Wedding liturgy and processional

[LonelyPilgrim]

Hi. I’m getting married in a month in a nuptial Mass. Both my fiancée and I are fairly recent converts (five years for me, two for her) and neither of has ever been to a Catholic wedding (at least, not since we were paying attention). We are now trying to plan our wedding. The liturgy of the Mass itself is fairly straightforward; it’s the wedding parts that are new to us and raise questions. There are several questions we are having, but I’ll limit this post to a few related ones. Rather than actual questions, I guess, these are possibly hare-brained ideas we are having, looking for comment, critique, or correction.

1. We are already breaking some rules: I have three groomsmen (my dad, brother, and best friend), but she has a matron of honor (her sister) and two bridesmen (her sons). We both like the idea of honoring the Sacrament of Marriage by having my dad escort my mom, my brother and friend escort their wives and her sister be escorted by her husband — even though the spouses are not formally part of the wedding party. (This is rather than having my dad, the best man, escort her sister, the matron of honor, even though both are married to different people, which we consider weird.) We thought the couples could process in, escort their spouses to their seats, and the attendants then take their places at the front. This seems to work in our heads but might possibly be awkward in practice.
2. If we have the married attendants escort their spouses, that leaves her unmarried sons (17 and 19) without anyone to escort. If the idea of escorting spouses was to honor marriage by having visible married couples, what should we do with her sons? We initially suggested having them escort other young ladies we are close to (her teenage cousin, my teenage cousin) — but the marriage symbolism then breaks down, and neither young lady is even remotely part of the wedding party. My (Protestant) parents did not like this idea at all, and said her sons should process in together (which we also consider weird) or by themselves.
3. After the wedding party processes in and takes their places at the front of the church, how long should they stand there? I figure only until the end of the processional hymn (which, by the way, we will be singing like any other Mass processional — we aren’t doing an instrumental processional) — and then they sit down on the front pews. My fiancée thought this didn’t give the wedding party enough of a role or visibility, but to stand up there any longer, I say, would distract from the opening rites of the Mass. Once the Mass begins, I say, they become like any other member of the Mass congregation.

… Until the wedding rite. At that point, I guess, they should stand up and resume their places on either side of us as witnesses? That seems to be their role and gives them the visibility my fiancée was looking for. Is this what people typically do?

I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions. Thanks.

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

Many parishes have a “wedding coordinator” to deal with issues like this and to manage the rehearsal. Have you checked to see if the parish has such a person?

 

[1ke]

1. We are already breaking some rules: I have three groomsmen (my dad, brother, and best friend), but she has a matron of honor (her sister) and two bridesmen (her sons).

There are no rules regarding how many or what sex attendants are. You are required to have two witnesses. that’s it. Beyond that, anything is a custom, not a rule.

We both like the idea of honoring the Sacrament of Marriage

That’s not the purpose of the entrance procession. I suggest you forget about trying to do something like that.

The actual procession does have rubrics (see below).

1. After the wedding party processes in and takes their places at the front of the church, how long should they stand there?

Your priest who is preparing you for marriage will go over all of that when you rehearse. He will direct everything. You need not try to puzzle all this out. The priest will tell you what to do, where everyone sits and when.

I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions. Thanks.

You can also view this video:
foryourmarriage.org/saying-i-do-what-happens-at-a-catholic-wedding/

Entrance procession is at about 8:30 into the video.

 

[Irishmom2]

Have you met with anyone from your parish yet about what the day will be like? While some things are the same at every wedding, each parish may have their own rules about what you can and cannot do. It might be easier to just run your ideas past someone in the know at **your **parish. Congratulations are your upcoming marriage!

 

[LonelyPilgrim]

Thanks, but our parish is a small rural parish: no wedding coordinator, no established rules (we are, to our knowledge, only the second wedding Mass ever conducted here), and no priest (we depend on visiting priests from around the diocese to say Mass for us). The priest who is marrying us is a friend who will visit from a neighboring city. He tells us to put it together and he’ll be there to see it done. Our deacon may have some advice, but for the most part we are doing this on our own.

 

[LonelyPilgrim]

The actual procession does have rubrics (see below).

I have not seen them or been able to find them. Did you forget to link it?

 

[1ke]

I have not seen them or been able to find them. Did you forget to link it?

see the video. at 8 minutes 30 seconds regarding the entrance processional.

