wedding planning---advice and help please

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iluvmybabies

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Well I have posted forever and a day here and I feel so bad for all those who have to put up with me!! I thank you for your help and support and your kindness and GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Now we are going to have a small wedding, anywhere between 30-120 people depending on whom I have permission by my mother to invite…for those who have read a bit about me in many other posts, you know about my mother, and for those whom don’t well she’s into the whole “he said, she said” thing…and this is my first real Blessed marriage, I have been married before but not through the Catholic church so to her it’s embarrassing that I am a failure of a woman couldn’t control my first husband and couldn’t keep my first husband…blah blah blah…so for me to get married again, even though through the church so technically my first real marriage, to her it’s not a big deal, and doesn’t care for whom shows up or is invited until after I am married then she will brag to the world her daughter is married through the church and everyone can then know and see pics about it…as for me it’s a blessing I have been hoping for all my life…I have a year to plan this but if I wait I will never be ready for it…

As stated, it’s a small wedding but I have no idea how to begin planning for something so small…Now I want tradition, and for our love, passion and care to be shown as well as for our families to enjoy…

I have a bit of what I want which is an indoor wedding in our church…and then to the reception which I don’t have many choices but a few halls and hotels around where I live…small city…🤷 Not major tourist attractions here!!! 😦 I also will have my daughter and niece be my flower girl, my sister my maid of honor, and my fiance’s bf his best man…they each will bring their spouses/partners…I also want my youngest son and my youngest nephew to each carry a ring, it would be sweet and make it more personal you know? More family involvement this way…And my second oldest, son, and my eldest nephew to pass out the programs in the beginning of the ceremony and then the bubbles at the end before we go outside of the church…I wanted an October wedding but I doubt that will work, I will have to speak with our priest to change it to August, too cold…Can’t deal with the cold…My lips will be purple taking some outdoor pics… 😦 And I would like my sis and the best man to excuse everyone out of the seats and send them to the back at the end of the ceremony in order for us to greet and thank everyone personally…That’s what I have planned so far??? Not sure about flowers nor other adornments for before and after the services so any help is appreciated!!! 😃

His brother got married this year, big over 200 guests…I would have about 400 guests if I were to invite all of my family and all of my fiance’s family but my mom again, and the distances between all of my family living in other countries won’t help either…so locally it’s about 30-120 people I will send out invitations to… but even though I would like to also have a memorable wedding one that I don’t want to be compared with his brother’s since I know large weddings are hard to top off…It’s not a competition but I really don’t wish to hear during my reception “oh I liked the way they did it better last year?!!” I will be devastated you know?

I hope to GOD my wedding will come about, since I have been having issues with mom stuff on both sides but I am very happy to let you know I love him and he loves me and adores my children as well so I am thinking why can’t we make this work…I really believe we are soul mates and with that said the planning for a wonderfully blessed future is definitely a must do… 😃

So any help would be greatly appreciated!!! I thank you and may GOD bless you!!!
 
I’m sorry, OP, I haven’t read your other posts. So I’m only going off your post here on this thread. I’m wondering what is up with your mom? Why do you care so much what she says and thinks? And what in the world do you need her permission for?? Is she paying for it?
 
Hey, sweetie, I’ve been following your posts somewhat and I get the feeling that it would be better if your mom didn’t pay for the wedding. That then frees you up to have the wedding that you want…and she can either be kind and helpful, or she can simply show up as a guest.

Just my $.02. 🙂
 
For flowers:

Check with your church, but I would use artifical ones wherever possible. You can have them ready months in advance, and you can keep them afterwards. I had a December wedding, and I used a lot of the flowers arrangements in my Christmas Decorations. It reminds me of that day everytime I see them. It is also a lot cheaper. I put them together myself and bargin shopped during the 1/2 off sales at Hobby Lobby and Micheals. Real Greenery and flowers would have been well over $1500.00 and I spent about $400.00 on the artifical ones.

As for Family Drama…I kept my wedding party and the wedding itself small to avoid any family drama. Remember, especially if you have children of your own, that this is your day, and not your mothers.
 
Oops, this is a duplicate, iluvmybabies…sorry, I posted in your other thread on this.
 
Hi there and congratulations on the wedding! 🙂

I have read a few of your posts and would agree with the previous poster about trying to do the wedding without letting your mother pay if that is possible.

