyweds that are just getting on their feet, for instance, should not be spending $200 every time a friend or cousin get married.
 
I think the “minimum” is not a dollar amount.
IT’s about wishing them well, praying for them, and finding something unique to mark the day.
Try ETSY.com
Lots of personalized wedding gifts in just about every price range, many one of a kind, thoughtful things that they will appreciate. They’re practical too. My fave is a laser cut cutting board of Maplewood, with their monogram. Will last a lifetime, and personal.
 
Also, keep in mind that they will probably need cleaning supplies, if they are moving into a new place. My aunt had a large laundry basket full of cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc. She didn’t spend a fortune and it was MOST appreciated. So, you can get them a lot of “little” things and not spend much, yet totally help them out too.
 
Since we’ve had to travel a fair distance for most of the weddings we’ve attended, we have just done a $50 gift card for most couples to a home goods store. For couples we know better, I’m often invited to a bridal shower and may spend $25 on an additional gift (or combination of smaller gifts).

One thing we do with our budget is set aside a certain amount every month for a “miscellaneous gift” category - that’s birthday gifts, anniversary gifts, etc and then gifts for functions we are invited to. If we have to travel, that money comes out of our vacation budget. There have been times we have turned down wedding invitations because we couldn’t afford to either travel or give the couple anything. That’s my personal standard. I wasn’t upset with any of our friends who gave us homemade gifts or small things for our wedding - I found a lot of that stuff very touching, actually, but I personally don’t want to feel like a freeloader who just came to take advantage of the open bar (and we had a couple of those at our wedding - they barely said hi to DH and me, then spent all their time at the reception knocking back drinks. We had also made arrangements with the venue for very cheap accommodations, and these same folks then trashed the place so we didn’t get our deposit back. Little surprise that these were the same folks who also didn’t give so much as a card. Looking back we should have invited other people instead, but I was a little miffed by that.)

So that experience probably colors my insistence that I be able to afford a gift if I’m going to go. 😊
 
eng7j said:
We have two friends who are getting married in a few weeks. they have registries. What is the minimum you usually spend on weddings especially if you’re a married couple? Is $100 the norm per person? Thank you!
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It really depends on two things – how close you are to this couple, and how much you can afford. There isn’t a “minimum.”
 
I never knew there was a minimum. In my family we very rarely give gifts at all. To us the gift is coming to the wedding. One of my brothers usually takes pictures, a brother in law record it, we will cook and serve the meal and cake if the bride/groom are wanting that. Normally we don’t attend weddings of other people, just relatives so this is a new concept for me.
 
There is no minimum. You give someone what you are comfortable with. Personally, I would not spend more than $100 and that would have to be a very close friend or relative.
 
eng7j said:
We have two friends who are getting married in a few weeks. they have registries. What is the minimum you usually spend on weddings especially if you’re a married couple? Is $100 the norm per person? Thank you!
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20 dollars… That is all I spend.
 
Interesting the different answers.

I’ve always thought the “unwritten rule” is to cover your plate, such that the bride & groom don’t lose $ on you. In the ny city area I would personally not attend a wedding and not give $250 minimum per couple - but nyc is very expensive and that would not hold in essentially any other areas.

I’m aware that may appear quite extravagant…but I personally think it’s the right thing to do.
 
PolarGuy said:
Interesting the different answers.

I’ve always thought the “unwritten rule” is to cover your plate, such that the bride & groom don’t lose $ on you. In the ny city area I would personally not attend a wedding and give $250 minimum per couple - but nyc is very expensive and that would not hold in essentially any other areas.

I’m aware that may appear quite extravagant…but I personally think it’s the right thing to do.
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I think that in practice, $20 is our wedding gift minimum (usually selected off of registries), but we rarely go to weddings. Looking back, I botched a couple wedding gifts when I was a 20-something, but in one case the couple got divorced and in the other, we’re good friends, so I don’t sweat it. These days, if we were actually attending a wedding, it would probably be around $50 (as like PolarGuy, I’m now more sensitive about freeloading). We’ll probably give more when we’re older, which will be, I’m sure, around the time we need to start attending weddings again.

When we got married, due to a variety of circumstances, we just had a small Catholic wedding with minimal guests. We did get some checks and a few small household gifts from my side, every single one of which was hugely appreciated. I didn’t even own a spoon when we got married (and my future husband owned maybe three), so we were able to use the checks for a big newlywed spree at IKEA (where $1,000 will furnish your entire apartment) and I’m still using the surviving small household stuff 17 years later. So, do not discount cash as a gift for young couples. It’s not elegant or super proper, but it is gloriously fungible.
 