Your priest will have the Order For Celebrating Matrimony book and you can go through it together when you plan your wedding ceremony. It is not available online

Here’s an outline:

foryourmarriage.org/rite-for-celebrating-marriage-within-mass/

 

[1ke]

Thanks, but our parish is a small rural parish: no wedding coordinator,

You do not need a wedding coordinator. the priest or deacon who will marry you knows what to do.

no established rules (we are, to our knowledge, only the second wedding Mass ever conducted here),

The Church herself establishes the rules-- they are called rubrics as they pertain to any of the liturgies.

The priest knows the rubrics for the nuptial mass or the rite of marriage outside mass.

and no priest (we depend on visiting priests from around the diocese to say Mass for us). The priest who is marrying us is a friend who will visit from a neighboring city. He tells us to put it together and he’ll be there to see it done. Our deacon may have some advice, but for the most part we are doing this on our own.

The priest and the deacon have the rite book. I don’t understand why he would tell you to put it together. UGH. That’s so weird. I would suggest you go back and tell him you are not familiar with the rubrics and need his help to “put it together”.

Ok, well, to help you, you can get the booklet Together For Life. It’s available on Amazon. I think there is a new version out now that the updated rite has been introduced.

 

[dixieagle]

I see that you’re in Alabama, as well. (We’re down in Mobile.)

You’re overthinking all of this, and creating dilemmas where there need not be any.

I’d rely on the deacon you mentioned (I am assuming he is in your rural parish?) who should be familiar with things, whether weddings are rare in your parish or not. Though your priest friend seems to be leaving it up to you, I’d approach him, as well.

I know that many parishes in Alabama have wedding coordinators available for this sort of thing…perhaps you could call nearby parishes and get advice, if necessary. If your parish has no one (It seems there is just one Catholic parish in your county?) then, perhaps, one of the several Huntsville parishes does.

As a last resort, I’m sure there are videos posted online of Catholic wedding processionals, as one can find virtually anything online these days. The link that 1ke shared may answer some of your questions. Best wishes for your marriage, and I hope you come up with the answers you need.

 

[LonelyPilgrim]

see the video. at 8 minutes 30 seconds regarding the entrance processional.

Your priest will have the Order For Celebrating Matrimony book and you can go through it together when you plan your wedding ceremony. It is not available online

Here’s an outline:

foryourmarriage.org/rite-for-celebrating-marriage-within-mass/

Thanks. I did watch the video and we have been studying this and other outlines all throughout our planning. The video and the outlines give only a general guideline about the processional. As I’ve said, we don’t have much help in this. The priest who is marrying us is not resident in our parish and is presently out of the country and will be until shortly before the wedding. I’m not sure whether our parish has a copy of the Order for Celebrating Matrimony or not. I will very likely order it myself.

 

[Gorgias]

"1ke:

The actual procession does have rubrics (see below).

Actually, the procession isn’t really covered in the rubrics. Here’s all it says (NB: this is the brand-new ‘Order of Celebrating Matrimony’):

The First Form

At the appointed time, the Priest… goes with the servers to the door of the church, receives the bridal party, and warmly greets them. … The procession to the altar then takes place in the customary manner.

The Second Form

At the appointed time, the Priest… goes with the servers to the place prepared for the couple or to his chair. When the couple have arrived at their place, the Priest receives them and warmly greets them.

So, the ‘form’ of the procession isn’t really prescribed in the rite.

The priest and the deacon have the rite book. I don’t understand why he would tell you to put it together. UGH. That’s so weird.

Nah. Makes sense. He’s coming from out of town, and isn’t there to drive the bus for all the prep, so he’s saying “take care of the stuff you can take care of, and I’ll take care of the rubrics of the ritual.” I can’t imagine that, by saying this, he means that they’re in charge of choreographing the entire ritual.

 

[Gorgias]

1. We are already breaking some rules

Not ‘rules’, but merely ‘customs’. Don’t sweat it.

I have three groomsmen (my dad, brother, and best friend), but she has a matron of honor (her sister) and two bridesmen (her sons). We both like the idea of honoring the Sacrament of Marriage by having my dad escort my mom, my brother and friend escort their wives and her sister be escorted by her husband — even though the spouses are not formally part of the wedding party. (This is rather than having my dad, the best man, escort her sister, the matron of honor, even though both are married to different people, which we consider weird.) We thought the couples could process in, escort their spouses to their seats, and the attendants then take their places at the front. This seems to work in our heads but might possibly be awkward in practice.

It’s a praiseworthy idea, IMNSHO, to have married couples process together, since it speaks to the meaning of the sacrament itself.