Planning a small wedding… well before my own parents offered to pay for the reception so that my husband and I could have our families and some of their friends there (we ended up having between 160-165 guests most of whom were familiy), we were planning a small wedding with a small budget. I still incorporated some of our budget savers. Here is some of my advice:
  • Wedding party - keep it small or none at all except for the child attendants that you are already planning on having, which I think it lovely.
  • Bridesmaid dresses - If you do decide on having bridesmaids save them money by either getting an affordable seamstress to make the dresses or allowing them to choose their own dresses (with your approval). When I got married, the boutiques had such expensive dresses and I didn’t want them to spend a couple hundred on a gown they might never wear again. So, I used a seamstress who was extremely affordable, went down to a discount fabric store and found a beautiful peau silk material in one color and had them make their gowns in a style that suited them best. Depending on the style and the amount of fabric, they all paid between $80-$110 on a custom-made dress which they could wear again.
Another thing I’ve seen are brides who choose the color and then tell their bridesmaids to get whatever dress they want so that they could wear it again.

And the other thing I’ve seen were more practical bridesmaid dresses that are cut at the knee or a little further to the knee. They are usually less money and more practical in terms of wearing again.
  • Bridal gown - If you have a small budget for a bridal gown, check out sites like Ebay or Craig’s list. When my sister-in-law got married, she had a small wedding and bought a couple of really nice couture gowns that were like $100/$150. The people she bought them from either changed their minds or wore it, got it cleaned and didn’t feel like keeping it. She sold the one that she decided she didn’t want back on ebay to another bride and got her money back for that one.
  • Flowers - As another pointed out, check with your church first about flowers. Some parishes have strict guidelines. Many parishes don’t allow artificial flowers for in the church and some don’t even allow it for the bride and wedding party.
Instead of going to a florist, try a nursery or garden center and see if they have someone on staff who will do flower arranging and bouquets. My best friend’s family own a nursery and they happened to have a staff member who did that. We did get a discount because their daughter was my best friend, but even without the discount and the types of flowers which were used, we literally saved a few thousand dollars. (I met with florists before I found out about the nursery, so we priced around.)

The other thing with flowers, if you want to keep it simple, for the tables, you can have simple arrangements - which will also be more affordable. We have cut, loose, country flowers to make it look like they were picked outside and brought in and put in vases or teapots. Each table was a little different and that saved extra. A friend of ours kept it really simple but beautifully elegant, but using one or two single flowers in a vase wrapped in ribbon with a few votives for each table.
  • Reception venue - if it is to be a small reception, try checking out , old historical inns or restaurants which give a warm intimate feeling. And while pricing, you and your fiance can check out if these places would be “gouging”. Namely, some places will charge more for the same kind of food and same number of people just because it is a wedding. One of you call up as a bride and the other call up as a person just throwing a party. Give the same info and see if the prices are about the same.
Another thing to look for are for places that have all-inclusive prices. They can be more affordable. Some places give a price for just the food, but don’t include the price of wait staff, the cake, drinks, booze, linens, etc. So, sometimes it can actually add up to much more than what you were expecting to pay. All-inclusive packages will outline everything with additions if you want to pay extra. The bar is very important. If you want to have alcohol at the reception and know that you will have a lot of people drinking, you may want to pay a one time fee for the booze. Having a bar which charge by the drink can really add up - especially if you do have people who will be drinking alcohol.

If no alcohol, do by the drink.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of for now. PM me if you have more questions.
 
well you could do what some young relatives of mine did, get married in another city, precisely to avoid parental involvement and manipulation. you could send her an announcement after the fact. above all spend as much time planning for marriages as you do planning for the wedding. something tells me you better settle the issue of your mother trying to control your life and manipulating you with her derogatory wit before you attempt marriage again. this is a perfect time to set a pattern for the rest of your life, where you pay your own way, and take away her power to manipulate through money and threats connected with financial support.
 
puzzleannie said:
well you could do what some young relatives of mine did, get married in another city, precisely to avoid parental involvement and manipulation. you could send her an announcement after the fact. above all spend as much time planning for marriages as you do planning for the wedding. something tells me you better settle the issue of your mother trying to control your life and manipulating you with her derogatory wit before you attempt marriage again. this is a perfect time to set a pattern for the rest of your life, where you pay your own way, and take away her power to manipulate through money and threats connected with financial support.
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Read this a few times, OP, this is a good post. Especially the part where annie says to spend as much time ON THE MARRIAGE as you do planning the wedding. Best wishes to you.
 
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