Wedding Receptions

[hasikelee]

I think weddings in a Church are a beautiful thing. When couples exchange their vows to each other, in front of God and their family and friends, it really shows the beauty of romantic love.

That being said, what’s the point of wedding receptions? Are we commanded to have them? I don’t believe so.
Thank you.

You forget that Catholics are super party people! Ya, we know how to get a party going! Heck, I don’t understand why the wedding at Cana is irrelevant. They partied, they ate, they drank.

I had a huge reception at a big museum and it was totally awesome, better than I expected. The food was delicious, hubby’s Grandma made a huge, beautiful cake that matched our Irish Claddagh theme, the dance floor was packed and every little detail simply oozed romance and happiness. The night passed by so quickly!

I budgeted $5k and ended up spending just under $10K on the whole thing, which included all the stops such as security at the front door, a beverage center, alcohol, a dj, chocolate fountain, two favours per head and more than 200 people not including the huge wedding party.

I had half saved up and received the rest of the amount in monetary gifts. So voila! It worked out very nicely.

Honestly, people toss $10k around like nothing these days. I don’t see what the problem is. Take it from my associate who is dying to get married. She told me this a few days ago, “Wow, I spent $17k and got a car, you spent $10k and got a marriage.”

I agree with her assessment!

All that being said, my reception really should have been somewhere in the $20-30k range.

• We got the museum on a blackout date, two days after Thanksgiving, because someone I go with to pro-life activities knew someone at the museum. We also got the offseason cost, which is a $1000 less.
• His grandma made a beautiful wedding cake as a gift.
• My aunt is a professional wedding photographer and did all the photos for us as a gift, from pre-ceremony to Sunday brunch.
• We got the beautiful centerpieces for free, including a golden potted pointsettia, mirrored glass and four votives per table. We also got free miniature Christmas trees to put everywhere.
• I handmade all the chocolate favours, name tags, placecards, tablecards, etc.
• We bought balloons, beach balls (a huge hit!) and candles online for steep discounts.
• The reception was family friendly so I got a steep discount from the caterer due to the amount of children (essentially 2 for 1 for everyone under 10 and alcohol/punch/food discounts.)
• The deejay was a friend who charged halfprice.
  Oh man, it was so much fun!!! If someone is preparing for marriage and thinks they want a big reception, don’t give up! It only happens once in a lifetime.

 

[ChangingHeart]

I’d like to thank those of you who made intelligent and charitable replies. I found many of your answers very convincing, genuine, and well thought out, especially those who incorporated personal experience and showed how all the high spending was NOT necessary for your wedding.

 

[Leopard]

You’re welcome.

 

[jrabs]

The Wedding Feast of Cana was a wedding reception, yes? And the bible makes reference to the wedding feast often.

Why should we not have a wedding reception to help newly weds start a life together?

I am getting married in a few months and plan a small, quiet and simple reception. No drinking fest, all nighter. Yet I want to gather my family together and celebrate the fact that God has joined me with a wonderful spouse. It is a blessing to the both of us and my family is very happy for me.

I already own a house, so I am not really saving for anything.

 

[catholic79]

I think weddings in a Church are a beautiful thing. When couples exchange their vows to each other, in front of God and their family and friends, it really shows the beauty of romantic love.

That being said, what’s the point of wedding receptions? Are we commanded to have them? I don’t believe so.

What if a couple aren’t dancers? A wedding should be a start of a new life together, and what if dancing has nothing to do with what they intend for their marriage? Don’t wedding receptions more resemble barroom debauchery than expressions of love? What if that just isn’t the culture that the husband and wife want to have anything to do with?

I think you are right in that sometimes people forget the sacrament in the party.

DH and I put a lot of thought into the mass. We used my brother and sisters (passed away as infants) baptismal candles as the tapers on our unity candle. My brother who was our alter server lit them; it made it feel like all my siblings were present when we exchanged vows. We also gave each other communion, which was actually DH idea so that made it even more special to me. We really tried to put the focus on the mass.

Our wedding was HUGE but that because I have a very large family my dad has 13 brothers and sisters and my mom has 11 they are all married and most have more then 4 kids, and because my dad was the youngest I have cousins that are married and have teenage children. When it was all said and done we had 400 names on a guest list that were just my family and in total we invited around 600 people. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to walk into that church and see that over 500 people had come to share our day with us. We felt so loved and blessed. (I know when I tell people we invited so many people that they think we invited everyone from the UPS guy to milk man but we didn’t, they were all people we love and were special to us.)

To thank them for coming and to have a chance to celebrate with them we had a reception. It was a simple reception, good food, good cake, NO alcohol (there were too many people, too many kids) We did dance and we did throw the bouquet but I made it clear to the DJ that I didn’t want people pressured to participate and nothing embarrassing done to the winners. Because there were so many people our bridesmaids and groomsman threw bouquets and garters too, we also had the flower girl and ring bearer throw something for the kids too.

