Wedding Receptions

[ChangingHeart]

I think weddings in a Church are a beautiful thing. When couples exchange their vows to each other, in front of God and their family and friends, it really shows the beauty of romantic love.

That being said, what’s the point of wedding receptions? Are we commanded to have them? I don’t believe so.

What if a couple aren’t dancers? A wedding should be a start of a new life together, and what if dancing has nothing to do with what they intend for their marriage? Don’t wedding receptions more resemble barroom debauchery than expressions of love? What if that just isn’t the culture that the husband and wife want to have anything to do with?

Couldn’t the tens of thousands of dollars wasted on wedding receptions be better spent being invested in the couple’s future children’s college fund? Or couldn’t it be better spent on their new house together?

We are told to be good stewards of what God has given us. Do not wedding receptions forsake God’s commandment for the purpose of man-made tradition?

Doesn’t the whole throwing of the boquet thing more resemble pagan superstition than Christian love?

Don’t wedding receptions rub it in the face of single people as to what they don’t have?

I realize that nowadays most weddings are a joke as the couple is likely already living together, and has a better than average chance of getting a divorce, so why all that unnecessary extravagance?

What, the bride wants to feel like royalty for a day??? If the husband is the man he is supposed to be, that bride is going to feel like royalty EVERY day for the rest of her life, and without her father wasting all that money in the process, either, as true love doesn’t require money.

Furthermore, wedding receptions often cause the bride to spend more time planning the wedding, than planning the marriage! What colors the flowers on the tables are going to be may get more attention than when and how many children the couple intends to have.

Financial arrangments regarding the wedding may get more attention than how they intend to afford their house.

And, furthermore, a virtuous man who refused to shame his bride-to-be by fornicating with her should not have to wait another five hours or so to consummate the marriage.

Well, what are your views on this, and when expressing them, please do NOT bring John 2:1-11 into this discussion as that was a different time, and likely did not resemble what wedding receptions have become today. Thank you.

 

[Kuryakyn]

Well, I think most of the time the bride and groom like to get together and have a party with all their family and friends that came to the wedding. There isn’t much of a chance to do that in the church during the ceremony. And it need not be that extravagant, either.

 

[dulcissima]

Personally, I would never be comfortable spending money like that on a wedding reception. However, I have enjoyed going to many of these. I have a large extended family, and weddings, anniversaries, and landmark birthdays (70th, 80th, 90th, etc) have all been good chances to celebrate together as a family. I think it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate something as important as a marriage, and the wedding reception does show us that a marriage involves more than just the two people who marry.

If you think about it, it was at a wedding reception that Jesus chose to reveal himself to us through his first miracle. So, I wouldn’t say that wedding receptions are meaningless.

 

[kristacecilia]

Wedding receptions are a way of thanking everyone who came to your wedding. It is a place for all your friends and family to gather together and visit, celebrate, and congratulate you. They don’t have to be huge, elaborate, expensive affairs. They don’t have to involve dancing, garter throwing, etc.

We had a small luncheon reception following our wedding. We served a sit down lunch, had toasts, and visited each wedding guest. We cut the cake and left. No dancing. No garter. I don’t even think I threw a bouquet. The whole thing cost no more than $2000, I think, and most of that was food at $26/per plate for 60 people. I also have very generous and thrifty parents who paid for everything and helped me find great deals while still being classy.

DH and I were out of the reception by 4 o’clock and off to more important things.

 

[SeekerJen]

Wedding receptions are a way of thanking everyone who came to your wedding. It is a place for all your friends and family to gather together and visit, celebrate, and congratulate you. They don’t have to be huge, elaborate, expensive affairs. They don’t have to involve dancing, garter throwing, etc.

We had a small luncheon reception following our wedding. We served a sit down lunch, had toasts, and visited each wedding guest. We cut the cake and left. No dancing. No garter. I don’t even think I threw a bouquet. The whole thing cost no more than $2000, I think, and most of that was food at $26/per plate for 60 people. I also have very generous and thrifty parents who paid for everything and helped me find great deals while still being classy.

DH and I were out of the reception by 4 o’clock and off to more important things.

