Wedding Veils

[agapewolf]

If that is the case, then it seems that a veil that needs lifted couldn’t be used at a nuptial mass. I think communion is before the vows.

No. The vows take place after the homily.

— It is in the rite of marriage that the bride and groom can process together in the beginning, OR… according to local custom.

 

[etmom]

What Phemie (I believe it was her) described is actually the technically right way of doing it. I’ve been doing weddings for a little over 10 years now in so many different parishes and dioceses. I’m trying to recall if I ever saw it done this way. I think I witnessed it once, but I usually see the “traditional” father walking daughter down the aisle, or both parents or just the bride by herself.

I do know at one of my previous parishes, they did try to implement it, but received such an uproar from the brides and their parents. The brides would be in tears during the rehearsal because it was never explained to them prior. It got pretty ugly, apparently. Pastorally, the pastor of the parish as well as the Director of Worship for the diocese at the time (who lived at the parish) felt that because it was before mass began, it was ok to not insist upon the practice.

I can’t even imagine getting upset over it. Our priest simply explained that this was how it’s done- no other option. I thought it was an entirely fitting way to begin our wedding mass. We have 4 daughters, and always imagined them doing the same!

 

[thewanderer]

If you grew up our whole life imagining that on your wedding day your father would walk you down the aisle, then I might be able to see it. It’s possible to become emotionally attached to the idea of being walked down the aisle by your father such that you would feel as though something were missing in the celebration if that didn’t happen.

 

[Sarabande]

I can’t even imagine getting upset over it. Our priest simply explained that this was how it’s done- no other option. I thought it was an entirely fitting way to begin our wedding mass. We have 4 daughters, and always imagined them doing the same!

I agree. To me, if the priest told us that’s they way it’s done, then so be it. But, unfortunately, not everyone is like that. Edited… I do see the wanderer’s point as well. For anyone who has been married, no matter how calm and rational you are, I think most of us experience so many emotions that day. If those brides were expecting it and then suddenly, the day before the wedding on the rehearsal (which was happening at that particular parish), they’re told that they can’t do that way, I can see girls, especially, getting upset over it.

When I got married, no one mentioned that option, nor was I aware of it. The one thing that the deacon running the rehearsal was really adamant about was that my two little cousins couldn’t walk down together. (We got married at our diocese cathedral and they were pretty intimidated by the size and just felt very shy about going down by themselves.) On the day of, the deacon wasn’t there and the priest who married us, and the pastor who was running things that day, didn’t care whether of not my cousins walked down together, so we relieved their anxiety and told them they could.

 

[PatriceA]

I can’t even imagine getting upset over it. Our priest simply explained that this was how it’s done- no other option. I thought it was an entirely fitting way to begin our wedding mass. We have 4 daughters, and always imagined them doing the same!

I wouldn’t get upset over it either. But it wasn’t an option when we got married almost 14 years ago. I still have all our paperwork when we were planning and just looked it up. The priest gave us three options: bride, accompanied by father and/or mother OR bride alone, after the other wedding party attendants proceed down the aisle. The groom could choose to also proceed down the aisle, with his parents, before the bride, but there was NO option of the bride and groom proceeding together. That’s the way the priest wanted it, I guess.

 

[happymommy]

If you grew up our whole life imagining that on your wedding day your father would walk you down the aisle, then I might be able to see it. It’s possible to become emotionally attached to the idea of being walked down the aisle by your father such that you would feel as though something were missing in the celebration if that didn’t happen.

This.

We’ve been to many Catholic weddings and I have never seen the bride and groom walk down together. For me it would be the groom seeing the bride for the first time coming down the aisle. That first time he sees her is such a special moment. She’s spent so much time getting ready and has the beautiful dress… I wouldn’t want to just bump into each other in the gathering space and head on in. I’m sure there would be some way to have a moment together before the wedding, but with everyone else running around, bugging you it would be hard.

I don’t know. I guess this is just one of those things that my husband likes to call “you still having too much Protestant in you”

 

[PatriceA]

This.

We’ve been to many Catholic weddings and I have never seen the bride and groom walk down together. For me it would be the groom seeing the bride for the first time coming down the aisle. That first time he sees her is such a special moment. She’s spent so much time getting ready and has the beautiful dress… I wouldn’t want to just bump into each other in the gathering space and head on in. I’m sure there would be some way to have a moment together before the wedding, but with everyone else running around, bugging you it would be hard.

I don’t know. I guess this is just one of those things that my husband likes to call “you still having too much Protestant in you”

I don’t think it has anything to do with that. I’m a cradle Catholic and attended many Catholic family and friends weddings and this is a first for me.

 

[agapewolf]

This.

