Wedding $$$$$

[Beautiful]

How much fee can there be for a funeral???

In my small town the local funeral director pads that into the cost of Catholic funerals with a Mass. I don’t know the exact amount but I am certain it is there.

I’ve chosen to go the no frills way to the grave simply out of conviction to do what I know is right. I don’t believe in extracting even one penny from someone to receive a sacrament in the Church.

 

[1ke]

But isn’t the use if the church for weddings normally free or nominal fee?

Uh, no.

Parishes have to pay bills.

 

[Princess18]

Are parents still members of the parish? If so, was it clear to the office staff that it was the parents’ parish? Typically, one is able to marry from one’s parents’ parish at “member prices”. Maybe $1500 is the member price, but, it does seem pretty steep.

I can somewhat relate to this. The church I am getting married in is the same one my family has attended every Sunday since I was about six years old. Dad added our name to the member’s roster but never used the envelopes that were sent to him - he just tossed cash into the collection plate each week. When my fiance’ and I approached the priest for our Pre-Cana counseling he said that we had to pay the non-members higher fee because there was no record of my parents contributing financially to the parish.

He explained (as others have mentioned) that the 20,000+ sq ft space with cathedral ceilings had to have the A/C turned on about six hours in advance in order to reach a non-sweaty temp for the ceremony and thus the power bill alone for a wedding day was several hundred dollars. “But the parish eats part of that bill for members. That’s the difference.” The offerings of the members cover ALL the bills, including power, for the Mass(es), but a non-contributing member is expected to pay for their use of the church since there is no way to verify that they’ve ever contributed.

It was an easy fix. I asked what the minimum was I could give each week to be considered a contributing parishioner and I signed up as a member. I make sure I put that much in the envelope with my name on it each week from that point until the wedding and we save a couple hundred dollars.

 

[Nurse_Joy]

Uh, no.

Parishes have to pay bills.

So what do they do with 20 years of cash from weekly offerings and the profit from 500 raffle tickets?

 

[Princess18]

So what do they do with 20 years of cash from weekly offerings and the profit from 500 raffle tickets?

They have to give a portion of it to the diocese (a third, I think). The remainder covers the mortgage, parish staff, priest salaries, utilities, books, candles, bulletins, janitorial service, maintenance, wine, Eucharistic hosts … same thing any other large organization does, cover expenses.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

For funerals, my parish suggests $100 for the church, $100 for the celebrant, and $125 for each musician [usually two - organist and soloist.].

 

[Nurse_Joy]

CCC 1663
…“it is fitting that its celebration be public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest … and the assembly of the faithful.”

I suppose that doesn’t have to be in the church, but I can’t think of any other places where you would normally find all of those components, except in an exceptional case where one would need a dispensation.

 

[Nurse_Joy]

For funerals, my parish suggests $100 for the church, $100 for the celebrant, and $125 for each musician [usually two - organist and soloist.].

That seems pretty reasonable.

Which begs the question if St. X church in the original post had a lifelong parishioner who retired in the south and died 3 years later, would the family pay “non member” rates for the funeral !

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

CCC 1663
…“it is fitting that its celebration be public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest … and the assembly of the faithful.”

I suppose that doesn’t have to be in the church, but I can’t think of any other places where you would normally find all of those components, except in an exceptional case where one would need a dispensation.

And you could have your wedding at the regular Saturday evening Mass – public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest and the assembly of the faithful – and they probably wouldn’t charge you anything. Of course you wouldn’t have the church to yourself, you wouldn’t be selecting the readings and music you want, and you wouldn’t be the star of the show.

I don’t understand why people are reluctant to contribute to the church when they’re willing to pay the photographer, the caterer, the DJ, the bridal shop, the florist, the limo company, and on and on.

 

[1ke]

So what do they do with 20 years of cash from weekly offerings and the profit from 500 raffle tickets?

If you don’t know the answer to this question, you should attend Parish Council and/or Parish Finance Council meetings and find out.

There is no excuse for being ignorant of parish finances. It is everyone’s responsibility as good stewards.

 

[Phemie]

Are you listening? This girl is a few years out of college and 100 miles away from where she grew up. She knows the people from work and a handful of others in that town. Does it make any sense to you that she marry in her new “home” town?