Sounds a lot like our reception. Our priorities were good food, an even better cake, and time spent with our friends and family who supported and encouraged our relationship leading up to our marriage. We saved a TON of money by avoiding the Saturday night blowout, everyone had a great time and we received tons of compliments. One of my friends did a similar thing for her wedding the next year- the biggest compliment of all.

We also had a full bar and had the bartenders keep a running tab so that we would only have to pay for what was used rather than a flat fee. For the luncheon reception with 150 guests, the total bar tab came to $300. SO much cheaper to have a luncheon. People don’t drink much and don’t miss the dancing. People aren’t out late on the roads after drinking, and people who don’t drive after dark or who have a long drive are more likely to attend a day reception. Plus, parents don’t have to worry about sitters because it’s early enough that they’re not worried about kids’ bedtimes, cranky kids, etc. The kids were also less wild than at most of the evening receptions I’ve attended

We did recently attend a big, crazy wedding for DH’s cousin. There were special circumstances: the bride (DH’s cousin) is an only child- from what I’ve heard, her parents were unable to have other children- and had just finished her doctorate, so mom and dad were proud and wanted to celebrate. Plus she was marrying the son of mom and dad’s best friends. Both families are both quite well-off and thrilled at the marriage, so they had a big blast. I’d never before attended a river cruise reception on a yacht with a personal fireworks display on shore, but it sure was fun. I wouldn’t want to have the job of planning that night, though.

 

[TC2]

I always looked at receptions as times for congratulations and celebrations. Sort of a community/family reunion.

Our entire wedding, honeymoon included (7 days) was only $5,000. We had music (taped) at the reception, but no one danced. We all ate, joked, visited, took pictures, laughed and had a great time together. It was a party, basically. Lots of fun.

You must have had a bad experience, as there is a lot of bitterness in your post.
Every reception is, and SHOULD be, different. They should each reflect the couple just married.
Don’t like to dance? Don’t dance, let everyone else.
Don’t want alcohol, karaoke, conga lines, ect? Don’t have them.
Don’t want extravagant? Hold it at a parent’s home or in the reception hall of the church.
Don’t want a reception? Don’t have one.

Dh and I had a beautiful wedding, and there is almost nothing I would change. Had we had the money, we may have had more flowers, decorations, maybe even a band. We might have left the church in a carriage, and would def have taken a longer, more exotic honeymoon.

Everything doesn’t have to be bare bones. It’s okay to splurge every now and again.
Do you (general you) buy the 13" TV rather than the 32, or 52?
Do you (gy) buy the smallest/cheapest house, car, land, ect?
Do you (gy) buy the cheapest clothing, and never anything fancy, or luxurious?

Of course not. It’s okay, and even good, to celebrate the big achievements in life, and okay to do it in a grand way. Sometimes this means more money, sometimes not.
Now if it becomes a lifestyle habit, and it hurts the couple’s basic life, or other people, then it might be wise to rethink certain habits.

 

[KCT]

I see receptions as a continued celebration of the marriage. It can be a wonderful opportunity for family reunions, fellowship, looking back on old times and making new friends.

We’re not commanded to have a wedding reception, but I hardly think it’s wrong. I wouldn’t go into big debt for one, but I wouldn’t skip it either. —KCT

 

[KCT]

If the concern is just money and the possibility that it could be better spent elsewhere, would the same attitude or opinion apply to a party after a Baptism, Confirmation or graduation? -KCT

 

[AmberDale]

Couldn’t the tens of thousands of dollars wasted on wedding receptions be better spent being invested in the couple’s future children’s college fund? Or couldn’t it be better spent on their new house together?

.

to the bolded part!! OH MY that’s a lot. I didn’t even spend 3K on my ENTIRE wedding w/ reception photos and DJ!!!

I think the wedding and the reception will be as extravagant as you want it to be. We had a nice wedding in the RCC and a reception out in the church annex. We had cake and chatted with those who came.
It was a way to thank them for coming.
Later that night we had an outside “party” of sorts with a bonfire. It was a blast.

