wedding planning---advice and help please

[iluvmybabies]

Well I have posted forever and a day here and I feel so bad for all those who have to put up with me!! I thank you for your help and support and your kindness and GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Now we are going to have a small wedding, anywhere between 30-120 people depending on whom I have permission by my mother to invite…for those who have read a bit about me in many other posts, you know about my mother, and for those whom don’t well she’s into the whole “he said, she said” thing…and this is my first real Blessed marriage, I have been married before but not through the Catholic church so to her it’s embarrassing that I am a failure of a woman couldn’t control my first husband and couldn’t keep my first husband…blah blah blah…so for me to get married again, even though through the church so technically my first real marriage, to her it’s not a big deal, and doesn’t care for whom shows up or is invited until after I am married then she will brag to the world her daughter is married through the church and everyone can then know and see pics about it…as for me it’s a blessing I have been hoping for all my life…I have a year to plan this but if I wait I will never be ready for it…

As stated, it’s a small wedding but I have no idea how to begin planning for something so small…Now I want tradition, and for our love, passion and care to be shown as well as for our families to enjoy…

I have a bit of what I want which is an indoor wedding in our church…and then to the reception which I don’t have many choices but a few halls and hotels around where I live…small city… Not major tourist attractions here!!!

His brother got married this year, big over 200 guests…I would have about 400 guests if I were to invite all of my family and all of my fiance’s family but my mom again, and the distances between all of my family living in other countries won’t help either…so locally it’s about 30-120 people I will send out invitations to… but even though I would like to also have a memorable wedding one that I don’t want to be compared with his brother’s since I know large weddings are hard to top off…It’s not a competition but I really don’t wish to hear during my reception “oh I liked the way they did it better last year?!!” I will be devastated you know?

I hope to GOD my wedding will come about, since I have been having issues with mom stuff on both sides but I am very happy to let you know I love him and he loves me and adores my children as well so I am thinking why can’t we make this work…I really believe we are soul mates and with that said the planning for a wonderfully blessed future is definitely a must do…

So any help would be greatly appreciated!!! I thank you and may GOD bless you!!!

 

[whatevergirl]

**Hi iluvmybabies;

I love weddings…am I on your list? No? Why not? Just one more person…oh my dh too. Just two more.

Ok…

I have read your threads about your mom. And his mom. May I ask…are you and he paying for this wedding? Even if your mom or his mom are chipping in, it’s still your** special day, and the where and how of your wedding, should be your and your fiance’s choice. I’d accept advice, but I can sense in your post, that you are probably going to be concerned with what your mom thinks the entire time. I understand. I came from a controlling family…but, there comes a point where you have to say enough is enough, MOM. I am an adult. I am grateful for your advice, but please…I don’t want this to turn into a stress-fest. Hopefully she will respect that.

Largely why I eloped, then had my marriage blessed years later in the Church.*** I don’t recommend this! ***lol But, if I had to do things over again, I would not have allowed my family to get in the way of that fateful day.

That being said…are you asking where to have it, or …? I’m not quite sure what you’re asking us–sorry. Can you elaborate?

I’m happy you’ll be getting married in the Church. That’s great!

 

[ecp007]

Agreed. We paid for our own wedding, so we were a) much more willing to make rational decisions on what we could and could not afford. And b) we got to do pretty much whatever we wanted to do.

 

[jrabs]

Agreed. We paid for our own wedding, so we were a) much more willing to make rational decisions on what we could and could not afford. And b) we got to do pretty much whatever we wanted to do.

Along these lines - I agree that if you are paying for the wedding, then you are the driver. Congrats - by the way.

First thing to do is pin down your reception venue. That will dictate how many people can be seated. That is how you will formulate your guest list. Then you go back to mama and give her the rules without further discussion.

Another reason for securing the reception venue first is to determine the food situation. Does it provide the food, can you bring your own, how much they charge, etc. It may be the biggest portion of your total budget so it is good to get a grasp early on and the people count directly impacts that.

If mama is paying the bills for the wedding, then all bets are off and you either take back the reigns and pay yourself or suffer in graceful silence as best you can.

 

[iluvmybabies]

**Hi iluvmybabies;

I love weddings…am I on your list? No? Why not? Just one more person…oh my dh too. Just two more You know what send me your info and I will send you an invite!! I will have a great company from a wonderful person and her family, why not?! Besides the more the merrier for me, unlike my mother’s idea of supporting for the wedding, the less the better!! **

Ok…

I have read your threads about your mom. And his mom. May I ask…are you and he paying for this wedding? Even if your mom or his mom are chipping in, it’s still your special day, and the where and how of your wedding, should be your and your fiance’s choice. I’d accept advice, but I can sense in your post, that you are probably going to be concerned with what your mom thinks the entire time. I understand. I came from a controlling family…but, there comes a point where you have to say enough is enough, MOM. I am an adult. I am grateful for your advice, but please…I don’t want this to turn into a stress-fest. Hopefully she will respect that.