I can just imagine the caravan down the freeway - mom, dad, gramma, friends, cousins, wedding party. Heck, you could just rent a couple of buses.

There is nothing wrong with her wanting to marry in the parish where she grew up but she’s not a member of that parish even if her parents still are. I don’t see why she’d expect not to pay for the use of the church.

In our parish we charge only charge $150 across the board for the marriage preparation and the use of the church.

 

[1ke]

Are you listening? This girl is a few years out of college and 100 miles away from where she grew up.

Well, canon law (Canon 1115) requires that the bride and groom marry in their own parish (either the bride’s or the groom’s) unless they receive permission to marry elsewhere.

She knows the people from work and a handful of others in that town. Does it make any sense to you that she marry in her new “home” town?

I can just imagine the caravan down the freeway - mom, dad, gramma, friends, cousins, wedding party. Heck, you could just rent a couple of buses.

You seem awfully emotional about this. Overly so.

Family traveling to a wedding is not unheard of. It’s not like she lives on Mars. My own husband’s family traveled 1000 miles to attend our wedding.

 

[Nurse_Joy]

I don’t understand why people are reluctant to contribute to the church when they’re willing to pay the photographer, the caterer, the DJ, the bridal shop, the florist, the limo company, and on and on.

What people do with their personal wealth really has nothing to do with the issue here. Reasonable cost recovery is one thing. Using the facility as a profit center is another. Not behaving in a generous giving way like you preach is the point.

It just seems like it would be a real kick in the butt to actively support the church for years and years and then pay an unreasonable fee the day you want something back for your kid, because your kid is technically “not a member.”

 

[Nurse_Joy]

You seem awfully emotional about this. Overly so.

If I were being emotional I would use a lot more of those emonicons.

Ooops.

 

[dixieagle]

Well, canon law (Canon 1115) requires that the bride and groom marry in their own parish (either the bride’s or the groom’s) unless they receive permission to marry elsewhere.

You seem awfully emotional about this. Overly so.

Family traveling to a wedding is not unheard of. It’s not like she lives on Mars. My own husband’s family traveled 1000 miles to attend our wedding.

How far your husband’s family traveled is not relevant. The matter at hand concerns a very common situation - a young bride wishing to be married in her “home” parish where her family still attends. It happens all the time and makes infinitely more sense than forcing either one or both families to hit the road and incur expense for gas, accommodation, food, etc.

Our older daughter had lived out of town through college and a year of work before her wedding here in her hometown. The wedding was at our Cathedral, but had she chosen our home parish, we would have only had to pay the small “member” fee. I would have been appalled had they attempted to extract the “non-parishioner” fee.

While churches certainly are entitled to charge a fee to recoup costs for the A/C, organist, whatever, it seems most uncharitable to charge the “non-member” fee given the family’s, and the bride’s, long membership and involvement.

 

[BamaRider]

What people do with their personal wealth really has nothing to do with the issue here. Reasonable cost recovery is one thing. Using the facility as a profit center is another. Not behaving in a generous giving way like you preach is the point.

It just seems like it would be a real kick in the butt to actively support the church for years and years and then pay an unreasonable fee the day you want something back for your kid, because your kid is technically “not a member.”

I agree.

I never heard of this custom, of “user fee” till I joined CAF. My family was not charged one dime for “user fees” when my newly converted wife and I married in 1976. The subject just never came up. I served on the Parish Council in the 80s and it was never a topic. But I can tell ya if it ever comes up for a vote, I’m gonna shoot it down.

But we are a rather small southern parish in a part of the country that might be 5% Catholic. Even though my son holds dual memberships (where his work has him, and his home) he wants to return to the Parish of his roots if possilbe to marry. Where his friends are, where other members watched him grow up and serve at the altar. No one in good conscience would think to send a bill for the use of the building. Whatever few dollars it costs to cool it, they’ll pay it.

My family has a 45 year history at our Parish, but I’m of the opinion that ANY member of this parish wanting the Sacrament should NOT be charged ANYTHING to use the building, all we ask is the building be left like it was before the wedding. If that means pay someone to clean it, or have the groomsmen hang around, doesn’t matter.

In the event of a funeral its good to know the Parish is not looking for money from the funeral home, because we all know who pays it in the end, the family. I find it striking a parish won’t ask the beareaved family out right for it, but back door it through the funeral home. That should tell you how they feel about the practice.