 

[MSParrott]

I’m with most of the posters here - our wedding was small, the ceremony at our parish, and a small reception afterwards. The whole thing (including my dress and DH’s tux) was less than 5K. We didn’t go on a honeymoon vacation, but saved our money instead and bought our home a few months later. The only thing I wanted was to be married in our church - that was all that mattered to us, the rest was just extra’s.

I think the idea of a wedding reception is awesome, but the people you see on Tv or hear about spending all that money just to “show off” is ridiculous. But to each his own…

 

[1ke]

Changing Heart,

Based on your other posts regarding marriage and family, it seems you have both very distorted and very bitter sentiments towards marriage in general and children and families. I hope you will get some counseling to deal with *all *of your issues.

This post just extends those same sentiments you’ve expressed in other posts. It just colors every thought you have about marriage, and it’s so sad.

But, since weddings and receptions are personal, you are free not to have one and not to attend those of others.

 

[lovemysix]

I am no history buff, but it seems to me that I remember having learned somwhere along the way that in biblical times, Jewish wedding feasts involved 3-7 days of feasting, dancing, drinking wine, and celebrating. I thought the bride and groom were indeed “crowned” king and queen for that entire celebration, too. If Jesus performed His first miracle at a (presumably) traditional jewish wedding, I would think it safe to assume there is nothing wrong with a huge celebration of such an important and beautiful ceremony as marriage.

As to the argument that a wedding reception may make single people feel bad, I guess we shouldn’t publicly celebrate births or baptisms, either, for fear it will make those people who have to struggle with cross of infertility feel sad.

I had a simple wedding reception because it was all we could afford at the time, but it was still beautiful AND fun, and I don’t regret it at all. If we could have easily afforded a wedding extravaganza, I don’t see that it would have been a sin to do so. Some people are wealthy enough that they can afford such things, you know If God has blessed a family with wealth, what’s wrong with spending some of it on throwing a big celebration for all their friends and family? More power to them, I say!

Spending outside one’s means is a different issue altogether. I believe we all have to be prudent.

 

[homewardbound]

Changing Heart,

Based on your other posts regarding marriage and family, it seems you have both very distorted and very bitter sentiments towards marriage in general and children and families. I hope you will get some counseling to deal with *all *of your issues.

This post just extends those same sentiments you’ve expressed in other posts. It just colors every thought you have about marriage, and it’s so sad.

But, since weddings and receptions are personal, you are free not to have one and not to attend those of others.

I agree with this. Especially when you seem to throw all couples into the same mold. I’m going to get married sometime in 2009 and trust me, I am not having a big wedding. The cost is completely on me and my boyfriend’s shoulders, our parents aren’t paying a penny.

I don’t get how a reception is a bad thing. Why are you assuming everyone who gets married is having a big flamboyant wedding and not focusing on the marriage? If the groom can wait years to consummate the marriage, then he can wait a few more hours! Thats beyond selfish. If thats all a man wants after he says his vows than the bride made a BIG mistake!

To me, the reception is time spent with my family, and my new family, before leaving and starting out in my life with my husband. Many of the guests I probably won’t get to see again for awhile, and I personally find it important to thank the guests for coming. To just have them travel all that way to see you say your vows, and then leave without acknowledging them…that is RUDE. Most people have manners, and the reception is a time for the bride and groom to thank all the guests for coming and spend time with their loved ones before setting off on their honeymoon.

Sure, some people make it some big crazy party…but if thats what they want thats their choice.

Also, the bride has EVERY RIGHT to feel like a princess on her wedding day. I agree, of course, that her husband should make her feel like one every day, but this is their wedding day! The beginning of their lives together! They both have every right to be excited and happy and to not wanna just run off somewhere and start mating like bunnies. Marriage is about more than sex.

This OP is obviously written by a single man, one who has never loved a woman or wanted to spend his life with anyone. I am sorry you have such warped views of what a wedding and marriage is.

My marriage is going to be a gift from God. My wedding, asking God for His blessing on our lives together. My reception a thank you to my guests and a celebration of my new life! You can see it all as a waste of time. But I, personally, am going to obey God to join together in marriage and I’m not going to be rude to my guests either.