I don’t think there is a minimum, but we generally aim for $50. We usually choose something off the registry and there’s generally plenty of gifts that fall within that range.
 
Depends on the couple, how well we know them, and also what else we’ve done for them that’s wedding-related. For example, I once threw a bridal shower for a friend of mine. I was a broke college student, so it took a lot of creativity to make it a really nice shower on a very, very tight budget. I made all the food myself, made the decorations, and so on. I believe I ended up getting them all of a set of napkin rings as a wedding present, but they understood where I was financially.

Generally speaking, I’d say $25 minimum, about $50-$75 max if we know them very well.

I do remember the gift I probably treasured most from my own wedding. I had a friend from college who was way below the poverty line: she couldn’t find work, and was, IIRC, living out of her car at that time, existing mostly on what she could get at food pantries and such. We got married about an hour from where she lived; I sent her an invitation, but didn’t expect to see her there, of course; gas would have cost them about $10, and that was a lot to people in her circumstances. I mentioned when I told her the invite was in the mail that while I’d love to see her, I completely understood if she couldn’t come, and she wasn’t to worry about it.

Somehow or other, she and her boyfriend came. I’m still not sure they managed it, and I hope to goodness they didn’t go hungry to do so. To this day, I’m humbled when I think of the fact that they cared so much that they’d make that kind of sacrifice to come. Widow’s mite, indeed.
 
We usually give about $75-100. More for close friends and family, and usually $75 for others. That’s a lot for us- we have one income right now- but we don’t go to many weddings and want to be as generous with others as they were with us on our own wedding.

I think it really depends on what you can afford. Don’t be cheap if you can afford to be generous, but if you don’t have money to spare, less is fine. Just don’t show up with nothing (we had some of those). Even a nice card is fine if you really can’t afford any more than that.
 
I agree with polar guy-you should cover your plate and reasonable extras, such as cocktail and venetian hours.

But there are circumstances with this too–if the bride and groom go crazy with extras, and some do, you just give in relation to that.
 
mommy_k said:
I agree with polar guy-you should cover your plate and reasonable extras, such as cocktail and venetian hours.

But there are circumstances with this too–if the bride and groom go crazy with extras, and some do, you just give in relation to that.
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I see your point, but honestly, there is something that does bother me about this mindset. We live in such a consumer culture already with the “what am I going to get out of this?” mentality that I find it in poor taste for a bride/groom to have the expectation that they should receive back in gifts whatever was spent on the celebration. I mean, if that’s the case, why even bother? Just take the money they or their parents would’ve spent on the shindig and put it toward whatever they need to get started (i.e., debt or down payment on a house)? 🤷 I don’t like the term “losing money on the celebration,” but that’s just me, I guess. There are many things that money cannot buy.

I also don’t think a wedding guest should expect a return on their investment for the wedding gift, either. Both of these attitudes/expectations/mentality seems to take the focus off of celebrating a very joyous and sacred occasion in a couple’s life in which they should be honored and blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love and support them. It’s all about the fellowship and love, not the monetary value.

Each side should do what they are able out of the love and respect, whether that is a $10/plate reception or $100/plate or whether it’s a $10 gift or a $200 gift.
 
slh3016 said:
I see your point, but honestly, there is something that does bother me about this mindset. We live in such a consumer culture already with the “what am I going to get out of this?” mentality that I find it in poor taste for a bride/groom to have the expectation that they should receive back in gifts whatever was spent on the celebration. I mean, if that’s the case, why even bother? Just take the money they or their parents would’ve spent on the shindig and put it toward whatever they need to get started (i.e., debt or down payment on a house)? 🤷 I don’t like the term “losing money on the celebration,” but that’s just me, I guess. There are many things that money cannot buy.

I also don’t think a wedding guest should expect a return on their investment for the wedding gift, either. Both of these attitudes/expectations/mentality seems to take the focus off of celebrating a very joyous and sacred occasion in a couple’s life in which they should be honored and blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love and support them. It’s all about the fellowship and love, not the monetary value.

Each side should do what they are able out of the love and respect, whether that is a $10/plate reception or $100/plate or whether it’s a $10 gift or a $200 gift.
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I totally agree.

A gift is not payment for attending a wedding. There should be no strings attached to an invitation. If someone has the means to be generous with a gift, that is fine. If someone has no money to buy anything, that should not stop them from attending. It isn’t about the gift. It is about the celebration of the marriage.

We are currently planning a wedding for our daughter. We will be inviting people young and old from far and near. Some people will have to spend on travel and that may be the gift. Others will come from circumstances where they will probably give a nice gift. It will be different for everyone. Mostly, we just want to be blessed with our guests’ “presence” not presents.
 
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