Wedding Night

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collettejohns

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I’ve been reading this forum for a while and I’ve finally decided to join.

I’m getting married October 12th and I’m worrying a bit about the wedding night. I am a virgin whereas my fiance is not. I’m scared he is going to compare me to his past girlfriends and what if I don’t measure up? What if he had a better time with them or is thinking about them that night?

Another worry I have is that he is going to be disappointed with my body unclothed. His past girlfriends are very pretty and in great shape. I’m not really in the best shape and I’ve lost 50 lbs over the past 3 years so I have lots of stretch marks among other things. I’m really scared he’s going to be really disappointed and won’t get “excited” when he sees me.

Has anybody had these worries or gone through this. I’ve tried praying but I don’t get much consulation. 🤷
 
collettejohns said:
I’ve been reading this forum for a while and I’ve finally decided to join.

I’m getting married October 12th and I’m worrying a bit about the wedding night. I am a virgin whereas my fiance is not. I’m scared he is going to compare me to his past girlfriends and what if I don’t measure up? What if he had a better time with them or is thinking about them that night?

Another worry I have is that he is going to be disappointed with my body unclothed. His past girlfriends are very pretty and in great shape. I’m not really in the best shape and I’ve lost 50 lbs over the past 3 years so I have lots of stretch marks among other things. I’m really scared he’s going to be really disappointed and won’t get “excited” when he sees me.

Has anybody had these worries or gone through this. I’ve tried praying but I don’t get much consulation. 🤷
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Well, the simple fact is, he’s marrying you and not them. Whatever it is the past girlfriends had, it obviously was not enough to entice him into matrimony. Whatever it was the ex-lovers had, it wasn’t enough to want to make him spend the rest of his life with them. You, however, have what it takes to want him to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. And fair to say to be the mother of his children. Wow. Really, there is no comparison. You must remember that a beautiful body alone wont make anyone love you so much that they wish to share their life with you. You are leagues ahead of the ex’s in every way. I’d imagine they must be asking what it is they so lack that he has gone for you - for life!!
Really, it’s no contest. 👍
 
May the Good Lord be whit You.
You have nothing to worry about,he loves You,and as a proof he marrie You. What is in the past is,but the only thing to look forward to is the future. I wish You many happy years. Blessings,Totterman.
 
This is an explicit post, but I think that it is appropriate. The Bible says that older women should teach younger women how to be good wives. That’s what I’m doing.

I’ve been married 31 years. My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night.

Your husband will be very turned on by you. I guarantee it. Even if you’re fat or ugly. The key is that YOU are comfortable and confident in your body. Men love it when women love themselves.

Several years after we were married, I gained over 100 pounds. I’m definitely fat. I’ve lost some of it recently, but I still weight 215 pounds–a big lady.

But never once have I felt like my body was “ugly.” IMO, I am the sexiest, hottest, most arousing woman in the world and always have been. And my husband agrees.

One of the things that I do is “use” my body well. I hope you don’t mind if I am explicit. I have sexy big breasts, and I make sure that my husband sees and feels them. I use them to turn him on. He doesn’t pay any attention to my flabby stomach because he can’t take his eyes off my breasts!

I also make sure that I do plenty of Kegel exercises to make my pelvic floor very strong, and my husband absolutely loves this! If you don’t know about Kegel exercises, talk to your gynecologist or doctor and learn how to do them. It can really help both of you experience better sex. (And it also helps you not to leak urine when you get older.)

Here is a sure-fire way to make sure that your husband has a wonderful experience with you on your wedding night and every night: Show him your pleasure in his lovemaking. I’m not talking about “acting.” Fake moans and writhing will be a turn-off.

What I’m telling you is to enjoy what the two of you are doing together. THAT is the hugest turn-on for any man–knowing that he is giving exquisite pleasure to his wife. Definitely be vocal–you don’t have to scream and gasp and act like a movie star. But those little moans of pleasure will be immensely arousing to your husband and his pleasure will be greatly increased. Show your pleasure in your facial expressions, in your eyes, in your excitement. Let him know that he is appealing and attractive to you. Tell him what actions turn you on (using his tongue, his fingers, whatever). If he does something painful, make sure you are gentle when you tell him to please do something else.

I would suggest reading through the Song of Songs in the Bible and following the example of the woman in that great erotic book. She is literally panting for her husband to make love to her.
 