You do whatever you want, but I sure feel sorry for whomever you marry. She’s in for a very boring wedding day, and will have to explain herself to her guests for why they traveled all that way just to watch her take her vows and then leave right away so her husband could get his jollies right away cause how dare he have to wait

Poor girl.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I agree with homewardbound (congrats to you and your future hubby, btw, and many blessings) A reception is meant to acknowledge the families and celebrate a new chapter in a couple’s life. Honestly, isn’t it worth celebrating the day you commit yourself to another for the rest of your life? And why shouldn’t a bride feel like a princess on her wedding day? She’s committing to the man she really loves, someone who chose her to be his companion and the mother of his children! Wouldn’t a woman want to be a beautiful princess for the man she loves?

And don’t even get me started on the “he has to wait to consummate.” Any man worth his salt would gladly wait. Sex is not the be-all, end-all of the universe! What about couples who have to abstain on their wedding night for one reason or another (NFP, exhaustion, etc)? Sex should be a total gift of self, not a reward for waiting! Besides, there are periods in marriage where couples end up abstaining for one reason or another (illness, pregnancy exhaustion, post-partum recovery, etc.). It shouldn’t be the norm, but honestly! If you’re celebrating a very special day with the woman you truly love, sex can wait!

Personally, I’d want to take the time to thank my family and his for coming. And I do like dancing, I’d love a slow dance with the man I loved:blush:. What’s so sinful about making the day you celebrate a Sacrament a holy and beautiful one? If we make baptisms and First Communions special, why can’t we make weddings special?

And who said receptions had to be ridiculously expensive? My parents didn’t have an expensive one but from the pictures and their memories, it seemed like it was an awesome day for the both of them.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

That being said, what’s the point of wedding receptions?

Receptions are a way to thank people for coming to the wedding, especially those who travel long distances.

Are we commanded to have them?

Nope.

A wedding should be a start of a new life together, and what if dancing has nothing to do with what they intend for their marriage?

DH and I don’t dance, but my favorite reception memory is our first dance. The couple’s first dance is symbolic of married life… The two of you dance with just each other, hands clasped, eyes locked; it’s very beautiful.

What if that just isn’t the culture that the husband and wife want to have anything to do with?

Well, I guess they could either not have a reception at all, or have one that fits the culture they want to promote.

Couldn’t the tens of thousands of dollars wasted on wedding receptions be better spent being invested in the couple’s future children’s college fund? Or couldn’t it be better spent on their new house together?

I agree that people can be tempted to overspend with weddings. I don’t agree with paying for my future children’s college education because (1) there’s no guarantee God will bless me with children, and (2) college is something my husband and I were responsible for ourselves, so we want our kids to be responsible for their own educations. As for the house, we bought a house 2 months after we married, so with proper planning, having a wedding reception and a new home are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Do not wedding receptions forsake God’s commandment for the purpose of man-made tradition?

Wedding receptions are morally neutral; it’s how/why you do it that matters. If you do it to “show off,” then obviously you haven’t been a good steward of what God has given you. If you do it to celebrate your new life together, and to publicly witness your love for each other, then I think you’ve been a good steward. I had a dear single friend tell me, at my reception, that seeing my husband and me that day renewed her faith in marriage. Mission accomplished!

Doesn’t the whole throwing of the boquet thing more resemble pagan superstition than Christian love?

Many traditions that we have in Christianity have pagan roots. I think our Church fathers were quite wise in integrating these traditions into the body of the faithful, because traditions tie people together and make them a stronger community.

Don’t wedding receptions rub it in the face of single people as to what they don’t have?

This is the first time I’ve heard of this; I’ve never thought of it that way. How sad.

I realize that nowadays most weddings are a joke as the couple is likely already living together, and has a better than average chance of getting a divorce, so why all that unnecessary extravagance?

Most couples certainly don’t plan on divorcing, so why assume they will? If you don’t approve of a union, you always have the option of declining the invitation. My husband and I didn’t live together prior to the wedding, were virgins when we wed at the age of 22, and had known each other for 7 years beforehand, so maybe my perspective is a little unusual.

