Wedding Vow Renewal

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re writing as I completely mis-read the original.

Renewal of vows outside sounds like a lovely thing.

You still can so get the papal blessing parchment for your wife as a surprise 🙂
 
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And to add on, for those milestone anniversaries you can get a Papal Blessing!

Your Diocese will help with it.
 
1ke said:
There is a blessing rite in the book of blessings, and your pastor can use that. Doing an actual vow renewal is problematic as consent persists from the exchange of consent in your original vows. There is no paperwork for a renewal because there really isn’t any such rite in the Church.

The blessing doesn’t have to be in a church-- you should talk to your pastor about your idea to have it outside.
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They are not thinking about going to a Catholic Priest.
 
They don’t want to do it in a Catholic ceremony, they want to do it with their friend who is a non-Catholic Pastor. Since neither this ceremony nor the Catholic one would have any impact on the status of their marriage I don’t see a problem with it.
 
TheLittleLady said:
re writing as I completely mis-read the original.

Renewal of vows outside sounds like a lovely thing.

You still can so get the papal blessing parchment for your wife as a surprise 🙂
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I got one for my husband as a surprise for our 25th anniversary.
 
Horton said:
The OP does have a fairly negative attitude toward the Catholic Church. Many of his posts are complaints of how he is treated as “the non-Catholic spouse”, as though he is wearing some sort of scarlet letter. Many of us have responded that we have never seen this type of exclusionary behavior toward any non-Catholic spouse in all the parishes we’ve been in.

I feel the OP has some bitter feelings toward the Church for some reason and lets those feelings determine his perception of what is going on around him. I know several people who are married to non Catholics, I have never seen any of them treated in anything less than a respectful manner.
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Well, my husband (who is non-Catholic) says that he thinks it is remarkable considering the number of mixed marriages in a typical parish that it is so often assumed that the families of the parish don’t have any non-Catholics in them. It is not “exclusionary” behavior–acting badly to someone you recognize as being there or actively trying to marginalize them–so much as a acting as if the non-Catholic spouses don’t even exist. They can be left wanting to make a little wave and say, “Hey! Here I am!! Sitting here!! Contributing to the collection every week, sitting right over here, showing up for parish work days, the guy who doesn’t go up for Holy Communion!!”
 
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My husband and I- are having our marriage blessed in our Catholic Church- My question is this- what is customary as far as payment to our priest? I will say that he helped me through my annulment, and presided over my son’s funeral several years ago, so I want to let him know how much we appreciate him. What is customary and then I can up it from there.
 
For your convalidation, there is no charge. If you would like to give a gift to the priest or to the parish, contact the Parish Secretary and they will tell you what the local custom is.
 
I’m not sure what this has to do with anything in this thread…TBH. I don’t think I have a negative attitude towards the Catholic church…especially anymore. When people as, I tell them my experience(s) and say YMMV…

All I asked is if my wife would need to do any paperwork/collect any permissions to renew our vows in front of a non-Catholic minister, much the same if we would have been married in a non-Catholic church the first time.

I’m honestly not sure why some are getting so wound up about me asking a question…and in turn some calling me and past experienced out on the carpet.
 
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A friend of mine is a deacon of the local Catholic Church and he and his wife renew every year
 
PetraG said:
if there is something they need to do to make the idea palatable to the Church and the bride’s side of the family.
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Actually, it’s more this…if her parents don’t want to go, that’s fine. We chose a fall wedding in the town we met because A) it’s my hometown and B) it’s one of the prettiest cities in America during the fall. Her parents shot that down because it’s harvest time, they (and other aunts, uncles, and cousins) wouldn’t be able to take 2-3 days out of the field to attend so they implored us to change our plans.
otrrl said:
I don’t think most people have an emotional tie with the pastor, as much as you do.
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We’ve know my pastor for almost 20 years now. He’s been a close friend of the family for a long time and is a fantastic speaker. We really hoped he would have been able to officiate our wedding. It didn’t work out, so we want to renew and have him. Our wedding was great, it just missed something personal to us.

I just want to reitterate…This has nothing to do with our wedding being in a Catholic Church. It was in a location that was kind of put on us, so it was done in a church that neither one of us have much (if any) ties to done by a priest who didn’t really know us and seemed kind of luke warm on the mixed-marriage deal.