I think your fear show something more concerning to me. It appears you and your fiancee have not discussed the intimate part of your marriage.

If I was in your shoes, and I had your fears, in the back of my mind I would be thinking 'My fiancee obviously does not regret his past sexual activities. What kind of Catholic will he be?

If your fiancee went to confession about his past and repented, his attitude would be ‘I hope my girlfriend is forgiving about my past. How can I make her feel like she is number 1’. I don’t think you are feeling like you are number 1 right now.

I think that when 2 people are about to be married, they should be able to to discuss these things. If you tell him about this and he does not take you seriously…Red Flag

My suggestion is tell him your fears

CM
 
Now that you are getting close to your wedding - why don’t you pick up a copy of Theology of the Body and start reading it together - meaning seperately and then discussing what your opinions are of what you are reading - it will open up the door on this type of conversation.

I second one of the PP - he is marrying you. He obviously did not find anything worth staying with them for. The lovemaking with you will be a bonus to consummate the marriage and bring the Holy Spirit into your bedroom time and time again to renew your wedding vows.
 
I’ve heard great things also about “Holy Sex!” by Greg Popcak–it’s a guide to joyful marriage Catholic sex. That might make you feel more confident as approaching the wedding night.

But as a person coming at this from the other side, I can tell you that I could never compare my fiancé to my past experiences. I couldn’t because who I was then is not who I am now, so it would be like comparing apples to hamburgers, and also because…I don’t remember. I don’t really remember all that much because it was a long time ago, but also because I am so focused on he and I. In a way, I feel like my wedding night will be my first time, because I have been made anew in Christ.

I can’t, of course, guarantee that your fiancé feels the same way, but I’ll be its similar. He has clearly been content to wait for the two of you to be intimate, so it’s probably been a while since he was last intimate, and he wants to marry you! I’m sure his focus is so entirely on you that he can’t possibly even think about anyone else.

But like other posters have said, talk to him. Tell him your fears, and let him reassure you.

I pray your wedding night is a joyful seal of the covenant you two make before God and your families. Remember that even if the first time is awkward or not perfect, you have plenty of time to practice and (I hear) it gets better with time!!
 
Cat, I think you had a good post.

To the OP, have you talked to your fiance about your fears? We’re getting married in two weeks and I know I’ve talked to my fiance about my fears. Although we’re both virgins. But I have made a point to show that I am a little scared of the unknown. Of not knowing what I’m doing or if it will hurt. But when you talk about it, it gives you time to grow and get closer. Because your fiance can’t read your mind. And talking about it will give you peace of mind. For us, my fiance has told me that he will do anything for me and we will make it work. It really does help alleviate a lot of the fears.
 
Cat said:
This is an explicit post, but I think that it is appropriate. The Bible says that older women should teach younger women how to be good wives. That’s what I’m doing.

I’ve been married 31 years. My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night.

Your husband will be very turned on by you. I guarantee it. Even if you’re fat or ugly. The key is that YOU are comfortable and confident in your body. Men love it when women love themselves.

Several years after we were married, I gained over 100 pounds. I’m definitely fat. I’ve lost some of it recently, but I still weight 215 pounds–a big lady.

But never once have I felt like my body was “ugly.” IMO, I am the sexiest, hottest, most arousing woman in the world and always have been. And my husband agrees.

One of the things that I do is “use” my body well. I hope you don’t mind if I am explicit. I have sexy big breasts, and I make sure that my husband sees and feels them. I use them to turn him on. He doesn’t pay any attention to my flabby stomach because he can’t take his eyes off my breasts!

I also make sure that I do plenty of Kegel exercises to make my pelvic floor very strong, and my husband absolutely loves this! If you don’t know about Kegel exercises, talk to your gynecologist or doctor and learn how to do them. It can really help both of you experience better sex. (And it also helps you not to leak urine when you get older.)

Here is a sure-fire way to make sure that your husband has a wonderful experience with you on your wedding night and every night: Show him your pleasure in his lovemaking. I’m not talking about “acting.” Fake moans and writhing will be a turn-off.

