Wedding $$$$$

[Princess18]

dets,

I obviously don’t know much about your specific situation, but here are my thoughts about your post. My brother was in a situation that sounds similar to yours, they were short on cash and had several friends willing to chip in for free (caterer, cake, and photos). My brother was unable to afford the fee to get married (I think it was $700). The priest worked with him on dropping the fee, but what my brother really wanted was to not pay a fee at all, since it is canon law that he get married by a priest in the church to make the union sacramental. The priest said that if he did not want to get married during Mass and did not want to pay the fee, then he could get married in the side chapel on a weekday night with just a few guests, him and his wife, and the priests. He could perform the ceremony in under 20 minutes, simply, with no line of bridesmaids and groomsmen, no scores of people, no big showy entrance and music. That’s what they did and they did not have to pay for the sacrament. They tipped the priest for the time he spent counseling them for the past seven months (about $150 I think) and that was it.

This seems perfectly fair to me. If you want a wedding with all the hoopla of a full ceremony and the church all to yourself, you have to pay your share. If you just want the sacrament only, they will give you that simply, without a fuss.

 

[HouseArrest]

The difference here is- the places you mention are in BUSINESS to make* money*, my local parish is NOT, but I can’t for the rest of y’all’s. I’m just saying MY parish is here to serve the people.

Yeah, I agree with you, but serving the people costs money. I was just comparing the business analogy in a different way. Regardless of the intent to make a profit, the business is still not at the mercy of what others “think” something should cost. To make a better comparison, use a non profit as the business. You don’t pay anything you want for Newman’s Own salad dressing.

If a parish is operating in the red, then they gotta do what they gotta do. But if you want to foster a sense of community, and a loyalty, eliminating "user fees’ might be a good place to start. And surprise, when a parish is known in the diocese as caring community, the rolls will increase which=more money which=out of the red!
**
That is a leap of faith, and hopefully how things would work out. Sometimes they don’t though, sadly. I think also the same 300 people in a 1200 member parish get sick of carrying the load and introduce such fees. I think it’s great, though, that it works like that in your parish!**
We’re not? Canon Law requires us to marry in a CHURCH. You can’t get the Sacrament without a Church, and you can’t get a church without paying “your user fees” so what would you call it?

 

[Princess18]

I just want to toss this out there for everyone who says “the faithful shouldn’t have to pay for anything, how dare the priests!”. Next time you’re at Mass, notice how many people are there. My church has four Masses each weekend, one on Saturday night and three on Sunday morning. Go to a different one or find someone who goes to a different one and see if you can estimate how many people are there. Then ask your pastor how many families are registered with the parish. I’m willing to bet that there is a sharp contrast between the number of rear ends sitting in the pews and the number on the parish books. And when I say “registered member” I mean the ones that contribute in such a way that the parish can identify them and they at least meet or exceed a certain threshold. The sad fact is that a small number of families carry the parish financially. For you to say “I sat in a pew every week and tossed a $5 in the basket for 10 years” … I’m sorry, but that doesn’t quite meet the definition of registered member. Yes, you’re faithful, but you’re not exactly a heavy contributor. $5 a week, times 52 weeks is $260. If you follow the ‘10% of your income’ guideline, that’s saying your family only makes $2,600 a year. Take a look at your tax returns and see what your gross income was last year and then take 10% of that, or even 5%. Did you give that to the church? If you did, then you probably itemized it on your Sched A and the church has record of it. If you gave that much and the church DOESN’T have record of it then that would just be foolish on your part.

I mentioned a threshold earlier. At our parish to be considered an active member it’s $12 a week. At the 10% guideline that would be a family whose income is $6,300 a year. I’m willing to guess that 99% of the families in our parish make more than that a year and yet I see $1’s and $5’s. I sit in the back and I am in absolute shock if I see a $20 in the basket by the time it makes it to me. The number of pre-printed church envelopes in there is very small and the basket is rarely a third full of bills. So many people are stingy when the Lord has given them so much. I doubt that everyone that contributes is rolling in dough. Some of the registered families have a hard time making ends meet, but they give what they can and they don’t complain.

