Wedding $$$$$

[BamaRider]

We don’t have a cemetery on our parish campus, and I don’t know of any in our area that do. My parents are buried in a private cemetry not far from the church.

I agree a family should pay for interment in a parish cemetary, because of the expense. I do believe those plots should be sold at a rate as not to make money.

There is no fee for a funeral or wedding in my parish, and I hope that is a policy we never change. We are a parish family, when one of us marries or dies, we will treat him as such-family. If it cost the parish a few dollars, so be it, we’ll pay it.

The fee is collected by the funeral home and paid to him as is routinely done in other places and the way it was at my hometown parish when both my mom & dad died. I** suppose I should have been outraged considering dad had been in that parish 90 years, had been an altar server for more than 30 years, and had always paid dues and used collection envelopes**. But you know what, it didn’t matter to me. I was just happy we still had a church in our parish.

I just find this hard to believe, that they would charge a fee for his funeral Mass, after all he had done including serving at the altar for over 30 years. The leadership ought to be embarassed.

Weddings and funerals should be a budgeted item. Someone needs to see how many weddings and funerals happen in a year, figure what it costs, and put that in the budget to cover it.

 

[Phemie]

We don’t have a cemetery on our parish campus, and I don’t know of any in our area that do. My parents are buried in a private cemetry not far from the church.

I agree a family should pay for interment in a parish cemetary, because of the expense. I do believe those plots should be sold at a rate as not to make money.

There is no fee for a funeral or wedding in my parish, and I hope that is a policy we never change. We are a parish family, when one of us marries or dies, we will treat him as such-family. If it cost the parish a few dollars, so be it, we’ll pay it.

I just find this hard to believe, that they would charge a fee for his funeral Mass, after all he had done including serving at the altar for over 30 years. The leadership ought to be embarassed.

Weddings and funerals should be a budgeted item. Someone needs to see how many weddings and funerals happen in a year, figure what it costs, and put that in the budget to cover it.

I know that Dad would have been appalled by it because I saw his reaction when the parish choir wanted a hefty fee to sing for Mom’s funeral. A family friend who belonged to another ‘non-church’ choir arranged for her choir to sing at the funeral. I was more appalled at the priest being unable to remember Dad’s name during the funeral.

 

[Marauder]

Weddings and funerals should be a budgeted item. Someone needs to see how many weddings and funerals happen in a year, figure what it costs, and put that in the budget to cover it.

See the problem/good thing is that you keep saying you live in a small parish where everyone supports the parish. And everyone cleans up after their wedding. You are trying to extend what your parish does to every parish in the country. Do you really think the situation is the same at every church? What about churches that are destination type places, with high vaulted ceilings, etc? I know churches in this area that have multiple weddings every weekend, with only a small percentage being actual parishoners. Do you expect the parishoners to pay all the costs associated with it, especially when most of the people getting married either are not from the area or maybe attend Mass twice a year? The heating, the cleanup, for the music, organ, etc all have real costs.

You may say they have to keep the place a certain temperature anyway so what’s the difference. Actually for a wedding they usually have to turn on more lights and turn the air conditioning on more due to people wearing suits, etc. All the churches around here keep the church much warmer during periods when the church isn’t being used then when it is being used. Air conditioning is a major expense.

There is a Catholic church near me that is a small historic church that is ONLY used for weddings. They don’t turn anything on except for when there is a wedding in it.

It’s nice that people in your area clean up for themselves after the wedding, but around here usually the church is a mess after a wedding. Especially when the people are Christmas/Easter Catholics. As I said before, whether a church charges or not depends on the how many people in the parish pay their “fair share” versus the number of people getting married there that don’t pay their “fair share”. It sounds like in your area the number that pay their “fair share” is high, so it isn’t an issue. That isn’t true throughout the country.

As has been said numerous times, if you want a simple wedding with just the couple, the priest/deacon, and witnesses it will be free no matter where you go.

