Your feelings about a registry being rude are not in sync with customs. People WANT to give you gifts, especially those who may not be able to attend your wedding, yet want to give you their congratulations in a tangible way. The “wishing well” may also be seen as materialistic, in fact perhaps more so, because it can be seen as a “cash well” instead of allowing people to select a gift that they feel is more meaningful to you and from their heart.
When you give people a gift, you don’t get to decide what they do with it.What would be more rude? Take the money some gave to be used by the bride and groom, and have them give it away? I think I would rather know in advance that the couple didn’t need anything and would rather see the money spent on something put to better use. And why ask for things you don’t need? These may just become clutter. Ok, if the couple owns a home, or will be buying one, maybe suggestions towards a “registry” at someplace like Home Depot. Or is that a problem for some?
Honestly, I would be a little put off if I was one of your guests. Unless every single one of your wedding guests think exactly like you do, you can’t assume your guests only want to give you cash or want their gift to go to a charity. Its not rude to register, its only a guide for your family and friends, nothing more. Are you not having a bridal shower of any type? That’s usually where the registry comes into play. My husband and I do give cash, for the wedding, but for the shower, its an actual gift. You’re going to get a TON of questions if you don’t at least give ideas, i.e. a registry, because people like to give gifts for weddings and when a couple is having a baby.
Yeah, everyone is going throw in gift cards instead. But maybe that’s what the OP and her husband to be really want??
I don’t see how gift cards are much different than a registry.Yeah, everyone is going throw in gift cards instead. But maybe that’s what the OP and her husband to be really want??
Is not registering the new way of saying “just gimmie the money?”Yeah, everyone is going throw in gift cards instead. But maybe that’s what the OP and her husband to be really want??
Most people do want to select and send an actual gift. I think the OP should be prepared for 40 cryatal vases!Which I think was the whole point of registries being invented. Who wants to have multiple gifts of the same item? And as the guest, who wants to give the same gift as someone else? We guests want to give the couple something they actually need and want, don’t we? And instead of bugging the couple constantly, the registry cuts down on the nagging and the chances of repetitive gift items. Money is always great. And at the time of my shower and wedding, we got items I never thought I wanted or would use, but time has proven me wrong. Thank God for the guests that knew better than this naive bride.Is not registering the new way of saying “just gimmie the money?”
I didn’t want to register either. There just wasn’t anything either of us really wanted. We did anyway, to appease people, and now most of the stuff we got just sits around taking up space because we didn’t even want it in the first place. I understand that some people like to give gifts, but I honestly would rather have gotten nothing than some of the things we registered for because we have no place to put anything. That’s why, when going to a wedding my husband and I usually give money because that way the couple can use it toward something larger they want- a new couch, a vacation, whatever.Is not registering the new way of saying “just gimmie the money?”
Why don’t you donate them, then? The gifts are a sign of people’s love, support and affection. If you invite guests to your wedding, they will send gifts. it’s what decent people do. Remember that saying, “It’s the thought that counts?” When one recieves a gift that one does not want, one thanks the giver and discreetly passes the gift on. You are well within your rights to take all the items you dislike and drop them off at the St. Vincent de Paul, or the battered women’s shelter.
I think it does come across that way, regardless of what the couple is trying to communicate. It leaves loved ones and friends completely in the dark as to what gift to send or bring. People give other people presents when there’s a big special occasion. That’s a social custom that’s not worth fighting IMO. It can leave hard feelings for no good reason.Is not registering the new way of saying “just gimmie the money?”
We actually have given away several items- the rest are things like fancy dishes we have no use for at the time being but maybe later on we will. Of course we are very appreciative of our guests’ thoughtfulness, but I don’t imagine anyone who gave us gifts intended for us to give them away to begin with.
And there is truly nothing you could have possibly used? I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life that I could not have easily spent $5,000 on household stuff at Bed Bath and Beyond or Target!We actually have given away several items- the rest are things like fancy dishes we have no use for at the time being but maybe later on we will. Of course we are very appreciative of our guests’ thoughtfulness, but I don’t imagine anyone who gave us gifts intended for us to give them away to begin with.
It just doesn’t seem like a couple can do anything right. You don’t create a registry, people complain that they don’t know what to get you or that you must just be looking for money. So you create one, and people get you things you didn’t really want, and then you end up giving them away or they don’t get used. When I attend a wedding, it’s because I love the people who are getting married and I want to give them something they want- if they don’t need an overpriced blender or new sheets, and prefer not to amass a bunch of stuff, I’d rather give them money so they can do what they want with it. I can never understand why people insist upon giving actual gifts that the couple doesn’t even really want.