We were at a wedding over the weekend that was very personal, and we thought about how nice it would be to renew our vows in the setting that we initially were hoping to get married in. I was just asking if she needs some sort of permission to participate in the ceremony that would be lead by a non-Catholic pastor.
 
TC3033 said:
We’ve know my pastor for almost 20 years now. He’s been a close friend of the family for a long time and is a fantastic speaker. We really hoped he would have been able to officiate our wedding. It didn’t work out, so we want to renew and have him. Our wedding was great, it just missed something personal to us.

I just want to reitterate…This has nothing to do with our wedding being in a Catholic Church. It was in a location that was kind of put on us, so it was done in a church that neither one of us have much (if any) ties to done by a priest who didn’t really know us and seemed kind of luke warm on the mixed-marriage deal.

We were at a wedding over the weekend that was very personal, and we thought about how nice it would be to renew our vows in the setting that we initially were hoping to get married in. I was just asking if she needs some sort of permission to participate in the ceremony that would be lead by a non-Catholic pastor.
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Based on my experience with Catholic relatives, I’d say you confirm with your pastor that the Church doesn’t have a problem with having a non-priest at an anniversary party where you’re going to stand up and confirm your continuing commitment out loud. If you put it that way, he won’t be able to fault it. If he says it is OK and you tell them that he says it is OK, you just let them mumble all they like. (Some relatives mumble and grumble no matter what you do; it wouldn’t matter if you are Catholic or not.)

If you get reason to believe some in the family might have “reservations” about the Protestant church part, be generous and say, “We get it that some of the family might get hives if they go into a Protestant church, so if they just want to show up for the reception, that is OK.” They’re going to have a hard time complaining out loud if you put it like that, which is essentially a humorous way of saying, “Either come and be all in or else bite your tongue and show up later.” You have to gauge your wife’s family, though, because of course a normal Catholic from a family that has never had any trouble going to a prayer service at a non-Catholic church could be rather offended at the hives remark. If the pressure to get you to marry in a Catholic church way back when was only about making certain the marriage was valid and had all the canonical i’s dotted and t’s crossed, that won’t be necessary. Just let it go and don’t let the subject turn to whether you would do the same if you had it to do all over again. Nothing good is going to come from going there.

I’m just saying that you know at this point that you got the relatives you got. You do the best you can do, then you just let them do what they’re going to do.
 
By the way, I’d let your wife be the point man on all of this. She would not be out of place to hiss in the ears of her family members: “LISTEN. The road is the same length in both directions, and his family were good sports about coming to the wedding in the first place when you stepped in and insisted we have it at OUR end of the road. This time, it is their turn. You can come or you can stay home, but this time you are the ones who get to go along with what the other side wants. No guff. They are my family, too, and I’m sticking up for them this time and I won’t have them or what works for them put down, period. That is the way it is.”
 
To be fair and to be straight, this has nothing to do with the Catholic church. My in-laws have no issue with the non-Catholic portion…they had a daughter just married outside in a Lutheran ceremony.

We were pushed to get married where we live because of the time of year. We wanted a fall wedding (in my hometown) but that’s during fall harvest when they could be putting in 18hours out in the field and at the mercy of mother nature, so they implored us to keep the wedding near their home.

We did that, and got married in her “home” parish. Just not in a church or by a priest that were very personal to us. Now we’re thinking of renewing our vows in the setting (area) by the pastor we wanted to do it…nothing more - nothing less.
 
LOL, we’re still non-committal at this point. It wouldn’t be for 2 years.
 
TC3033 said:
To be fair and to be straight, this has nothing to do with the Catholic church. My in-laws have no issue with the non-Catholic portion…they had a daughter just married outside in a Lutheran ceremony.

We were pushed to get married where we live because of the time of year. We wanted a fall wedding (in my hometown) but that’s during fall harvest when they could be putting in 18hours out in the field and at the mercy of mother nature, so they implored us to keep the wedding near their home.

We did that, and got married in her “home” parish. Just not in a church or by a priest that were very personal to us. Now we’re thinking of renewing our vows in the setting (area) by the pastor we wanted to do it…nothing more - nothing less.
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Ah, well, putting something like this on with sane relatives is definitely a plus, LOL!

Some places do have a proscribed Catholic ritual, but that is for use when the ritual is done in a church and presided over by a member of the Catholic clergy. Even then, there is no paperwork. You ought to be good to go.
 
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