Wedding Vent.

[EmBee]

So, my small, 10 person wedding is in 21 days …

Two days ago, my fiancé and I found out that my engagement ring was damaged and sold to us under false pretences (by his dad), so we are giving it back and I just don’t have a ring at all. Fiance’s parents responded by telling us they’re not coming to the wedding (relationship has been strained for a long time). The best man may not be able to attend the ceremony because of his work schedule, and my maid of honor just told me this morning via facebook message that she never took off work for the wedding day and doesn’t know if she’ll be able to now since her manager is doing mega-time-off-crack-down. That leaves me with 6 people coming to the wedding and 2 maybes.

My dad and step-mom are driving up from Florida, and have been complaining about how the wedding date falls in the middle of the school year and on the same weekend as their other three kids’ piano recital. My grandparents are complaining about watching the 3 kids while my dad and step-mom come to my wedding. My other grandparents keep calling my mom every other week to see if I’ve “changed my mind” ie: decided to have a big wedding.

Family/friends/work people are all asking me why I’m not just getting married on the beach since the wedding is so small and I just want to scream at them: Catholics can’t do that so just shut up! I have a tattoo on my back that I’ve been trying to remove with laser treatment, and even though it’s faded it’s no where near gone yet.

The wedding is going to be in my fiancé’s hometown – 3 hours from where we live. I’m having second thoughts about having our friends drive 6 hours round trip for a 45 min ceremony and a riverboat dinner reception that may not even be any fun. BUT, we can’t exactly contact our home parish and have the wedding here on such short notice. I don’t know if fiancé would be okay with that anyway. We really like the church we’re going to get married at and he has a history with and loves Monsignor. Of course, Monday we’re meeting Mons and telling him that fiancé’s mom (who was the sacristan for 10+ years) and his dad (who works at the school currently) are not coming to the wedding.

I could just scream a bunch of nasty things to no one in particular right now …

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[Sillara]

I don’t have a whole lot to say except that it will be ok as soon as the wedding is over. Our wedding was around 35 people, including my relatives from Virginia and my husband’s from Indiana. We got married in Ohio, where we had just graduated college.

Several people couldn’t make it, and my husband’s uncle drove up, had his back go out in the parking lot, and had to be driven home without getting out. Poor guy.

Our reception was silly, and our ceremony was lovely. We didn’t even have a riverboat. We had an empty gym-style sanctuary (Protestant church; we were Protestants at the time) with long tables and folding metal chairs. And we ditched the reception right after the bouquet and garter toss. We had better things to do!

And no one minded. It’s been twelve years (next month!), and our wedding day is really only important as the start of our marriage. You’ll be ok in 22 days!

 

[whatevergirl]

***EmBee–I’m so sorry! Oh my gosh, the most joyful day of your life is being upset from all these family members, and friends. I will keep you in my prayers, that it gets resolved, and that your wedding day still goes off without a hitch! I would be disheartened if my maid of honor couldn’t pick the phone up to tell me, and sent me a message that she might not be able to make it in…facebook?

You know, it’s funny. The longer I live, the more I see that all of this is just life, and our best laid plans, can be thwarted. Sometimes, God tests us to see how well we rely on Him too in such situations. (sometimes, I fail miserably and feel terrible!)

I also have come to realize that people are pretty selfish in life. It’s very self centered of your family to tell you what an inconvenience all this is. Most wedding invitations, I imagine yours also, go out months in advance…people, PLAN THE DAY OUT. RESERVE THE TIME OFF. Like back when you sent the invite, your family didn’t know it fell in the middle of the school year? Why wait not to tell you this?

So, just know, people are just people…and they will disappoint. The good news is that God never disappoints and is always there for us…HE WILL BE AT YOUR WEDDING!

I can come, what’s the date? I love weddings. :bounce:

((hugs)) to you! And prayers…***

 

[EmBee]

Thanks, you two. It feels better just writing all these frustrations down and having others to listen. I called my fiance this morning when I found out about my maid of honor and I said, “You’re still coming, right?” He said “Are you nuts? ABSOLUTELY! I wouldn’t miss it for the world ” And you’re right, sillara - in 22 days I’ll be the happiest woman alive. It’s just hard to focus on the good things (okay, GREAT things), when there is so much negativity!

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[lizaanne]

The riverboat sounds wonderful!!!