 

[puzzleannie]

here you will make a nominal refundable deposit (which is retained if you leave the church a mess since we have no time to clean before the evening Mass, and no staff to do it) for any use of the church for wedding or quincenera outside a regularly scheduled Mass. you will pay in addition, no matter what parish you belong to, an amount equal to 1/3 or less the actual cost and overhead for the 2 hour period you reserve. the parish, a poor one in a poor diocese, eats the rest.

if you demonstrate need, the fee will be reduced or eliminated. (situations which uniformly mean a huge mess to clean up afterward, going by experience). the situation of non-members rarely arises because by the time you have gone through the 6 month min. marriage prep you are members if not already registered.

 

[jrabs]

Nurse Joy -
I guess I am shocked you would question what the church is doing with 20 years of contributions as an argument.

Do you think the church has been socking away your contributions for 20 years in a savings account?

Have your personal expenses increased over the past few years ( utilities expenses)? Well so have the churches expenses. I am betting that contributions to most churches have not increased proportionately.

Your daughter is now an adult. She has graduated from college a few years ago and that qualifies her as an adult and she should be registered in a parish and contributing. Now in this case she has** chosen** on her own to go elsewhere for her sacrament. If she is not a member of the parish she would like to get married in, then she needs to pay non-member fees.

I am betting that your parish will work with you for member pricing if you ask but who knows.

The fees are for building maint and cleaning. The fees are not used as a money maker.

 

[dixieagle]

Nurse Joy -
I guess I am shocked you would question what the church is doing with 20 years of contributions as an argument.

Do you think the church has been socking away your contributions for 20 years in a savings account?

Have your personal expenses increased over the past few years ( utilities expenses)? Well so have the churches expenses. I am betting that contributions to most churches have not increased proportionately.

Your daughter is now an adult. She has graduated from college a few years ago and that qualifies her as an adult and she should be registered in a parish and contributing. Now in this case she has** chosen** on her own to go elsewhere for her sacrament. If she is not a member of the parish she would like to get married in, then she needs to pay non-member fees.

I am betting that your parish will work with you for member pricing if you ask but who knows.

The fees are for building maint and cleaning. The fees are not used as a money maker.

The OP isn’t speaking of her own daughter, if you check the original post.

 

[jrabs]

The OP isn’t speaking of her own daughter, if you check the original post.

OK - that does not change the content of my post. Just substitute the name of the parent.

 

[Mrs_V]

Our Church asked for a donation of 100$. The piano player (who was also the choir leader of the parish) was totally seperate and charged a flat 100$ fee, no negotiations. Our wedding was very simple however, with my wedding dress being a 40$ prom dress, a small reception at my parent’s home, etc… It was lovely though.

When our first child was christened no fee was asked of us, be we made it a point to put extra money in the envelope that Sunday. Our second child is being christened this Sunday and we will do the same.

 

[Paul1961]

The behavior of the priest and parish at times of weddings and funerals often result in those seminal moments that have lasting feeling of good/or ill will about the church.

If things are handled well, there can be a lasting bond. Unfortunately, as you can see from the postings above, the result are lasting bitter feelings.

The parish should use these opportunities to reach out. Not the usual, “I understand that your have been attending services here for years. However, I’m sorry that since you’re not a registered member of our parish, the priest can’t be bothered to even return your phone calls.”

I have heard so many of these kind of stories of the years. Is it no wonder that many just give up on the church?

 

[BamaRider]

What about churches that are destination type places, with high vaulted ceilings, etc? I know churches in this area that have multiple weddings every weekend, with only a small percentage being actual parishoners.

Now what percentage of Parishes in this country fall under *this *catergory?

guess I am shocked you would question what the church is doing with 20 years of contributions as an argument.

Well its not like they’re gonna stop contributing when the weddeing is over.

You may say they have to keep the place a certain temperature anyway so what’s the difference. Actually for a wedding they usually have to turn on more lights and turn the air conditioning on more due to people wearing suits, etc. All the churches around here keep the church much warmer during periods when the church isn’t being used then when it is being used. Air conditioning is a major expense.

Look, it doesn’t come any hotter or humid than South Alabama. Now I can’t tell you the difference turning the AC at 78 for 5 hours, and 70. My guess it is a pittance, in the grand scale of things.

Our budget for 2008 is 350,000 dollars, we are the only parish in a city of almost 50,000, (small Catholic population) I’m not sure of the number of families, but probably a couple hundred. I’d say the parish is affluent, we have a new Family Life Center, Parish Hall, and the Church was built in the 1980s, all paid for.