What I’m telling you is to enjoy what the two of you are doing together. THAT is the hugest turn-on for any man–knowing that he is giving exquisite pleasure to his wife. Definitely be vocal–you don’t have to scream and gasp and act like a movie star. But those little moans of pleasure will be immensely arousing to your husband and his pleasure will be greatly increased. Show your pleasure in your facial expressions, in your eyes, in your excitement. Let him know that he is appealing and attractive to you. Tell him what actions turn you on (using his tongue, his fingers, whatever). If he does something painful, make sure you are gentle when you tell him to please do something else.

I would suggest reading through the Song of Songs in the Bible and following the example of the woman in that great erotic book. She is literally panting for her husband to make love to her.
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Every engaged AND married couple should read this post!
 
I’m not engaged or married but I am a man with a past similar to your fiance’s. One of my greatest anxieties is that my future wife will have the same fears you are expressing in your post. Honestly, my guess is that he probably feels guilt about his past and would never want you to feel that way. As others posters have said, talk to him about it and remember that the past is gone and you have a bright future ahead. Enjoy your first experience together, I’m sure it will be wonderful. Another poster suggested “Holy Sex” by Popcak- it really is a great book, I think it would really help both of you to read it.

Also, congratulations on your weight loss. Not to be explicit but sex is a lot better if you’re fit!
 
Thanks for all the responses! You all have made me feel somewhat better, I’m still a little nervous though. I guess it’s just a little fear of the unknown. I have talked to him briefly about it and he tells me he doesn’t think of them and that I’m beautiful. He’s just never seen what I really look like without clothes on, you know?

Cat, thanks for the insight. I guess I’ll try to have him focus on other places than the parts I’m uncomfortable with. I just hope he’s not disappointed and he’s building me up in his head and I won’t fulfill what he’s thinking.
 
I agree with the poster named ‘Cat’. But to add to her post, ill just say that there is nothing wrong with being kinky. Throw a couple good moves here, kisses there, licks here, and touching there.

Sorry that was a lot of info, but really you should do it. And yes, you should be vocal, he will like it. Men are naturally attracted to their girls moaning. Perhaps you could buy a new outfit from victorias secret just to shock him when you get undressed. 😉
 
BlueShadow123 said:
I agree with the poster named ‘Cat’. But to add to her post, ill just say that there is nothing wrong with being kinky. Throw a couple good moves here, kisses there, licks here, and touching there.

Sorry that was a lot of info, but really you should do it. And yes, you should be vocal, he will like it. Men are naturally attracted to their girls moaning. Perhaps you could buy a new outfit from victorias secret just to shock him when you get undressed. 😉
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Thanks for the advice but I refuse to give money to victoria’s secret.
 
Also, I would suggest speaking to him first. Ask him to be gentle.

It will be fine. He’s marrying you…must mean he appreciates you for who you are.
 
Something else that occured to me, that I don’t think anyone else has yet mentioned…
Your husband-to-be is marrying you with the full awareness that you are a virgin, correct? So I imagine he is pretty excited to be the one who gets to give you your first experience, as well as a bit intimidated. He’ll probably worry a bit about frightening you or being a bit too rough. He has his own list of concerns to overcome, but overall he is most likely really happy that you waited for marriage to him. I’ll bet he’ll be very pleased with you and what you two will now be able to share with each other.
My husband and I were both virgins. I know that from my own perspective I was so happy to not be worldly or experienced. He was very happy to know that the gift I was giving him had been reserved just for him. That gift still gives to our intimate relationship to this day, many years later. So be happy for what you have to offer to your husband. Don’t worry about body imperfections or inexperience. Those are worldly concerns. Focus on the beauty of your gift of self, and the love that you share with your new husband, and the excitement about the joy and pleasure you can bring to each other.
And, most of all, HAVE FUN!!! ;)😃
 
collettejohns said:
Thanks for the advice but I refuse to give money to victoria’s secret.
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I completely understand. I’m not comfortable with Victoria’s Secret either and my husband doesn’t even care for it either. I ended up finding a nice long white nightgown for our wedding night at Nordstrom. It was nice and was something I felt I could wear without feeling uncomfortable. Funny thing is, his favorite outfit is a pajama set that I got at Target! It not even what I’d consider immodest, but a bit nicer than pajamas I used to wear.