Just think - that night you will be dancing with your HUSBAND for the first time. Beyond that, nothing else really matters. As whatevergirl said, God will be there.

Congratulations!!!

~Liza

 

[EmBee]

Just think - that night you will be dancing with your HUSBAND for the first time.

Now *this *sounds pretty wonderful to me

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[Trishie]

Jesus fed a multitude with a few loaves and fishes.
I bet He can create something miraculous out of your few guests…but above all, with each other, your man and you!

 

[ChristinaM]

Soon before we were to be married, my husband said something pretty amazing to me. I was stressed out about the wedding and he said something like “Remember it could rain, people could fight, some people might not show up, the food could be awful, your dress could rip, the band might not show up…but none of that matters as long as you and I and the priest are there. At the end of the day we will be married and that is all that matters.”

I know it is still stressful for you, I will keep you in my prayers. Try and focus on Christ and know how much he loves you it should help.

Take care and congratulations!

My DH said the same thing to me. “You, me, and the priest - that’s all we need.”

Hang in there - before you know it, all the frustrations will be just a memory. And you’ll be too blissed-out with your new husband to whack all those silly people on the head!

 

[tinalewis]

To my thinking, the wedding was just something to get through in order to be married.

 

[lizaanne]

To my thinking, the wedding was just something to get through in order to be married.

My husband totally felt this way - if it was up to him we would have just shown up at the foot of the altar after Mass, had the priest marry us, and then gone on our merry way.

It was not (entirely) up to him.

~Liza

 

[Galnextdoor]

I am praying for you.

 

[GerlyOne]

Thanks, you two. It feels better just writing all these frustrations down and having others to listen. I called my fiance this morning when I found out about my maid of honor and I said, "You’re still coming, right?" He said “Are you nuts? ABSOLUTELY! I wouldn’t miss it for the world ” And you’re right, sillara - in 22 days I’ll be the happiest woman alive. It’s just hard to focus on the good things (okay, GREAT things), when there is so much negativity!

–

**Awwwwwww! … I almost cried when I read your fiance’s reply, that is what the marriage is all about, the love you two have for each other! Picture this … on the day of the wedding, you stare into his eyes and he into yours, you could care less if there are 10 people or a hundred, all you know at that moment is that the two of you love each other so much and cannot wait to spend the rest of your lives together, growing in God’s grace:heart:

Don’t sweat the small stuff, it’ll all work out, it always does…the drama you’re experiencing will be a distant memory when you walk up the aisle to marry the man you are so much in love with! Congratulations and best wishes, God bless. Let us know how it all turn out! **

 

[Maryamh]

It will be okay, we had some of the same issues when we were married. We went with a small ceremony and reception just immediate family and grandparents were invited. We didn’t know if hubby’s parents were going to come, they were upset because it wasn’t a big wedding so was my family. Everyone seems to want to big fancy wedding and reception our ceremony was beautiful and honestly I don’t even remember anyone else being their it was just the two of us, the priest and altar boys.

We didn’t make browny points with the families that is for sure and we dealt with comments and still do from time to time, but we are definately happy with how we decided to have our wedding.

Look into getting just a band for your wedding ring. I have a white gold band, I think it was only around $150, there is plenty of time ot have the jeweler order it for you.

Prayers to you and fiance, this is about you and what the two of you want in the eyes of god, no one else matters.

 

[EmBee]

Maryamh - I do have a plain white gold band, but it’s my wedding band so it’s sitting in a shoebox where I can’t reach it until the wedding! It’s just so odd to run errands and go to work and such without my ring on. I remember when I first got it, I thought I’d never get used to it (I’m not a jewelry person), but now here I am 8 months later and I really miss it. I’m surprised at how much it meant to me. My Fiance says he wants to buy me a new one, but not until after the wedding of course (he’s finishing school and working, so he doesn’t have much time right now). I’m not sure if I want him to spend the money - I think I’ll be happy once I have A ring on, it doesn’t need to have a diamond on it. Sigh. I feel silly, but I feel so naked without anything on my left hand.

Fiance and I watched “Marley & Me” last night - we loved it. Of course, it made me really want to be married and have a family. My fiance isn’t much help, he’s like “20 days is so far away!” He’s very excited to be married, too. I don’t know what’s gotten into our family & friends lately, but I do know that he’s the perfect guy for me and I’ll be very glad to say “I do!”