So, take stock of the amount of people in the parish, the “faithful”, and ask your pastor how much it takes to keep the parish barely breaking even. Usually they post how much the collections are in the bulletin. Ask how many registered families there are. If you are one of those families and the amount you contribute is above 5% of your income, then I completely agree that you have every right to complain about being charged to use the facility for your Saturday night ceremony. I’d be happy to write nastygrams to your priests and diocese for you. But if you’re not, then I suggest you re-evaluate how much you’re giving back to the Lord for the sacraments that you “have every right to receive”.

 

[dixieagle]

I just want to toss this out there for everyone who says “the faithful shouldn’t have to pay for anything, how dare the priests!”. Next time you’re at Mass, notice how many people are there. My church has four Masses each weekend, one on Saturday night and three on Sunday morning. Go to a different one or find someone who goes to a different one and see if you can estimate how many people are there. Then ask your pastor how many families are registered with the parish. I’m willing to bet that there is a sharp contrast between the number of rear ends sitting in the pews and the number on the parish books. And when I say “registered member” I mean the ones that contribute in such a way that the parish can identify them and they at least meet or exceed a certain threshold. The sad fact is that a small number of families carry the parish financially. For you to say “I sat in a pew every week and tossed a $5 in the basket for 10 years” … I’m sorry, but that doesn’t quite meet the definition of registered member. Yes, you’re faithful, but you’re not exactly a heavy contributor. $5 a week, times 52 weeks is $260. If you follow the ‘10% of your income’ guideline, that’s saying your family only makes $2,600 a year. Take a look at your tax returns and see what your gross income was last year and then take 10% of that, or even 5%. Did you give that to the church? If you did, then you probably itemized it on your Sched A and the church has record of it. If you gave that much and the church DOESN’T have record of it then that would just be foolish on your part.

I mentioned a threshold earlier. At our parish to be considered an active member it’s $12 a week. At the 10% guideline that would be a family whose income is $6,300 a year. I’m willing to guess that 99% of the families in our parish make more than that a year and yet I see $1’s and $5’s. I sit in the back and I am in absolute shock if I see a $20 in the basket by the time it makes it to me. The number of pre-printed church envelopes in there is very small and the basket is rarely a third full of bills. So many people are stingy when the Lord has given them so much. I doubt that everyone that contributes is rolling in dough. Some of the registered families have a hard time making ends meet, but they give what they can and they don’t complain.

So, take stock of the amount of people in the parish, the “faithful”, and ask your pastor how much it takes to keep the parish barely breaking even. Usually they post how much the collections are in the bulletin. Ask how many registered families there are. If you are one of those families and the amount you contribute is above 5% of your income, then I completely agree that you have every right to complain about being charged to use the facility for your Saturday night ceremony. I’d be happy to write nastygrams to your priests and diocese for you. But if you’re not, then I suggest you re-evaluate how much you’re giving back to the Lord for the sacraments that you “have every right to receive”.

All very good and valid points, but I think this has gotten WAY off track vis a vis the original post, e.g., a longtime (25-30 years) active parish family being charged the non-member fee when their daughter wished to be married in her hometown parish.

 

[Princess18]

All very good and valid points, but I think this has gotten WAY off track vis a vis the original post, e.g., a longtime (25-30 years) active parish family being charged the non-member fee when their daughter wished to be married in her hometown parish.

Someone else said it earlier - we don’t know the whole story, but many posters seem to be able to make definitive statements on whether it’s right or wrong based on their own home parishes. Some parishes are smaller and able to foster a real sense of community, and have no problem collecting more than what is needed to pay the bills. Others (like mine) are huge (in size and people) and yet its a wonder they’re able to cover the cost to keep the A/C on during Mass since no one feels the need to tithe. I’m surprised that they aren’t close to shutting down the parish - even though ours is one of those “destination” types on the beach with every seat at every Sunday Mass full from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

I’m 50 miles from the Alabama line, so I’m not sure how the theory on Southern Hospitality plays into this. I received all my sacraments here and yet I realize that if I want to get married at my home parish I have to pay to run the A/C. It’s not greed or bad manners, it’s reality … they flat out don’t have the money and I’d rather not be sweaty while I say my vows. As far as them “altering the budget to cover member weddings” … well, I’m very happy for you that your parish can do that. But to encourage others reading the thread that they should EXPECT theirs to do the same when you know nothing about the financial health of their parish … at the very least doesn’t seem to be good advice to hand out.