Weddings and funerals are not a common thing in our parish. Maybe a couple a year of each. What I fail to grasp is a large parish with a million dollar budget, have to charge a family to turn on the lights and AC for a wedding? I don’t know how that works, but thats just me, perhaps it is the difference in Southern culture and those elsewhere.

This is not about the money, most in our parish could afford any fees deemed necessary, but about the sense of unity. When a daughter or son, baptized into our parish community, educated and Confirmed here, should be able to come home to marry without jumping through a bunch of hoops, especially if the family is alive and well in the community.

If a parish looks at weddings and funerals as a burden, then it needs to take a look at things. I sit on the same pews with some families for over 40 years, seen their children grow, and when it came time for them to marry, would not think of resenting the fact it cost the parish a few bucks to host their daughter’s wedding, it doesn’t matter to me if she’s been living in timbuck for the last 3 years.

All we ask is they clean up after the ceremony, so far that has never been a problem. Those of y’all in parishes where they won’t do that will have to explain why they fail to do it.

Most weddings here now come under some kind of caterer or planner. They handle sitting up the Church, and returing it to normal. I’m sure Father or his delegated authority oversee it.

When a member of our parish seeks the Sacrament of Matrimony in our Church home, we all share in that joy, and when one of us passes on to the next life, we again come together to share that occassion with the family. But that’s just us.

 

[jrabs]

The parish should use these opportunities to reach out. Not the usual, “I understand that your have been attending services here for years. However, I’m sorry that since you’re not a registered member of our parish, the priest can’t be bothered to even return your phone calls.”

I have heard so many of these kind of stories of the years. Is it no wonder that many just give up on the church?

Really? Someone is going to be sooooooo swayed by a priest asking for $$$ to cover expense that they are going to leave the faith?
Why would you blame the priest for this? I think there is a wavering of faith anyways and that person is looking for an “out” to seal the deal.

 

[Paul1961]

jrabs,

“Really? Someone is going to be sooooooo swayed by a priest asking for $$$ to cover expense that they are going to leave the faith?”

What does this have to do with my post? I said nothing about money.

In the case I cited, the prospective bride called and left 5 messages over several weeks for her favorite priest. She had attended that parish for 10 years. She has remained a Catholic but has never gone back to that church again.

 

[dixieagle]

Really? Someone is going to be sooooooo swayed by a priest asking for $$$ to cover expense that they are going to leave the faith?
Why would you blame the priest for this? I think there is a wavering of faith anyways and that person is looking for an “out” to seal the deal.

I think this is a matter of charity and common sense. The bride grew up in the parish and her family still attends and supports. I find it astonishing that a parish would insist on the “non-member” fee in this case. (If her family were not regular members, that’s another story…)

And, yes, I have known a number of instances where the actions of a pastor, or other parish employee, have so turned people off that they leave the parish. One expects to be treated in a compassionate, Christian manner by those in these positions and it is a sad shock when it is not the case.

 

[jrabs]

I think this is a matter of charity and common sense. The bride grew up in the parish and her family still attends and supports. I find it astonishing that a parish would insist on the “non-member” fee in this case. (If her family were not regular members, that’s another story…)

And I view common sense and charity the very opposite way. If you are not a member of the parish, then you need to respect the parish and pay the required fee.

Funny how that works.

We really know so little of the circumstances.

 

[dixieagle]

Look, it doesn’t come any hotter or humid than South Alabama. Now I can’t tell you the difference turning the AC at 78 for 5 hours, and 70. My guess it is a pittance, in the grand scale of things.

I can vouch for that; it’s been hotter than heck at 8 am here in L.A. (lower Alabama) for weeks!

I think you’re absolutely right about the “southern thing”, too.

 

[jrabs]

jrabs,

“Really? Someone is going to be sooooooo swayed by a priest asking for $$$ to cover expense that they are going to leave the faith?”

What does this have to do with my post? I said nothing about money.

In the case I cited, the prospective bride called and left 5 messages over several weeks for her favorite priest. She had attended that parish for 10 years. She has remained a Catholic but has never gone back to that church again.

