Wedding liturgy and processional

[LonelyPilgrim]

I am accustomed to seeing the groom with his best man and groomsmen at the altar waiting for the bridesmaids, maid of honor and then the bride to be escorted by her dad coming down the aisle…

No, we aren’t doing that. The bride and groom are processing together. We appreciate the Catholic tradition and that we are ministers of the Sacrament to one another.

 

[LonelyPilgrim]

It seems like an unruly mess to try to make the procession have a meaning it isn’t really meant to have or represent.

You’ve made your disdain very evident, 1ke. But it’s my belief that all actions in the liturgy are symbolic and meaningful. The processing of our wedding party is supposed to represent, and actually is, the coming together of our family friends to support us as we are joined in marriage. We are consciously breaking with the Protestant traditions we grew up with — which would have, for example, a best man escorting a maid of honor, and groomsmen escorting bridesmaids. In the origin of that tradition, I suppose, bridesmaids and groomsmen were generally young unmarried people (hence “maids”); ours are not. In our opinion, it would do damage to the truth to either have our attendants process escorting someone other than their spouses, or even to process alone – since they are not single people, but spouses and parents. So I ask you, what meaning is the marriage procession suppose to have, to have attendants process alone? What is this supposed to represent?

You’ve argued that it may be an unruly mess, and it may well be. I asked for a critique, and you’ve given it. But what we want to represent, more than anything, is the truth.

 

[LonelyPilgrim]

what other logistical questions?

I guess I mainly meant the where to stand, what to do with the wedding party. Your earlier comments, about them not standing up with us during the wedding rite (except maybe the two witnesses) were helpful, and I agree.

My fiancée insists, though, that we can’t ask these people to buy dresses, rent tuxes, and take off work for rehearsals only to sit in a pew… It is true that we are converts, steeped in Protestant traditions (her even more than me), and our families and guests are almost all Protestant. Catholic puritanism can be satisfying when it’s just me, but when it involves other people, I’m willing to make some concessions.

 

[Della]

First off, LonelyPilgrim, congratulations on being reconciled to the Church and on your upcoming nuptials, my dear.

I’m afraid you are making a larger thing out of the procession than it has to be.

The procession is a very minor part of the Catholic wedding ceremony. It isn’t supposed to be a complicated affair with many people taking part. Rather, it’s about the two ministers of the wedding vows coming together to be married–the bride and the groom.

The order suggests two alternatives for the opening procession of a wedding:

1. One option is to have the priest or deacon greet you at the door of the church and process before you toward the altar, similar to the start of a typical Sunday Eucharist.
2. The other option is to have the priest or deacon standing at the foot of the altar to greet you as you process toward the front of the church.

Family and friends are witnesses, in the less formal sense of the word, but not active participants. Indeed, groomsmen and bridesmaids, etc. don’t even have to process at all.

It’s always best to keep these things as simple as possible because most weddings these days have enough complications to worry about, as it is. You only need two witnesses. You might want to have the others wait at the front of the nave below the sanctuary for you and/or the groom to process and perhaps your two witnesses, as well.

Having several people process up the aisle, especially when they aren’t expected to dress formally, etc. seems a bit awkward to me. In any case, it’s about you and your fiancé getting married, not about everyone else and how they feel about it–and that’s the plain truth of the matter. It’s a Catholic wedding, in which a man and a woman vow to live together in holy matrimony, and that’s all it is.

 

[1ke]

You’ve made your disdain very evident, 1ke.

I apologize if it is coming across that way. I did not intend for you to think I have “disdain”. No, not at all. I think your sentiments are in the right place but misguided.

The processional simply gets you from A to B. It doesn’t have nuptial symbolism or meaning. The priest greets the two of you, the ministers of the sacrament, and then process to the altar.

The wedding party typically stands with the couple throughout the marriage rite. They would be in the pews for the introductory rites and liturgy of the word. They would stand with the couple during the rite of marriage, then they would again be in the congregation for the liturgy of the eucharist.

breaking with the Protestant traditions we grew up with — which would have, for example, a best man escorting a maid of honor, and groomsmen escorting bridesmaids.

The protestant tradition has the groom and groomsmen at the front of the church and the bridesmaids entering in processing solo followed by the bride.

it would do damage to the truth to either have our attendants process escorting someone other than their spouses, or even to process alone – since they are not single people, but spouses and parents.

I really don’t get what truth you think you are doing damage to? Honestly I have never heard of this idea.

So I ask you, what meaning is the marriage procession suppose to have, to have attendants process alone? What is this supposed to represent?

It doesn’t have nuptial meaning, it doesn’t represent anything. It is the entire wedding party getting from Point A to Point B. The attendants can process in together or single file or not at all.

You’ve argued that it may be an unruly mess, and it may well be. I asked for a critique, and you’ve given it. But what we want to represent, more than anything, is the truth.

There is no truth to represent in the procession of attendants and witnesses. They are simply that, witnesses.

