Wedding Gifts

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I am starting to plan for my Wedding in Nov 08 and amongst the issues I am facing (believe me their are SO many - from the number of bridesmaids, location and evening entertainment!) I am trying to work out what to do about gifts - I don’t agree with gift lists - I think it is very cheeky BUT I also am finding that even though my wedding is so far away people are asking me about gift ideas. I will not require anything for our future house as we are planning to buy it prior to the wedding (not live in it) but furnish it so that we are able to move in after the ‘i do’.

Do I ask for gift vouchers if people feel compelled to buy a gift? Should I ask for money to give to charity? What have other married couples done??

Any advice is SO welcome!

J

God Bless
 
From the perspective of one who would be attending - the lists help make shopping easier for many.

We know exactly what to get and where to get it. We know what you like and what will go with your house.
Not tacky at all but very helpful.

But if you would rather have money and gifts be donated to a charity of your choice that is beautiful.
 
I think in the case of weddings in particular, gift-giving is REALLY and TRULY about the giver, not the receiver. You will find that people will get very offended very quickly if you tell them you don’t want gifts, or only want a certain kind of gift, or don’t need anything for the house. In other words, it makes people feel good and feel like they have or are participating in your marriage by providing a gift.

I and DH received an obscene amount of gifts from our friends and family, some that were so generous I was emabarrassed to receive them. But, it’s a GIFT. You don’t have to want it or deserve it. You DO have to provide appropriate thanks for having received it, desired or not.

My best advice? Put together a reasonable but EXTENSIVE list of things you actually could use or want at a variety of stores. This will save you having to return or store a ton of things you just don’t want or need. If someone calls to ask if you could use something, be honest but be open to receiving it if that’s what they set their heart on getting you.

My aunt wanted to get me Christmas plates, asked through my mom, and Mom kindly guided her in a different direction. She got me a Kitchenaid Mixer instead, and I love it!

DH’s distant cousin wanted to know why I didn’t have any china on my list. When I explained I had plenty of presentable stoneware from my apartment, she insisted that I visit Mikasa.com and email her the ones I liked. I obliged reluctantly, thinking I would have one place setting of some random china pattern. Come to find out, this cousin happened to be as weathy as she was generous, and bought us service for 12 plus all the serving platters, bells and whistles we could ever want!

Just let them spoil you!
 
Usually gift lists are pretty arrogant, I would agree with you. BUT, weddings are such big affairs, with so many people attending, that I think registering at a store or two is wise. People will know what you want/need, and they will know what has already been bought, cutting down on duplications.

It doesn’t have to be someplace expensive…Target has a wedding registry now! My DH’s best friend put things like BBQ tools and other guy stuff on the registry, too, so he would get things he would like and enjoy. Not just linens and tableware. The nice thing about a place like Target, also, is that they have all kinds of stuff. Patio furniture, linens, dishes, CDs and books, clothing…

One good reason to register at a more expensive place would be that people could help you build a nice china/flatware set for special occasions. That’s likely something that would be too large an expense for you to buy all at once, and your family and friends can help you out with it. They all want to get you something, and you can help them out with it.

Good luck, whatever you decide. I agree with the previous poster who said that people get upset if you tell them you don’t want gifts. A wedding is a beginning, and people want to feel that they are “sending you off.”😉
 
Asking for money or vouchers (gift cards) would be considered extremely poor taste. Even to suggest that money go to a charity would not be suggested.

We did not want to do a gift list for our wedding, my DH especially felt very strongly about this. We finally got so overwhelmed with people asking us constantly about where we were registered, and the disappointment and frustration they felt when we told them we were not registered and that we really were not concerned about receiving gifts, but thank you anyway, that we gave in and did a modest gift list at Target. Even though we really didn’t “need” anything for the home, we registered for new towels and bed linens, and some pretty throw pillows for the living room and my home office, and some small kitchen items, and some tools we actually did need. It ended up making it so much easier for our guests, and in the end we did enjoy our wedding gifts after all.

But I would strongly recommend that you not mention cash or donations in any written invitation you may send, it just looks bad.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!! 👍
And stop by and visit other Catholic brides at my Catholic Bridal Forum: Our Lady’s Brides

~Liza
 
The difference between registering for gifts and telling people to give you money or gift vouchers is choice.

Registering more or less says, “These are some of the things we’d like, and if you’d like to get them for us, that’d be great- but no pressure. You don’t have to get us a thing.” A registry is nice, because even though these are things you would like, nobody is obligated to buy them from your list. They can get ideas and buy you something from the list elsewhere, or even get an idea of what you’d like and buy something entirely different- or nothing at all.

Telling people to give you money or gift vouchers, even for charity, is telling them, “Fork it over” and is rude.