The two young men don’t really need to be escorting anyone, per se. You and your best man won’t be processing – you will be standing at the front, waiting for the party to process forward, right? Well, then, you could always have your fiancee’s sons with you up front. They’ll just take their positions when you and your best man take yours. The four of ya’ll will probably wait in the sacristy with the priest, and then you’ll go to your spots directly, at the beginning of the processional.

1. After the wedding party processes in and takes their places at the front of the church, how long should they stand there?

Their “places” aren’t “at the front of church”. They’re in the pews. You and your fiancee and your best man and matron of honor have “places” at or in the sanctuary.

I would have the wedding party process directly to their seats. Typically, they process to the front, bow to the altar, and walk around to the outside of the pews and enter them from the side.

At the conclusion of the processional, the only ones left at the altar are you and your fiancee, the best man, and the matron of honor.

(In some Protestant traditions, the entire bridal party stands at the front, with the couple to be married. You generally don’t see that at Catholic weddings.)

My fiancée thought this didn’t give the wedding party enough of a role or visibility

It’s not their role or their visibility that’s the point of the Wedding Mass. It’s your fiancee and your role and visibility that’s the focus of the the celebration of Matrimony.

However, they do get to process in, and process back out, and typically, at American wedding receptions, they process in (and get lots of attention at that point).

Once the Mass begins, I say, they become like any other member of the Mass congregation.

Precisely.

… Until the wedding rite. At that point, I guess, they should stand up and resume their places on either side of us as witnesses? That seems to be their role

No, not really. As ke mentioned, there are only really two witnesses (and typically, they’re the best man and maid of honor).

They really don’t have a ‘role’ in the liturgy. It’s just a custom for there to be a wedding party.

 

[schoolteacher68]

I don’t have first hand experience of a Catholic wedding, however, here is a website that may help you along…I personally think it would be strange to have the procession as you mentioned it…I am accustomed to seeing the groom with his best man and groomsmen at the altar waiting for the bridesmaids, maid of honor and then the bride to be escorted by her dad coming down the aisle…

togetherforlifeonline.com/

 

[1ke]

I am accustomed to seeing the groom with his best man and groomsmen at the altar waiting for the bridesmaids, maid of honor and then the bride to be escorted by her dad coming down the aisle…

But that isn’t the Catholic marriage rite. I believe in the past many pastors have allowed it but it’s not an option in the updated Rite of Marriage.

 

[Irishmom2]

But that isn’t the Catholic marriage rite. I believe in the past many pastors have allowed it but it’s not an option in the updated Rite of Marriage.

What year was this update, 1ke?

 

[pnewton]

After reading the first post, I am missing what the problem is. There really is no right way or wrong way for the wedding party to walk in, as long as the bride and groom both process and are last (along with any escorts), as they are the ministers of the sacrament.

If it was me, and based on my own parish, I think I would reserve the first row for the wedding party. It is expected that all will be participating in Mass with the entire Church. That way, if there is a time for all to stand in a row, it is a simple matter to file out, file in.

 

[1ke]

But that isn’t the Catholic marriage rite. I believe in the past many pastors have allowed it but it’s not an option in the updated Rite of Marriage.

The most updated version is from last fall.

It hasn’t ever been in the marriage rite but pastors did allow it. I believe there is a more active attempt to discourage it now.

 

[1ke]

After reading the first post, I am missing what the problem is. There really is no right way or wrong way for the wedding party to walk in

In the OP they are trying to fit an assortment of people who are not in the wedding party into the procession so that those who are in the wedding party are processing with their own spouse. And for the two single boys in the wedding party there was talk of attaching a cousin so they would walk with someone.

It seems like an unruly mess to try to make the procession have a meaning it isn’t really meant to have or represent.

 

[LonelyPilgrim]

Nah. Makes sense. He’s coming from out of town, and isn’t there to drive the bus for all the prep, so he’s saying “take care of the stuff you can take care of, and I’ll take care of the rubrics of the ritual.” I can’t imagine that, by saying this, he means that they’re in charge of choreographing the entire ritual.

Thanks. You’re right, as far as the liturgy of the Mass and marriage rite itself, the form is fairly fixed with only a few movable parts — choices about vows, readings, music, etc. But the rubrics are not specific, as you say, about the processional and some other logistical questions. I do feel that we are having to do a lot of choreography.

 

[Gorgias]

But the rubrics are not specific, as you say, about the processional and some other logistical questions.

I almost shudder to ask, but…

what other logistical questions?

I do feel that we are having to do a lot of choreography.

Well… getting a group of people to process formally, in a situation fraught with anxiety? Yeah… lots of choreography.