 

[ack]

A wedding at a weekend Mass? How does that work? What about the guys that showed up for Sunday Mass and got a wedding? Does the wedding party guests just mingle in with everyone else? Can the guys that were just there for Mass, crash the reception?

Well, in my parish, many weddings happen during the regularly scheduled Saturday Night Mass. How does it work? About how you would expect – the Mass proceeds normally, except for the wedding party being part of the procession, and the wedding vows that occur.

What about “the guys that showed up for Sunday Mass and got in a wedding”? Well, what about them? It’s happened to me before. The Mass runs a little longer than usual. No big deal. What about the guys who showed up for Sunday Mass and ended up at a First Communion, a Confirmation, or a Baptism? Nobody ever sees a problem with that.

And no, they can not crash the reception. You’ve undoubtedly noticed that there’s usually an hour or more between the end of Mass and the reception anyway.

 

[Beautiful]

The day of my marriage is 6th of September at 7:00 PM. I would finish this letter with two quotes from the Holy Scriptures. The first one below is from the readings used for the Sunday Virgil for the day of my wedding…
“ and you do not speak to warn the wicked to turn from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood I will require at your hand. 9 But if you warn the wicked to turn from his way, and he does not turn from his way; he shall die in his iniquity, but you will have saved your life.” (Ezequiel 33, 8)

---

dets,
Thank you for the thoughtful and sensitive post you shared. Your marriage is marked on my calendar and I will pray for you that day. I feel your struggle throughout this sad ordeal.
I have come to learn that the Church has some human limitations in the form of tyranny, greed and narrowness. It has always been this way.
In the event that my children do get married in the Church - I will surely pay all fees that the Church requires. This way I spare my children the grief of such an attack. My children will know that I do this but I will ask them " to pass it off and forgive - move on and enjoy making your marriage plans together." Yes - I will gladly take the evil fallout meant for the couple.
dets - forgive and don’t linger on the attack.

 

[dets]

I am very grateful for your offering of prayers. Thank you! Below is the novena I composed for my wedding. I putted the novena together with the invitations. It gave a very special touch where the community feel included. I will post the prayer in my web page. www.Trinitarianlife.com

Novena

(join us in prayer from August 29 until September 6, 2008)

“Most Holy Trinity, I pray for all marriages, that all be one. May the Sacrament of Matrimony be alive in the families every day. Look upon them, bless them and sow the seed for families to grow as true models of communion, bringing unity to the Church. May the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony be honored and supported ever increasingly by both the Church and society. We ask you to remove any obstacles that discourage, alienate or minimize the Sacrament of Matrimony in the world. We thank you for this Sacrament – image of Christ’s permanent union with the Church, the sacrament of LIFE – that perpetuates our Catholic Church. May the communion of the Church be preserved by the grace of The Holy Trinity and by the intercession of Mary, The Glorious Virgin and Mother of God.”

In the Love of Jesus and Mary,
dets

 

[Beautiful]

I am very grateful for your offering of prayers. Thank you! Below is the novena I composed for my wedding. I putted the novena together with the invitations. It gave a very special touch where the community feel included. I will post the prayer in my web page. www.Trinitarianlife.com

Novena

(join us in prayer from August 29 until September 6, 2008)

“Most Holy Trinity, I pray for all marriages, that all be one. May the Sacrament of Matrimony be alive in the families every day. Look upon them, bless them and sow the seed for families to grow as true models of communion, bringing unity to the Church. May the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony be honored and supported ever increasingly by both the Church and society. We ask you to remove any obstacles that discourage, alienate or minimize the Sacrament of Matrimony in the world. We thank you for this Sacrament – image of Christ’s permanent union with the Church, the sacrament of LIFE – that perpetuates our Catholic Church. May the communion of the Church be preserved by the grace of The Holy Trinity and by the intercession of Mary, The Glorious Virgin and Mother of God.”