I think trying to add in their spouses and various combinations and permutations when they can simply walk together with each other is unnecessary.

You can take my opinion, and together with a dollar buy a cup of coffee.

It should be the priest guiding you at any rate.

 

[Phemie]

The wedding party typically stands with the couple throughout the marriage rite. They would be in the pews for the introductory rites and liturgy of the word. They would stand with the couple during the rite of marriage, then they would again be in the congregation for the liturgy of the eucharist.

I was just checking my copy of the Canadian Marriage Rite (not revised) and the rubrics for the Rite of Marriage say: All stand, including the bride and groom, and the priest addresses them in these or similar words:

Personally I interpret that “all” to mean everyone present, otherwise wouldn’t it just say “Bride and groom and their witnesses stand” ? But I have been known to overthink things.

 

[SyroMalankara]

Keep it simple.

The priest does not have to process in from the back, he can process to the front of the altar from the sanctuary. The “Procession” mentioned in the Mass rubric has to do with the priest, not the wedding party.

Have all the groomsmen already standing at the from, they can walk in from the side and take their place. The women usually like to walk in individually (not required at all, just an American custom). They can choose to walk in from the side as the men do, or walk up individually (which will take at least 30mins longer). The bride, in US custom, walks up with her dad escorting (again, not required - in some countries both the couple just stand up front).

After the bride walks the aisle, have the wedding party occupy the first rows of pews. They can stand/sit as instructed by the clergy.

 

[Chatter163]

In most of the Catholic weddings that I have attended or served at (I still serve, so this is several hundred weddings, in three different American states), the groomsmen have escorted the bridesmaids up the aisle in the procession, but then both sets peeled off to the front pew, with only the best man and maid of honor remaining with the couple near the altar. The priest and servers usually enter from the sacristy, with the groom and best man, and the bride is escorted by her father or someone else up the aisle. Not all have been like this, but most have been.

 

[buc_fan33]

Here’s my suggestion, and I offer this as a priest, in case the OP didn’t know that I was a priest. The best thing you can do, really the only option, is to discuss this with your priest. Just shoot him an e-mail. Probably more than any other liturgy in the Church, weddings have a local flair. Literally no two parishes do them exactly the same. Some places have the bride and groom sit in the front of the sanctuary. Some have them sit in the center aisle of the nave. Some have them sit on the side of the altar in the sanctuary.

When it comes to processions, places do different things. Personally, I try to be as accommodating to the wishes of the bride and groom, while still honoring what the Church lays out for us. But, (to the best of my knowledge at least ) I’m not your priest. People may be well-meaning in their advice, but your priest or deacon will be the best resource to speak to about these things. Unless of course your parish has a wedding coordinator. Regardless, none of us know the local customs of your parish. People can quote rubrics and directives all day long, but at the end of the day, it’s a decision that needs to be worked out between you and your priest.

 

[1ke]

I was just checking my copy of the Canadian Marriage Rite (not revised) and the rubrics for the Rite of Marriage say: All stand, including the bride and groom, and the priest addresses them in these or similar words:

Personally I interpret that “all” to mean everyone present, otherwise wouldn’t it just say “Bride and groom and their witnesses stand” ? But I have been known to overthink things.

I’m sorry, I mean they “stand” **next to **the bride and groom, as in beside them on the steps/sanctuary area, not down in the pews.

Like so:

d1zpvjny0s6omk.cloudfront.net/media/cache/af/c1/afc133cc512ffdd223085116e1e933c4.jpg

rootsweb.ancestry.com/~pasulliv/settlers/settlers1/LAFFordpix/groupwedding.jpg

 

[Gorgias]

The wedding party typically stands with the couple throughout the marriage rite. They would be in the pews for the introductory rites and liturgy of the word. They would stand with the couple during the rite of marriage, then they would again be in the congregation for the liturgy of the eucharist.

Local customs, I guess. In western PA, the wedding party generally stays in the pews, and tends not to stand at the marriage rite (probably since that would obstruct the view of the congregation).

I have been to weddings at which the wedding party gets up out of the pews and joins the couple at the altar (and then goes back to their seats again after the vows)… but that tends to take the focus of attention away from the couple being married and instead places it on their friends and their movement. (It also facilitates the congregation to be distracted by the bridesmaid who’s tugging at her strapless top, and the groomsman who’s slouching or elbowing his buddy, rather than paying attention to the couple as they exchange vows and rings.)

It should be the priest guiding you at any rate.

The problem, in Pilgrim’s case, seems to be that it doesn’t seem possible to rely on the local priest or parish customs because (1) there is no resident priest, (2) there aren’t many weddings at the parish (such that there would actually be ‘local custom’), and (3) the priest who’s going to celebrate the liturgy is coming in from another town.

 

[Della]

Since there are already so many complications over the lack of a permanent priest to preside and the parish being unused to hosting weddings, etc., all the more reason to keep things as simple as possible–including the processional.