Now then- if you go to
http://www.justgive.org/weddings/index.jsp

you will find a place to register for charities. I checked, and there are 4 charities that use the word “Catholic”, “Missionary Oblates” turned up 5, “Franciscan” turned up 386, “St. Joseph” turned up 2,190. I’d say it’s a safe bet they should have your favorite charities listed.

And when people ask your mother or another close relative what you’d like or where your registered, they can say, “Well, they say they don’t need anything. But I know they registered at Target and Justgive.org”. Do NOT mention it in your wedding invitations! Remind your bridesmaids that it is rude to ask directly for gifts!

And who can resist going through Target with the price gun to zap present ideas into the computer?😉
 
Getting use the scanner gun made my DF enjoy registry creation!

I like the JustGive.org idea. That’s a good one!
 
I thought registries were pretty greedy when they first appeared, but now they are so standard. Mostly I think they are quite helpful, then you don’t get 5 toasters. I would be afraid of getting a duplicate gift or the wrong colour or something.

If my FH and I weren’t starting from scratch, and broke, I would have had people buy household items for the local women’s shelter, or a charitable donations.
 
I honestly enjoyed making my gift registry. I got several things that were and were not on it. Most all of them I could use. So I would suggest doing a gift registry at a couple of stores. You honestly can never have enough casual dining plates & silverware, pots and pans, and TOWELS!!! I’ve been married 5 years this May and we have accidentially broken so many plates, lost so many forks, and messed up so many towels you couldn’t even count them. Its also nice to have lots of sheets and bedding. So at least include things like that on your list.

This may seem strange but I do recommend not registering for your China if you choose to get any. You will only get pieces of it and may never get even an entire place setting. I resolved this problem by buying my China at the Mikasa store and I was able to purchase 4 place settings, wine glasses, water goblets, champagne flutes, and a couple of platters for a very reasonable price. Also, that let other people get us things we needed like I mentioned above. Jsut my two cents!
 
I toyed with the idea of having a “charity” registry also, and even posted a thread about it, and many people here told me it was a bad idea. One reason is because people actually WANT to get you gifts and feel like they are helping you get off to a good start. Marriage is a one time thing (should be anyway) so they feel like they have to get your really nice things for this once occasion. Gift vouchers (I guess you mean certificates, gift cards?) and money maybe would be appropriate for a second marriage for both, but in that case I think the couple is expected to specify for no gifts.

Like vluvski else said, Let Them Spoil You!!
 
I wish hubby and I had registered for gifts…but in the chaos of replanning and October wedding for July (in about 2 or 3 weeks:eek: ) that wasn’t high on my priority list. We had to find an all new venue, caterer, DJ etc… so didn’t have much time to think of gifts. But, I didn’t have any casserole dishes so that’s one of the things my mom mentioned to people who asked…so I got mostly casserole dishes (lots, lol) and cash.
Oh, and we had to replan the wedding because of hubby’s surprise deployment to Kosovo…not for any “other” reason as most of my guests assumed:rolleyes: . I think 9 months later they were all pretty surprised that there really wasn’t a baby.
Malia
 
Looks like I am the only guy in this thread. I tried to register at Bank of America, but that did not work out. We didn’t need much, but did need some things, such as quality cutting tools for the kitchen:thumbsup: You have enough to worry about planning for the day. By registering, you will not have to think about how to answer what do you want or where are you registered. Also, there was stuff I didn’t even think that I would want until I walk through the store with a gun, such a coffee machine that I can program to auto turn on in morning:coffeeread: If you do register, I suggest putting things on your list that range in price. My wife’s sister’s were in college and could not manage to pay for much, but wanted to get something off our registry.

God bless you and your future DH.

PS - If you have not, I highly recommend the book “Good News about Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West for both you and your DF. It changed my life.
 
I would definitely recommend registering, even if you feel like you won’t need much because otherwise you will be stuck with 200 of the same thing. You may end up with that anyway. DH and I registered, even though his parents pretty much gave us everything we would need and then some. The only things we bought were furniture (since they are such big purchases, but even that was done with money given to us for our wedding prior to the actual day) and our bedding because it was being discontinued. People sincerely do WANT to give you gifts and will be overly generous, but it’s nice to get what you need/want instead of having them stress over guessing (esp. if they are not terribly close to you) and then buying something completely outrageous and off the wall that you’d never use.

Another thing is that with all the extras that we were given and could not return, DH and I have a pile of things we may need in the future, such as wooden spoons, measuring cups, etc. and we gave the rest away. I have a younger sister who moved out right before we got married and once the wedding hoopla was over and DH and I got all our presents organized and such, we gave her a bunch of stuff to help her out. I’ve done the same for friends who have come over. We have a pile of things and say, “Do you need anything for starting out on your own?” They’ve all been very appreciative and it makes us feel good too :).

