Wedding Help / No Family

[Phemie]

Just to concur here… I was married in Illinois in 2005… state did not require witnesses but the Church did… I had to get permission for my 14 yo dd to be a witness since she hadn’t been confirmed yet, which was a requirement. .

I have seen nothing in Canon Law, or anywhere, else that there is such a requirement for a witness at a wedding. As sponsor for baptism & confirmation, yes, but not to be a witness at a wedding. We never even ask the witnesses’ religion.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

You are 35 years old. I’m not sure I understand exactly how your father’s choice of a Mass time is somehow “punishment” for you.

I’m also unsure why you do not want your family to attend your wedding. I think it would be a mistake to exclude them, unless they are violent or abusive.

If you do not want your sister as an honor attendant, then do not ask her to be one. Same for the nephew as ringbearer. If you do not want your father to walk you down the aisle, choose to have a Catholic procession where you and your fiance walk together.

You are 35 and about to be married. You must overcome what you perceive to be things that are “expected” of you by your family. You are about to form your own family.

I suggest you and your fiance plan the wedding together under the guidance of your priest and not seek counsel from your family.

Resolve whatever family conflicts you have outside the context of wedding planning.

I don’t think I could have said anything better than that.

I just want to underline the bit about you are about to start your OWN family. Reasonable people will accept - even if they’re disappointed - that you are going to do what is best for your own family. You don’t have to have them there, you don’t have to include them in the wedding party. If you want to invite them as guests, they can come. If they can’t handle that, they can stay home. It’s you, your fiance, and God up there at the altar. Nothing else matters.

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

I have seen nothing in Canon Law, or anywhere, else that there is such a requirement for a witness at a wedding. As sponsor for baptism & confirmation, yes, but not to be a witness at a wedding. We never even ask the witnesses’ religion.

according to the rules expressed in the following canons and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in cann. ⇒ 144, ⇒ 1112, §1, ⇒ 1116, and ⇒ 1127, §§1-2.before two witnesses
Canon Law requires two witnesses.

 

[Phemie]

Can. 1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist, and before two witnesses according to the rules expressed in the following canons and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in cann. ⇒ 144, ⇒ 1112, §1, ⇒ 1116, and ⇒ 1127, §§1-2.
Canon Law requires two witnesses.

I know that. The poster I was replying to had stated that witnesses were required to be confirmed Catholics. That’s the requirement I was speaking about. We usually don’t ask for anything but their names. They’re only there to witness the wedding, they have no other function so their religion is irrelevant.

 

[TigerKitty]

Wow! Thank you all for your advice. Quite alot of good thoughts here, you have gotten me to thinking.

I do realize that at 35 I should be more independent of my father - actually, I’ve been out of the house and on my own since 18, but have always been pressured to do this-that-or-the-other-thing…even to choice of career. Yes, it’s a good time for that to stop, and my husband-to-be encourages this in me.

Just FYI - he is Catholic, and attends church every week. We attend together as much as possible.

I certainly will take the advice of seeking counsel from the priest for these “special” issues with family during preCana instruction.

Thank you all again for you advice and comments…