If the husband is the man he is supposed to be, that bride is going to feel like royalty EVERY day for the rest of her life, and without her father wasting all that money in the process, either, as true love doesn’t require money.

We paid for the entire event ourselves, and although it wasn’t even half of what the national average was for weddings, we have never regretted the amount we spent. We spent what we could afford, and had a 2 year engagement to spread out the costs.

You are correct. Love doesn’t require money. When you love someone, you give your time/talent/treasure to show your appreciation for them. That’s exactly how the Church asks us to show our love for her, too.

Furthermore, wedding receptions often cause the bride to spend more time planning the wedding, than planning the marriage!
…]
Financial arrangments regarding the wedding may get more attention than how they intend to afford their house.

You have good points here; but it’s just as much the groom’s fault as it is the bride’s. Our culture does not properly prepare people for marriage.

And, furthermore, a virtuous man who refused to shame his bride-to-be by fornicating with her should not have to wait another five hours or so to consummate the marriage.

When you’ve waited for 20-some years, what’s another 5 hours?

 

[Leopard]

…Well, what are your views on this, and when expressing them, please do NOT bring John 2:1-11 into this discussion as that was a different time, and likely did not resemble what wedding receptions have become today…

Sorry, but you can’t ask me for my views, then dictate what those views are allowed to be. I’m going to bring John chapter 2 into the discussion because I think it likely DID resemble what wedding receptions have become today, at least in my family. Except that they probably didn’t have accordions at Cana.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think weddings in a Church are a beautiful thing. When couples exchange their vows to each other, in front of God and their family and friends, it really shows the beauty of romantic love.

That being said, what’s the point of wedding receptions? Are we commanded to have them? I don’t believe so.

What if a couple aren’t dancers? A wedding should be a start of a new life together, and what if dancing has nothing to do with what they intend for their marriage? Don’t wedding receptions more resemble barroom debauchery than expressions of love? What if that just isn’t the culture that the husband and wife want to have anything to do with?

Couldn’t the tens of thousands of dollars wasted on wedding receptions be better spent being invested in the couple’s future children’s college fund? Or couldn’t it be better spent on their new house together?

We are told to be good stewards of what God has given us. Do not wedding receptions forsake God’s commandment for the purpose of man-made tradition?

Doesn’t the whole throwing of the boquet thing more resemble pagan superstition than Christian love?

Don’t wedding receptions rub it in the face of single people as to what they don’t have?

I realize that nowadays most weddings are a joke as the couple is likely already living together, and has a better than average chance of getting a divorce, so why all that unnecessary extravagance?

What, the bride wants to feel like royalty for a day??? If the husband is the man he is supposed to be, that bride is going to feel like royalty EVERY day for the rest of her life, and without her father wasting all that money in the process, either, as true love doesn’t require money.

Furthermore, wedding receptions often cause the bride to spend more time planning the wedding, than planning the marriage! What colors the flowers on the tables are going to be may get more attention than when and how many children the couple intends to have.

Financial arrangments regarding the wedding may get more attention than how they intend to afford their house.

And, furthermore, a virtuous man who refused to shame his bride-to-be by fornicating with her should not have to wait another five hours or so to consummate the marriage.

Well, what are your views on this, and when expressing them, please do NOT bring John 2:1-11 into this discussion as that was a different time, and likely did not resemble what wedding receptions have become today. Thank you.

Interesting points and perspective, CH.

I have often wondered about $400,000 weddings that I see on Married Away (a tv show)–I don’t think you’d like this show, CH. LOL But, they usually feature high priced weddings, with 300+ guests, and the couple or couple’s parents shelling out incredible amounts of money. I think the reason behind many of these large weddings, when interviewing the brides of these shows, they usually say ‘I want to feel like a princess.’ I have been to weddings that are elaborate, and perhaps, we have grown complacent as a society with just blowing money, and having big parties. I dunno. I think that it’s an individual choice, and if someone wants to spend a lot of money, then that’s their choice. ***But, I don’t believe in going into debt to have a wedding you cannot afford. ***