No you did not mention money. This whole thread is about the money to cover the expenses created by the ceremony.
Is this issue not part of the way a priest is handling the wedding and his encounter with the couple?
Your post was about how a priest handles the wedding, no? (sorry to sidenote ----let’s try not to derail the thread from the OP’s question and not yours)

Is there a particular reason the priest did not return her call…possibly sick or such like that? I know my priest had a serious heart attack and was in a nursing home for several months to recover. Is it possible that such was the case for this priest? Who knows. We just do not know what is going on in someone’s life.

But someone is going to leave the faith for that? Or not ever go back to that parish? Well, then that is certainly their choice. But

 

[jrabs]

And, yes, I have known a number of instances where the actions of a pastor, or other parish employee, have so turned people off that they leave the parish. One expects to be treated in a compassionate, Christian manner by those in these positions and it is a sad shock when it is not the case.

In staying on topic…
I guess I am at a loss at how being asked for money to cover wedding expenses could be construed as not being compassionate and Christian.
The Church does need to pay it’s bills.

 

[dixieagle]

And I view common sense and charity the very opposite way. If you are not a member of the parish, then you need to respect the parish and pay the required fee.

Funny how that works.

We really know so little of the circumstances.

The circumstances seemed pretty clear, as written; longtime parish member whose family still belongs and contributes wishes to be married in her hometown parish rather than a parish where she has few connections. Charging a “non-member” fee in these circumstances is penny wise and pound foolish.

As BamaRider brought up, maybe it’s my acquired southern perspective, but it strikes me as mean-spirited and a bit greedy to treat an established parish family this way.

 

[HouseArrest]

I can understand paying for the church if you are just passing through.

What is your feeling on funeral Masses? The same guy might have a huge reception at the local Holiday Inn (I’ve been to a number of wakes that put wedding receptions in the shade) Do y’all charge a family for burying somebody? Or do ya just bill them for marriage? In y’alls church if I can afford a wake for someone deceased, I can expect a bill for “church use,” or is that policy confined only to weddings?

Country clubs, motels, catering etc operate on a per profit basis. A parish* does not.* They Parish is to serve the needs of the people. To bill a member of the parish for the use of the Church for a Sacrament is just plain wrong. I thought that was why we took up a weekly collection?

I expect the caterer to bill me, I expect the photographer to bill me, I expect the cake people to bill me, I expect the DJ to bill me, but my Church??

I thought this why we had weekly offerings?

Moot point for ME, my parish has NO such policy, we are members of our parish, not customers..

If the businesses in our town accepted what customers think they should pay for their goods and services, like the church does (aka weekly offerings) they would all go out of business. The weekly offerings around here are not enough to cover basic costs.

Also, if you are frequent a restaurant for twenty years, paying every time, should your wedding reception be free?

I think your parish sounds great. It’s wonderful that you are all so supportive of each other and the parish, and I think if all parishes worked the way yours does there wouldn’t be any need to charge for weddings. It is my guess that the charges in parishes came out of necessity. Just my guess, though.

Okay so after all that, me telling you that our parish does not have enough to cover the monthly bills, I’ll also tell you they don’t charge for weddings! I am not sure if they thought of it and decided not to do it or if they never considered it. It seems we are in business of “begging” people to come back to their faith around here. (It doesn’t work).

 

[jrabs]

The circumstances seemed pretty clear, as written; longtime parish member whose family still belongs and contributes wishes to be married in her hometown parish rather than a parish where she has few connections. **Charging a “non-member” fee in these circumstances is penny wise and pound foolish. **

Well we can just agree to disagree on who is responsible for the expenses. Parish members or the bride and groom.

The circumstances are not clear. Long time member may be putting a $1 in the collection bin for the past 20 years thinking they are ponying up their share. Member fee may only be $50 less. Parish council may have updated the policies recently due to deep and troubling parish debt. Collections may be substantially down. Parish membership may be down and the diocese threatening a close. Parish could be in deep debt for whatever reason. Perhaps the maint person just quit. and they now have to hire outside. And the list of realities goes on.

Honestly - we only know the few scant paragraphs of detail that was told to the OP.

Penny wise pound foolish also applies to the bride and groom in letting this parish pay their fees.