I don’t think you have to have a reception if you don’t want one or have dancing if you don’t like it, and don’t have alcohol if you think you will have a bar fight or can’t afford it, its up to you. But I think you can have a big reception and a wonderful sacrament on the same day.

And, furthermore, a virtuous man who refused to shame his bride-to-be by fornicating with her should not have to wait another five hours or so to consummate the marriage.

If he has waited untill the wedding day then he can wait a few hours, if she wants a reception.

Well, what are your views on this, and when expressing them, please do NOT bring John 2:1-11 into this discussion as that was a different time, and likely did not resemble what wedding receptions have become today. Thank you.

 

[lotusblossom]

I’ve browsed over what the other replies have been, and I agree with what many have said - the reception is in gratitude for those who came and to actually get to spend time with the guests.

I had a big wedding - we invited over 425 people, but ended up with about 160. I have a lot of relatives and DH grew up in the same town all his life, so his family had a lot of good friends. We both went to a college where having a good amount of friends was the norm (along with our personalities), so we had a lot of people who we wanted to share this special day with. Along with that, MANY, if not most, of our friends and family came from out of town, some who flew across the country. So, the reception was a meal for them and plus we were able to spend time with them when we knew we wouldn’t be able to see them for another year or so at least. We did have dancing - but it was in good taste. DH and I picked probably 90% of the music because the DJ was a friend of my family. We requested no raunchy or distasteful music and most of it was oldies, big band, etc. My friends and I LOVE dancing, so it was appropriate. I threw the bouquet, but didn’t do it with the intention of superstition. I said some prayers for the lovely lady who caught it .

To answer two of your concerns -

We had some friends (our roommates from college who got married) who had about 2K to work with, I believe. They had a nice little reception of cookies and cake and punch at a little place at a state park. No dancing, but they did have a harpist there playing and everyone got to mix and mingle and see old friends and socialize. We all got to talk with the groom and bride. So, it’s very possible to have no dancing.

Secondly, I also had some friends who had a morning wedding ceremony with a luncheon for the wedding party and family. They had their reception at about 7 pm that night. They consumated their marriage inbetween. It was a big joke that they planned it that way, but for the time of year they wanted to get married, this was the only way they could get the church and the place they held the reception in. So, it worked out .

I’m glad I did it the way I did. My parents spent about 7K on our reception, but they gladly and willingly paid that amount and were happy they did it, because they too were able to mix and mingle and see old friends and dance . To each his own when it comes to receptions.

 

[sdeco]

A Catholic couple is certainly not obligated to have a wedding reception. But I can’t for the life of me see what’s “wrong” with it. The purpose of a reception is to celebrate with your family and friends.

I think 1ke really hit the nail on the head in her response (as usual). You sound pretty bitter. And you make a lot of assumptions. My husband and I had a big, rather expensive reception with dancing. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but we were virgins on our wedding night and did not live together before marriage. We dated for almost five years before marriage (we met when we were 18 so we kind of had to wait awhile), attended an engaged encounter weekend and had extensive marriage preparation with the priest at our college. I would hardly call that “not preparing” for the marriage. It’s entirely possible to have a big reception and still obey church teaching on premarital sex. I’m not sure what those things have to do with each other.

Our reception was fantastic. I LOVE to dance, so having dancing at our wedding was non-negotiable. We had a lot of people there, probably about 150. But it wasn’t just us who had a great time - everyone else did too. A lot of people told us they had never had so much fun at a wedding reception.

 

[Catholic90]

I think weddings in a Church are a beautiful thing. When couples exchange their vows to each other, in front of God and their family and friends, it really shows the beauty of romantic love.

That being said, what’s the point of wedding receptions? Are we commanded to have them? I don’t believe so.
It’s time to spend with friends and family who are celebrating with you. They have spent time and money to be with you, so celebrate and visit with them!

What if a couple aren’t dancers? A wedding should be a start of a new life together, and what if dancing has nothing to do with what they intend for their marriage? Don’t wedding receptions more resemble barroom debauchery than expressions of love? What if that just isn’t the culture that the husband and wife want to have anything to do with?
Very nice dancing is possible. We had a dance and loved it. The best memory my husband has of our wedding dance is of his grandmother dancing with him – she always told him that someday she would dance at his wedding – and she DID!

Couldn’t the tens of thousands of dollars wasted on wedding receptions be better spent being invested in the couple’s future children’s college fund? Or couldn’t it be better spent on their new house together?
“wasted”?? Wow. I hardly think the celebration we had was “wasted” money.

We are told to be good stewards of what God has given us. Do not wedding receptions forsake God’s commandment for the purpose of man-made tradition?
We are also told to celebrate and make a joyful noise unto the Lord. We made a lot of joyful noise!

Doesn’t the whole throwing of the boquet thing more resemble pagan superstition than Christian love?

