Wedding Question

[WingsOfEagles]

One has to wonder - why wouldn’t being sacramentally married in the Church be enough? Why the farce of a Vegas ‘wedding’ after the REAL thing is done - just to have a party or fun event? I really don’t get that. It really makes a mockery of the real thing.

But that’s just me.

~Liza

I agree. If it has to do with disagreeable family, they can either take or leave the Church that the couple would like to get married in. If it has to do with travel and a lot of family is closer to LV, I would either use the Catholic Chapel or just hold a nice big reception out there.

 

[Irishgal49]

That’s why I was trying to clarify that they were talking about a US wedding. In the US, the priest is the representative for the civil marriage license as well as the Catholic marriage official.

I was wondering the same thing which is why I kept emphasizing that this presumes no deceit is involve.

There is no deceit involved. The children are the only biological relatives. They wont attend a church ceremony so the couple is considering a church marriage, which is NOT going to be secret or hidden, and then having a family ceremony (no religious ceremony) in Vegas, which as strong ties for the family. It is a way of including the family who wont attend a Catholic Church… Both parties are Catholic. They have no problem with having a full legal Catholic marriage ceremony with a priest and 2 witnesses.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

If family members can’t attend a Catholic Church even for a wedding, they aren’t very loving family members. Both bride and groom are Catholic, so it’s none of their business. I would feel that holding a second “wedding” to appease family members would be validating feelings that the Catholic ceremony wasn’t good enough.

 

[Corki]

The bride has two adult children who refuse to attend a church wedding. The groom has no living relatives.

Both of the bride’s adult children had a grandfather who lived in Las Vegas (now deceased) and that city has an emotional attachment for the bride and her adult children. The couple wants to ensure they follow the teachings of the Church but also have a heartfelt desire to marry outside in a location in Vegas that speaks to them (and the children would attend). So, because they don’t want to disobey the Church, they are going to have the marriage with the priest and two witnesses, then come to Vegas and have a “ceremony” (NOT WEDDING) by reading their own hand written statements and having the family present.

Sad but there are no biological relatives who can/world attend a Church cermeony so there’s no point it spending a lot of money on it.

Upon return they would have a full reception.

I understand the complications.

The couple wants to ensure they follow the teachings of the Church but also have a heartfelt desire to marry outside in a location in Vegas that speaks to them (and the children would attend).

This is the sentance that doesn’t make sense. They still won’t be **marrying **in Vegas or with thier children. So, it’s a creative plan but it doesn’t fulfil the purpose. Why not just have a reception in Vegas and have a re-commitment of vows as part of the reception? If everyone already knows this isn’t a real wedding, why pretend?

 

[Irishgal49]

I understand the complications.

This is the sentance that doesn’t make sense. They still won’t be **marrying **in Vegas or with thier children. So, it’s a creative plan but it doesn’t fulfil the purpose. Why not just have a reception in Vegas and have a re-commitment of vows as part of the reception? If everyone already knows this isn’t a real wedding, why pretend?

Is a renewal of vows allowed? If that’s the case that would work.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Is a renewal of vows allowed? If that’s the case that would work.

Absolutely, Catholic priests will even hold vow renewal ceremonies for couples.

 

[Irishgal49]

If family members can’t attend a Catholic Church even for a wedding, they aren’t very loving family members. Both bride and groom are Catholic, so it’s none of their business. I would feel that holding a second “wedding” to appease family members would be validating feelings that the Catholic ceremony wasn’t good enough.

Most people do care about their adult children who are atheist. It IS their business they are family.

If a renewal of vows is allowed that would be wonderful because some religious elements/prayers would be in there and the adult children would hear them, and that could give them something to think about and maybe influence/toucht their heart.

Great idea!

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Renewal of vows is probably the best way around it. I still find it bad that a couples’ adult children would refuse to attend a wedding simply because they personally are atheists. I have known plenty of atheists who will attend a religious wedding ceremony to support the family members getting married. Usually, people put aside their differences for weddings and funerals.