In fact this thread made me pull the copy of the funeral home bill for my mother (2005) no church fees were applicable. Although the funeral home did charge us for bringing my mother to the church, and then to the cemetery. If a funeral home calls our parish wanting to know what to add to the families bill for “Church Fees” I hope they tell them “nothing”, and say it as a point of pride.

I’m gonna bring this up at the next council meeting, and ask that any discussion about fees take place in a open forum and voted on.

For the poster that wrote just put hin the ground, I’d say that is not doing your* family* right. The funeral Mass is not really for the deceased but for those that loved him, that wish to come pray for you, and to be in the presence of Christ. Why would you deny them that? Maybe I think different from you, but when I check out, I want y’all to say as many Masses in my honor as ya can. Starting on day 1.

 

[Phemie]

In the event of a funeral its good to know the Parish is not looking for money from the funeral home, because we all know who pays it in the end, the family. I find it striking a parish won’t ask the beareaved family out right for it, but back door it through the funeral home. That should tell you how they feel about the practice.

In fact this thread made me pull the copy of the funeral home bill for my mother (2005) no church fees were applicable. Although the funeral home did charge us for bringing my mother to the church, and then to the cemetery. If a funeral home calls our parish wanting to know what to add to the families bill for “Church Fees” I hope they tell them “nothing”, and say it as a point of pride.

I’m gonna bring this up at the next council meeting, and ask that any discussion about fees take place in a open forum and voted on.

For the poster that wrote just put hin the ground, I’d say that is not doing your* family* right. The funeral Mass is not really for the deceased but for those that loved him, that wish to come pray for you, and to be in the presence of Christ. Why would you deny them that? Maybe I think different from you, but when I check out, I want y’all to say as many Masses in my honor as ya can. Starting on day 1.

So in your parish do they charge for a cemetery plot? Most parishes charge something – from $50/plot at my hometown parish to $500 at the Cathedral parish at the Archdiocese. We’re looking at that now with the intention of charging between $100 & $200.

We don’t charge for funerals but most parishes I know do. Our pastor charges for the use of the church for funerals at the parish where he’s administrator & he also takes up a collection, one of the only times he gets more than a few dollars in the collection plate.

The fee is collected by the funeral home and paid to him as is routinely done in other places and the way it was at my hometown parish when both my mom & dad died. I suppose I should have been outraged considering dad had been in that parish 90 years, had been an altar server for more than 30 years, and had always paid dues and used collection envelopes. But you know what, it didn’t matter to me. I was just happy we still had a church in our parish.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

So in your parish do they charge for a cemetery plot? Most parishes charge something – from $50/plot at my hometown parish to $500 at the Cathedral parish at the Archdiocese. We’re looking at that now with the intention of charging between $100 & $200.
. . .

Our diocesan cemeteries run $4-8 thousand for single burial, $5-9 thousand for double. This includes everything. grave, care and maintenance, opening grave, marker, vault etc.

Funeral home runs $4 thousand up.

 

[Phemie]

Our diocesan cemeteries run $4-8 thousand for single burial, $5-9 thousand for double. This includes everything. grave, care and maintenance, opening grave, marker, vault etc.

Funeral home runs $4 thousand up.

Here families are responsible for digging the graves and for the upkeep of the graves since we have nobody to do that. Markers are also their responsibility, not included in the funeral home’s fee.

 

[Princess18]

Reasonable cost recovery is one thing. Using the facility as a profit center is another. Not behaving in a generous giving way like you preach is the point.

It just seems like it would be a real kick in the butt to actively support the church for years and years and then pay an unreasonable fee the day you want something back for your kid, because your kid is technically “not a member.”

You’re assuming that they make a profit. Why? And if finances are tight and you’re not spending money on a dress, reception, flowers, and other items I’m sure you can talk to the priest and they’d work something out. They’d be likely to “eat” more of the expense for your family to be married in the church that the kids grew up in.

It’s fantastic that you’ve support the church for years and years (as you put it) but need for support is ongoing. As someone said before, couples can get married during the Saturday Mass for free. The church is offering you the space exclusively for your service, and it costs money to make it ready for the ceremony. Why would you expect that they would let you have it for free? The power company will not accept “oh but it was for parishioners who contributed for 20 years” in lieu of monetary payment on the bill.