In the Love of Jesus and Mary,
dets

dets,
Including a prayer in your wedding invitation is a beautiful idea. I will remember this when my own children get married. I will pray this novena starting August 29th. I know so many people with wedding anniversaries in September.
God’s blessings,
Beautiful

 

[dixieagle]

Someone else said it earlier - we don’t know the whole story, but many posters seem to be able to make definitive statements on whether it’s right or wrong based on their own home parishes. Some parishes are smaller and able to foster a real sense of community, and have no problem collecting more than what is needed to pay the bills. Others (like mine) are huge (in size and people) and yet its a wonder they’re able to cover the cost to keep the A/C on during Mass since no one feels the need to tithe. I’m surprised that they aren’t close to shutting down the parish - even though ours is one of those “destination” types on the beach with every seat at every Sunday Mass full from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

I’m 50 miles from the Alabama line, so I’m not sure how the theory on Southern Hospitality plays into this. I received all my sacraments here and yet I realize that if I want to get married at my home parish I have to pay to run the A/C. It’s not greed or bad manners, it’s reality … they flat out don’t have the money and I’d rather not be sweaty while I say my vows. As far as them “altering the budget to cover member weddings” … well, I’m very happy for you that your parish can do that. But to encourage others reading the thread that they should EXPECT theirs to do the same when you know nothing about the financial health of their parish … at the very least doesn’t seem to be good advice to hand out.

Sounds as if a lot of us in this thread are living in pretty much the same neck of the woods! The “Southern Hospitality” element was just a little fun interjected into the thread in response to a poster from up north who took a very hardline stance

That said…I still adamantly believe that an established, active, longtime parish family, whose daughter is returning to her hometown and home parish to be married should be accommodated at the “member” fee. I simply find it a slap in the face to a family like this to do otherwise, whether the parish is wealthy or not. It has been my experience (and my experience only - I am not generalizing) that the wedding fees charged parish families covers costs - A/C, organist if required, man hours for any setup (turning on lights, etc.) while the non-member fee is a money-maker (nothing bad about that.)

 

[BamaRider]

I’m 50 miles from the Alabama line, so I’m not sure how the theory on Southern Hospitality plays into this. I received all my sacraments here and yet I realize that if I want to get married at my home parish I have to pay to run the A/C. It’s not greed or bad manners, it’s reality … they flat out don’t have the money and I’d rather not be sweaty while I say my vows. As far as them “altering the budget to cover member weddings” … well, I’m very happy for you that your parish can do that. But to encourage others reading the thread that they should EXPECT theirs to do the same when you know nothing about the financial health of their parish … at the very least doesn’t seem to be good advice to hand out.

I gotta question in all this. If a parish is so broke, that can’t turn on the lights and AC for 2 hours, because the members won’t/cant’ support the weekly offering, how ya reckon those folks are gonna be able to pay the “user fees?”

]I’m 50 miles from the Alabama line, so I’m not sure how the theory on Southern Hospitality plays into this.

Becasue it seems to be a universal practice to bill people for use of the church, that is a isolated practice in my area. Heck, they’ll even bill a family for a FUNERAL LOL., so you know they’re gonna whack ya for a wedding. LOL.

Others (like mine) are huge (in size and people) and yet its a wonder they’re able to cover the cost to keep the A/C on during Mass since no one feels the need to tithe. I’m surprised that they aren’t close to shutting down the parish - even though ours is one of those “destination” types on the beach with every seat at every Sunday Mass full from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

Then what y’all need to do is tell the tourists, “Look here, it cost money to run this church and we don’t have that many locals so be please be kind at collection time.” And you know, you’d be surprised how many will respond. I spend several weekends a year at the beach and take care of the parish we celebrate Mass with when we’re in town at the offering. It is significantly more then my weekly offering at home. The parish there explained the situation a long time ago in their bulletine. It is also explained on the Parish URL what the situation is. You just have to make them aware, “Hey half of the congregation each Sunday is from out of town, we need y’all to support us as much as you can so we can continue to offer Mass and care for the spiritual needs of our future guests. Thanks.”

 

[Princess18]

I gotta question in all this. If a parish is so broke, that can’t turn on the lights and AC for 2 hours, because the members won’t/cant’ support the weekly offering, how ya reckon those folks are gonna be able to pay the “user fees?”

The people of the parish are not broke, they just refuse to contribute.

 

[dets]

I spoke with many priest and no one told me that the Church is not able to pay their bills. The poor parishes do not charge money for the sacrament. There is no reason to charge for the sacraments.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

The people of the parish are not broke, they just refuse to contribute.

That reminds me of the preacher who told the congregation that he had good news and bad news.

Good News: We have enough money to pay off all our bills and complete our building program.