 

[Irishgal49]

Renewal of vows is probably the best way around it. I still find it bad that a couples’ adult children would refuse to attend a wedding simply because they personally are atheists. I have known plenty of atheists who will attend a religious wedding ceremony to support the family members getting married. Usually, people put aside their differences for weddings and funerals.

One son is gay and the other has kids with his live in girlfriend, and both hate church functions because of their brother and father’s deaths. It’s a lot of emotional stuff, not so much refusal to deal with someone’s faith but deep wounds that cause emotional pain.

 

[1ke]

There is no deceit involved. The children are the only biological relatives. They wont attend a church ceremony so the couple is considering a church marriage, which is NOT going to be secret or hidden, and then having a family ceremony (no religious ceremony) in Vegas, which as strong ties for the family. It is a way of including the family who wont attend a Catholic Church… Both parties are Catholic. They have no problem with having a full legal Catholic marriage ceremony with a priest and 2 witnesses.

If my family didn’t want to attend my marriage in a church building, then I would NOT be held hostage by them and have some bogus ceremony elsewhere to try to please them. I would tell them that I will miss them at the ceremony and tell them how hurt I was but that if they could not bring themselves to cross the threshhold of my church then I’d see them at the reception.

 

[1ke]

One son is gay and the other has kids with his live in girlfriend, and both hate church functions because of their brother and father’s deaths. It’s a lot of emotional stuff, not so much refusal to deal with someone’s faith but deep wounds that cause emotional pain.

Oh, waaaa, what a couple of babies.

 

[thewanderer]

Actually there is nothing missing. Just want to know as long as you are not having two religious ceremonies if you can do that. People can “renew” their vows and those involved would certainly tell the family the religious ceremony is the valid marriage, because they are against the church and won’t go. So of course the couple would affirm the religious ceremony while having a ceremony where the adult children would participate and attend.

I think having a vow renewal ceremony is a great idea. It sounds like a really good solution to this situation. My sister was in a smilar situation for her wedding. Some of our siblings were not going to be able to make it to her wedding, so afterwards she flew out to where they were and had a vow renewal ceremony with them.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Why is everyone so perplexed at the idea of not attending a marriage ceremony due to religious differences? That type of advice is dispensed on CAF all the time: if a Catholic gets married to a Protestant in a Protestant Church, we are told not to attend… if two homosexuals are getting “married” we are told not to attend, etc, etc.

All of the sudden people are accusing the children who will not go of being mean, nasty, uncaring, etc.? Um… does the same judgement apply to the good Catholics who do not attend the wedding of a Catholic to a Protestant in a Protestant Church? I bet not.
[edited]

 

[salusanimarum17]

Why is everyone so perplexed at the idea of not attending a marriage ceremony due to religious differences? That type of advice is dispensed on CAF all the time: if a Catholic gets married to a Protestant in a Protestant Church, we are told not to attend… if two homosexuals are getting “married” we are told not to attend, etc, etc.

All of the sudden people are accusing the children who will not go of being mean, nasty, uncaring, etc.? …

I don’t see anything about being mean, nasty, uncaring. I saw one person say a refusal to attend would not be very loving. Maybe I missed it.

 

[thewanderer]

If my family didn’t want to attend my marriage in a church building, then I would NOT be held hostage by them and have some bogus ceremony elsewhere to try to please them. I would tell them that I will miss them at the ceremony and tell them how hurt I was but that if they could not bring themselves to cross the threshhold of my church then I’d see them at the reception.

The OP is not talking about being held hostage by anyone, she is talking about a couple wanting their children to be involved in a ceremony recognizing the new change in their state of life. The OP is also not talking about having a bogus ceremony. The OP is trying to find out how to have some sort of ceremony at which the children can be included. She suggested a vow renewal, which is perfectly fine and legitimate. Why is the idea of being accomadating to those you love apparantly such a bad thing? The point of this thread is to find a way to include the children in the celebration of their marriage without sinning. I don’t understand why such an effort is receiving such a hostile response.