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[EmBee]

Hang in there - before you know it, all the frustrations will be just a memory. And you’ll be too blissed-out with your new husband to whack all those silly people on the head!

–

 

[EmBee]

Jesus fed a multitude with a few loaves and fishes.
I bet He can create something miraculous out of your few guests…but above all, with each other, your man and you!

Trishie, you have such a gift for saying exactly what needs to be said. When I got an email saying you had responded to this thread, I knew you’d have something great for me to “chew” on (heehee). I told this to my fiance last night and he really liked it. Thanks for your support!

–

 

[Cajun_Girl]

It seems really selfish for people to actually be inconvenienced by your wedding!

My family was very nice to me about my wedding, but we still had some disasters anyway. The worst: my wedding dress wouldn’t fit! We tried some creative solutions, and finally I was able to squeeze into it, but I had wasted so much time that I was late for my own wedding. I had to walk straight into the church and down the aisle without any kind of mental preparation at all!

Yet, for all of things that went wrong, we loved our wedding, and we loved our trip to Disney World afterwards! Honestly, I can’t even remember who showed up and who didn’t. Even if everything possible goes wrong, I know you’ll love your wedding too, and you’ll have some great stories to tell your kids someday!

 

[ac_claire]

My DH said the same thing to me. “You, me, and the priest - that’s all we need.”

Yup, that’s our attitude as well. It’s really true…what you want is a marriage; the details of the wedding aren’t as important as modern society makes it all out to be, IMO.

Finances are real tight right now, for many people. So maybe just don’t take the flaky behavior of your invitees personally. Get some nice pics done of the bride and groom after the ceremony and send them out to all those that couldn’t make it.

That’s what we’re going to do.

 

[RazzsMom]

EmBee — I am so sorry that people want to rain on your parade! Personally - I love weddings! I have often said I could go to a wedding of perfect strangers and enjoy it! You & your Man & the priest (Jesus) = Wedding!

My Hubby & I had a very small wedding, too. I think maybe 30 people. We were only 18 years old and many people didn’t think it would last a year. (It is still going strong after 37 years this June!) So many of them stayed away. My parents didn’t like his parents and vice versa. Hubby’s mother HATED me (at the time — I think I won her over when I had the first baby!) and we were scared to death that she would not sign the parental consent for us to get our license! (At the time in Ohio you had to be 21 to enter legal contracts.) My Maid of Honor had just found out she was pregnant (and not married) and was suffering morning sickness. So - See? Everyone’s wedding has stress! Just think — in 10 or 30 or 50 years from now - it will all make great stories to tell your children and grandchildren!

As for the ring: Have you looked at some of the major jewelry stores for inexpensive solitaire diamonds? My original wedding ring was a 1/5 th carat solitaire that cost less than $100. I know you can still buy a small but beautiful diamond for under $200. My Hubby bought the rings I wear now for our 4th anniversary since we were then able to afford a nicer ring. I put my original set away and we put away Hubby’s ring, too, because it was a family heirloom. Then 4 years ago when our son got married, they used our wedding rings in their wedding! (They had their own rings blessed by the priest and wore them on their right hand at the wedding.) We now have the rings put away and hopefully someday Son’s baby (my first Grandson!! Aiden Ulric born Feb. 21st.) will use them in HIS wedding!

Well ---- I sure wish I lived close to you ---- I would LOVE to come to your wedding! I will remember you two on the day and say a special Rosary for you! God Bless both of you!

 

[NPalmby]

While my wedding wasn’t what you’ve described, my father and his family (my parents are divorced), including one set of grandparents didn’t attend, my husband’s best man pulled the “didn’t ask for time off” card, and one of my bridesmaids emailed me to say she couldn’t come after I paid for her dress (which she never repaid me for). On top of that, my aunt had a fight with my grandmother (on my mom’s side) and decided they wouldn’t be attending, either, which left me without a ring bearer at the last minute, and short one reader.

But when it came down to it, it was still the happiest day of my life. We were married by the priest that was involved in my RCIA program, and we were very close with him. And once the Mass started, all I could see was my husband, the priest, and the life we were starting together. (Getting a little weepy here…yay for pregnancy hormones! ) By the time the reception was over, nothing mattered except getting to cuddle with my husband for the first time and looking forward to what the Lord had/has planned for our life together.

No matter what happens, your fiance and the Lord are with you.