Also…sometimes, it is a gift gesture from the parents of the bride. Every culture, has a tradition. In the muslim culture, the groom’s family sometimes has to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. That still goes on in many Muslim marriages. In Indian weddings, the groom and bride give each other gifts during the ceremony…and they usually are pretty elaborate/pricey. Jews also celebrate with fascinating customs. I suggest you go to a Jewish wedding if you ever get the chance, really sacred and beautiful. My dad gave my sister a $25k wedding back in the 70’s…which would probably cost $50k+ today. He did that as a gesture of love for my sister. So…it may seem that people are gaudy, or obsessed with expensiveness, and lavish parties bla bla…but sometimes, it can be a grand gesture of one’s parents. And, this is not unique to America.

Just my two cents.

Opposite of you CH, I should have been a wedding planner. I missed my calling.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Yeah, weddings in those days were just as much of a big deal as they are now. Why was it such a big deal that the couple ran out of wine in that parable? It was seen as an embarrassment to run out of wine then, a grave one, especially for a Mediterranean Jewish family!

I plan on having a big wedding (if I do get married), but my mother’s side is huge and I have a lot of close friends, from elementary school to college. A LOT of people have supported me and been there for me throughout my whole life, why shouldn’t they be there for one of my most important days?

I would not want to leave right after saying my vows! I’d want to socialize with the people who came to thank them and spend time with them, especially if I wasn’t going to see them for awhile. We also don’t mandate celebrations for baptisms, etc. I still had a party the day I converted. I wanted to celebrate with the people who supported me and helped me through it.

And don’t judge every couple. Not all couples live together before the wedding (and sometimes there are extenuating circumstances like finances, etc.) and they’re not all going to get divorced within a year either. Yes, our culture does a horrible job of preparing people for marriage but it is possible to have a lasting one. My parents have been married over 20 years and are still going strong. One of my friends is in her mid-twenties and is engaged. She’s a wonderful Christian girl who is definitely putting God first and wants to be a good wife and mother. She also wants a beautiful wedding. You know something? She deserves it! She is graduating with her second degree, working, and giving her spare time to helping out at a crisis pregnancy center and working with the pro-life movement, as well as planning a wedding and a marriage! I hope she has the wedding of her dreams She’s the complete anti-thesis of a bridezilla.

 

[VietCatholic83]

I think that most would agree that throwing a huge wedding reception with all the fixin’s comes at a significant cost that outweighs the benefits of the money if saved for another thing would provide. I have been to large wedding receptions at big, fancy restaurants and I have been to my share of small, garden variety banquets.

Remember, Our Lord said “The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son.” (Matt 22:2).

 

[whatevergirl]

Yeah, weddings in those days were just as much of a big deal as they are now. Why was it such a big deal that the couple ran out of wine in that parable? It was seen as an embarrassment to run out of wine then, a grave one, especially for a Mediterranean Jewish family!

I plan on having a big wedding (if I do get married), but my mother’s side is huge and I have a lot of close friends, from elementary school to college. A LOT of people have supported me and been there for me throughout my whole life, why shouldn’t they be there for one of my most important days?

I would not want to leave right after saying my vows! I’d want to socialize with the people who came to thank them and spend time with them, especially if I wasn’t going to see them for awhile. We also don’t mandate celebrations for baptisms, etc. I still had a party the day I converted. I wanted to celebrate with the people who supported me and helped me through it.

And don’t judge every couple. Not all couples live together before the wedding (and sometimes there are extenuating circumstances like finances, etc.) and they’re not all going to get divorced within a year either. Yes, our culture does a horrible job of preparing people for marriage but it is possible to have a lasting one. My parents have been married over 20 years and are still going strong. One of my friends is in her mid-twenties and is engaged. She’s a wonderful Christian girl who is definitely putting God first and wants to be a good wife and mother. She also wants a beautiful wedding. You know something? She deserves it! She is graduating with her second degree, working, and giving her spare time to helping out at a crisis pregnancy center and working with the pro-life movement, as well as planning a wedding and a marriage! I hope she has the wedding of her dreams She’s the complete anti-thesis of a bridezilla.

Another show I like:blush: lol I agree with your post.