I think the registry is most helpful to those who are not close friends/family. From those who knew us well, we received a lot of beautiful religious items and such, but for those who didn’t, we pretty much received either money or what was on our registry.
 
I agree. Do the register. Even when i don’t buy off the register i get a gift card from that place to give to the bride and groom. I love Target because they can buy stuff or use it for grocery!

Beckers
 
Register away !

Choose about 3 different retailers - for certain things

Example: Mikasa (for china and glassware), Linens-n-things (for kitchen & bedroom stuff), Target (for other housewares)

They come with benefits, too.

Most registries will let you get the products you want at a discount for a year after your wedding. This is where the Gift Cards come in handy.

They also let you return your gifts on the registry - for store credit toward another item on your registry. You can trade a few “lesser” gifts for one of greater value to you.

Choose things from different price ranges among your registry - not just the expensive stuff. Give your well wishers some choices.

It is a great truth that receiving gifts at a time such as a Wedding should be an act of Humility.

My wife and I were greatly humbled by the generosity of some of our family.

To want gifts because you feel that you deserve them is an act of “Pride”

To reject a gift can also be an act of “Pride”

The proper response is always to accept any gift (be it a gold statue, a toaster, a simple card, or just a smile) with
“Grace and Humility”

Part of our Christian duty is to promote generosity and also to live in humility.

God Bless your Union and this time of planning.

Here is my gift to you.
:gopray2:

TJP
 
Register your hearts out! After all, it alleviates you feeling stressed over the “what do you need” question. You know, that no matter what you say, people will get gifts. So why not let them be ones you chose and KNOW you’ll enjoy?

We registered 3 places. Sears, some kitchen specialty store, and somewhere else (I honestly now don’t remember).

I didn’t choose Sears; hubby did. He wanted tools. LOL Didn’t get any for the wedding, but both of our mothers went and pulled up that registry 6 months later for his birthday! He was one very happy birthday boy that year! 👍
 
there are some weeding gifts ideas
  • Flower Wedding Gifts - Wedding is all about love, romance and commitment, The most popular gift to celebrate this special bonding is, perhaps, the flower gift. Flower gift appeals to every single soul with its beauty and fragrance; and in a true sense bear the freshness of nature and the world outside with them.
While choosing flower gifts for wedding, people get trapped in the frenzy of searching that perfect arrangement that will make the couple feel really special. So, to avoid a brain racking experience, always start planning before a month while selecting wedding flowers to make it easy. Whether it is a carefully bought bouquet of flowers or a handcrafted arrangement of flowers, it is sure to express a warm feeling to your sweetheart. While arranging the flowers on your own please keep in mind the season and the location of the wedding. If you want to get the bouquets customized with your personal message, then you need to have initial contact with your florists at least one month before the wedding.

While selecting the wedding flower gifts, give a thought about the color of the dress and dress design of the brides or groom.
Jewelry Wedding Gifts - For centuries, jewelry is used to mark special occasions and wedding is one such special event. Even primitive man used jewelry as an adornment and as a symbol of love. From silver, sterling silver, platinum, gold, diamond to cubic zirconia jewelry, the possibilities of jewelry gifts are endless. As we all know, women just adore jewelry, and a jewelry gift on their wedding would surely bring the brightest of smiles on their face. The important tip for all the shoppers who are purchasing jewelry gifts for the brides is, to first get a good feel about her tastes and preferences. Listen when they express their likes and dislikes when looking at jewelry. Is their taste simple, classy and elegant or more bold and flamboyant? Pay close attention and you will have a pretty good idea of their jewelry taste. If you have no idea about the bride’s tastes, then go for general items like chains, pendants, earrings, rings and nose studs to name just a few. Wait a minute, if you think that it’s only women who love to receive jewelry gifts, then let me tell you, you are WRONG!!! Men’s jewelry is quickly growing in popularity and fashion. So, don’t miss an opportunity to wish the groom with jewelry gifts and he will definitely love them. You can bet on that!!! Wedding jewelry gift for men can include rings, dress rings, bracelets, cuff links, chains, wristlets, key rings and key chains, money clips and more.
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* Gift Baskets as Wedding Gifts - Gift Basket brimming with an assortment of various goodies gives you an opportunity to wish the bride and groom from the core of your heart. Gift baskets are easy and quick, yet a thoughtful way to delight all those who bring happiness to your life. Gift Baskets filled with everything that one wants to gift is a unique way to make the couple feel special. From Chocolate Food Baskets, Spa Gift Baskets, Snack Gift Baskets to Nut Gift Baskets and Pantry Food Gift Basket, the possibilities of Gift Baskets are endless.
thanks
bharat matrimonial
 
Even though we believe in the resurrection of our Lord Jesus, we don’t need to resurrect 2-year old threads.
 
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