First of all noooo they are not paying for a single thing!! Not pitching in, not helping, nothing!! We have no support at all from his parent’s and mine are a bit too far to help in much way… No she doesn’t care about my wedding, my mother doesn’t even care if she’s able to come or not…Like I said for my parent’s it’s not a big deal…For me I would really like it to be a memorable and beautiful day, first of all it’s my first Catholic marriage and hopefully my only one!!! crossing fingers, God willing!!!

Largely why I eloped, then had my marriage blessed years later in the Church.*** I don’t recommend this! ***lol But, if I had to do things over again, I would not have allowed my family to get in the way of that fateful day.
Well actually I had done that my first marriage and then never got my marriage blessed because to my exhusband there was always an excuse and it’s ok really because thanks to him not wanting to marry me, I found a great companion, whom I believe is my soul mate and who actually doesn’t want to get married just civilly actually want’s his marriage blessed for eternity through the church!!

That being said…are you asking where to have it, or …? I’m not quite sure what you’re asking us–sorry. Can you elaborate?

I’m happy you’ll be getting married in the Church. That’s great!

Well like what ideas for a nice, romantic wedding, you know…like traditional but not traditional, like should I give everyone a flower before the ceremony so that they could help make the bouquet? Should I have flowers in the church and at the reception? What ideas for reception entertainment, etc…
Thanks for your advice and help!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

Along these lines - I agree that if you are paying for the wedding, then you are the driver. Congrats - by the way.

First thing to do is pin down your reception venue. That will dictate how many people can be seated. That is how you will formulate your guest list. Then you go back to mama and give her the rules without further discussion.

Another reason for securing the reception venue first is to determine the food situation. Does it provide the food, can you bring your own, how much they charge, etc. It may be the biggest portion of your total budget so it is good to get a grasp early on and the people count directly impacts that.

If mama is paying the bills for the wedding, then all bets are off and you either take back the reigns and pay yourself or suffer in graceful silence as best you can.

Nope we will be paying for everything…and the list is anywhere between 30-100 people, I am not sure when would be a good time to send out the invites to find out how many people are coming to really know for sure…I have about 120 people to send them out to but not sure where to begin?! Then I don’t know how to deal with flower arrangements are those even needed? Etc…

 

[kage_ar]

First thing, call your Parish and find out what the guidelines are for weddings. They may or may not have rules about flowers, dresses, etc.

Are you having a Mass or a Marriage Ceremony without the Mass? Your songs are to be “church songs”, the romantic songs are for the reception.

If you want everyone to assist in making the boquet, it seems that would be best done outside the Church before the guests are seated the wedding begins.

The ladies (and gents) here will be happy to help you as wedding planners

 

[iluvmybabies]

First thing, call your Parish and find out what the guidelines are for weddings. They may or may not have rules about flowers, dresses, etc.

Good idea, should do that this weekend or beginning of next week, thanks for the pointers…I know about the dress, or gown or even suit, the priest doesn’t oppose to either one…he has even suggest a gown thats four grand is perfectly acceptable on such a special occassion!! I was like uhm sorry not millionaire and even if I was sorry, not crazy!!!

Are you having a Mass or a Marriage Ceremony without the Mass? Your songs are to be “church songs”, the romantic songs are for the reception.

HMMMMM Didn’t think about that one either…What do you think is best with mass or without??? Yes songs…definitely need songs…how many church songs are needed anyhow???

If you want everyone to assist in making the boquet, it seems that would be best done outside the Church before the guests are seated the wedding begins.

Really but then doesn’t that like not really go well if it’s outside since everyone will not be in any order or anything like that? I was thinking that before the ceremony asking my maid of honor to go to each person that’s sitting closest to the walkway and give them a flower/rose/etc and as I am walking down the aisle for them to give it to me and I just add it to my bouquet and build it better you know?

The ladies (and gents) here will be happy to help you as wedding planners

And I thank you all for your wonderful advice!! It’s greatly appreciated!!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

BTW, even though our wedding has been planned for October of next year seeing how freezing it is over here in illinois, 50 degrees I don’t think it will work out well so we are actually going to ask the priest to move us up on an august wedding!!! I am a bit saddened that it’s been so cold but just the thought of freezing during my wedding is not a good way of thinking about it!!! Thanks again everyone for your great help and support!!!

 

[SeekerJen]

Nope we will be paying for everything…and the list is anywhere between 30-100 people, I am not sure when would be a good time to send out the invites to find out how many people are coming to really know for sure…I have about 120 people to send them out to but not sure where to begin?! Then I don’t know how to deal with flower arrangements are those even needed? Etc…

If you’re paying for everything, then do what you want and invite whomever you want. Your mother has NO say. She can either deal with it, or she can not show up. From what you’ve said, the latter might be the more preferable option if she’s the type to make a public fuss when she doesn’t get her way.

