Wedding or convalidation ceremony?

[BCD2009]

I have just recently gone back to the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic however I strayed from the church for about 6 years and in the meantime got married(in a civil ceremony at a courthouse) and now have 2 children and one on the way. My husband is not Catholic however he has agreed to attend the Catholic church with me, learn more about the faith, have our children baptized in the church and have a wedding ceremony in the church. We met with our Priest last week and he informed us we can have our wedding ceremony after Lent. He kept referring to the ceremony as a “wedding” although what I’ve read on Catholic websites it is called a convalidation ceremony rather than a wedding. My question is that since we never actually had a wedding we would like to take this opportunity to have a real wedding ceremony in front of our family and closest friends. I would like to wear a wedding dress, ivory of course. And my husband would like to wear a tux. We arent going to do all the bells and whistles but we would like to have the wedding we didn’t have. What is common and proper in the eyes of the church as far as a “convalidation ceremony”?

 

[ValPal]

He kept referring to the ceremony as a “wedding” although what I’ve read on Catholic websites it is called a convalidation ceremony rather than a wedding.

From the Church’s point of view, you are not married, which is why the priest would refer to this event as a wedding. A “convalidation” deals with the case of a couple involving at least one Catholic that is “married” under civil law. Civil and sacramental marriage are not the same for Catholics.

My question is that since we never actually had a wedding we would like to take this opportunity to have a real wedding ceremony in front of our family and closest friends. I would like to wear a wedding dress, ivory of course. And my husband would like to wear a tux. We arent going to do all the bells and whistles but we would like to have the wedding we didn’t have. What is common and proper in the eyes of the church as far as a “convalidation ceremony”?

This is a wedding and you are free to do as you choose. Typically these events are very low key, but you may do as you choose.

 

[runningdude]

I have just recently gone back to the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic however I strayed from the church for about 6 years and in the meantime got married(in a civil ceremony at a courthouse) and now have 2 children and one on the way. My husband is not Catholic however he has agreed to attend the Catholic church with me, learn more about the faith, have our children baptized in the church and have a wedding ceremony in the church. We met with our Priest last week and he informed us we can have our wedding ceremony after Lent. He kept referring to the ceremony as a “wedding” although what I’ve read on Catholic websites it is called a convalidation ceremony rather than a wedding.

I’m glad your husband is understanding and accommodating towards your faith. There’s no need to worry about what the ceremony is called - a “convalidation” is a wedding, although generally low key when it is preceded by an elaborate civil ceremony.

My question is that since we never actually had a wedding we would like to take this opportunity to have a real wedding ceremony in front of our family and closest friends. I would like to wear a wedding dress, ivory of course. And my husband would like to wear a tux. We arent going to do all the bells and whistles but we would like to have the wedding we didn’t have. What is common and proper in the eyes of the church as far as a “convalidation ceremony”?

Basically, you don’t want to impose on guests by making them buy you a new set of gifts when you’ve already gone through the motions of a wedding before.

 

[1ke]

The terms are, basically, interchangeable.

Yes, in canonical language it is a convalidation because you are already civilly married. However, you can refer to it as a wedding. The Marriage Rite is used in a convalidation just as it is in a “wedding”.
.

 

[BCD2009]

So what would be the appropriate way to invite guests but make it clear it is more a “vow renewal” and explain gifts are not expected nor requested? Also, while my family is all Catholic and very accepting and excited about our decision to get married in the church my husband’s is not Catholic and I’m expecting they wont be as excited about it. Mainly because they wont understand.

 

[1ke]

I suggest handwritten notes inviting people to the convalidation. You can say something like, “please join us as we exchange vows”, “you are cordially invited to our marriage convalidation”, “we’d love to have you witness our convalidation”, etc.

If your husband is baptized, you can use the phrase “united in the Sacrament of Marriage”.

Avoid phrases such as “renewal of vows” (because it is not a renewal), “blessing of marriage”, and similar.

 

[SummerSmiles]

I have just recently gone back to the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic however I strayed from the church for about 6 years and in the meantime got married(in a civil ceremony at a courthouse) and now have 2 children and one on the way. My husband is not Catholic however he has agreed to attend the Catholic church with me, learn more about the faith, have our children baptized in the church and have a wedding ceremony in the church. We met with our Priest last week and he informed us we can have our wedding ceremony after Lent. He kept referring to the ceremony as a “wedding” although what I’ve read on Catholic websites it is called a convalidation ceremony rather than a wedding. My question is that since we never actually had a wedding we would like to take this opportunity to have a real wedding ceremony in front of our family and closest friends. I would like to wear a wedding dress, ivory of course. And my husband would like to wear a tux. We arent going to do all the bells and whistles but we would like to have the wedding we didn’t have. What is common and proper in the eyes of the church as far as a “convalidation ceremony”?

Welcome home! My husband and I did the same thing: courthouse civil marriage, and then later on did a convalidation. We didn’t have any sort of ceremony or celebration with the civil marriage, and we decided to have our celebration when we had our marriage convalidated. You can do as much or as little for the convalidation as you choose. We did all the bells and whistles–I had a wedding dress, DH had a tux, we had bridesmaids and groomsmen, and did a reception. Talk with your priest if you’d like to have a bigger ceremony and invite your friends and family, he can tell you what you need to do as far as reserving the church and getting things started. Our parish has a woman who just plans the weddings in the church, and she helped us out quite a bit when we had ours.

Some parishes typically do smaller convalidation ceremonies, so you’ll have to discuss it with your priest. Our parish was one of those; the pastor kept telling us that it was supposed to be a small low key event. We explained that we hadn’t had a wedding before, that the convalidation was very important to us because it was when we became married in God’s eyes and in the Church, and that we felt it was more fitting to celebrate the sacrament with our families rather than just celebrating signing a marriage license. After that discussion, he was more than happy to allow us to have a big wedding type celebration!

So what would be the appropriate way to invite guests but make it clear it is more a “vow renewal” and explain gifts are not expected nor requested? Also, while my family is all Catholic and very accepting and excited about our decision to get married in the church my husband’s is not Catholic and I’m expecting they wont be as excited about it. Mainly because they wont understand.

If your husband is baptized, then you could just invite people to be in attendance as you and your husband enter into the Sacrament of marriage. If you’re having a reception afterwards, then you can say something like, “reception to follow, gifts not requested.” Even if you’re not having the reception, you can still write something at the bottom of the invitation stating that gifts are not necessary.

 

[runningdude]

Be forewarned, of course, that choosing to go the full wedding route would probably require booking the church six months in advance, whereas a low key convalidation might be quicker to arrange.