We’ve been to many Catholic weddings and I have never seen the bride and groom walk down together. For me it would be the groom seeing the bride for the first time coming down the aisle. That first time he sees her is such a special moment. She’s spent so much time getting ready and has the beautiful dress… I wouldn’t want to just bump into each other in the gathering space and head on in. I’m sure there would be some way to have a moment together before the wedding, but with everyone else running around, bugging you it would be hard.

I don’t know. I guess this is just one of those things that my husband likes to call “you still having too much Protestant in you”

Actually, it could be a special moment where they can get some prayer in together, and then greet guests together as they arrive.

 

[etmom]

This.

We’ve been to many Catholic weddings and I have never seen the bride and groom walk down together. For me it would be the groom seeing the bride for the first time coming down the aisle. That first time he sees her is such a special moment. She’s spent so much time getting ready and has the beautiful dress… I wouldn’t want to just bump into each other in the gathering space and head on in. I’m sure there would be some way to have a moment together before the wedding, but with everyone else running around, bugging you it would be hard.

I don’t know. I guess this is just one of those things that my husband likes to call “you still having too much Protestant in you”

It wasn’t like we “bumped into each other in the gathering space”. We spent time together in a private room at the church, then came out and greeted our guests as they entered the church. No one was bugging us, we felt very prepared for the Mass, and wedding. It was such a joyful positive thing for us, we were so grateful the priest set it up this way. We’ve been married 13 years, so it wasn’t a “new” thing. We really hope that when our girls get married, they will do something similar.

 

[Phemie]

I wouldn’t get upset over it either. But it wasn’t an option when we got married almost 14 years ago. I still have all our paperwork when we were planning and just looked it up. The priest gave us three options: bride, accompanied by father and/or mother OR bride alone, after the other wedding party attendants proceed down the aisle. The groom could choose to also proceed down the aisle, with his parents, before the bride, but there was NO option of the bride and groom proceeding together. That’s the way the priest wanted it, I guess.

Interesting. For the person who asked me where I got that, it’s what’s written in the Rite of Marriage. The first option: the priest greets the couple at the back of the Church and they all process up to the altar. That’s been in the rite for the last 30+ years and I find it sad that few priests have insisted on it although it’s what makes the most theological sense.

Unlike other religions’ marriage rite, there is no “giving away”, no “obey” and no kiss in the Catholic ceremony.

At our wedding (in a Liturgy of the Word) in 75, priest met us at the back of the church then we went in in procession, priest, then groom accompanied by the best man, then maid of honour, then Dad and I.

Two years later in the same parish, same celebrant, my brother and his bride + the parents and the witnesses were met at the back of the church and they all went up in the entrance procession, priest first then witnesses then bride with her parents then groom with his parents. They were not given any other option, they were simply told that’s how it was going to be.

 

[Phemie]

It wasn’t like we “bumped into each other in the gathering space”. We spent time together in a private room at the church, then came out and greeted our guests as they entered the church. No one was bugging us, we felt very prepared for the Mass, and wedding. It was such a joyful positive thing for us, we were so grateful the priest set it up this way. We’ve been married 13 years, so it wasn’t a “new” thing. We really hope that when our girls get married, they will do something similar.

That is exactly what the Rite of Marriage envisions and recommends.

Have to admit that I’ve never seen it done like that, I only know from reading the Marriage Rite that that’s what it says. I know one couple in our parish, friends of mine, did it like that but our daughter was graduating from university the same day so I missed that wedding. They were much older and both knew the theology and the liturgy and never envisioned doing it any other way. She was the diocesan catechetical coordinator so she was determined to set an example.

 

[moon1234]

It depends on what form of the Roman Rite you are using. In the Extrodinary Form (Tridentine) the wedding occurs first, before Mass. Mass happens after the wedding. The veil would be lifted after the vows and right before the bride and groom kiss.

We put our wedding video on youtube and it was in the Extrodinary Form, although in 1999 this was under the Ecclesia Dei indult at that time. You will see the type of veil my wife is wearing and when I get the opportunity to unveil her.

youtu.be/4uXURX5y4eE

As a side not, this is the ONLY time laity (Husband and Wife) are allowed in the sanctaury for the entire Mass. There are also special prayers only for the bride during her first marraige (i.e. you only get them once.) I am not sure if they exist in the New Mass or not.

 

[Phemie]

It depends on what form of the Roman Rite you are using. In the Extrodinary Form (Tridentine) the wedding occurs first, before Mass. Mass happens after the wedding. The veil would be lifted after the vows and right before the bride and groom kiss.

We were not allowed to kiss at our wedding.

 

[ExGratia]

We were not allowed to kiss at our wedding.

I’m definitely okay with that! Since the priest isn’t the minister of the sacrament (we are), it wouldn’t make sense for him to say “You may now kiss the bride”.

I think even for Catholics, some of our perceptions have been influenced by movies. I mean, I think most of us have some version of the movie-protestant wedding vows memorized (“I now pronounce you”…)