Don’t wedding receptions rub it in the face of single people as to what they don’t have?
“rub it in the face”? Again, wow. Following this reasoning, then having a baby is ‘rubbing it in the face’ of those who cannot conceive. Are you aware that many people meet their future spouse at other wedding receptions? Owning a house must be 'rubbing it in the face" of those who can’t afford it. Good grief!

I realize that nowadays most weddings are a joke as the couple is likely already living together, and has a better than average chance of getting a divorce, so why all that unnecessary extravagance?

‘unnecessary extravagance’? In whose eyes? My DH and I dated for nearly 7 years before we married. We did not live together. We did not view our wedding as a “joke”.

What, the bride wants to feel like royalty for a day??? If the husband is the man he is supposed to be, that bride is going to feel like royalty EVERY day for the rest of her life, and without her father wasting all that money in the process, either, as true love doesn’t require money.

Uh, yeah…that whole ‘wasting money’ thing again…Of course, true love does not require money, but what is wrong with celebrating? As far as royalty, what is wrong with dressing up and being pampered. Once kids come and day to day life routines get going, we all know what happens to the daily pampering!

Furthermore, wedding receptions often cause the bride to spend more time planning the wedding, than planning the marriage! What colors the flowers on the tables are going to be may get more attention than when and how many children the couple intends to have.
We did both - flowers and kids. We planned on fuschia flowers and 2 kids. We had fuschia flowers and 3 kids. Guess which planning went better!

Financial arrangments regarding the wedding may get more attention than how they intend to afford their house.

And, furthermore, a virtuous man who refused to shame his bride-to-be by fornicating with her should not have to wait another five hours or so to consummate the marriage.

If they’ve waited years (nearly 7 years in our case), what is a few more hours??? Nothing was the worse for it!

Well, what are your views on this, and when expressing them, please do NOT bring John 2:1-11 into this discussion as that was a different time, and likely did not resemble what wedding receptions have become today. Thank you.

Why not?? How do you know what kind of parties they had then? Hava Nagila and wine?? I think that was quite the party!!

Life if to be CELEBRATED, not endured joylessly.

 

[daeve]

Well, I had a big old wedding, and a big old reception. People are still talking about it 31 years later. The memories of that reception lasted longer than the marriage did!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Hahaha. Another funny post! Brings back flashbacks from my own wedding planning! My groom, who insisted on a virgin bride, was hostile to the idea of a reception. He didn’t want to do much more than lemonade and cookies outside the church as he took his virgin off to relieve her of her virginity.

I eventually got my way and we had a sit-down luncheon for the guests who came on 28-days notice because his job required us to hurry it up. No dancing. He didn’t like to dance. It was very lovely and gracious and did not cost tens of thousands of dollars. But it was not necessarily what I would have done without his negativity.

And yes, he promised to treat me like a queen. He did, if you consider Marie Antoinette and the Tsaress Alexandra of Russia as good queenly examples…

His lack of generosity towards his bride permeated every area of our marriage. It was all on his terms, his schedule. And it turns out he spent far more time planning his divorce than his own wedding. Then it turns out no expense was spared as he tried to destroy me.

So I find it funny how people spend their money. He spent more on his motorcycle than on our wedding.

I really really want to be a fly on the wall and see some people who finally find that perfect virgin bride and then inform her that she will not be getting the wedding of her dreams. And that the first order of business will be to insult her family and friends and leave them standing on the church steps as he takes her off to deflower her.

Something is very wrong with this picture…

 

[Catholic90]

I really really want to be a fly on the wall and see some people who finally find that perfect virgin bride and then inform her that she will not be getting the wedding of her dreams. And that the first order of business will be to insult her family and friends and leave them standing on the church steps as he takes her off to deflower her.

Something is very wrong with this picture…

Exactly! Most little girls dream of being a princess, and for many her wedding day is the realization of that dream. Yes, it is FUN to dress up and be the focus of the day.

I completely agree with you about the insulting friends and family by leaving them. These people travel from who knows how far away to witness the exchange of vows, spend who knows how much on a gift for couple, so I do not think it is out of line to have a reception where some time is spent visiting with said people and showing some appreciation for their TIME spent for the couple.

A few hours waiting for sex is not going to kill the DH. (and if it is, perhaps they should look into counseling for that…).

Very nice receptions can be done for not a fortune, and if the couple wishes to dance, so what?!? It is a party! A celebration! :extrahappy:

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Everybody has made a very good point that weddings do not have to cost a fortune to be special.

The smallest a Catholic wedding can be is the couple, the priest or deacon, and the 2 witnesses.

But the start of what will hopefully be a good marriage- as well as the union of two families- is something to celebrate.

 

[dessert]

My wedding was a joke but at least I was married in a Church, hindsight later, I would have had a lot of explaining to do later.

No reception much to speak of, flash forward 10 to 20 years later all appologized for it said they were wrong we are a good couple and please forgive, I tried to act like I stillloved them, and do.
Now coming to 40 years next Feb. and they all still speakabout
how we are strong and right for each other and can’t stop praising us; Cost; … PRICELESS!!!