P
pumpkinbeast
Guest
As you may have noticed from my ticker, I’m a bride-to-be, and naturally starting to get stressed about the wedding, but not for the reasons you might think…
My fiance and I were originally planning to get married in May 2010, after I graduated from my BSc in Biology. He would finish his degree a few months later as a Computer Engineer, and we would move to where ever he could get a good job, and then I would find one there, too.
But as I’ve learned over the past month, life never goes the way you expected it to go. I discovered I had a chipped bone in my leg, on the bottom of my femur, in Nov. 07, and was on crutches until the end of June 08. The pain in my leg came back at the end of August, so now I’m back on crutches. It seems there is a secondary problem with the way the bones in my leg are formed that is also causing me pain. I’m currently waiting to hear from my doctor as to what the game plan will be, and I’m fairly sure it will be another surgery. I couldn’t face going back to university(this would have been my third year) on crutches and trying to live independently, so I decided to not go back. I was also able to do some thinking about my life in general, and decided to switch education paths to nursing. The nearest nursing program is at the same university my fiance is at, whereas before we were at different ones, and with all my extra science credits, I am going to be able to do the nursing program in 2 years rather than 4. And best of all, we would be able to get married sooner, because we wouldn’t be living in different cities anymore! So we decided to push the wedding date ahead to August 09.
We knew if we got married then we would have to use NFP (I know Creighton already) in order to postpone pregnancy just until I could complete my degree, and then we would leave it in God’s hands. My fiance would be going back and forth in between work and school terms, in a co-op program, so we would have money to live on. He also had the great idea of taking out a student loan, even though he doesn’t need one, and just putting it in the bank, to save it in case we had any emergencies. I was getting excited and getting all set to start making invitations.
But then I talked to him last night… and he’s worried about a few things. Getting married with still 4 more terms of his education to go (2 work terms, 2 school terms) puts stress on him to make sure that he does not fail even a single course, because if he did, he would have to drop out of the co-op program, and either graduate without it, or wait an entire year to get back into it. He’s also unsure as to whether it’s moral to use NFP to avoid right off the bat.
My arguments were that we don’t know what life is going to throw at us, so it’s no use worrying about the what-ifs of failing courses. Look at me, I didn’t do anything, and my education is STILL being pushed back because of a random freak of nature. I think it is moral to use NFP to avoid in our situation, because we just would not have the money for a baby until he graduated, and I would NOT be able to finish a nursing degree with a baby. A nursing degree will give us more job security(if something happens to him, I could work), and it seems like something very useful for a mother to have, if I was a SAHM, which I would like to be. And if we get pregnant while using NFP, well, that’s what being open to life is about, right? Sometimes God’s will over-rides our own. And we’re not avoiding just because ‘we want some time to ourselves’ or anything selfish like that. We want to be able to provide simple things like food and clothing for any children, and we wouldn’t be able to do that on a student budget.
So, why get married when we have to use NFP right off the bat? Because we both know that we want to be married to each other, prayerfully, emotionally, logically, everything between us works. And temptation is beginning to become more of an issue for us, as we’ve been together 3 years now. I am VERY TIRED of waiting to get married to the man I KNOW I want to marry, and I’m starting to worry about our souls. I told him, if the wedding date is pushed back any further, we are going a) visit MUCH less often, and b) when we do, never spend ANY time alone. Maybe that’s the way it should be for everyone, I dunno… But the other purpose to marriage, besides having children, is to help the other person get to heaven, right? So wouldn’t it be better to become sources of grace to each other, rather than remain tempters?
This is probably a HUGE wall of text, but I am so confused right now, and I want to do the right thing, and I also don’t want to spend another 2 or 3 YEARS waiting around for something we BOTH want to do tomorrow!
I’m going CRAZY!!! :banghead: :whacky:
My fiance and I were originally planning to get married in May 2010, after I graduated from my BSc in Biology. He would finish his degree a few months later as a Computer Engineer, and we would move to where ever he could get a good job, and then I would find one there, too.
But as I’ve learned over the past month, life never goes the way you expected it to go. I discovered I had a chipped bone in my leg, on the bottom of my femur, in Nov. 07, and was on crutches until the end of June 08. The pain in my leg came back at the end of August, so now I’m back on crutches. It seems there is a secondary problem with the way the bones in my leg are formed that is also causing me pain. I’m currently waiting to hear from my doctor as to what the game plan will be, and I’m fairly sure it will be another surgery. I couldn’t face going back to university(this would have been my third year) on crutches and trying to live independently, so I decided to not go back. I was also able to do some thinking about my life in general, and decided to switch education paths to nursing. The nearest nursing program is at the same university my fiance is at, whereas before we were at different ones, and with all my extra science credits, I am going to be able to do the nursing program in 2 years rather than 4. And best of all, we would be able to get married sooner, because we wouldn’t be living in different cities anymore! So we decided to push the wedding date ahead to August 09.
We knew if we got married then we would have to use NFP (I know Creighton already) in order to postpone pregnancy just until I could complete my degree, and then we would leave it in God’s hands. My fiance would be going back and forth in between work and school terms, in a co-op program, so we would have money to live on. He also had the great idea of taking out a student loan, even though he doesn’t need one, and just putting it in the bank, to save it in case we had any emergencies. I was getting excited and getting all set to start making invitations.
But then I talked to him last night… and he’s worried about a few things. Getting married with still 4 more terms of his education to go (2 work terms, 2 school terms) puts stress on him to make sure that he does not fail even a single course, because if he did, he would have to drop out of the co-op program, and either graduate without it, or wait an entire year to get back into it. He’s also unsure as to whether it’s moral to use NFP to avoid right off the bat.
My arguments were that we don’t know what life is going to throw at us, so it’s no use worrying about the what-ifs of failing courses. Look at me, I didn’t do anything, and my education is STILL being pushed back because of a random freak of nature. I think it is moral to use NFP to avoid in our situation, because we just would not have the money for a baby until he graduated, and I would NOT be able to finish a nursing degree with a baby. A nursing degree will give us more job security(if something happens to him, I could work), and it seems like something very useful for a mother to have, if I was a SAHM, which I would like to be. And if we get pregnant while using NFP, well, that’s what being open to life is about, right? Sometimes God’s will over-rides our own. And we’re not avoiding just because ‘we want some time to ourselves’ or anything selfish like that. We want to be able to provide simple things like food and clothing for any children, and we wouldn’t be able to do that on a student budget.
So, why get married when we have to use NFP right off the bat? Because we both know that we want to be married to each other, prayerfully, emotionally, logically, everything between us works. And temptation is beginning to become more of an issue for us, as we’ve been together 3 years now. I am VERY TIRED of waiting to get married to the man I KNOW I want to marry, and I’m starting to worry about our souls. I told him, if the wedding date is pushed back any further, we are going a) visit MUCH less often, and b) when we do, never spend ANY time alone. Maybe that’s the way it should be for everyone, I dunno… But the other purpose to marriage, besides having children, is to help the other person get to heaven, right? So wouldn’t it be better to become sources of grace to each other, rather than remain tempters?
This is probably a HUGE wall of text, but I am so confused right now, and I want to do the right thing, and I also don’t want to spend another 2 or 3 YEARS waiting around for something we BOTH want to do tomorrow!
I’m going CRAZY!!! :banghead: :whacky:
. It could just be the typical case of cold feet - but you should look at it positively that he feels comfortable including you in his thinking process - some peoples minds are very private roads that they don’t tend to let too many people travel down and those people do not tend to make good life partners.