 

[Irishgal49]

If my family didn’t want to attend my marriage in a church building, then I would NOT be held hostage by them and have some bogus ceremony elsewhere to try to please them. I would tell them that I will miss them at the ceremony and tell them how hurt I was but that if they could not bring themselves to cross the threshhold of my church then I’d see them at the reception.

Well I’m sure your loved ones know your feelings, but my sons are all I have left, everyone else is dead and if I don’t reach across and extend any grace/compassion I can, they could die and go to hell. These are my sons, my children, I’m sure you understand.

 

[Irishgal49]

Oh, waaaa, what a couple of babies.

You are extremely cruel and have no idea what my sons have been through. I hope you find the same callous and cold comments when you are sincerely searching. You are certainly no Christian. Show me where Jesus said what you said.

You are pathetic. And I’m turning in your comment.

 

[Irishgal49]

Why is everyone so perplexed at the idea of not attending a marriage ceremony due to religious differences? That type of advice is dispensed on CAF all the time: if a Catholic gets married to a Protestant in a Protestant Church, we are told not to attend… if two homosexuals are getting “married” we are told not to attend, etc, etc.

All of the sudden people are accusing the children who will not go of being mean, nasty, uncaring, etc.? Um… does the same judgement apply to the good Catholics who do not attend the wedding of a Catholic to a Protestant in a Protestant Church? I bet not.

This must be that “Christian love” nonsense I always hear about.

Emotional pain? Pfffft who cares?

Thank you for your comments. I agree with you. According to the Waaa, what babies poster, he/she should boycott all weddings that aren’t Catholic but if someone else is hurting badly then that’s too bad???

I worked with a woman for 3 months who couldn’t attend mass because she had a panic attack after her husband died. After 3 months she went to Mass for the first time. She had been going to Confession and, of course, her priest was aware of her situation but according to the one who never heard, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” we should just laugh at her and make fun of her. NICE.

I wonder what happens to those who refuse to show mercy???

Isn’t there a verse about if you refuse to be forgiving you won’t be forgiven? These are my sons. I want to see them in heaven. If I can do something to bridge this gap and give them something to think about shouldn’t I try?

 

[Irishgal49]

The OP is not talking about being held hostage by anyone, she is talking about a couple wanting their children to be involved in a ceremony recognizing the new change in their state of life. The OP is also not talking about having a bogus ceremony. The OP is trying to find out how to have some sort of ceremony at which the children can be included. She suggested a vow renewal, which is perfectly fine and legitimate. Why is the idea of being accomadating to those you love apparantly such a bad thing? The point of this thread is to find a way to include the children in the celebration of their marriage without sinning. I don’t understand why such an effort is receiving such a hostile response.

God bless you. I LOVE the idea of a reaffirmation because it slips Catholic prayers and such into the celebration. I try to keep planting little seeds. My one son who said there is no God actually said the other day, “I’m mad at God” --I see that as progress. These are my precious boys. They are good men. I just want them to go to heaven. I don’t want to disobey the Church but find a way to slip something in that might make them think. I’m thinking of having the wedding videotaped so I can “show” it to them.

 

[andrewstx]

It is a shame that now few want a church wedding. have we become that secularised?

Looking at the social pages in the paper it seems that no one besides Catholics actually marries in church anymore. it’s always secular venues like parks, backyards, country clubs etc.
And some of the things that happen at receptions border on the ribald.

I remember one wedding that was actuaaly in church. It was an female Episcopal cleric who married the richest man in the parish, by the bishop no less.

The reception at the old money country club was unbelievable the groom owned a liqour distribitor and the booze flowed freely. In 3 years they seperated, and she went back to seminary in Berkley for her doctorate.

Thats a big reason I left the Episcopal church, you can do anything if you have tons of money, it does not matter what you do. as long as you do it in good taste.