Traditionally invitations go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. You could send out informal “save the date” cards several months in advance, but that is usually only done if you’re planning to invite a lot of out-of-towners (allows them to start making travel plans early).

 

[kage_ar]

Are you both baptized and practicing Catholics? Then a full Mass would be the choice. If your husband to be is not Catholic, then, you will go with a Marriage Ceremony (it is very much like Mass, without the Eucharist). This web site will help you.

catholicbrides.com/cathinfo.php?category=2

About your flower idea - it is something that I am sure looks lovely on television. I am a realist.

You are walking down to the Altar, people are handing you flowers. You are going to get to the front, holding a bundle of loose stems. If it were me, my palms would be sweaty from excitement. You will need to hand the bunch of loose flowers off to an attendant at some point, and the chance of dropping those slippery loose stems is rather high - then your boquet is scattered all over the place

If your boquet is assembled and tied with cord or ribbon before you walk, you have one thing to hold, it is solid in your hand. You can have a Rosary worked into it

 

[iluvmybabies]

If you’re paying for everything, then do what you want and invite whomever you want. Your mother has NO say. She can either deal with it, or she can not show up. From what you’ve said, the latter might be the more preferable option if she’s the type to make a public fuss when she doesn’t get her way. Thanks but I would never hear the end of it so I have to go with what she tells me…about whom I can and can’t invite… Well she will not make a fool of herself so she will keep her mouth shut till the end of it and then make my life a living hell!!! She’s very controlling…it’s sad…

Traditionally invitations go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. You could send out informal “save the date” cards several months in advance, but that is usually only done if you’re planning to invite a lot of out-of-towners (allows them to start making travel plans early).

Yes actually most of my family is from out of town…so yeah I will start looking at that save the date stuff…thanks for the hint!! Greatly appreciated!!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

Are you both baptized and practicing Catholics? Then a full Mass would be the choice. If your husband to be is not Catholic, then, you will go with a Marriage Ceremony (it is very much like Mass, without the Eucharist). This web site will help you. Yes both Catholic, and yes both baptized, first communion and Confirmed…

catholicbrides.com/cathinfo.php?category=2

About your flower idea - it is something that I am sure looks lovely on television. I am a realist.

You are walking down to the Altar, people are handing you flowers. You are going to get to the front, holding a bundle of loose stems. If it were me, my palms would be sweaty from excitement. You will need to hand the bunch of loose flowers off to an attendant at some point, and the chance of dropping those slippery loose stems is rather high - then your boquet is scattered all over the place
Well then yeah that does make better sense… Just a thought…

If your boquet is assembled and tied with cord or ribbon before you walk, you have one thing to hold, it is solid in your hand. You can have a Rosary worked into it

Ooh rosary that does sound pretty!! Thanks for the advice…

 

[Filipa_Guardado]

hello ! Wish u a great wedding , as beautiful as you have dreamt.

I post recently with a question about if it was possible to marry civily and after in the catholic church , so my family could be present , but it was closed after a reply . For any one who wonder i will get married in 2009 arround march to june , maybe without my family present .

One thing about the catholic church that i truelly dont see the christian spirit is the capitalism and the outside image of the institution and on the time of receiving this sacrament . Big partys , big dresses , lots of litle details here and there … goes to millions that are spend for some hours . Wouldnt this money be more suitable to spend in charity ?

Another thing , i was baptized as an adult and unfortenly was also required that i bought a white vest that cost alot for me , as a student and that know seats in the closet till donation .

Sacraments … yes i do belive in the sacraments that were instituied by the catholic church , but knowing all the history and falls of the catholic church among the years interpertating Gods word ( power , death …hatress …etc …)
I also think that the true sacrament is in your heart , is between u and God , nothing that money can pay and that human rituals are just a part of the sacrament , and not only the sacrament .
hmm … Maybe i am wrong , maybe i aint …

Anyways , going back to you …

All the hapiness in the world i wish to you !!!..

sorry for the misspelling but i´m portuguese .

Peace and God bless

 

[kage_ar]

Filipa -

The Church does not require money be spent on a wedding, that is up to the couple. A couple can be married in normal Sunday clothes at a regular Mass.

Prayers for you.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Filipa -

The Church does not require money be spent on a wedding, that is up to the couple. A couple can be married in normal Sunday clothes at a regular Mass.

Prayers for you.

Really? Not where I live!!! lol…
They have to be in advanced 6 months, no matter what, they have to “donate” something, and of course the Priest let us know that at least wear something that goes with the event…

 

[TAS2000]

I don’t think kage meant you could just show up one sunday at mass and say “please marry us”. There is required preprartion and verification that both people are free to marry, etc. as well as other practicalities. I think Kage just meant that you do not need a special gown, decorations, dinner for 500, reception hall, etc. All you need is a valid sacrament, which can be done for free. Of course, it would be rather petty to deny a stipend or some compensation to the parish if you could afford to give somethign, including your time volunteering if you can’t afford a monetary donation.