I have one thing to say about nerviousness about what his reaction will be when he sees you. That anxiety builds up to great bliss when he reassures you of how beautiful he finds you, or not even that but just his involuntary reaction. My husband’s first reaction to me just …wow. It made me feel so beautiful in ways I have never felt beautiful before. The anxiety about being possibly a disappointment makes for a great build up. I don’t think it would have had the same effect had I been completely confident or expected him to have the reaction he had. It made it all the more special.

That said, do also realize that your wedding night is the first of many, many times. Its like the first day a kid gets on a bicycle. Marital intimacy isn’t just about that first night, its about your entire lifetime, and where-ever you begin on that journey, God will be there with you.

It is important to talk about your fears and expectations before you marry, but I think to some extent everyone goes into their wedding night with some anxiety if they’ve waited. I promise you’ll be ok and I say this as a woman who was not physically able to consumate her marriage for the first two months of her marriage. My condition is very rare and deals with sexual trauma from my childhood. God has been so much there for us and I still do not regret waiting for marriage. I’m not angry at God for allowing me to develop this condition, I rather rejoice that we were able to overcome it and that we now have such a wonderful and special way to express our love. Moreover, in overcoming this God performed so much healing in me. There is nothing God can’t do and no trial God will give you that He won’t give you the grace to endure.

You’ll be ok.
 
twoangels said:
I completely understand. I’m not comfortable with Victoria’s Secret either and my husband doesn’t even care for it either. I ended up finding a nice long white nightgown for our wedding night at Nordstrom. It was nice and was something I felt I could wear without feeling uncomfortable. Funny thing is, his favorite outfit is a pajama set that I got at Target! It not even what I’d consider immodest, but a bit nicer than pajamas I used to wear.

I have one thing to say about nerviousness about what his reaction will be when he sees you. That anxiety builds up to great bliss when he reassures you of how beautiful he finds you, or not even that but just his involuntary reaction. My husband’s first reaction to me just …wow. It made me feel so beautiful in ways I have never felt beautiful before. The anxiety about being possibly a disappointment makes for a great build up. I don’t think it would have had the same effect had I been completely confident or expected him to have the reaction he had. It made it all the more special.

That said, do also realize that your wedding night is the first of many, many times. Its like the first day a kid gets on a bicycle. Marital intimacy isn’t just about that first night, its about your entire lifetime, and where-ever you begin on that journey, God will be there with you.

It is important to talk about your fears and expectations before you marry, but I think to some extent everyone goes into their wedding night with some anxiety if they’ve waited. I promise you’ll be ok and I say this as a woman who was not physically able to consumate her marriage for the first two months of her marriage. My condition is very rare and deals with sexual trauma from my childhood. God has been so much there for us and I still do not regret waiting for marriage. I’m not angry at God for allowing me to develop this condition, I rather rejoice that we were able to overcome it and that we now have such a wonderful and special way to express our love. Moreover, in overcoming this God performed so much healing in me. There is nothing God can’t do and no trial God will give you that He won’t give you the grace to endure.

You’ll be ok.
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Wow! What an amazing post and a beautiful testimony. 🙂
 
Its normal to be a bit nervous on your wedding night but don’t worry. He wants to marry you and I am sure that he will find you attractive. I was worried a bit too but I didn’t need to have been since my husband finds me very attractive. Sadly, I still struggle with self image.

Cat: that was a very good post and definitely one that every engaged and married couple should read. Couples need to talk about intimacy/sex, etc. It is part of marriage and if the couple isn’t communicating then that can lead to many problems. Its best to talk about it instead of keeping one’s feelings hidden.
 
BlueShadow123 said:
I agree with the poster named ‘Cat’. But to add to her post, ill just say that there is nothing wrong with being kinky. Throw a couple good moves here, kisses there, licks here, and touching there.

Sorry that was a lot of info, but really you should do it. And yes, you should be vocal, he will like it. Men are naturally attracted to their girls moaning. Perhaps you could buy a new outfit from victorias secret just to shock him when you get undressed. 😉
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Am I the only one that finds it disturbing that a 16 year-old is giving wedding night sex advice and discussing intimate lovemaking noises with an assurance that men like to hear it?
 
Samantha79 said:
Am I the only one that finds it disturbing that a 16 year-old is giving wedding night sex advice and discussing intimate lovemaking noises with an assurance that men like to hear it?
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No I thought it was disturbing as well, but kept my mouth shut.
 
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