Bad News: The money is still in your pockets. We need it in the collection basket.

 

[BamaRider]

The people of the parish are not broke, they just refuse to contribute.

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Dang Princess, that’s just plain sad.

 

[Beautiful]

I am very grateful for your offering of prayers. Thank you! Below is the novena I composed for my wedding. I putted the novena together with the invitations. It gave a very special touch where the community feel included. I will post the prayer in my web page. www.Trinitarianlife.com

Novena

(join us in prayer from August 29 until September 6, 2008)

“Most Holy Trinity, I pray for all marriages, that all be one. May the Sacrament of Matrimony be alive in the families every day. Look upon them, bless them and sow the seed for families to grow as true models of communion, bringing unity to the Church. May the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony be honored and supported ever increasingly by both the Church and society. We ask you to remove any obstacles that discourage, alienate or minimize the Sacrament of Matrimony in the world. We thank you for this Sacrament – image of Christ’s permanent union with the Church, the sacrament of LIFE – that perpetuates our Catholic Church. May the communion of the Church be preserved by the grace of The Holy Trinity and by the intercession of Mary, The Glorious Virgin and Mother of God.”

In the Love of Jesus and Mary,
dets

Hi dets! I marked your wedding on my calendar and didn’t forget to pray for you when the big day came.
Wouldn’t you know? One of my children will be getting married and just like I said I would in a previous post (#87) - I went to the church rectory to pay the church wedding fee - $150 goes to the priest and $150 goes to the church appointed lay wedding coodinator. That sounds like a real deal compared to what others say they pay. Anyway the wedding couple doesn’t know the cost but they do know the required fee is paid and lifted off their backs

 

[whatevergirl]

I can understand paying for the church if you are just passing through.

What is your feeling on funeral Masses? The same guy might have a huge reception at the local Holiday Inn (I’ve been to a number of wakes that put wedding receptions in the shade) Do y’all charge a family for burying somebody? Or do ya just bill them for marriage? In y’alls church if I can afford a wake for someone deceased, I can expect a bill for “church use,” or is that policy confined only to weddings?

Country clubs, motels, catering etc operate on a per profit basis. A parish* does not.* They Parish is to serve the needs of the people. To bill a member of the parish for the use of the Church for a Sacrament is just plain wrong. I thought that was why we took up a weekly collection?

I expect the caterer to bill me, I expect the photographer to bill me, I expect the cake people to bill me, I expect the DJ to bill me, but my Church??

I thought this why we had weekly offerings?

Moot point for ME, my parish has NO such policy, we are members of our parish, not customers..

I tend to agree here.

 

[whatevergirl]

That reminds me of the preacher who told the congregation that he had good news and bad news.

Good News: We have enough money to pay off all our bills and complete our building program.

Bad News: The money is still in your pockets. We need it in the collection basket.

ha–that’s good!

 

[whatevergirl]

**I also wonder for those parishes who are low in funds, I remember ours back in PA would ‘claimed’ this, it was always a thorny conversation, when the parish would wonder where the head priest was for the past month, and come to find out he was skiing in Switzerland…or visiting Rome…or on a cruise. So…hmm…a faithful parishioner needs to come up with a large fee to use the church facility, even though he/she has donated thousands to this parish, but the priest can take an extravagant vacation? I loved that priest…still do. We write to each other all the time. I miss him, and believe priests need vacations. But, I have not been to Rome or Switzerland, and think it’s wrong for a ‘struggling’ parish to use funds for priests’ personal vacations. I don’t mean to go off topic, but it bears mentioning, because I really wonder if some parishes need some help when it comes to managing the money of the church.

Confirmations–there is no charge, and the parish facility is being used probably for less time than for a wedding (confirmation ceremonies are long!), than a long confirmation ceremony. I also wasn’t charged when my kids made holy communion. So…why charge for a wedding mass? **

 

[Phemie]

**

Confirmations–there is no charge, and the parish facility is being used probably for less time than for a wedding (confirmation ceremonies are long!), than a long confirmation ceremony. I also wasn’t charged when my kids made holy communion. So…why charge for a wedding mass? **

I don’t know about you but I’ve never been to a Confirmation or First Communion that didn’t take up a collection.

Guess they could take up a collection at a wedding. I know parishes that do, both at weddings and funerals.